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Messages By: 03fenix

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July 26, 2005, 2:12 pm CDT

Agree to a point....

Quote From: kalina

Emm, I totally relate to you. Now I don't feel so alone in this. I am 27 and my boyfriend of 10 years is 25. He, in my opinion, is obessed with porn. He looks at it on the internet and has 1000's of images and videos saved. I feel exactly as the young woman on Dr. Phil does. It makes me feel ugly, bad, not wanted, etc. It hurts and he doesn't stop, he says all guys do it, it's normal, blah blah blah.

I am going to leave him cause of it. I am saving up and then I am out of here. I've hurt too long. I am a pretty, smart, kind girl. I don't understand why he does this and I think it's sick, once in awhile I can tolerate but it's all the time and he saves so much of it and I hate it even more that all he seems to save is these huge fake breasted women.

Like you Emm, I went outside the relationship too. And I can say, I don't regret it, it was amazing, I felt wanted, needed, desirable and have fallen in love with this man and him with me, I will be moving in with him once I am financially secure. Ocassionally I do feel guilty but then remind myself of what he's been doing to me and how long I've put up with it. I had only ever been with my boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him. The man I am seeing now is only the second man I've been with.

I agree, it does feel good to get this out.

ok, I agree with these two women about how it makes me feel. I found that he looks at internet porn all the time-I tried just last night talking to him about it.....all he said was sorry. and that was the end of it. It really hurts my feelings!

 

Here is the catch, I enjoy watching videos and looking at pics WITH him....and I think that is where our trouble comes in. He doesn't understand-although, he hasn't said this. I just feel that is what he is thinking, just won't tell me. He doesn't like to argue AT ALL, and does whatever he can to by pass it.

 

We currently got engaged and our wedding is to be next Sept.-however, I don't want to get married and go through this all the time. It makes me feel like crap!!

 

I am stuck-I don't know what to do either....I love him and like I said-we do look at this stuff together-that's why its so complicated. Any advice??

 
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July 28, 2005, 2:08 pm CDT

07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Quote From: washappy

I am in the same boat with you.  I love my husband and we have had a great marriage for over eight years.  He has always been very sexual,  had a bit higher sex drive than myself and I have been okay with having porn in the house (movies and magazines). He can relieve himself when I am not around and  I enjoy watching movies with him,  we like to fantasize together etc.  But now he has developed this OBSESSION with a lingerie model;  tried to contact her per phone,  attends web cam sessions, recorded her a CD with some songs I thought were special to US and even bought her lingerie.  All this while I was gone for nine days to visit my family.  I feel cheated,  for sure,  but I also feel that I've been allowing this to happen by participating in above activities with him (which really have made our sex life interesting and fun!).  He has been watching this particular model since '98..  I know that he loves me very much and I also know that I have to draw a line,  which I have.  He has promised to stop but hasn't..  I need some advice,  sisters!

WOW!! I'm not really sure what to say. I think that he has stepped WAY over the line!! It blows my mind that he did that behind your back! I would suggest that you talk him into seeing a therapist. Because, just saying that he'll stop-as you are aware of-doesn't mean that he will. If you think this is an 'obsession' I would just nip it in the bud so to speak.....it's only going to get worse.  I'll keep you in my prayers, and good luck!! Stay strong!!!

 

Jenn

 
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July 28, 2005, 2:09 pm CDT

07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Quote From: lilacmess

Make a rule. He is allowed to look at pornography with you provided you agree on the content along with him, but he is not allowed to look at by himself. If he can agree to this, go ahead and marry him and hold him to it. If he can't agree, don't marry him. This is exactly what I did with my husband, and it worked. You shouldn't be shy at all about making him choose you over porn. You deserve the be the only one.

Yes, I can see your point! Which is a good one! ;) Thanks for the advice!

 

Jenn

 
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July 28, 2005, 2:15 pm CDT

07/26 Extreme Sex Differences

Quote From: emmdavis

I watched a couple of movies with my husband, and like you said.. it's the downfall... cause if you watch it too, then he thinks it's okay to do it without you. I can't stand this anymore.. when he comes home from work and feels in the mood and I'm not, he actually tells me to go to bed so he can watch his videos... it's gotten way out of hand, and I'm stuck here.

If you guys are gonna watch this stuff, make it CLEAR to him that it only happens when you BOTH are there.. I fell into that trap and I can't get out. ( well.. for a few days I got out, but that didn't stop the crap at home )

 

<Emm>

WOW!! He actually tells you to go to bed??? What's up with that?? I'm sorry to hear it. That's really  crappy!! I don't know what I would have said if Mr. X would have told me that!! That blows my mind!  I don't know what type of advice to give you about that---never been in the situation---but I hope you can at least try to get something else worked out. "What is he thinking"?? How much more disrespectful could he be?? GEEZE!! Sorry, but that really blows me away!!

 

Good luck! Thanks for your advice, I'll definitely keep your situation in mind ;) Thanks for sharing too.

 

Jenn

 

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