Messages By: verdun50

"People are so willing to throw that forgiving word around like it makes everything all better.  If you forgave the sob who harmed your child, would it make the past dissapear?  Would your son suddenly be innocent again?  Would it stop your daughters questions and make everything normal for you and your son and daughter?  No, it wouldnt." 

This is my 3rd attempt at writing a reply to this message and I think I know what I've done wrong the past two times - I hit 'enter' twice - that seems to kick you out of the message screen and now I don't know where my other messages have gone.  Oh, well! 

I am not a Bible thumper; I am not a religious person; but I am a member of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and I work its Twelve Step program of living.  I learned about forgiveness at A.A. and it has been a blessing to me.  I discovered that forgiveness does not mean you condone the (bad) actions of others; it means you accept the fact of the actions of others and so to forgive is to let go.  I was troubled about many things that had happened to me throughout my life and they haunted me all the time but I knew I had to get rid of them in order to carry on with peace in my heart and a contented soul.  Forgiveness has, and will continue to be, one of the very best tools to live life without rage and hatred.  It is not always easy to do but the benefits are ever lasting. 

So, in order to let go of the hate and anger that fills your body and very soul, try to accept the fact that your brother did an awful deed to your son; that what is done cannot be changed; that your brother is probably a very sick man but you are not making excuses for him; and let it go, forever.  I know, not easy! 

The dirty little family secret must come out as we all know this man will probably do this again and because of the nature of what he did, he should probably be reported to the police ... but this is not your problem, it is his.  Yes, you may suffer a backlash from your family but that, too, is their problem.  You, nor you son, in no way did anything to bring this madness onto yourselves and your brother and your family will have to understand this ... if they don't, again, this will always be their problem.  But, alas, the secret is out. 

But by going through the steps of forgiveness, you now can proceed to rid yourself of bad feelings inside and with doing that you can also be a better, more empathetic and understanding person, which will help you tremendously, particularly in raising your children.  Forgiveness is not condonement; forgiveness is getting on with life ... and you and your children deserve the very best that life offers. 

I am new to this discussion board and I have been reading the latest messages posted ... it appears there is a tight little group here, therefore there's not much talk about your depression and where it takes you.

I suffer from clinical depression and it is still chronic but it is lessening greatly.  I, also, suffer from panic/anxiety disorder but that too is getting better.  I have worked very, very hard at getting my self-esteem back and my confidence and with that, the symptoms seem to be dissipating somewhat.  I still can get depressed but the episodes are not as long or as dark … I don’t seem to be going to the place where I don’t want to carry on any more.

Partly because of my depression, which I now realize I have had for most of my life, I self-medicated and became an alcoholic.  This may have happened anyway as there is quite a bit of alcoholism on both sides of my family.  On my Mother’s side there is obvious mental illness as well.  Nonetheless, I probably would have become an alcoholic anyway but I know my mental illness sped things up.  My first panic attack occurred in the mid-80’s and I didn’t immediately seek out medical care but I did quickly discover that a couple of beers alleviated the panic … so if 2 beers work therefore 8 will work better, eh?  This is the time of my life that my drinking increased.  I have been in recovery for approximately 6 ½ years now and I am feeling much better, thank you very much but without the alcohol to calm me down, to hide behind, to take me to oblivion – my depression became full-blown.  Since I stop drinking until about a year ago, I really didn’t know what life was all about and I certainly knew I didn’t want to be a part of it; my desire to die was often.

So with having my AA ‘spiritual’ program, my psychiatrist along with medications, one-on-one counselling, attending group therapies and whatever else I can put my hands on, today is a new day and I look forward to the rest of my life, as long as that may be, because I have learned (and am still learning) to take things to day at a time, I am learning to cope without the use of alcohol and I am learning to accept life as it comes.  It has been a tall order for me to take this on and so far it has taken me over 6 years to do, with more work to be done, but “today is a new day” and I’m happy about that.  There have been too many days when I could care less if I saw another day and actually wished I wouldn’t but I have turned a new leaf and I wish everyone here that suffers a pain-free life ahead … and it can be done but you have to work really hard to get there.

