Message Boards

Messages By: elisza

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
July 25, 2005, 8:34 am CDT

why can't i meet my real gamma?

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

 

You promised not to leave a stone unturned but I have yet to see a show on this particular theme: children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives as a result of a messy, violent divorce/separation of their parents.

 

 

I did not want to marry my husband because I found him very selfish. But after he raped me I decided to, to ‘save my honour’. (1968)

 

 

Bad move, yet I would do it again because despite the events in our marriage, three children were born. He wanted me to abort the first child because I was in Teachers College at the time. (1971) I found out and they put pressure on me to pull out. I refused and had my child and wrote my last exam within 24 hours. It was not easy because I have a neurological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome. I can live with that but the idea that a man can think abortion is an option haunts me!

Secondly, in my 9th month, he insisted I cook him boiled potatoes…. It was so hot out, I

had spent the day in school, ninth month into pregnancy was HEAVY soo tired, etc. etc…. well, I gave in and a pot of boiling water spilled on my huge belly gluing my polyester gown to my flesh: I suffered severe burns and to this day I shiver when I think he blamed me for being clumsy and did not come to the doctor with me: I tell you this as an example for having said he was selfish.

 

 

Life went on. He raped me for my third child. (remember rape was legal at that time in Canada the police tell me 1976). I was not ready for this one as I had just given birth to my second (1975) and had started a good paying job as a special ed. teacher

 

 

I gave birth to my sole daughter in 1977 and she inherited my syndrome: needless to say I went full steam ahead to try to avert surgery for a severe scoliosis in 1983. By 1986, the world famous back surgeon said I had performed a medical miracle: I had sought out the help of Dr Jeno Tyjani, Alex Bowman’s swimming coach for help! Remember Alex Bowman won the world swimming  -gold in LA. Dr. Phil? Why did my husband refuse to share the work involved in her therapy? Why did he poison my girl’s mind saying I was trying to make a handicap out of her? Why was he making her deny her disability as though it would disappear?

 

 

I guess that’s another issue!

 

 

Seems that is water under the bridge for me now…. She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.

 

 

My issue is this! When my husband left, he vowed he would have me on the streets homeless! This happened! And I was recuperating from severe kidney problems undergoing surgeries for years and recuperating in Women’s Shelters. Not fun! I was made to look like the loser who could not get a life!

 

 

My husband waged a vicious war! Bt what hurts the most is the fact that t was not easy for me in many ways! But, I would do it over again to se them have a life!

 

 

Here is the show I would want to see Dr. Phil:

 

 

1-      show how a parent should never be victim of a war game In marriage

 

2-      show that it is an act of inhumanity and cruelty to continue this war and stop a loving gramma from seeing her grand-children

 

3-   explain the dynamics of anger, and confusion and the long term repercussions for grand-children robbed of a gramma like me!

 

 

With Family First etc. I feel I have found an ambassador for my values. I feel the pain of millions of gammas caught in this web of baseless hatred! Please count our tears and change them to laughter and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!

 

 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
confused
July 25, 2005, 8:59 am CDT

LET ME BE THE GRAMMA PLEASE, NO MORE CRUELTY

July 25, 2005, 8:34 am PDT why can't i meet my real gamma?

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

 

 

 

You promised not to leave a stone unturned but I have yet to see a show on this particular theme: children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives as a result of a messy, violent divorce/separation of their parents.

 

 

 

 

I did not want to marry my husband because I found him very selfish. But after he raped me I decided to, to ‘save my honour’. (1968)

 

 

 

 

Bad move, yet I would do it again because despite the events in our marriage, three children were born. He wanted me to abort the first child because I was in Teachers College at the time. (1971) I found out and they put pressure on me to pull out. I refused and had my child and wrote my last exam within 24 hours. It was not easy because I have a neurological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome. I can live with that but the idea that a man can think abortion is an option haunts me!

Secondly, in my 9th month, he insisted I cook him boiled potatoes…. It was so hot out, I

had spent the day in school, ninth month into pregnancy was HEAVY soo tired, etc. etc…. well, I gave in and a pot of boiling water spilled on my huge belly gluing my polyester gown to my flesh: I suffered severe burns and to this day I shiver when I think he blamed me for being clumsy and did not come to the doctor with me: I tell you this as an example for having said he was selfish.

