Messages By: ritehere

I have been surfing around the new boards. I read a few of the posts here. I have got major stress in my life. What I have found is if I don't live it every day. Things are really bad then. For example. Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen. I will pay for having fun or being happy. If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine. Crazy I know. But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time. I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood. Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me. I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured. So, I have just given up enjoying my self. As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level. When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry. I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken. Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff. When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect. We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times.We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny.Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us. We had absolutely no support or help. We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs. Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun. It just stops me in my tracks. I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more. I just don't feel having a happy life is possible.

Hi Ritehere,

It is good to see you back on the board, your input is always refreshing to read and your wisdom is clearly something i acknowledge and look for.

Thank you for your kinds words for Lynn i sure will say a prayer for her.

Have a nice day

Sincerly Lyne

Oh! Ritehere, Teri, Michelyn5 and Longstory, I have missed you all so MUCH!!!!

I was just browsing and reading to try and catch up with every one! Hope everyone is having a fabulous summer!!!

Only 3 more working days before I am officially retired-from this particular position, that is. RETIREMENT... sure hope I'm doing it correctly!

I just have no experience at retiring. Is it supposed to be one of those solemn, somber things or like a 'Yee-ha, it's party time, ya'll!' kinda thing? Hope it's NOT too serious. I don't have a single decent black outfit! And, that black hat and veil are just plain gone... lost the veiled black hat while racing down the road after a funeral!!!

So good to have the board back! I've missed you all!

Oh! I did return to the beach, have another M-O-T-H-E-R story, later!

Brenda :-)

Hello there,

I am new to message boards and don't often get to post/get on the net. I am 45yrs old, single professional counselor and just feeling really lost on my spirit's journey. I spend a lot of time just working with families and adolescents and trying to fit in time for myself. I like to jog, and do so 4miles per day, and swim for 2 miles, it helps to reduce stress, keeps me fit and trim and hopefully makes me attractive to a potential mate. I am Native American and participate to two different worlds. It's getting hard to keep it going... When I have my professional hat on, it feels so natural and I have such fun with it, despite all the problems I deal with with my families. Yet, when I come home and I am alone, I often wonder if I have walked my path in truth and made a difference. I have no children, and no partner except Spirit. I often find myself wondering why my Higher self would choose such a path for me, yet, I accept this path but, not sure anymore how to continue the walk/journey.

I welcome any feedback/ideas.

Spirit Bless,

Monica

I am writing a small message on Dr Phil's message board because I am bored. Does anyone here ever just find it exhausting to live life? I have always been considered a "happy", and "fun" person. I have been married for 2 years. I am a going to school to be a Nurse practioner. I tell myself that I love it, I tell myself that I couldn't be going into a better career and that I love treating patients response to illness. Truly though I want a huge house in the mountainsthat is covered in fruit trees with a fence that is twelve feet high surrounding it. A pool, a barbeque, a million books to read and a dog by my side to keep me company. I don't like people and their infectious diseases. I actually like infectious disease more then I like people. I have no reason to dislike people except that all I see in them is sadness and the ability to be hurt. I see their ability to hurt others with acts of stupidity or just plain accidents. I think I may be depressed, but I have no functional problems yet. My husband tries to get me to talk to a psychiatrist and he makes appointments for me to see one. On my way to the appoinments I rationalize my self out of the appointment. I see the problems in me and I am scared to change them. I like me but I see the sickness in me. I see the sickness in Americans all around me. I try to tell myself that when I am done with school I will find a country with less sickness but I know there isn't one out there. I tell myself I will be happy making enough money to be comfortable on and helping people with their sicknesses and being "good" and "kind" but it won't happen. I know that good and evil are relative and that I am not a candidate for either one of them. I see my fellow students not relishing in the fact that they will soon be able to help people, but the fact that they will be making a 6 figure income soon. All of my ideals of going to school to be a health care provider have been shot in the conversations with my peers. My mind is sick, and I am tired. Maybe I will finish my degree and become a beach bum. That will make my parents proud!!!! I must sound crazy but I was just trying to define my authentic self so deal with it.

Ya know, when I was preparing to finalize my separation/retirement I was experiencing a bit of anxiety and apprehensiveness. I actually found myself gnawing at my nails.

Then, I began thinking of how long I've been working with the, "Just get the job done." thinking. I don't mean that I devalue the people I serve and I certainly cherish most of the people with whom I've work with, however, I sure became aware of how much respect I've lost for the 'System' in which I work!

I thought about all of the people who have been right there with me, in the trenches. That's when I said, "I'm worried about NOT being in the TRENCHES...a long narrow ditch?!?!"

I also realized that I really LOVED my job about 15 years ago. As I was being promoted and saying at the same time, "But, I REALLY want to continue to work hands-on in Nursing." So, they gave me BOTH! Acute Primary Care and Management responsibilities! I was an idiot to take on the things I've been assigned in the last ten years!

I will miss those wonderful people I work closest with over the year. (Hey, they think I'm funny!)

However, once I got clear. I grabbed my shoulder bag, with my dingy head held high and headed for the Personnel Office to file for full retirement!

YES!

Brenda :-)