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Messages By: lanee
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November 22, 2007, 9:08 am PST
 Quote From: momakababe I want you to continue with your "plan" but be careful while you do please. And you may want to make sure that he's not tracking your online activities and reading what you write. And good luck honey. You hang in there and do what you need to do in your OWN time. don't let all this crap about being a "co-dependent" get to you or family either! Do what you need to do to survive and to be free from living in fear. God speed I appreciate your concern, and I do have a careful eye. The truth (as I see it anyway...) is that he really doesn't give a rats ass what I do, who I talk to, as long as his majesty's (sarcasm intended) greatness and pure morality and goodness are not only protected but acknowledged. H wrote the rules that he could trash my dignity to anyone with ears, and I'd build him up at the same time. This process has irreversibly devalued me in his eyes. If I were to imply that I loathe him, the word wouldn't even scratch the surface. I take it one day at a time. I am sober. Thank God for that. I can't wait till my Texas cowboy rides off into the sunset so he can tell his new victim harem what a poor victim he was of mine, his, 2nd wife, and his firsrt wife. Good thing he had a vasectomy so he won't worry about any more kids he never wanted. I never trapped him as they did....I was the one who WASN't pregnant when we married. See, I must be whacked. Cuz, honestly, I can see through most of Wade's. "pretending to be thinking of the answer" looks, his little angers, his little rages, and he doesn't scare me one bit. This is because I live with someone who is EXACTLY like him, even worse, actually.....and better at the facade. My H is absolutely gorgeous, gentle, empathetic, understanding, HOT AS HELL, and full of crap. This is why no one believes me. I pray Michelle gets out and far away. I hope she gets early intervention for those kids for neurological and biological reasons, to give them a fair chance. When I am gone, my daughter and I will be gone, to whatever extent of the law that is allowed. I will not allow my precious daughter to be poisoned at all, nor will allow her to grow up in a misogynistic home where the zombies walk around serving daddy, and praying he won't get upset. I grew up co-dependent. I married co-dependently. I am done now. I nearly lost my sobriety over the last 48 hours due to my inability to cope with my H's folly. HA! Not this time pal. |
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November 23, 2007, 12:37 pm PST
Quote From: honeyeight I was the first to post a message on this board...before the 3 episodes even aired. There was a reason for that. Michelle and her 4 children are in MORTAL DANGER. After watching all 3 episodes, I am even more convinced of this than before.
There have been many posts mentioning that Michelle is co-dependent. I am not a psychiatrist, however, I could NOT disagree more! She is scared beyond belief! Scared for herself and for her children, as well she should be.
I was married for 17 years to a man who was a drug addict AND a porn addict. I gave birth to three sons with this man because I was not aware of his addictions for several years. Maybe I should have listened to my "little voice" instead of thinking I could change him.
I left him 3 different times...the first time he convinced me to come back after only one day, the second time lasted almost a week and the third time was the charm. I actually took a vacation day, had movers come to take a few things out of the house and move them into the apartment I had rented. Then I filed for divorce.
I am ashamed to say that I did not take my 3 boys (11, 13 & 15 at the time) because I felt that he needed to learn how to be a father instead of trying to be the boys' best friend. No matter what I said to them, they knew they could go to their dad and he would tell them what they wanted to hear. I thought they would be OK with him since his mother lived with us and would be there to help take care of them.
Then I received a call from my middle son at 6:30am on Dec 15, 1992. He was so hysterical that I could hardly understand him. However, I did understand "MOM! DAD'S DEAD!" I threw on some clothes and jumped in the car. I was driving 75mph down residential streets in Houston praying for a cop to stop me. Of course, they're never around when you really need them.
When I reached the house, the paramedics were already packing up their stuff to leave. I knew then that I was too late. A Deputy met me at the door and I told him who I was and asked him what had happened. He told me that my ex had "huffed" Freon 22 (this is the industrial strength freon for those who are not familiar...my ex was pipe-fitter and had access to it). Apparently, it killed him immediately because my ex-mother-in-law found him lying totally naked on the floor face down. The freon was still turned on and there was a porn video playing on the VCR. She screamed and all 3 boys immediately came running. They saw EVERYTHING! In fact, my middle son had to turn off the freon.
