Messages By: anon81974

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am a 2yrs. divorced dad with 3 children, 15, 13, 11. I share custody with their mom 50/50. My fiancee is also divorced, approx 4yrs., but apart about 10yrs, and also shares custody with the dad 50/50. My fiancee's daughter is 18 yrs. old, and also hates me. My fiancee and I recently moved in together. The week before we moved in together, father's day weekend, the 18yr. old was kicked out of her dad's house for irreverant behavior. Well, after nearly 3yrs. of tension and the passed several weeks of living together all heck hit the fan one night. I was forcefully explaining to the young lady that my 11yr. old daughter was feeling intimidated by her. She blasted me with the following; " I don't like you because I have no respect for you, never have and never will. You're a f____ing a__hole and a f____ing d__k! " This was said to me in front of 2 of my children, the 13yr. old and the 11yr. old, as well as her 14yr. old brother and her mother, my fiancee. I blasted her back that she had a nerve not respecting me when she hasn't yet even accomplished anything in her young life, not even completing the 11th grade ( she had to repeat her junior year ). Moreover I hollered, how dare she use language like that towards me, and in front of my children. Even my fiancee was getting into it now, but directing her anger at me. My fiancee never said a disapproving word to her daughter. As the yelling continued I said to the daughter then just GO! Again, this was in front of everyone. It was not a pretty sight. Now my ex-wife doesn't want my kids around my fiancee and is threatening to file for full custody. Likewise, my fiancee's ex is threatening to do the same. My kids do still want to see the both of us, but my wife won't allow it, at least for now. Her daughter wants no part of me, while her son wants less contact with me and my family. Prior to the incident, he had a good relationship with my children and an excellent one with me. My fiancee and I owned up to our bad behavior and apologized to all, but the daughter said she wishes I was dead and she'd say the very same things all over again. How do we ever repair this? We love each other, built a new house for us and the kids, and we waited 2 yrs. for her daughter to graduate before moving in together. We don't want to split up, but don't want to lose our kids either.

Please respond. We desperately need your advice.