Heather

Whitby, Ontario Canada

They're everywhere and they're waiting for people, especially women, who lack self-esteem, self-worth and are self-destructive like Michelle.  I was a "Michelle" and probably still am although I'm working very hard at improving my self-talk, telling myself I'm worth it; that people do not have the right (provoked or not) to treat me like that!  But to make sure I never get involved with one of them again, I will never, ever have another man in my life - I just don't trust them any longer.  I do not just my judge of character and I will not take the chance again. 

These creeps prey on the weak because they, too, don't have any self-worth and they're too proud to seek out the help they need just like the boyfriend/father on the first segment.  Right to the end of the show, he was still complaining - he still didn't get it - he's dangerous! 

The only two good things that came out of this show is (1) Dr. Phil exposed these people for what they are (until they maybe get help and improve their life's skills and provided help to the victims; and (2) that Michelle was intuned to herself enough that she gave up her two babies.  Thanks be for for two children would have been off to a very bad start if she would have kept them. 

Heather H. 

Whitby, Ontario Canada 

I agree with "cinward” –  “It is what it will be …" but will even go a step further.  By suing Tasha and two of the "revengers" just may get Todd in a whole lot more do-do than he already is in.  I don’t believe he will win his case with the site owner/company and I think he is on a very slipperly slope by suing two of the individual writers because they just might be able to prove their statements are true; at the very least, demonstrate how badly Todd conducts himself with women.  All information coming from a trial is public; the public can even attend a court trial ... so all you people who live where this tial will tak place should get out there to show support for Tasha.

He believes that Tasha should be monitoring all the posts and when asked to remove one or more that she should comply.  First of all, why should she monitor the posts, the site was set up explicately for women to rat on their ex-boyfriends/husbands.  And, as most sites, I am sure the site is monitored for certain things, like very bad language but, alternatively, it may not be, as Tasha said she needed to remove only one post since the site’s conception.

I don't know Todd from a whole in the wall but I do know I didn't like the way he presented himself on the show; arrogantly and braggenly (how many time did he tell us he was a lawyer).  On the other hand,  I did admire how Tasha presented herself, with a lot of confidence and knowledge (she’s listened to her lawyers well – that’s why she hired ‘them’) ... and I believe she will win this law suit.  If this particular website has caused such a hew and cry thus far, and has now been made even more public by being aired on The Dr. Phil Show,  imagine the publicity Todd will get if he loses this case.  He should have left it alone completely.  He says he is worried about his reputation; well he just might have inrevokably ruined his reputation by allowing it to be on international telelvision and eventually a public law suit.

If even only 1/4 of what was reported about Todd’s behaviours (and possible STD’s) is true, then he is a man to be reported and warned about.  Why shouldn’t women have a forum where they can ‘bitch’ about men; men can have the very same forum if they choose to do so (and I bet there already is one or more).  Most women have met a least one rotter in their life, I know I have, and there is one in particular that should be reported on this website as he is nothing but a drug-addicted, alcoholic parasite but oh, so very charming.  This man, he’s no kid, is very dangerous to women as he has no compunction about beating on them, stealing their money, pawning their jewellry and doing whatever he can for his own gain.  Unfortunately I found all this out too late, to my demise, but I, eventually, did discover I was not alone (with regards to this man) and although I have no idea where he is today, I know he is doing the same things to another woman right now; it is how he operates.  Yes, I was the fool and I don’t need to draw anymore attention to my stupidity than has already been made public so I will not post on this site, nor will I sue him … but I sure would like to be able to warn other women about him.  He’s a really horrific person.

