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Messages By: boommers

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July 25, 2005, 4:08 pm CDT

Seems Simple

Quote From: jettav

I do not have children in the schools at this time but your message certainly concerns me and another thing to be checked up on before it is time for my children to attend, We have already decided against the public school system as far as our children go, but knowing that the schools are denying this type of care is redicoulous and wrong, the schools need to be held accountable in taking care of the kids properly and need to have experienced and knowledgeable staff on hand. I think if you supply all the things that your child needs and I am sure they have medical and shot records on file and everything concerning your sons health needs to be documented. I would certainlly keep pursuing this and don't stop til you find the help that you need. Have you actually talked to a lawyer about this and seeing what your options are. Getting advice and some professional input certainly would not hurt. And to be perfectly honest, I personally would have a hard time sending my child to a system that doesn't have the staff to over see medical conditions, too bad that the school doesn't think hiring a full time nurse is a good investment...........

 

It really does seem simple from the outside. I sincerely doubt it is a matter of the school not thinking the school nurse is a sound investment. I am a teacher who gets about two dollars per student per year to buy my supplies. I have watched schools, at least in California, eliminate musisc, counseling, services for students in resource programs (students with diagnosed learning disabilities), and the list goes on and on. Your problem is really with your state legislators. Naturally you suggest that the parents get a lawyer. Of course that always the answer to not having enough money. I would suggest you talk with the principal and your child's teacher to see what you can work out. I would also suggest that you take the time to ask how your school receives its money. Find out how much of the money is already earmarked for what programs, these programs being regulated by statute, and how much the school and the district actually receive. I think you will be shocked at how much of the money goes to duplicate work at the state level. It has become so fashionable to take shots at schools, like they have set this up themselves. School funding never keeps up with inflation and legislators frequently add requirements and programs that they neglect to fund. Reading posts like yours is disheartening. Parents are really the only advocates schools have. For parents to not bother to understand the issues becomes self-defeating. You are not fighting the enemy, you are fighting your ally. In education it is only the schools who are accountable. I would just once like to see parents, politicians and their lawyers held even partially accountable.

 
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July 28, 2005, 9:06 pm CDT

To Blue

 

Dear Blue,

    I know a few couples who have gone through a similar change. I think there is something to the mid-life crisis theory. I think some couples have it and work through it. I think some couples don't even realize thier marriage is over until someone moves out, and other couples stay together and are like older brothers and sisters. Your husband could have had this change of heart and waited until he found someone else, kind of the way some people change jobs. They don't want to quit the job they have until they find a better or at least different one. I think your husband was at least honest and up front about it. I see a lot of couples divorce in a way that is as harmful as possible on their children, friends and family. You should let him work through this in a way that doesn't cost either of you your children. I had a relationship where my girlfriend moved away. She said it was so that she could find out who she was. I think it was because she knew who she wasn't. She wasn't someone who wanted to spend her life with me. Initially I fantasized about her coming to her senses, her tearful begging, her realization of how wonderful I really was and her dismay at hurting me. Later I transitioned into a sort of vodoo stage where I made little dolls that looked like her and then I poked them with needles or lit them on fire. That lasted about a week. Noone likes to be left but over time the feelings fade. There is no really good way for someone to tell you they don't love you anymore, or they don't love you enough anymore. It is possible that you will find out that you can be happy or happier. Don't let the hurt ruin the rest of your life and your childrens lives.

 
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July 28, 2005, 9:37 pm CDT

You Be The Boss

Quote From: auraliza

I know exactly what you mean! I have a 1yr old little girl, she refuses to eat breakfast, and when the mood strikes her, lunch and dinner. I have tried everything- yoghurt, scrambled egg, about 15 different cereals, fruit and finally begging and pleading. I worry about her not eating properly, I have let her dictate to me what and when she has wanted to eat before and she lost so much weight. I had to resort to force feeding. I just hope her pickyness doesnt get worse, Mommy is already frustrated!

Mommy has to stop giving in. This is now clearly a control issue. If you want her to develop a healthy approach to eating than you need to start from a healthy place yourself. Force feeding cannot seem like the right thing to do right? You put some variety on her plate in small portions. What she eats she eats and what she doesn't she doesn't. If she wants more of one thing give it to her. If you put fruits and vegetables in small amounts and not make a big deal out of it eventually they will try some and later will eat them. You have made this about everything but the food. The kid will not starve herself.
 
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July 29, 2005, 1:30 pm CDT

To Bi1962

I am rather dismayed that so many have posted a response to you that indicates how to deal with this situation. It sounds like this situation is one of not dealing. Animal feces is not a healthy thing to have around someone who is mentally the age of 8. Hygiene is a serious issue for a young lady that age. I also wonder about someone who allows filth to lie around in their house. It seems if they can ignore that than they are able to ignore a great many other things. It is not enough to be trying and to "mean well" when it comes to raising children. I would call Child Protective Services the minute I got home. You are not doing the child any favors by ignoring this situation, and it sounds like the father needs some help anyways. Americans will blame a million institutions for what is happening to children these days, when I think what is happening to them is bad parenting, and bad parenting that is considered acceptable. What you are seeing is the tip of the iceberg. It sounds very disturbing to me. I think you know what to do and yes it will disrupt that family. Dysfunctional families rarely just wake up and begin to function. This family needs an intervention and you are the one to do it.
 
