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Messages By: rebeccatol

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August 30, 2006, 7:12 am CDT

At wits end

 I have a 4 year old daughter who keeps wetting the bed at night. I have tried everything I can think of, waking her up during the night, no drinks before bedtime, with no end of this in sight.  She was doing really good, stayed dry for 5 nights in a row and then started wetting again. I started potty training her a year and a half ago so you can imagine my stress level about this. My husband suggests taking things away from her, no TV in the morning, no sitting on the couch. We just bought her a big girl bed but have yet to give it to her for fear that the mattress is going to get ruined. I know I am not the only person who has a child that wets the bed. I am hoping someone can offer advice that helped them get through this with out losing their temper with their child. Sad to say that has happened a few times. Any and all advice is welcome! Thank you.
 
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August 31, 2006, 9:03 am CDT

Thank you

Quote From: mrsraz

First let me start by saying she is not the only 4 year old out there who wets the bed, she is not the first and definitely not the last. Some times the reason for bed wetting is a small bladder. So even though you don't give her drinks before bed and wake up and take her potty her bladder might just be small. No she will not wet the bed forever even though it might seem like that. I would not suggest taking things away from her because then you are punishing her for something she has no control over, unless of course she is getting up and peeing in her bed and then going back to sleep on purpose, yeah I don't think that is the case. You can try by cutting out any caffeine drinks such as (ice)tea and soda that will help. Maybe after dinner set aside a small glass of water so that you can make sure her drinking is to a minimum. Some kids just take longer to break this cycle of bed wetting then others. As for her big girl bed,  they have bed covers that are made specifically for the situation. They are completely water proof. I would not suggest using the night diapers because then she will just pee in them because they are designed to absorb the wetness. Also try and have her help you clean the bed up in the morning and take that opportunity to discuss her situation and explain to her how if she feels she needs to go even in the slightest to get up and go potty. Try giving her goals to meet instead of punishing her for wetting the bed make it a HUGE deal when she doesn't. Maybe go and buy her a piggy bank and tell her for every day she doesn't have an accident she can put a quarter in her piggy and after 1 month of no accident straight through then she can empty her piggy and go buy what ever she wants. If you put more attention on the positive then the negative it will make a difference. Just remember being a parent is a growing experience and even though at times it might seem close to impossible be patient. Good luck and God Bless!!
 Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I have started to learn not to focus on the negitive and just reward the postitive and I have to admitt I am alot more calm about the situation. As far as drinks go, she is only allowed to have water, milk, or juice. I do not allow her to have soda or tea... anything with caffine. I do have another question for you. She is in a toddler bed right now. I bought her a big girl bed last weekend, it is sitting in our garage now. Do you think I should let her have the bed now or wait til she starts staying dry? Do you think by not letting her have her big girl bed she thinks she has to sleep in a baby bed because she is a baby? I am new to this whole bed wetting thing. My son never wet the bed, not even once.
 
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August 31, 2006, 1:34 pm CDT

not sure how to handle this

 My husband and I will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary next weekend. We have 3 kids, (2 are mine from a previous marriage). I am a stay at home mom and can't remember a tiime I wasn't taking care of the kids. My husband works 8-5 monday to friday.  The problem is he gets to go out and do things he considers fun. Saturday he is going with some friends to a shooting range for about 5 hours, while I get to stay home with the kids. I asked him in the 2 years we have been married how many times have I gotten to go out and do something for me. The answer to that is once, and I was pregnant with my son at the time.  I just don't know how to handle it when he leaves. I am mean to him and say things like "don't text my phone and tell me that you are having fun or how cool something is because I have no intrest in it". I  know it hurts him and I don't mean to hurt him. I don't have any friends here, we just moved in a month ago, and the one true friend I thought I had before we moved turned out to not be a friend at all. I just want to know if any one else has the same problems that I am having with being able to just let your husband go out for a boys day and not feel jealous or angry. How do I handle this?
 
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August 31, 2006, 3:19 pm CDT

yes

Quote From: pinkdefyed

of him for thinking life is a cake walk.  Women need each other and women need space!  What gives him the right?  What state do you live in?  You should really look for a great babysitter or perhaps another mom....then you can trade on/off daycare needs for free....you then go and have a blast one night a month.

 

Have you tried talking to your husband about this?