 

 

 

 

Life went on. He raped me for my third child. (remember rape was legal at that time in Canada the police tell me 1976). I was not ready for this one as I had just given birth to my second (1975) and had started a good paying job as a special ed. teacher

 

 

 

 

I gave birth to my sole daughter in 1977 and she inherited my syndrome: needless to say I went full steam ahead to try to avert surgery for a severe scoliosis in 1983. By 1986, the world famous back surgeon said I had performed a medical miracle: I had sought out the help of Dr Jeno Tyjani, Alex Bowman’s swimming coach for help! Remember Alex Bowman won the world swimming  -gold in LA. Dr. Phil? Why did my husband refuse to share the work involved in her therapy? Why did he poison my girl’s mind saying I was trying to make a handicap out of her? Why was he making her deny her disability as though it would disappear?

 

 

 

 

I guess that’s another issue!

 

 

 

 

Seems that is water under the bridge for me now…. She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.

 

 

 

 

My issue is this! When my husband left, he vowed he would have me on the streets homeless! This happened! And I was recuperating from severe kidney problems undergoing surgeries for years and recuperating in Women’s Shelters. Not fun! I was made to look like the loser who could not get a life!

 

 

 

 

My husband waged a vicious war! Bt what hurts the most is the fact that t was not easy for me in many ways! But, I would do it over again to se them have a life!

 

 

 

 

Here is the show I would want to see Dr. Phil:

 

 

 

 

1-      show how a parent should never be victim of a war game In marriage

 

 

2-      show that it is an act of inhumanity and cruelty to continue this war and stop a loving gramma from seeing her grand-children

 

 

3-   explain the dynamics of anger, and confusion and the long term repercussions for grand-children robbed of a gramma like me!

 

 

 

 

With Family First etc. I feel I have found an ambassador for my values. I feel the pain of millions of gammas caught in this web of baseless hatred! Please count our tears and change them to laughter and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!

 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
December 6, 2005, 7:48 pm CST

was mother teresa ugly?

Quote From: madtoe

Dr.  Phil,

I am 38 years old woman who has cerebral palsy since birth.   It's very hard to find a sensitive guy who are NOT gay and not married.  Most "able" guys are not sensitive enough to date a disabled woman who depends on them physically.   I have multi-task problem such as speech difficulty, cannot walk,  cannot use my hands, and other physical problems.   I am able to work as graphic designer and I have my own studio.

I have tried many online dating sites.  Right now, I'm on eharmony.com.   I haven't found the "right"  guy,  since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 10 years ago.  I'm very optimistic, but I feel like my time is running out.   I may end up at age 50 or 60 before I find someone whom I can trust.
 
Why are a lot of men  not senstive enough to care about disabled women?

Thanks,
L-A

ugly, old, disabled does nmot sell!!!!! 

  

i got married for the wrong reason.... he raped me and i felt soiled. but dammit, i did my best and love to bits the 3 kids i had.... i had my day of youth and good looks.... yes was a tad disabled but never gave that a secod thought.... but then.... he decides to go ..... ok, take your freedom..... but he did not have to leave me homeless, sick, etc having vowed to take it all, kids included and without a pension.... 

  

it was tough, i nearly died from the fall: from riches to extreme poverty, from a very good career to being a bag lady....... and how are kids to stay normal seing how easy it is for a man to ditch their mother like that dog you kick on the farm -and get away with it............ now that's the miracle. 

  

YOU PROMISED not to leave out some areas in society but i must admit the bold, the young and the healthy beautiful are often on the stage........ 

  

mother teresa was ugly to the eye........ but in the end dr. phil..... what is in reality beautiful? 

  

show america... the disabled, the homeless, the poor, the disfigured (i loved Robin's sister btw) are also as potentially deserving of a happy life!!!!!! 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
December 6, 2005, 8:04 pm CST

mother teresa and Robin's sister! the real 10

ugly, old, disabled does not sell!!!!! 

  

i got married for the wrong reason but dammit, i did my best and beyond and loved to bits the 3 kids i had.... i had my day of youth and good looks.... yes was a tad disabled but never gave that a second thought.... but then.... he decides to go ..... ok but he did not have to leave me homeless, sick, etc having vowed to take it all, kids included and without a pension.... 

  

it was tough, i nearly died from the fall: from riches to extreme poverty, from a very good creer to being a bag lady....... and how are kids to stay normal........ now that's the miracle. 

  

YOU PROMISED not to leave out some areas in society but i must admit the bold, the young and the healthy beautiful are often on the stage........ 

  

mother teresa was ugly to the eye........ but in the ed dr. phil..... what is in reality beautiful? 