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July 29, 2005, 1:41 pm CDT

Reality Check

Quote From: viinabragi

Why are you guys so worried about a date?
In Sweden (where I come from), we don't make so much fuzz about it.
It's pretty "normal" that a 14 year old (both boys and girls) are having dates, sex and relationships.

Why?
Becouse everyone knows about the risks! When you reach your eight year in compulsory school (?), you have sexeducation. It's obligatory for everyone.  
There they talk not only about sex, but how dangerous it can be if you're not protecting yourselve during the sexual intercourse and about every known sexual desease that excist today. 
They make it very clear that there is a chance that you might get a disease. Therefore, mostly of the teenagers are carefull, responsible and they talk about it whit their parents (not everyone though). 
Viinabragi, a 16 year old swede.     
  

Viinabragi- AIDs is currently the number one cause of death for males 16 to 44 years old. I think there really is an argument about whether a fourteen year old is mature enough for an adult relationship. You say most teens in Sweden are careful, but statistically Sweden has a very high rate of STD transmission and their own AIDS problems. I agree that communication is crucial, but you have a long way to go if you think that most parents on this board are ready for their fourteen year olds to start having sex. We provide sex education in this country as well and yet STD's are still an issue. Veneral warts and herpes, STD's with no known cure, afflict about one in five people under the age of 24. Teenagers are impulsive by nature and are risk-takers. They are that way in Sweden as well. Why should we be in such a hurry to have children grow up anyways.

 
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August 8, 2005, 7:15 pm CDT

annanut

Quote From: annanut

My brother isn't really a teen anymore (he's twenty), but he sure acts like one. He wakes up at noon at the earliest, if my mother's been hassling him for at least an hour to get up. He basically goes straight to the computer and plays his favorite internet game all day long. If he gets hungry after having eaten breakfast, he'll raid the fridge upstairs, often eating food my mother made for dinner, and saying 'oh well' when she tells him it was for everyone. He takes a shower about half an hour before dinner if someone makes him; sometimes he refuses to shower until after b/c his game was 'important'. If my mother asks his to bring anything up from downstairs, he screams at her that he's busy, and only brings it up wayyyy later. He's started University, but his grades are not as good as they could be b/c he does assignments at the last minute since all his time is taken up playing the game. He's rude and self-centered (which he may have learned from our father, who watches tv all day and refuses to plan and make a single dinner around the house, won't buy food unless it's intended soley for him, and generally pays attention to no one). I think that my parents should set guidlines for him, like how long he can use the internet everyday, what time he has to be up by, what time he has to go to bed by (he stays up 'till five talking so loud on ventrilo server he kept me up for months before they made im change rooms - he was underneath me before), what he has to do around the house, at least wash himself or bring up his own dirty dishes. Make him eat dinner with the family instead of letting him take his plate downstairs so he can continue playing. But my mother says he too old and she can't force anyone to do anything anyway. I say, it's still your house, you pay food and school and internet and EVERYTHING, so you decide house rules. He should be considerate or get kicked out. I just want to know what other people's opinions are. I just don't think he's being done any favor when they let him live like this, with no motivation and no concern for other people.

  

At twenty I have to think your window for setting behavior expectations has already closed. These are the kinds of things you need to establish prior to adulthood. You have given your opinion and now it really is in your parents hands. This of course is a lesson for you when you have your children. I have a son who is eighteen and is starting college in the fall. He is working almost full time and expects to have reached an age where he sets his own schedule. We have to occassionally have to give him a deadline for certain things in order to get them done. There is something about that age that requires they learn some of these things on their own. I think your father is the model that your brother is using. The ball is in your parent's court you need to let them handle this.  

 
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January 13, 2006, 4:33 pm CST

Happens Frequently

Quote From: maisey

my grandson, is 13. he has a girlfriend, also 13. he  and his mother talk about sex, and she asked him if he has tried anything. he said yes, petting, and he had oral sex with her. she explained he could get aids from doing that, and that was something you only do when your in love and have a mature relationship, because its so personal. he hasnt had sex. his mom and i are at a loss as to how to discourage him from doing that. his girlfriend asked him to do it.

This Wont Help, 

    There really isn't any one thing that will eliminate curiosity or reduce the risky behaviors that teens will attempt. You do the best you can and talk as calmly as possible. Teens are becoming much more involved in sexual experimentation particularly regarding oral sex. The idea is that it is much safer than intercourse for both STD's and pregnancy. They are really only partially correct as some STD's can be transmitted from mouth to genitals (herpes for one). I don't think there is any way you can make any meaningful headway with your granson without involving his girlfriend and their parents. There is a concern that if a child is honest than the consequences should not be so severe as to convince them not to be open. You are going to have to work through that one. My son is now nineteen and is willing to tell us everything. On occassion he is willing to tell us more than we want to know. It is kind of like penance for him. I wish you the best of luck. 

 

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