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Messages By: lonalea200

lonalea200
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confused
September 19, 2005, 8:25 am PDT

Is there anyone with the same problem ?

 I was sexually abused by both males and females all my life. First when I was in grade school up untill  well after highschool.  My desire for intimacy is comepletely gone.  I just think of it and it makes me sick. I don't ever think I will be normal again.  anybody have any advice or same story ?  I need imput.  .
 
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lonalea200
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Depressed

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sad
September 19, 2005, 8:30 am PDT

Is there anyone with the same problem ?

 I was sexually abused by both males and females all my life. First when I was in grade school up untill  well after highschool.  My desire for intimacy is comepletely gone.  I just think of it and it makes me sick. I don't ever think I will be normal again.  anybody have any advice or same story ?  I need imput.  this abuse has greatly affected my life and I don't want it to control my happiness. does anybody have any ideas to survive this?
 
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lonalea200
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Depressed

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confused
September 19, 2005, 8:47 am PDT

Adoption can go both ways.

Just because you can't have children, isn't the reason to adopt.  But when you do, the reward can be good and bad.  I was adopted when I was 4 months old  and my life is soooo much better off. The life I would have grown up in would have been tramatic. but you must also keep in mind that everything is not going to be hunky-dory. We come with many challeneges as being adopted. Like, " Did you pick me or Was I the first baby to come along?" Or " Why didn't my biological parents want me?'.  And of course the big one..".Who would I have been, had I not been adopted ?" Our self-esteem is challenged.  Our love is greater, but at the same time you question others love. You never really know. But....like I said, it can go both ways. I am very much better off, I was raised good and had many things given to me.  I'd like to think that this includes my parents love.   If you want another adopton story, email me or respond to this post.
 
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lonalea200
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Depressed

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blank
September 19, 2005, 9:00 am PDT

I wish people knew what it was like...

I wish people knew what it was like to be obese.  That is it...I am fat. I don't know why my body insists on eating.  My stomach doesn't say "hungry". It is my taste buds that scream " Food" !  So I feel that I am eating for mental reasons rather than physicall hunger.  What do we do? It is a constant battle. We eat because we are fat and people make fun of us which makes you more hungry and depressed.  I don't just sit down and pig out on a box of donuts everymorning. Matter of fact..I am a diabetic because of my weight.  I very rarely eat a candy bar, but when I buy one, I feel like the whole world is watching and thinking, "That fat person is eating Candy !!!". the guilt is so strong.  I can't enjoy a good treat without thinking.   I know that I shouldn't care about what people think, but you know what....I do. I want people to like me. I want to have friends.  When you must go a life of ridicule and no friends, ( true friends),  you see how important it is to have a friend.   I am a good person.   I wish people knew what it was like to have people pay more attention to weight than who you are. I have yet to find someone to agree. Maybe I am wrong, but I think not. Everybody needs a friend. I just don't have one. 
 
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lonalea200
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Depressed

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hopeful
September 19, 2005, 9:24 am PDT

What I realized was...

How I got help was when I realized that medication is not a cure all.   I have both Bi-polor and Schitzophrenia.  I was diagnosed with this years ago, but didn't start healing untill the last few years.   It is like any other illness.  A diabetic can take insulin, but they still need to watch their diet. A person with heart problems needs their heart pills but still needs to watch how much cholesterol they eat.  I feel the same is with mental illness.  The medications  help in minimizing symptoms, but I still need to pay attention to how I respond to situations and change the behavior.  No one will change it for me nor can they. I can only change myself.  I know a lot of people say this, but have you ever tried to convince someone to change their thinking ?   You can bring the food, but you can't make me eat it, only I can swallow the food. An example :  Being honest with yourself is important.  I can take my bi-polor medication, but I must also realize that when my body stays up too late and I get little sleep, I know I am asking for trouble.  My body doesn't react like everybody elses'. Mine goes into hyper mania.  So I take the medicine to help control the illness but I still need to control what I do.   How can you fix a problem unless you know what it is?  Once you are honest with yourself, you can actually improve yourself.  I am certianly not saying for people to stop therapy or medication manegment, but I get tired of people expecting the medication to make everything go away.   And working with your own thought is not easy. Matter of fact it is very difficult.   But it is worth it.   We are worth it.   Thanks for letting me share. 
 