  

show america... the disabled, the homeless, the poor are also as potentially deserving of a happy life!!!!!! some bag ladies like i was hold 2 and 3 university degrees and it all happened in front of the law!!! some disabled women, some ugly women were once whole, and beautiful and functional with careers more highy paying than the husband's! 

  

is this democracy? you promised to give voice to the most marginal cases as well..... thank you... help me shed my cynicism 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
December 8, 2005, 3:35 pm CST

how is it the violent monster cuns his way to the control buttons

are you kidding me dr. phil???????????? 

reach out????? i did and like millions you are left as you said ISOLATED!!! 

i am now on an 80 acre farm ALONE....... because I reached out!! 

i sought lawyers, priests, doctors, specialists, psychiatrists... NADA!!!!!! 

you seem the only one with a brain!!!!!!! 

you are right about time and healing!!!! 

what my husband caused me to suffer is not healing 

i heard many scenarios of what I lived on your show!! 

- he never talked to me when i was pregnant
- he forced me to wait on him when i was pregnant and tired(i have a handicap porone to fatigue) .. he never even came with me to the doctor's office when Iaccidentally spilled a pot of boiling water on my 9th month big abdomen
- he suggested i abort 2 out of my 3 children
- he raced the car when i was getting out and i fell to the ground
- he locked me out of the house at 20 below zero F* 

that's just the beginning!!
- one of my 3 kids was born with my handicap
- he told her to use a scooter was making her look like a handicapped...... i got it for her so she could be careful due to bad posture stop the progression of a scoliosis 

- for my oldest, he threw a wrench at his head missing it by an inch... 

- for my other son, he got him to go live with him and when i met up with this son later, my ex had had him live in abasment and had not even bought him a pair of shoes....... 

i have sought help..... and decided i am best alone...... but i love life.. was a pilote teacher for a children's treatment center, became an ethnologist with a world class folklorist (a french canadian brother Grimm)... i did so many good things..... but i was made scapegoat... my pain was too grreat and i lost listening ears...... 

I AM GOING CRAZY DR. PHIL without my kids!!!! both my parents came from families of 13 kids...... i had 3 despite doctor's warnings..... and when they went to live with him he had me banned from even getting reports about them...... 

i guess my psyche s still grasping for a drop of that milk of human kindness.... 

i know you get so much mail.......... oh well......... i gave it another try thinking you might miraculously restore communication with my kids........ why else was i even created!!! 

i have twin boy grand-children.......... i am not allowed to see them... somehow my husband spread the word i was a schizoid or something.... lol i never heard voice etc. ...... montrous lie to take control!!
dr phil........ why do monsters get to be so powerful!!! 

  

I GET YOU TO HELP!!!!!, MY KIDS AND G-KIDS DESERVBE TO HAVE A LOVING FANTASTIC PERSON LIKE ME....... STEP ASIDE MONSTER!!!!!!! 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
December 8, 2005, 3:41 pm CST

why do monsters get control

are you kidding me dr. phil???????????? 

reach out????? i did and like millions you are left as you said ISOLATED!!! 

i am now on an 80 acre farm ALONE....... because I reached out!! 

i sought lawyers, priests, doctors, specialists, psychiatrists... NADA!!!!!! 

you seem the only one with a brain!!!!!!! 

you are right about time and healing!!!! 

what my husband caused me to suffer is not healing 

i heard many scenarios of what I lived on your show!! 

- he never talked to me when i was pregnant
- he forced me to wait on him when i was pregnant and tired(i have a handicap porone to fatigue) .. he never even came with me to the doctor's office when Iaccidentally spilled a pot of boiling water on my 9th month big abdomen
- he suggested i abort 2 out of my 3 children
- he raced the car when i was getting out and i fell to the ground
- he locked me out of the house at 20 below zero F* 

that's just the beginning!!
- one of my 3 kids was born with my handicap
- he told her to use a scooter was making her look like a handicapped...... i got it for her so she could be careful due to bad posture stop the progression of a scoliosis 

- for my oldest, he threw a wrench at his head missing it by an inch... 

- for my other son, he got him to go live with him and when i met up with this son later, my ex had had him live in abasment and had not even bought him a pair of shoes....... 

i have sought help..... and decided i am best alone...... but i love life.. was a pilote teacher for a children's treatment center, became an ethnologist with a world class folklorist (a french canadian brother Grimm)... i did so many good things..... but i was made scapegoat... my pain was too grreat and i lost listening ears...... 