My middle and youngest son then noticed a fireplace shovel shoved between the cushions of his recliner with the handle facing out and a condom on it. Apparently, he was sodomizing himself while watching the porn and then decided to huff the freon to get high while doing the other things. There was no suicide note ever found so my belief is that he was just acting on 2 of his addictions, i.e., porn and drugs, and REALLY screwed up. My 2 youngest sons put the fireplace shovel back and threw away the condom before the police arrived because they didn't want them to see it.
Next month marks the 15th anniversary of his death and frankly I am still glad it happened. However, my sons were in therapy for a year. The middle one has never really gotten over his father's death...they were very close. I have always wondered just HOW close they were. I asked my son if his father ever sexually abused him and he fervently denies it, however, I'll always have my doubts.
My middle son REALLY began acting out after wards. He has been locked up in the Harris County Jail more times than I can remember. I feel quite sure that he is on a first name basis with all the guards and deputies as well as their families. He is 28 now and is serving years in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. He is up for parole in March 2008 and is totally convinced that it will happen and he will be out on the street again.
Little does he know that I will be at that Parole Hearing in March of next year. I will not be there to help him get OUT...I will be there to ask that he be kept IN!!! He needs to serve the entire 2 year sentence. I intend to tell the Parole Board that my opinion, as his mother, is that he is still a danger to society and that I am in fear of my life should he be released. These are both very true statements and I intend to make them while under oath.
When he as 15 years old, I confronted him with the marijuana I had found in his room and he broke my nose. Then when I picked up the phone to call 911, he grabbed it from me and tried to knock me out with it. Another situation happened in the garage when I told him it was time to come in the house...it was very late. That time, he grabbed a knife and came after me with it. Fortunately, I was close enough to the door that I was able to go inside and lock myself in.
I apologize for this long diatribe, however, I am only alive today by the Grace of God. Between what my ex could and would have done to me had I not left him and what my middle son has done to me, if it weren't for God looking out for me, I wouldn't be here to type this posting.
My entire point is that Michelle needs to get OUT!!! RIGHT NOW! TODAY! She also needs to take her children when she goes and never look back. Wade has some SERIOUS mental problems and she is not equipped to handle them. He could do her he same favor my ex did and kill himself, whether on purpose or accidentally. However, he's too much of a narcissist to do that. Wade thinks he's the only person in he world who is always right...everybody else is always wrong in his mind.
Sheila I cannot possibly, even remotely, begin to understand the hell that you have
been through. It sounds horrific, to say the very least. Absolutely
unfathomable. I am so very sorry for what you went through then, and the
continuing ramifications that you continue to face in the present
time. My prayers are with you. I do completely agree, 100% that Michelle needs to take what ever steps that are necessary to keep herself and all of her children safe. I am saddened that this whole scenario, (as seen on Dr. Phil's show) while shocking, is not a terribly unusual situation. I know it from my own experiences, as well as the other brave people that have shared their story..... I have read all the responses on the other two episodes' boards, but it is too much for me to keep up with so I continue here. Not that it matters, but I think that Wade is a brilliant master manipulator. I believe he has been deviantly unfaithful to his wife, and that he is ashamed of those actions---whatever they may be. Further, I believe, while it is entirely possible that this man raped/harmed/killed someone, I would be much more inclined to believe that the stories of alleged rape/harm/murder are nothing more than elaborate stories to deflect not only the public's attention, but Michelle's attention as well, from the original theme of the series----sexual addiction, betrayal, and infidelity. This is his real shame. This is what he has been hiding and lying about. I could be totally wrong, but it has been my experience, personally, that when a sex addict is in disclosure, they will bring up all possible wrongs, real or fictitious, to steal the spotlight from the TRUE shame of his (or her) betrayals. Shame is the core of all addictions. Wade could claim to kill 100 people and feel nothing, but it seems that his main fear or shame is the never ending deceptions and betrayals that he has bestowed onto his wife. That is where the shame-anger-rage-blame cycle seems to show itself. It is a sick, Narcissistic circle for which I am not sure there is a cure.....but for some pathological reason, people (like myself at times) keep trying anyway..... I am sorry that Michelle felt that she "had to" have sex with Wade to get the "answers they say she needed to get." However, living with a sex addict and/or Narcissist who isn't getting the sexual