So why shouldn’t women have a forun where they can warn other women of these ‘no-goods’ out there roaming the streets, looking for more victims.  Todd has taken particular offense to what has been said about him yet he had the opportunity to respond to these women, who ‘outed’ him, directly on this forum.  If he is being falsely accused of bad acts towards women, then the truth would have come out if he chose to investigate these women as deeply as he investgated the web site owner.  If he would have gone that route, then he could possibly have righted the wrong … but dear old Todd wants money in return for his efforts and he knows he most likely won’t get much from the individuals but he may (although I hope not) get a substanial amount from Tasha and her company.

I have a gut feeling that Todd is the rotter he has been portrayed on this forum.  Suck it up Todd and trying being a nice guy from now on instread of the haughty, show off you depicted on the Dr. Phil Show.  I hope you lose this case and, if you win, I genuinely hope you don’t receive one stinking dime from it because you do not deserve it.  If you want real revenge, start up your own site and then you, too, could maybe drive a spiffy Jaguar just like Tasha.

I have no compassion for Todd and his motives.

Heather

Whitby, Ontario Canada

I agree, whole-heartedly, with you.  This was way too early for them to expect 'anything' out of Sarah, let alone to get out of bed and start doing "the do" things.

A heroin detox can take many days or even weeks, especially the way Sarah was using it and for how long she way using it ... along with anything and everthing else she could hit up, smoke up or swallow.

I have never been in detox but I have been in a treatment centre for alcohol and drugs.  The woman I initially shared a room with was in her late 60's and had been taking valium for 42 years; it took them 41 days to detox her before she could ever get involved in the treatment program.  I'm sure her age had something to do with it but nonetheless, detoxing someone who has had a steady diet of any type of drug for a long time takes way more than a few days.  I also know a man who was in detox for 17 days for alcohol; unbelievable but true - it took them that long to get him straight enough to release him.

I am very pleased for both of these girls that they are finally under someone's wing who does sincerely care and definitely wants to help them but I am not sure if Doctors Phil and Lawless know a whole lot about drug treatment.

Also, although it is good that Mom is FINALLY there for these two gals, they should have taken her aside for a few learning sessions on what it is to be a drug addict.  She can cry all she wants (and I do understand her tears) but she is of very little help, apart from making them meals, in either daughter's treatment; especially if she is bringing alcohol in to the house.  That house needs to be drug-free (including alcohol as it is a drug, as well) and she not be enticing her pregnant daughter to drink.  I hope they have stopped her from doing this.  These girls not only need to get off heroin and crack, they need to abstain from any mind-altering drugs for the rest of their lives or they'll be at it again.  Alcohol makes one care free and can lead an addict to 'bigger and better' things.

Mom, too, is asking the impossible of Sarah.  Right now, all Sarah knows and her body is telling her so, is that she needs drugs to make her feel better and "they" all will have to accept her belingerance and intollerance to any suggestion "they" make.  You can scream at an addict all you want but that is not, necessarily, going to make them stop or even make them want to stop.

Sarah didn't know what she was in for when she decided to give up drugs; now she knows and it will be a long, hard road she must follow for the rest of her life; she must always be diligent and remember from where she came.  She, also, must be committed to sobriety or she'll be back out again.  Let's all say a prayer and keep our fingers crossed for both of these girls; and hope that the baby is born without any problems.

I agree that this idiot cannot be trusted.  Notice his wife was not on this last show; does that mean she no longer supports him or maybe that she has left him but it didn't bode well for Jeremy that she wasn' there.

There are too many 'red flags' on both sides of this poor little girls life.  Even if none of this is true, both parents and now I include the grandmother as well, are not fit to raise this child.  The mother has two other children ... from different men?  I can understand her fear that Jeremy may be molesting his daughter (I don't really know as I can't zero in on this character) but she, and her mother, are no strangers to CPS; they have their number and they're buying into this issue, for whatever reason.