I AM GOING CRAZY DR. PHIL without my kids!!!! both my parents came from families of 13 kids...... i had 3 despite doctor's warnings..... and when they went to live with him he had me banned from even getting reports about them...... 

i guess my psyche s still grasping for a drop of that milk of human kindness.... 

i know you get so much mail.......... oh well......... i gave it another try thinking you might miraculously restore communication with my kids........ why else was i even created!!! 

i have twin boy grand-children.......... i am not allowed to see them... somehow my husband spread the word i was a schizoid or something.... lol i never heard voice etc. ...... montrous lie to take control!!
dr phil........ why do monsters get to be so powerful!!! 

  

I NEED YOU TO HELP SOOOOO BAD!!!!!, MY KIDS AND G-KIDS DESERVBE TO HAVE A LOVING FANTASTIC PERSON LIKE ME....... STEP ASIDE MONSTER!!!!!!! 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
April 5, 2006, 5:15 pm CDT

a rose grows in manure

Quote From: trinket

   

   

   

 Your probably going to report me for this, but so be it.. it must be said.   In one sentence you summed up the whole mess.   

   

 You start with "children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives"   

  

but then you BLAME GAME your divorce. Call your husband a rapist. nice.  

   

   You prattle on about all these medical issues-- (Focus on the self, not the problem with why your not an active grandmother)  then you complain about your daughter adding---  

   

 She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.   

   

  What does Dr Phil always say on his show ?  "You cannot fix what you don't acknowledge".  Then you add in..  

   

"and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!   

   

   So you don't see your son's kids either?  

   

   

       My mom-- when I try to talk to her about some of the things she did to me as a kid- The beatings, the neglect, the favortism between my sister and I, the destruction, her games-  My mother will laugh self conciously and will say "Where did you get that ? What an imagination"...   

   

and she does not see my children either.  She's so desperate, she tried to go behind my back and use my child's father to bring him to her during his visitations.  I called her a LOW RENT C**T for that one.  She's very "Jerry Springer"...  

   

She's running scared, and so long as she does not acknowledge what she did to me-- and what you did to your daughter--then your relationships will float along as they are, and that is YOUR Choice.  

   

   

   So long as you do not take SELF RESPONSIBILITY and Accountability for your actions- your choices, then we who were children when you had all the power-- take that power away from you by refusing to talk to you and allow you to harm our children by allowing you to see them.  Your head games don't stop with us, and we know that.   

   

 There is a reason you don't see your grandchildren, and until you face up to what YOU did- without the blaming of your husband, using your medical issues, medications, whatever you want to blame-  

   

  Until you take accountability and acknowledge your bad choices, you leave us-- your kids no choice. We cannot allow you to harm our children as you harmed us, so we cannot let you see our kids, and You never will.   I don't know who will be choosing your nursing home, but woe unto you, and my own mother as well.   

  

  

i said i made bad choices:manure, but 3 children were begotten: can my children hear me when I say.... they are my garden of roses?  

  

the fact is when he hurt me, i never called the police for fear of hurting the children, i never called him a rapist til now...... a spade is a spade and i got tired of protecting him 

  

the police told me to go to victims compensation board to try to recover some monies..... because of the beatings (the children saw this as he dd not beat me in secret and he did throw a wrench at my son's head missing him by 3 inches...... i nearly paralysed on the spot). Because of me having 3 children under 5 and a frail health, i stayed home..... lost my teaching career, pension and all. 

  

i never told my kids he had raped me, he did accusing me of taking him to court. 

  

guys, there are crimes anmd there are victims.......... i would love to talk to ym kids and beg dr phil to help as i am not a psychologist but know one thing my mom said -bless her memory -smile and the world smiles with you!!!! 

  

i want the rest of my life to be happy!!!!! i love my kids and will GLADLY acknowledge BUT i need a mastermind like dr phil to design the new garden!!!!!!! i need help as we all do........ 

  

i taught 13 years: kindergarten was so wonderful as was teaching the severely handicapped..... i did not mind cerebral palsy kids drooling on me!!!!!! i love children!!!!!!  

  

before you judge me or project your own motherly relationship on me.. we need to talki more as communication is hearing ad listening the other... not blaming!! 

  

i was not blaming my husband... i was accusing him of a crime against me...... raping a handicapped women seems ..... what can i say........ i am now in a wheelchair -i have broken bones too.....do i want to hurt my kids with these stories???? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to move on to  a happier more accepting world.......  

  

i had parents a bit like dr phil and robin....... my father was a family first guy and whatever my mom did was good and he passes the vacuum for her and gave her brakfast in bed 

  

JOY......... let joy reign.......... help me dr phil; reconnect, ask forgiveness, acknowledge.... help me thjink clearly thru where i come from, where i have been, where i want to go......... 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
April 5, 2006, 5:21 pm CDT

anure can grow beautiful roses

Quote From: sugajazz

I really hope you all find a way to forgive each other...even you forgiving your husband... 

