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Messages By: fabfivemom

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July 25, 2005, 8:49 am CDT

What's the hurry?

Hey guys. I am facing a new phase of parenting. My eldest is turning 15, and reaching an age of promised privileges(sp?) including double dating. With all that is in the world these days, how do I not smother my daughter, but not leave the door open for the mistakes we all know can happen? Angelzyn
I have a 17 year old girl and 16 year old boy - 10 year old 2 and 1.  I agree that it is best to wait till 16 to date, and even then explain the benefits of GROUP dating.   MY daughter finds that it eases the pressure of finding things to talk about and do.  If you are thinking that double dating is "safer" you are wrong.   It all depends on your standards and the standards you are teaching your daughter.  My daughter is not perfect, but she knows that she is not looking for her mate at this point in her life.  So there is no reason to get serious about 1 guy.  She has seen the emotional effect this has on her friends.  I always told her, a date is a possible mate, so choose well!   
 
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July 25, 2005, 9:06 am CDT

Relationship Myths

I tried to post on thisboard and it ended up in the Divorce section somehow... So here goes - again! Relationship Myth: Good marriages last... Five years ago my husband's attitude and behaviorchanged dramatically after a lengthy business trip requiring several weeks away from me and our children. No, he did not have an affair(his sex drive decreased gradually over these years), he simply had a taste of freedom and loved it. He rarely ever travelledon business before this.We recently separated after he refused to seek counseling either as a couple or on his own. During our 23 year marriage, we rarely argued and never fought. He says he no longer loves me and feels he's missing out on something by being tied to me, yet still tries to "share" his travels, social schedule, etc. with me. I discourage this lately. He is still a sloppy dresser and looks unkempt so he obviously isn't trying to impress another woman. He has grown a mustache and goatee thing. After 10 weeks apart, my life is finally coming together and I doubt I would take him back, but I haven't shut the door on that option just yet. A part of me still loves him. There is no other woman involved - he just wantsthe freedom to do whatever he wants (golf, roller skating, partying, skiing, etc.) whenever he wants.(He did all these things before but not with my approval.) He no longer has to feel guilty about leaving me at home while he pursues his interests and has to answer to no one now.He still supports us financially and sees our daughter (13) fairly often. Our son (he's 19) could care less about his dad. I have lost a lot of respect for my husband, butover time I am making a new life for myself. I recently got a part-time job I really like and enjoy the company ofsome wonderful friends. My husband has no friends he can talk to, only3 meddling sisters who encouraged him to leave me if he was unhappy. His two other siblings absolutely disapprove of his behavior and have told him so. Is there anyone else who has experienced this with their hubby? Is there any hope he might come to his senses? I don't intend to grow old alone, but don't want to give up on a 28 year relationship and then regret it. Apparently many men do not feel THEY have to honour their wedding vows these days. I never imagined my husband could be so selfish as to sacrifice everyone else's happiness for his own. I thought he was a better person than that. People we know simply cannot believe we have separated because we had such a wonderful marriage. They also can't believe thathe could ever do such a thing to us. I'd love to hear from other wives who've survived this ordeal.
I wonder what his side of the story is.  Have you ever read the book by Dr. Laura?  The proper care and feeding of husbands.  Maybe there were some things that you overlooked during the 23 years.  Just a thought.
 
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July 25, 2005, 9:23 am CDT

Differing Sex Drives

Men and Women are different.  Us women have kids hanging on us and demanding our emotional attention.... Sex is emotional for us as well.  Sometimes it is difficult to have anything left at the end of the day for your man.  But guess what?  It is a neccessary way for him to express his love for you.  Maybe try waking up when he does and send him off right!  You might skip the feelings of guilt or resentment if you mix it up a bit and he knows that there are other options.  It isn't always about me, if I waited till I felt good about my body, or if I was in the mood, or if I wasn't mad at my husband for something, he would probably never get any!  But when I think about how much he adores me know matter what, I can get into it and I am so glad I did!  TIP:  When you're not feeling "in the mood", get out of bed and sneak into the bathroom, brush your teeth and put some of your favorite sexy perfume on and you might turn yourself on!
 

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