 

 

 Yes I have talked to him about this on several occassions. He says "Well I don't know what you like to go do" or something like that. He says that I am unfair to make him feel bad about going out to have fun. He did get a dose of mommy life 2 weeks ago after I had surgery and couldn't do anything for a few days. He saw how hard my days with 3 kids are.  All I want is for him to say " Hey do you want to go have lunch alone, or go to a movie,.. or even go take a bath"... but all I get from him is that he is scared to be alone with all the kids. Talking doesn't seem to work since it is always blamed on PMS or I am being irrational. I don't make friends easily and I don't know how to go out and meet people. I have looked for Mommy and Me groups but haven't found anything. I live in Texas. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I just wish I could fix the negitive feelings I have towards him going out with his friends.
 
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September 1, 2006, 7:29 am CDT

JettaV

Quote From: jettav

I don't know how old your kids are, but do you have a mall where they have a play area? How about story times at the library? Churches usually have a ladies or a mom's  group. Check out MOPS.com and see if there is a program in yur area. Also The PAT organization might be in your area (Parents as teachers) The MOPS program is for parents with young children and it is Christian baaased but the kids go to their classes and play with their poeers and mom's stay togehter and do fun activiteis and devotionals and crafts, whatever. THe PAT group is also for parents with young children where you go to a set place and the parenst are with their kids and interact with thema s wella s the parents.

These ideas might not fit your age group of kids but theya re ideas on how you can meet other parents. once you start going to meetings and activities and start communicating with others, friends can be made. If your kids are older, maybe join the PTA or some organization at the school or maybe advertaise and start a play group of your own or something. Again, these are just a few ideas on meeting other parents, if you want to meet others then you ghave to put some effort towards it, it really does help to get out.

You say your husband says he doesn't know waht you like to do, well, tell him tehn. I have absolutely no problem telling my husband that we need to go out and I will make the arrangements, no excuse there as far as I am concerned. Sometimes we women just have to sspeak up and talk to our husbands in simple terms, he may not ever take the time to ask you what you want to do and in that case,  you just do it and don;t wait for him to ask. It will make your life a lot happier.
 Thank you for your reply. I looked on the MOPS website and found 12 groups within 20 miles of me.  I am going to contact them and see if I can come to a get together soon. My husband would love that I get out, I am just shy and intimadated by people. My children are 20 months, 4 and 6 years. I love the fact that the MOPS is a Christian based group.. I need all the help I can get teaching my children right from wrong. I feel much better knowing there are groups out there for mom's like me. I will also look into our HOA and see if we can start a mommy group for the neighborhood. I feel like the advice you gave me is really going to help me out so I don't feel trapped in this house. Thank you a million times!!
 
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September 1, 2006, 12:13 pm CDT

General Advice

Quote From: jettav

The big girl bed migth encourage her more not to wet to bed, it could be a good incentive. MAybe tell her that when she goes threed ays without wetting to bed,t hens he will get her big girl bed nad see what happens or just go ahead and give it her, either way, you are going to have to keep encouraging her, eventually she will get it.

Has she been checked fo bladder problems or anything that could be causeing her to wet to bed?
Over the past year she has had re-occuring bladder infections. Her doctor is unsure as to why she was getting them. She is getting better about staying dry I think. She used to wake up soaked, but now she wakes up and I know she has wet in the middle of the night but she is not soaking. She tells me that she doesn't know the pee-pee has to come out. My oldest who is 6 is even trying to get her to stop so she can get her big girl bed. He tells her what helps him wake up when he has to go potty in the middle of the night. I am learing not to disclipine what I can't control and it has made a huge difference in our day!
 
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September 1, 2006, 1:17 pm CDT

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Quote From: mrsraz

If you do decide to give her the big bed make it a huge deal about how big she is getting. I would suggest first how ever to go and buy a water proof mattress sheet, I am pretty sure you can find them any where like Walmart or Target. Have you talked to her about if she knows when she wets the bed or does she just wake up in the morning wet. Does she have her own room? Maybe she is afraid to get up in the middle of the night to pee. Every child is different, I have 4 and all of them have advanced at different ages. My son wet his bed until he was around 7 or so. Trust we did everything by the book, no drinks to close to bed time and getting him up in the night to pee. My husband even did the whole spanking thing but all it took was time and consistancy. Just remember communication is the key. Keep your head up!
 Yes she has her own room. She has had her own room for 2 years. The bathroom is right across the hall from her room with a night light on in the bathroom. There is also a night light in the kichen for our puppy (she is afraid of the dark!!) so there is plenty of light for her to see the potty. When I ask why she wet the bed she says that she didn't feel the pee pee or she didn't know she was wetting the bed. When I offer an answer to her like were you scared to get up she always says yes. My husband did the whole spanking thing as well but that didn't do anything except confuse her. I get her up at 10 and midnight to go potty and then again at 7 when I am getting my son ready for school. Last night I went in at 10:15 and she had already wet her bed. I think she is getting used to me coming to wake her up and I don't know if that is a good thing either. She helps me clean her bed and change her sheets. She tells me that its yucky to wet the bed so she knows its not something she should be doing. I just don't want her to feel awful about this.
 