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lonalea200
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September 19, 2005, 9:34 am PDT

How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Quote From: mjkkas

I have been abused by both male and female, the female was my own mother starting while I was very, very young. It is a hard thing to get over and affects my whole life. Getting control and trying to live a whole life can be done I am told, still searching. There is a good book, "The Courage to Heal" I have the book and it even talks about that kind of thing, so maybe you could get it , buy it,  and work on some things there. Therapy is good for me too. Talking and sharing can help too. that is why I am here, I guess. 

  

Hope that helps a bit. 

  

mj 

the book sounds good. But do you know...I can't even talk to a therapist about this.  The subject  is so taboo for me.  I don't like anything having to do with this.  The only reason I am able to talk a little here is because you can't see me and I can't see you.   Has anyone ever had that problem ?
 
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lonalea200
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September 19, 2005, 12:28 pm PDT

How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Quote From: mjkkas

I have only touched on the sex abuse from my mother in therapy. I have talked about it here so I do know what you are feeling. I know they do have on line or phone therapy, for those that can't talk in person. I have never tried it but the shame is real and talking with a therapist can help you to see there is no shame for what happened to you. You did nothing bad/wrong, bad/wrong things happened to you. 

  

mj 

I know I didn't do anything bad, I just can't talk to people about it. I thank you for your encouriging words.  It is nice to talk to someone who knows what I am talking about. I didn't know about the online therapy. where do I look for someone ? It is much easier for me to talk online than in person.  I can say what I feel better.  Again...thank you ! 

  

  

  

  

  

 LF 
 
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lonalea200
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Depressed

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blank
September 19, 2005, 12:39 pm PDT

Obesity

Quote From: cheriemont

They say the best way to have a friend is to be one. I'd like to invite you to come and be a friend to our group here on the Dr. Phil message boards--there's a special board called 200 pounds or more to lose. But we also have a few people with a little less than 200 lb. to lose. Yes, we are obese, but we are helping one another to get healthy. Many of our members are diabetic or insulin resistant. We are all good people and caring. You won't find criticism there--just loving, caring help from friends who are in the same boat. I hope you'll look us up and join our little group. Together we are doing it!! And we all need more friends, so won't you please come and help us too?

Cherie
 

I would love to be apart of the " 200 lb. to lose "group.  I could always use incouragement.  I have about 100 lbs. to lose yet, but I have lost 57 lbs. already.  I am sympley loosing weight because of my health.  Please let me know how I can be apart of this group ! ? 

  

  

  

  

  

  

   Liz 
 
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lonalea200
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Depressed

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September 19, 2005, 12:50 pm PDT

How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Quote From: mjkkas

http://drphil.com/articles/article/216/ 

  

I can't remember where I saw that on line therapy but could probably do that in the search engine "On line Therapy" and see what comes up. The above link is from the Dr. Phil boards, RAINN is a good one I have heard. Anyway talk here all you want and you can try the dairies on the boards too. Can do private or share. 

  

mj 

Do you think it is important to remember everything that happened ?  I will look up RAINN, thanks.    

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  LF 
 
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lonalea200
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September 19, 2005, 1:09 pm PDT

How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Quote From: mjkkas

That is up to you, I have had therapists Say both ways, No you don't need to ever talk about it and one say that is the only way to heal. I think you have to find someone that will do what you think you need to do. If you need to know and talk about it in order to heal then that is what you need to do. 

  

If you just want to learn to change your thinking on things then do that,let you be the guide, you will know what is best for you, really. Sometimes validations is what you need the most. When I would go into therapy with a memory and she would tell me it didn't matter, I felt crushed. It did matter! It was hurting me and to say that just made me hide even more in shame and hurt. 

  

mj 

 I guess I would want to remember because..." I ", can't deal with something unresolved.  How can I fix something if I can't remember. I only remember little bits.   I guess I want to know what all happened. But how do I remember something that I don't remember ?   Did you have this problem ?
 
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