  

The way he treated you was wrong...calling him a rapist is not healthy for your children...it doesn't make them feel loved or conceived out of love...words can be more damaging than the action alone... 

  

You obviously have the net at home...there are many web sites on forgiveness, abuse, how to handle resolution and how to find peace...and a great is the Drama Triangle...interesting reading... 

  

I wish you well...everyone has to heal their own pain and it's all about choice...Staying in Victim mode is very damaging...try writing a letter from the heart...I don't believe in BAD choices I believe in lessons and this world is only now starting to open up and talk about more effective ways of relating to each other...and the use of english language to describe things that happened too us... 

  

I hope your children see that they are not perfect...but then anger can blind us all... 

i said i made bad choices:manure, but 3 children were begotten: can my children hear me when I say.... they are my garden of roses?  

  

the fact is when he hurt me, i never called the police for fear of hurting the children, i never called him a rapist til now...... a spade is a spade and i got tired of protecting him 

  

the police told me to go to victims compensation board to try to recover some monies..... because of the beatings (the children saw this as he dd not beat me in secret and he did throw a wrench at my son's head missing him by 3 inches...... i nearly paralysed on the spot). Because of me having 3 children under 5 and a frail health, i stayed home..... lost my teaching career, pension and all. 

  

i never told my kids he had raped me, he did, accusing me of taking him to court. 

  

guys, there are crimes and there are victims.......... i would love to talk to ym kids and beg dr phil to help as i am not a psychologist but know one thing my mom said -bless her memory -smile and the world smiles with you!!!! 

  

i want the rest of my life to be happy!!!!! i love my kids and will GLADLY acknowledge BUT i need a mastermind like dr phil to design the new garden!!!!!!! i need help as we all do........ 

  

i taught 13 years: kindergarten was so wonderful as was teaching the severely handicapped..... i did not mind cerebral palsy kids drooling on me!!!!!! i love children!!!!!!  

  

before you judge me or project your own motherly relationship on me.. we need to talki more as communication is hearing ad listening the other... not blaming!! 

  

i was not blaming my husband... i was accusing him of a crime against me...... raping a handicapped women seems ..... what can i say........ i am now in a wheelchair -i have broken bones too.....do i want to hurt my kids with these stories???? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to move on to  a happier more accepting world.......  

  

i had parents a bit like dr phil and robin....... my father was a family first guy and whatever my mom did was good and he passes the vacuum for her and gave her brakfast in bed 

  

JOY......... let joy reign.......... help me dr phil; reconnect, ask forgiveness, acknowledge.... help me think clearly thru where i come from, where i have been, where i want to go......... 

 
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
April 26, 2006, 3:26 pm CDT

empathy wins!

Quote From: sugajazz

I really hope you all find a way to forgive each other...even you forgiving your husband... 

  

The way he treated you was wrong...calling him a rapist is not healthy for your children...it doesn't make them feel loved or conceived out of love...words can be more damaging than the action alone... 

  

You obviously have the net at home...there are many web sites on forgiveness, abuse, how to handle resolution and how to find peace...and a great is the Drama Triangle...interesting reading... 

  

I wish you well...everyone has to heal their own pain and it's all about choice...Staying in Victim mode is very damaging...try writing a letter from the heart...I don't believe in BAD choices I believe in lessons and this world is only now starting to open up and talk about more effective ways of relating to each other...and the use of english language to describe things that happened too us... 

  

I hope your children see that they are not perfect...but then anger can blind us all... 

thank you for kind words! but he admitted before people how much he hurt me but cannot apologize... so is it surprising my kids have inherited certain traits? from both of us: self-righteousness and lack of empathy.  

  

how can we start anew? IF there is no communication.....  

  

the fact is they feel shame and have not been smart enough to see their parents are as good as others if not better in so many other ways. the difference? their friends' parents are still together and a unified family is the ideal. i am glad they feel that!  

  

i wake up in the morning praying, dear God, let them feel free to love us both!!! denial is such a nasty mask.  

  

i know dr phil could help but i , we are but a drop in the ocean.  

  

i miss my family so much but they do not miss me. regrdless, when i had my kids near me, it was the happinest time in my life. i was maybe too idealistic...... move on? ....... how can i when i lived just for family in my older days....... but...... i t is not in my hands!  

 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next Page | Last Page
Return to Message Board