attention, power, and admiration that they command can be its own living hell. No, it's not right to have sex with someone for the wrong reasons, but at times, (and again, I say it's not right) it is just easier to live through the 90 seconds its gonna take to let him get his rocks off so the other party can have some peace. Chances are, they are so used to j-ing off they won't last very long anyway. I know that is sick and wrong in every way, and it should never take place. I have done this in the years past, (not in the last 4-5 months) and it is awful, degrading, and so many other horrible things. I REFUSE to accommodate anyone in such a way, but I will not stand in judgement of anyone who has had to for the sake of survival. In this case, I don't know to what extent to believe either of these parties, but that said, don't be too quick to judge Michelle for 'not playing with a full deck,' or maybe 'a few bricks short of a full load,' as I have read on these boards. Everything this woman has ever believed in has been shattered. She has been lied to, betrayed, interrogated, told something only to have it recanted, and vice versa. Her truths have become lies, and her fears have become reality. She's been accused of being fake, being dramatic, being blank, being in shock. I don't know of a script that anyone is supposed to follow with all this going on, and a family to raise at the same time. She needs to get out---for sure, and she will need a lot of help getting through all of this. |
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November 23, 2007, 5:22 pm PST
Quote From: theeditor Actually, your rationale is flawed. You're mistaken in assuming that Wade doesn't want to save his marriage. As with many unfaithful and abusive men, maintaining his marriage is just another way to stay in control of his life and have things the way he wants them. See, Wade doesn't want to have to come home to a dark apartment and fix himself a cold bologna sandwich. He wants a nice, comfortable nest where he can get fed, pampered and, yes, relieved of sexual stress by an accommodating wife when the mood strikes him (and when he can't get it elsewhere). He's a bully and a control freak, and he wants a little wifey who'll satisfy his needs and not complain about it, even when those needs involve pornography or a roll in the hay with a new conquest. There's nothing extreme about it -- and if you think this attitude is uncommon in men, ask yourself why guys who cheat on their wives don't just divorce them and marry their mistresses. The answer is, it isn't about finding Miss Right ... it's about having what you want whenever you want it, including sex on the side and food on the table when you get home. Don't look for rational behavior in a narcissistic bully. Wade DOES care about his marriage -- in the sense of what it does for his own comfort. And he cheats on his wife because that's about his own comfort, too. I agree with this 100% I quote the respoinse I had posted earlier today in regards to my feelings about the original show. JMHO I do completely agree, 100% that Michelle needs to take what ever steps that are necessary to keep herself and all of her children safe. I am saddened that this whole scenario, (as seen on Dr. Phil's show) while shocking, is not a terribly unusual situation. I know it from my own experiences, as well as the other brave people that have shared their story..... I have read all the responses on the other two episodes' boards, but it is too much for me to keep up with so I continue here. Not that it matters, but I think that Wade is a brilliant master manipulator. I believe he has been deviantly unfaithful to his wife, and that he is ashamed of those actions---whatever they may be. Further, I believe, while it is entirely possible that this man raped/harmed/killed someone, I would be much more inclined to believe that the stories of alleged rape/harm/murder are nothing more than elaborate stories to deflect not only the public's attention, but Michelle's attention as well, from the original theme of the series----sexual addiction, betrayal, and infidelity. This is his real shame. This is what he has been hiding and lying about. I could be totally wrong, but it has been my experience, personally, that when a sex addict is in disclosure, they will bring up all possible wrongs, real or fictitious, to steal the spotlight from the TRUE shame of his (or her) betrayals. Shame is the core of all addictions. Wade could claim to kill 100 people and feel nothing, but it seems that his main fear or shame is the never ending deceptions and betrayals that he has bestowed onto his wife. That is where the shame-anger-rage-blame cycle seems to show itself. It is a sick, Narcissistic circle for which I am not sure there is a cure.....but for some pathological reason, people (like myself at times) keep trying anyway..... I am sorry that Michelle felt that she "had to" have sex with Wade to get the "answers they say she needed to get." However, living with a sex addict and/or Narcissist who isn't getting the sexual attention, power, and admiration that they command can be its own living hell. No, it's not right to have sex with someone for the wrong reasons, but at times, (and again, I say it's not right) it is just easier to live through the 90 seconds its gonna take to let him get his rocks off so the other party can have some peace. Chances are, they are so