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Messages By: luvmytally

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August 30, 2005, 1:43 am CDT

I am a birthmom

 Hi, I just wanted to stress something.  While in the process of chosing to place my daughter for adoption I went through extensive couseling by a wonderful and intelligent lady with a wonderful adoption agency.  They taught me one thing that will always stick!  They taught to replace the words "give baby up" and "put child up for" and other harsh phrases with the phrase..."place child for" and "placed my baby".  I think that this is important because we aren't giving our babies to the first person in line, we aren't "putting" a child up for sale and things like that....we placed the babies into families that will love them.  We did a GREAT thing!  We should not use words that make it look like we did some sort of aweful thing because that isn't the case.  I wished more people would use this wording. I know that Dr. Phil does says "place" instead of "given up".  I am not quite sure where he learned that from but I was very impressed to see that he used the word "place" instead of "given up".
 
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September 2, 2005, 11:08 am CDT

Birth Stories

Quote From: tracee

Above all else know that you already have the best part of him. U have 2 beautiful kids, well, almost 2. Men mature alot slower than women but thats in no way an excuse to dodge outta your responsiblities. In my opinion I think u should you should just let the selfish fool go. Right now u really do think u need him around but by reading your entry your gunna do just fine on your own. Your so much stronger than u think. Just know that "This to shall pass" I don't know where that saying comes from but its my favorite. When u get overwhelmed just tell yourself that.
AMEN.  NO man is worth crying over.  And you have heard this a million times.  I broke up with a guy after 2 1/2 years...he was my first everything as well.  So what?  Yeah I don't have kids with him but now that I am past the heartache I am much happier.  You are pregnant which makes things a little more hard...BUT make sure you smack that jerk with child support.  if he's gonna ditch out on his fatherly responsibilites he should at least pay the price.  Please do yourself a favor and DO THIS!  He will go to jail if he doesn't pay child support.  It's kind of a way to get revenge without really getting it...does that make sense?  Keep us updated...I am interested as to how this will pan out. I feel for you though..I have been pregnant and alone before as well! I would just forget about the pain he has caused you...unfortunetly you can't FORGET about him...but be glad for the gifts you have in your life..COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!
 
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September 2, 2005, 11:34 am CDT

Good to hear

Quote From: lis190368

Dear birth mothers, I was adopted at age 3 month into a loving family. Every year we celebrated my adoption day, which not only is very special when you are a child celebrating birthday, adoptionday and christmas ;-) but also ensured that I was always aware that I was adopted and most importantly that I was very special. 

  

Like all little childen one day, I asked my mother "where do I come from? and she told me that a kind women had asked my parents if they would love and take care of her baby because she was unable herself and how happpily they say yes.  

  

While I have no wish or need to make contact with my birth mother, I think of her as a brave and unselfish woman who had my best interest at heart. 

  

I could so easily not have come into this world or have grown up in foster homes, had she not made the decision to put me up for adoption. For that I thank her. 

  

Birth mother, though you may grive you also give the greatest gift. 

  

Sincerely, Lis  

I just wanted to reply because it's nice to hear from someone who was adopted.  I actually don't grieve….I am so proud and pleased.  I know what I did was right.  I couldn't be more confident about what I did.  I am glad to hear that your parents made your adoption apart of your life, I think it's important.  I am always very happy reflecting on my adoption experience because it was an excellent life's lesson.  I was drinking heavily, smoking, hanging out with the wrong crowd...etc.  After I found out I was pregnant I immediately quit my old ways and repented.  I am now a full-time college student, married to a wonderful man, living in Europe AND I go to church every week...I could go on but for a lack of space and attention from readers I will stop! I get updates about my birth daughter all the time...never once have I ever been concerned for her safety. 

  

 

  

 

Not only did I give her a life she SOO well deserved but I saved her from a life of pain…(yes, she would have been perfectly fine living at home with my parents, family and I) but he threatened to be in MY life.  She would have been passed from one household to the other and had the potential to have been molested, abused and neglected by the (what I like to call) “sperm donator”. I was not going to have that.  The adoption almost didn’t go through which is why she was 3 months old when I placed her….but I had never been so delighted as when I was when the adoption went through.  You can imagine the relief of placing her in the arms of the family I chose for her. She’s safe! 

  

 
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September 4, 2005, 2:46 pm CDT

Don't Worry

Quote From: megan_boo

I am 19 years old.  I found out that I was pregnant at the age of 18.  I was into a life of sex, drugs, and alcohol.  I quit all of that when I found out I was pregnant.  I had seen many people become pregnant when they were not ready and I knew that I was not ready.  I also knew right away that I was going to choose an adoption plan for my child.  I chose a family that I had known for a long time.  I placed my son, who they name Isaac, into this family with great pride that this was the best thing that I could do for him.  My biggest fear for the future is that Isaac will hate me.  I know that the adoptive family is going to tell him through out his entire life that he is adopted.  They have also promised me that they will always tell him how much I love him.  So I know that he will always know that I love him, but I don't know how he is going to feel about me.  I have never known someone that has been adopted, so I don't really know how people feel about being adopted.  I don't want my son to feel like I rejected him.  That is exactly what I tried to keep from happening.  I know that I am not financially prepared to take care of a child, but I am not emotionally prepared either.  It hurts so bad to think about the possibilities of what he might feel towards me.  I feel like I no longer deserve to be happy or be successful in my life when I think about the kind of pain that I might have inflicted on my son.    

  

My son is beautiful, and I pray that he has a wonderful life without feeling like he is was rejected by his own birth mother.  

Dear fellow birth mom-  

   

  

PLEASE PLEASE do yourself a favor and don’t beat yourself up!  Your son is going to think of you as his own savior…hero…etc.  I am very sad to hear that feeling like he’ll hate you in the future and that this thought is ruining your life. If ANYTHING you want to prove to him that because you placed him for adoption your life has had a significant change!!  When I placed my birth daughter about 6 months down the road I got drunk one night….I went through a serious life altering moment (if getting pregnant wasn’t enough!) and I thought about the future.  What would she think about me if she met me down the road say 15 years from now and saw me as a drunk…no schooling…no job...etc.  She would think that nothing changed.  I want her to be proud of me…hence the reason I hold my head up high.  You have a lot of things going for you!  You are awesome! Why would your son hate you?  Be glad you know these people who are raising him.  Have faith that they will raise him to look at the adoption process as being a life savor!  Things will works out don’t get discouraged!  You have done a wonderful thing, really.  Please, life your day to day life as if to prove that you have improved yourself for the better.  He was your life saver and you were his!  

  

Which much love and concern,  

  

Deborah  

 

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