Messages By: rebeccatol

This is not meant to be a contentious post...I know I am going to get killed by the militant fascist faction here...

Are you drastically more overweight than before your pregnancy that ended over 2 years ago? If it is just a few lbs. then disregard what I am about to say...I don't know so I am going to speak hypothetically here...general terms...

When either spouse "lets themselves go" physically, it tells their partner that they are not important enough to make the effort for. Not just weight, but how someone dresses, their personal hygeine, or even the sloth that can come with settling in. I understand that wieght from pregnancy doesn't come off easily. But let me ask you ask question...If your childs life depended on you getting back to your pre-birth weight, could you do it then? I bet you could. Yes it is difficult. It is not impossible, and chances are that you already posses the knowledge you need to lose the weight. What is your excersize routine? Do you have one? Many people buy diet books as an excuse to stay fat, not to really lose the wieght.

Men and women both need to feel that they are worth their partners effort.

My detractors will spout the cliche'd quotes like "If he truly loved you, your weight wouldn't matter" But the reality is, He could easily say that if YOU really loved HIM, you wouldn't take him for granted. Chances are he does still love you, and want you, but he has every right to be with the woman he married, and if that is not who you are now, then you have to address that. He can't be a totally shallow jerk either, but two years is a long time.

Lastly I will say this, When *either* spouse takes thier other half for granted, it is as much infidelity than if they had flirted with intention......some people "cheat" with the hostess in the diner, others cheat with hostess twinkies.

20 lbs is NOT a lot of weight to gain...and not what I was reffering to....

Your honesty is refreshing...and not written from someone who is hell bent on self victimization...

Something like you are experiencing should be done together, as a team. You seem to already know this. Your attitude seems OK...your husbands seems to be a tad on the defeatist side.... You might have gained a few lbs, but 20 lbs is hardly "letting yourself go"...you have a little work in front of you (if you so desire)...I know MANY people who are extremely attractive who don't have movie star badies...

I'll just say this, and you also alluded to this in your post...You already know that you have too much  ice cream. You know what you have to do. You shouldn't wait for him if *YOU* want to drop a few lbs. ...and don't wait for his approval either....

Self esteem has to come from *yourself*...(hence the term)...if you are waiting for someone else's approval to put value on what you see in the mirror, you are shoveling against the tide...Did you ever think that *he* might be the one with self esteem issues?, and if that is the case, you are waiting for approval that can't come because he is unhappy with himself...

And just for the record...there is nothing wrong with being on the heavier side either... I bet you already know what to do to get yourself to where you want to be. You already possess that knowledge...You don't need a diet book, or someone else to bring home the right groceries. Be accountable for what you put into your body. It is like asking someone to drive you to where you have to go...when you have a car and can drive yourself Get behind the wheel, and be the person you want to be.

btw...congratulations on the 20 month old...Hope your child grows up with your candor and perception... 

The first thing that I want to do is thank you for accepting my words in the spirit in which they were meant. There are many who would be defensive and attack (it has hapened on this board already to me a few times)...

And I'll also say this...YOU are the amazing one. ...introspection is a quality that few posses. I really hope that you can sustain your enthusiasm. It is difficult to do...but I have a feeling that you will.

Taking "time out" to chat with someone like you is my pleasure...

  I'm so sad. I've been married for 12 years and we are near divorce. I feel like he has put a wall between us and I can't get through. There has been no intamacy in months. No togetherness. He says I want him to be someone he's not but I only ask for honesty, respect, and affection. He told me he's all out of it. I can't figure out when we went wrong. How do I get back inside his heart? We have 3 young kids and never any alone time. Even if we were alone I'm not sure how we would react to one another. I truly want my marriage to work. Just don't know where to start.

We are going thru a divorce.  It's been going on since last October and it not settled yet.   We have a almost 9 (in Janurary) daughter and a 4 year old boy.   We have joint custody on a weird visitation schedule. 

Now the girl has stated that she was hit by a car while at her daddies.  She tells me and others that she was hit, but not her dad.  There is a yelling problem from him.  The first day I left, she said she didn't want to be with him becasue he is mean.  Now he has not physically abused them.

Now, daddy has told her that if she will tell him the truth, she can go to the ball game and fair like they had planned.  She then she calls me to tell me she lied about the accident.  That is a pretty big lie.  When I asked her what she thinks we need to do she stated for her to go to her room. 

I don't know what to do to get the TRUTH.  Now, everything is up in air.  How do I believe her anymore?  What IS the truth?  Where do I go?

hoodie

 hello to all

i was wonderin if someone could shed some light on if  my daughter (20 months old) is truly ready for me to start trainin her. She has been tellin me that she has dirtied her diper and ev en tells me what she did it is eauuuu for pee and peauu stinky for poop and she pulls at her dipater to try and get it off when this happens and even goes to sit on a potty chair ( but no pot un fortunitly) and tells me as well i want to start training her but i have been told that she is too young and not ready and that she is not ready and pushin her will only set her back. can some one help me im so frustrated  thanks

My son turned 4 this month and has only been potty trained for about 3 months. He still goes in his pants about half the time and it gets really frustrating. He is a little developmentally delayed and has a physical problem that causes uncontrolable bowlmovements. For the most part he's potty trained but now I have to focus on his 2yr old brother after spending 2 and a half years potty training I just don't want to deal with it! I am pregnant with baby #3 and the idea of potty training kids for the rest of my life is really bothering me. Are my feelings on this wrong and what do I do about them?

I'm just tired of all this potty stuff!