used to j-ing off they won't last very long anyway. I know that is sick and wrong in every way, and it should never take place. I have done this in the years past, (not in the last 4-5 months) and it is awful, degrading, and so many other horrible things. I REFUSE to accommodate anyone in such a way, but I will not stand in judgement of anyone who has had to for the sake of survival. In this case, I don't know to what extent to believe either of these parties, but that said, don't be too quick to judge Michelle for 'not playing with a full deck,' or maybe 'a few bricks short of a full load,' as I have read on these boards. Everything this woman has ever believed in has been shattered. She has been lied to, betrayed, interrogated, told something only to have it recanted, and vice versa. Her truths have become lies, and her fears have become reality. She's been accused of being fake, being dramatic, being blank, being in shock. I don't know of a script that anyone is supposed to follow with all this going on, and a family to raise at the same time. She needs to get out---for sure, and she will need a lot of help getting through all of this. I'd also like to add... This is a sad, horrible realization. It hits a little too close to home for me. It makes me physically ill, brings up triggers, and other things that encompass the silent scream I experience that cannot be put into words. I think there are a lot of inconsistencies in their stories, but thanks, Dr. Phil, for bringing this to light. Yeah, it's all show business, but I am betting that in reality, her hell, my hell, and the hell of the millions of others that endure this crap (for whatever reason) isn't all lights, camera, action. It isn't as pretty, it may not be as dramatic, but it is real, and it is horrible, and it is crazy, but mostly, it's just needless. |
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November 25, 2007, 12:48 pm PST
Quote From: pachamama In fact, yes, sex addicts do lie, verbally abuse, and intimidate their partners. They do this in response to questions regarding their activites and predatory behaviors. It effectively keeps the partner off-balance and in the dark about what's really happening. I have lived this. This is entirely accurate---in my case anyway. |
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April 28, 2008, 2:04 am PDT
Quote From: sllynn
I am amazed at how many comments have been made so far on a show that has yet to air. How quickly people are to judge......to assume that I never sought out help for my son before this point......to go so far as to call me a monster.
The truth of the matter is that I had no recollection of my own abuse until 6 years ago.....at which time I did cut the ties with my father.......unfortunately the damage had already been done.
As far as reaching out for help.......I exhausted every resource I could find in my area. My son has been seeing counsellors, therapists, and psychiatrists since he was in grade one. We tried group therapy and even had numerous appointments with the principle of the school he was attending at the time.
Turning to the Dr Phil show was simply one more effort on my part to seek out more help.......help that I had been seeking for the past 6 years.
It is sad that the level of understanding is as such.......there are so many agencies out there that help people with addiction, anger management, domestic abuse and so forth.......however when it comes to sexual abuse I have found it more difficult to find the help required......especially for a child. If you look into some of the amazing programs for children like I have, one of the things that they make very clear is that they will help your child so long as he or she hasn't acted out in unacceptable sexual ways......
I recently had an invitation to enroll my son in such a program but after sending in the application, I was told they don't accept a child who has a sexual history such as my sons.
Along with seeking out help, I also have been to the police. I have filled out a written statement as well as a video interview........no action has been taken on the part of the authorities. I continue to feel like I keep hitting a brick wall.....however, that has not stopped my quest for help, healing and justice.
When the shows are aired this week, I hope that people will be able to come away more educated and with more understanding rather than accusations, anger, and finger pointing.
Not one of us can really know exactly what we would do if we were in someone else's shoes until we actually walk in them. Sherie-Lynn, I am so very sorry for all you have had to endure. For whatever it may or may not be worth, I believe you, and would like to offer you these words---they're yours if you want them. I know first hand the elusive ache of the "silent scream" that lurks within one that 'feels' previous abuse, but cannot articulate it, because itis buried in repressed memories. However, for me, the trauma was always present in my brain...whether I knew it or not. My reactions to the unknown traumas, would vary, and take on the form of self medication, self harm, or worse...in the subtle, familiar form of that pervasive 'silent scream' Sherie-Lynn, I ached for you and cried with you during both shows, as the atrocities of your father were revealed. I know what it is like for everyone to think that a victimis nuts because their memories aren't always consistent, or 