However, for CPS to err on the side of not protecting this child from both parents is disgraceful.  To me, there is enough evidence to show that Mom, Dad and Gramma are all nuts and this child should be removed from the care of all of them in order to give her a fighting chance at life ... if not she'll be just like her mother, having sex at 14 (or younger; and unprotected sex at that) and having 3 children before she's a real adult. 

Hopefully, when the Mom's lawyer is able to get an emergency hearing, the judge will take another look at this and just say that neither parent has any visiting consent - the little girl needs to be in foster care right now with a loving, caring family.

I just don't trust any of them; there is some other motive here and it's not only the daughter's well-being.

God bless you all.  You are in my thoughts and prayers and now that some help is on the way, which I believe may be, in part, devine intervention, I know all of your lives will be so much happier.

Hugs and kisses to all the girls ... and extra big ones for your oldest daughter; she really needs them right now.

Dr. Phil - you and your family and staff have been such a blessing to so many.  Thank you for all of your kindness.

Heather

Whitby, Ontario Canada

I know of two very reputable rehab centres in or close to Toronto (Canada).  If we have them here then they surely have them where he lives ... or at least very close.  I don't think he looked very hard.

Heather

Whitby, Ontario Canada

Dr. Phil:

I believe, after watching only 3/4 of Part 1, that this teacher is innocent.  I do not understand why you would expect her to be showing any other emotion that the 'matter of fact' one she is displaying.  This woman has been through this over and over again and I'm quite sure she is still very angry about this situation but she realizes that a display of anger is of no value any longer so she is telling you the plain facts - it's just that simple.  I wouldn't expect any more of her; why are you?

Heather

Whitby, Ontario Canada

Whether parents are doing the responsible thing by talking to their children about the "Birds and the Bees" or kids get sex education at school .... unless these kids today have been living in a cave, they should know that fooling around when they're teenagers can lead to disaster.

Nobody taught me about sex; I found out about it on the street, like every other kid in my era, but not one of my girls friends fooled around sexually and therefore didn't get pregnant.  Why?  Because we knew our parents would be so angry, they'd probably have tossed us out of the house.  If I got pregnant when I was a kid, I would have had to run away because this information would have hit my house like the H-bomb!  I knew better and so did everyone I knew and I wasn't brought up in a extremely religious home - none of us were..  Girls in my day didn't want to be called sluts and whores; I only remember one girl in my high school getting pregnant ... teenage pregnancy wasn't running rampant like it is today.  It appears to me that children today HAVE NOT BEEN TAUGHT THE BASIC MORALS OF LIKE AT HOME.

However, if my child came home pregnant, my very first suggestion would be - actually I would be encouraging it - ABORTION! ... without any doubt.  If my teenage daughter told me she was sexually active, she would be at the doctor the very next day getting a prescription for birth control and while we're at the drug store we would be purchasing the giant size box of condoms.

To comment on this show, the PREACHER teaching abstinence only, is a complete IDIOT; the 14 year old sexually active girl who has birth control, and whatever else Mom got her, in hand, is a FOOL; the young woman, who now has two children, who said she wouldn't have got pregnant with her first baby if her school would have provided birth control is a complete DUMB-ASS (and to say what she did on public TV just proves my assertion of her). 

I like what the Bishop is saying but, unfortunately, it is not a reality in today's atmosphere - unless children have very good parents.  And, finally, what Dr. Phil said - if he knew his child was going to have sex regardless, he would provide them with a box of condoms makes the most sense of all.

Parents today are frightened of their children and they are not doing them any favours by going along with their wants.  NO means NO!  I think a bit of healthy fear of one's parents is a good thing - there should be consequences when you get pregnant ... and that doesn't mean Mom and Dad are going to be raising your child.  It means: no more going to the malls with your girlfriends; no more dances or clubbing; no more hanging out with the gang; and no more of whatever else kids today.  It would be school and then immideiately back home to take care of the baby.  The teenage girl's life is over; she is now saddled with a baby/child way before her time.  It is all so very sad!!