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September 1, 2006, 1:23 pm CDT

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Quote From: tjfrasier

My parents, sister and her 4 1/2 year old son just left after visiting us in VA for 9 days.  They live in IN.  While they were here my nephew peed on my dog while I was taking a shower one morning.  When I found out and asked him why he did it, he said because he wanted to.  After they left we discovered that he had taken the cover off of the register vent in our oldest son's room and had peed down there too.  My oldest son is almost 15 and needless to say was not happy about that discovery. 

 

My husband and I made the decision that until my nephew is evaluated and something is done about his behavior, he is no longer welcome in our home.  When I called to tell my parents and sister of this discovery and our decision, I became the bad guy.  My sister was more concerned that she was going to lose touch with my boys than about her own son.  My sister thought it was funny that he had peed on my dog.  My mother cleaned up the carpet and my dog the best she could while I was still in the shower.  My question is, was I right in taking such a firm stand with my sister and parents?  Oh by the way, my sister, her husband, and my nephew live with my parents and have since my nephew was less than a 1yr old and show no signs of ever wanting to leave, but that's another issue altogether!

 Your sister sounds alot like my sister! She lives with my parents and has 2 boys. I had my first child when I was 20 and not married and living at home. My sister moved back in when my son was about 18 months old and hasn't left and shows no signs of it either. When my son would do something wrong she would blame him for it. When one of her boys did it she wouldn't say a word, because her boys could never do anything that was as awful as my son messing up the DVD's. I would have done the same thing you did knowing now what I know. If I had just stood up for my son then he wouldn't have gotten treated the way he did for so long. My sister likes to use her son's as pawns and plays them against my parents. They are the only reason she is still living at home, my parents care about those boys way too much to kick them out. I think you did the right thing taking a firm stand. You have to draw the line somewhere and if your sister thinks its funny that her son peed all over your house and on your dog then I think they crossed that line.
 
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September 2, 2006, 8:39 am CDT

General Advice

Quote From: dailyprayer

I am very worried. I am from California and my granddaugther was born in Colorado. My daughter has been a rebel since she was 15. She has been homeless, she has experimented with drugs, she lies for no reason at all, she's disrepectful to my husband and myself but for 6 years I have been bailing her out of trouble, sending her money with my husbands knowledge and it's a mess. I got a call from her when my granddaughter was born and she was homeless then. I spoke to the social workers and they told me that my granddaughter was born with cocaine in her system and if I didn't high tail it up there they were going to put her in foster care. I wanted my granddaughter. I was so out of my mind instead of getting on a plane, I got on bart. I was in a daze. My mom called me luckily before I reached the next city and said that she be on her way to pick me up so we can go to the airport. I told her I was on bart. She was really worried about me. My granddaughter is 14 months and both parents are drug users, can't care for her financially or mentally. They both have me and my husband on an emotional roller coaster because all they no is I am the mother and I am the father, but their needs comes before my granddaughters. I don't know where she is. I am scared. My baby granddaughter is not receiving any love, security, stability, or routine. My lawyer said somthing bad has to happen before I can get her back or have custody over her. I don't know where my angel is. Somebody, anybody, tell me what can I do?
 I would think you can report your daughter to child protective services. My husband's "womb donor" has a now 16 year old daughter. They live in another state, and I asked the CPS here if there was anything they could do. She said because the girl was 14 at the time, she is capiable of making the right choice. CPS can step in and take your grandaughter out of that situation and place her with you. Have you tried talking to your daughter about signing her rights over to you? Its obvious that she cares more about getting high then taking care of her baby girl. Why didn't the hospital step in when the child was born with cocain in her system?
 
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September 2, 2006, 1:09 pm CDT

I'm Pregnant!

Quote From: jasminesbaby2

Hi Everyone I'm Jasmine and I got married on July 7, 2006, and I found out that I was pregnant a couple weeks after. It was like a fairy tale to  me to walk down the aisle pregnant!! I am now 10 weeks and am loving every minute of it except for the morning sickness!! My husband and I already have a 2 year old daughter, so we're hoping this time around that its a boy!!
 it was like a fairy tale for you to walk down the isle pregnant????
 

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