'straight.' This is the result of years of manipulation, years of telling the victim 'how it really was,' or 'what they<i>really</i> remembered didn't happen that way at all,' or that the victim has 'SUCH an imagination.' It gives the victim a sense of hopelessness about trusting others, but more importantly, it robs the victim of the core ability of trusting his/herself. I understand what it feels like when, if given the choice, a victim might rather be called a lunatic, than actually come to understand the reality and the sheer horror of the abuse he/she endured. I do not for one minute, believe that this is a 'he-said, she-said' story. I do not for one second think that this is something you wanted to be <b>right</b> about, Sherie-Lynn, but it was something that you finally had to resolve to save your son. Furthermore, I understand your blind trust in leaving your son with your parents while you were improving the quality of your life. I understand that you thought that you were doing the right thing. After all, weren't you told during all your childhood years, that you weren't abused or harmed in any way? Hadn't you been brainwashed enough at that point, that you doubted your own self, and your own memories, and did what you thought was best for Parker? OF COURSE YOU DID. Stop beating yourself up, and ignore those that haven't (as you put it) walked in your shoes. I think you did what you knew, and that your parents, (whether intentionally on the part of your father, or unintentionally on your mother's part,) made sure that you remained naive, unaware, and uninformed. Maybe they got a kick out of making you look stupid---I wasn't there, I do not know, but I CAN RELATE. I felt what you went through. The less truth that was revealed to you, the less truth you could tell, and the more control they would have....especially if they were watching Parker. How convenient it must have been for them to play the martyrs and tell everyone (with the back of their hands securely attatched to their foreheads) what great God- fearing citizens, and do-gooders they were because they<b>had</b> to watch Parker while you were out getting your sh*t together...... I was raised by these type of people, and what's worse, is that I married one of these people. I went from growing up not believing ANY of my own memories, and asking my "Mommy" to fill in the blanks for me.......to marrying the ultimate narcissist, liar, manipulator, user, sex-addict, cheating, sexually abusing sack of crap that there ever was. And, Dang, he is soooooooooo smoothe. Beautiful, strong, able, oh-so-willing, and so very convincing and charming. Amazingly enough, I actually think there is more hope for recovery for him than for my own parents. An alliance was formedbetween my husband and parents, so that they could all bask in what they called my "overactive imagination" and comfort one another in their collusion. He was the one who could always lend a helping hand, always give such sincere, heartfelt advice,and really be the rock for his needy women friends. All while he played like he was a poor misunderstood victim. This poor victim was engaging in disturbing internet pornography, emotional and sexual affairs, and engaging in marital sexual abuse. He has not abused our young daughter, but his son did, back when she was 3 and he was 10. Naturally, my dear husband blamed me for this. I gladly took it on. I was accustomed to carrying everyone else's shame. Screw that. I reported the offending child'sass to the cops, and they sent him back to his mom out of state..... Which brings me to the next thing, Sherie-Lynn...... I read one "person's" response to your lack of detailed memories of exact ages, dates, or times of your father's abuse. It was on either Part 1 or Part 2's board---not sure. This 'person' asks: "How can the abuse be proven if the victim doesn't even remember when it happened?" Well,my answer is the reason that I believe I will post this on both Thursday and Friday's board, as I do not know which ( if any) you might be reading... This absolutely blows my mind. It is really scary...... My daughter was sexually abused by her 1/2 brother when she was three. It was traumatic, intrusive, and painful, and ongoing. He had groomed her so well, that even when asked any simple questions, (how was pre-school today?) she would retreat, and say NOTHING to me. She was instructed never to tell me anything. When I finally got the proof I needed, the child was reported to the police department, and their statements were recorded. Forensic evidence was collected. My child was almost 4 and VERY well spoken. I was very careful not to use any suggestive words, and made certain that she was un-coached, and that her words were hers. She could tell the detectives everything that happened, how it made her feel, what my step son did,and how she was tricked into doing sexual things, and how she was tricked to trust him rather than her own parents, and to pray to him and not to God. Nice kid, eh? My little one just turned six, and is still in therapy, and still trying to learn to trust people. The system is broken, he should have gotten taught a lesson in Juvenille Jail by big ol' Pedro. The cops and DA had everything they needed to send him away for what he did.....everything but one small detail. My child was three years old, and had little concept of dates. So, while she could tell them all about what happened, she just couldn't tell them <b>when</b>. There was no case. They just banned him from our home, and sent him off to live with his mother in TX. Do you think that this creature is getting ANY help there? Nope. He is now nearly 13. No one will say a word. I have zero credibility, (because I am only the step mom, and we are all perceived as 'bad' anyway...) His father, my legal husband, will not inform the school board or anything else.....and his mother, believes that nothing ever happened, and I made him confess to thingsthat he didn't do, even with the forensic evidence. So, there is this little freak out there who is at risk of hurting other kids, and I am powerless to change any of that. The pathology and denial that runs in this family is too deep to be understood by normal folks. As this all came to pass, I did EVERYTHING I could to protect my little girl, but found that I was falling apart due to these sudden intrusive memories. It was then, (about 2.5 years ago) that I began to remember the abuse that I had myself endured, after being informed and forced to believe that I had a perfect childhood. Since then, it has been sometimes a hellish 2 years, but I have ALWAYS made certain that my daughter comes first, and just as importantly, Ihave learned to keep myself and my daughter safe during this transition. I went through INTENSIVE outpatient therapy. Economic isolation is a real dilemma, and I understand what your mom went through, as I am going through that now, and the shelters are not as easy of an option as one would like to believe in a fairy tale world. I am still under one roof, but I am clear, defined, protective, and as I stated above, I have the tools to keep us safe. My dear husband will either get help or he won't....either way, I am saving to become self sufficient, and we'll be safe either way. Sure, in my recovery, I have made a LOT of mistakes, but not for the lack of consideration and careful thought. Mistakes are bad choices, but they do require some thought. It seems to me that there were not mistakes on your mom's part, rather, sheer neglect. It never occurred to her to do anything else....Geez, I thought people were smarter than dogs. Sherie-Lynn, Hold your head up. I realize that your mom is just as much of a victim as you are, but there has to be a 'light bulb' moment somewhere,somehow. She loves you, and I'm sure that she did the best that it occurred to her to do, but in my humble opinion, she didn't put you first. |
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April 28, 2008, 2:13 am PDT
Quote From: fergusonhm This show is a really hard show for me today. I was not even sure if I was even going to watch it. I am very angry at the mother and the grandmother. The grandmother is very selfish in my opinion. She didn't want to lose anything because of what her husband did?? That is crazy. What kind of parent is she and what is she showing her own daughter? No wonder the mother let Parker go and spend time with her father, even sleeping with him.
I am a mother of 4 children. Three boys and a girl. My 16 year old son had his trial on Friday and now is a registered Juvenile Sex Offender. The victims? My two younger sons, 6 and 4 years old. It has been a tragedy. My oldest son at one time had to go live with his father due to his actions. Sadly, his father died and he returned to my home.
I have done everything to help my sons. At my first knowledge of the offense I alerted the authorities. I alerted CPS. He was put in counseling and everything. That was over three years ago. It has truly been a trial. My oldest son is now in temporary custody of the county. He is in a residential treatment center and has been since July 2007. He is making progress but it is hard to be on bothe sides of the fence at the same time.
On Friday I had to testify against my oldest son. It was very hard but also the right and best thing to do for my other children and possibly for others in the community.
I love my children unconditionally, all of them. I will do anything to protect my children. It is just so sad to me and really sickens me to think that someone would not do anything that they could to protect their children or even other children.
Maybe it is because our tragedy is so fresh in my mind, but I just am disgusted by what I have been watching today. I don't even have enough space to write enough of what I really would like to say so I'll leave it at this. However, I do have one more thing to say............................
WHERE ARE THE RESOURCES THAT FAMILIES LIKE MINE REALLY NEED??? PEOPLE SAY THEY WANT TO HELP. WHERE ARE THE SUPPORT GROUPS? WHERE ARE THEY???
REALLY, WHERE IS THE HELP??? I have witnessed what my husband went through when his son harmed our young daughter. I have to tell you, I do not even know you, but I am so proud of you, and I think you are so brave, and so noble. I say this, because it has to be hell to prosecute one of your own children, in order to protect your other children. But you saved other children too. My hat is off to you. I cannot imagine your journey, but please know that you are appreciated and respected. |
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April 28, 2008, 2:35 am PDT
Quote From: katduc Looking at the behavior and tramatic events seen and displayed by Sherie-Lynn take a LOOK at the criteria for the diagnosis of PTSD and what Sherie IS and WILL be going through as WELL as her son!
Diagnostic criteria for 309.81 Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present: (1) the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others B. The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways: (1) recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions. Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed. C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following: (1) efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following: (1) difficulty falling or staying asleep E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month. F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Specify if: Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months Specify if: With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor site is www.behavenet.com This has been my actions for nearly my entire life. There are times when it is better, and times when it is worse, but it is always there. Sherie-Lynn, I am so very sorry for all you have had to endure. For whatever it may or may not be worth, I believe you, and would like to offer you these words---they're yours if you want them. I know first hand the elusive ache of the "silent scream" that lurks within one that 'feels' previous abuse, but cannot articulate it, because it is buried in repressed memories. However, for me, the trauma was always present in my brain...whether I knew it or not. My reactions to the unknown traumas, would vary, and take on the form of self medication, self harm, or worse...in the subtle, familiar form of that pervasive 'silent scream' Sherie-Lynn, I ached for you and cried with you during both shows, as the atrocities of your father were revealed. I know what it is like for everyone to think that a victimis nuts because their memories aren't always consistent, or 'straight.' This is the result of years of manipulation, years of telling the victim 'how it really was,' or 'what they<i>really</i> remembered didn't happen the way at all,' or that the victim has 'SUCH an imagination.' It gives the victim a sense of hopelessness about trusting others, but more importantly, it robs the victim of the core ability of trusting his/herself. I understand what it feels like when, if given the choice, a victim might rather be called a lunatic, than actually come to understand the reality and the sheer horror of the abuse he/she endured. I do not for one minute, believe that this is a 'he-said, she-said' story. I do not for one second think that this is something you wanted to be right about, Sherie-Lynn, but it was something that you finally had to resolve to save your son. I furthermore understand your blind trust in leaving your son with your parents while you were improving the quality of your life. I understand that you thought that you were doing the right thing. After all, haven't you always been told that you have never been harmed and abused during your childhood? Hadn't you been brainwashed enough at that point, that you doubted your own self, and your own memories, and did what you thought was best for Parker? OF COURSE YOU DID. Stop beating yourself up, and ignore those that haven't (as you put it) walked in your shoes. I think you did what you knew, and that your parents, (whether intentionally on the part of your father, or unintentionally on your mother's part,) made sure that you remained naive, unaware, and uninformed. The less that was revealed to you, the less truth you could tell, and the more control they would have....especially if they were watching Parker. How convenient it must have been for them to play the martyrs and tell everyone (with the back of their hands securely attatched to their foreheads) what great God-fearing citizens, and do-gooders they were because they<b>had</b> to watch Parker while you were out getting your sh*t together...... I was raised by these type of people, and what's worse, is that I married one of these people. I went from growing up not believing ANY of my own memories, and asking my "Mommy" to fill in the blanks for me.......to marrying the ultimate narcissist, liar, manipulator, user, sex-addict, cheating, sexually abusing sack of crap that there ever was. And, Dang, he is soooooooooo smoothe. Beautiful, strong, able, oh-so-willing, and so very convincing and charming. He formed an alliance with my parents, (Or perhaps my parents formed the alliance with him---still not clear on that) so that they could all bask in what they called my "overactive imagination" and comfort one another in their collusion. He was the one who couldalways lend a helping hand, always give such sincere, heartfelt advice,and really be the rock for his needy women friends. All while he played like he was a poor misunderstood victim. YES, a victim that was engaging in disturbing internet pornography, emotional and sexual affairs, and engaging in marital sexual abuse. He has not abused our young daughter, but his son did, back when she was 3 and he was 10. Naturally, my dear husband blamed me for this. I gladly took it on. I was accustomed to carrying everyone else's shame. Screw that. I reported the offending child's ass to the cops, and they sent him back to his mom out of state..... Which brings me to the next thing, Sherie-Lynn...... I read one 'person's' response to your lack of detailed memories of exact ages, dates, or times of your father's abuse. It was on either Part 1 or Part 2's board---not sure. This "person" asks: "How can the abuse be proven if the victim doesn't even remember when it happened?" Well, my answer is the reason that I believe I will post this on both Thursday and Friday's board, as I do not know which ( if any) you might be reading... This absolutely blows my mind. It is really scary...... My daughter was sexually abused by her 1/2 brother when she was three. It was traumatic, and ongoing, and he had groomed her so well, that even when asked a simple question like "how was pre-school," or "what do you want for desert...", she would not even answer me......All of a sudden, I wasn't allowed to ask her ANY questions, and she was strictly instructed to tell me NOTHING, EVER. When I finally got the proof I needed, the child was reported to the police department, and their statements were recorded. Forensic evidence was collected. My child was almost 4 and VERY well spoken. She had a clean slate. She was not coached, and she used age appropriate words.... She could tell the detectives everything that happened, how it made her feel, what my step son did, and how she was tricked into doing sexual things, and how she was tricked to trust him rather than her own parents, and to pray to him and not to God. Nice kid, eh? I wanted him fully prosecuted, and in therapy.... and the cops and DA had everything they needed to send him away for what he did.....everything but one small detail. My child was three years old, and had little concept of dates. So, while she could tell them all about what happened, she just couldn't tell them WHEN. There was no case. They just banned him from our home, and sent him off to live with his mother in TX. Do you think that this creature is getting ANY helpthere? Nope. He is now nearly 13. No one will say a word. I have zero credibility, (because I am only the step mom, and we are all perceived as 'bad' anyway...) His father, my legal husband, will not inform the school board or anything else.....and his mother, believes that nothing ever happened, and I made him confess to things that he didn't do, even with the forensic evidence. As this all came to pass, I did EVERYTHING I could to protect my little girl, but found myself falling apart. I found myself sinking. It was then, (about 2.5 years ago) that I began to remember the abuse that I had myself endured, after being informed that I had a perfect childhood. It was a hellish 2 years, but I have ALWAYS made certain that my daughter comes first, and just as importantly, Ihave learned to keep myself and my daughter safe during this transition. I went through INTENSIVE outpatient therapy. Sure, I've made a lot of mistakes, and as I see it, mistakes require thought. Neglect is the lack of thoughts of or regard to another, right? Economic isolation is a real dilemma, and I understand what your mom went through, as I am going through that now, and the shelters are not as easy of an option as one would like to believe in a fairy tale world. I am digging my way out of here with a smile on my face, and a savings started, and my daughter and I are safe and happy. THANK GOD. Sherie-Lynn,Hold your head up. I realize that your mom is just as much of a victim as you are, but there has to be a 'light bulb' moment somewhere, somehow. She loves you, and I'm sure that she did the best that it occurred to her to do, but in my humble opinion, she didn't put youfirst. It is as if NOTHING occurred to her, or she was just brainwashed, too. |
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April 28, 2008, 12:09 pm PDT
Quote From: adpenland I am also a survivor of physical, sexual and medical abuse, and neglect by both parents and a grandparent for my first 16 years of life including a pregnancy at 15. I have dealt with the courts, the police and child protective services - which were actually more harmful to the victims than helpful. Survivors are everywhere. HOWEVER, I am not going to take my whole family to the Dr. Phil show and ruin my children's lives in front of the public, their friends, their classmates, teachers, etc. This is something that happened to me in THE PAST and I have learned to be extremely careful about what I will allow my girls to be exposed to or who they will be alone with. It is a trade-off between choosing to continually nurse your own wounds from the past or deciding to get smart and move on with your life in the present and the future - if not for yourself then for the sake of your kids. Predictable, rediculous.......hypocracy. It is of my belief that Sherie-lynn has GUTS. Do ya think that was easy what she did? Do you think it was easy for her husband to come on national TV with her? Do you think that her pain was a pleasure for her to share with the world? Who the hell are you to judge her actions? If she is at the end of her rope, and she needs help, then it is her right to pursue health and happiness...or were you absent for that part of Social Studies? :( Sherie-lynn is a tough cookie, lemme tell ya. I only wish I had the guts to go on Dr. Phil's show. It is in my opinion that the person that posted the above is no different than the "embarrassed " and "ashamed" family members that would not step forward in her defense. Yeah, I agree, no one wants their dirty laundry aired on one of the highest rated talk shows on TV, for scrutiny by millions.......so why don't you continue to do it your way......sweep it under the rug, or, in the immortal words of my stepfather, "That's what closets are for...." Just ignore it and it'll go away. Brilliant. Let me tell ya that my family, both my parents and the in-laws could block out about 3 or 4 weeks of Dr. Phil's show. My mother rules with money, my in-laws rule with God. My Mother-In-Law would make such good TV, that Dr. Phil could probably retire after he tried to get through to this woman. She would be convinced that with the national platform, she could change the entire country into her way of thinking. She taught her kids that they were black, and then that they were Jewish, (they are Italian/German Catholic) and nothing could break the will of her abuse...that "if we all do not live like she does, her God will send us to hell. " She justifies the beatings at the altar that her children endured as the will of God. She believes my daughter was harmed as a result of my sins, and the sins of her son, my daughter's father. My mom rules with, controls with, manipulates with, and worships the almighty dollar. I never had a mom----ever, but I did have a checkbook, and learned no life skills, sense of self, accountability, or respect for money until I was in my late 30's. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE help from Dr. Phil. I am not strong enough to go on his show. Sherie-lynn is strong enough, and I commend her for that. |
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