Quote From: mischif12OK here goes. First a little history - I am an alcoholic and addict. Over the past 30 years I have been a daily drinker of hard booze (my primary addiction) plus I have had flirting affairs with Sleeping pills, pain meds and Benzo's. Up until September of last year I never really considered quitting. The longest I had been dry (not sober) was 9 mos when I was pregnant with my son. I say I was dry because sobriety entails so much more than just stopping the use of alcohol and/or drugs. It requires a change in the way you think about and react to life. For me this change came after a thankfully failed suicide attempt. I went into a rehab program and a 12-step recovery program. I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and drugs and that my life had become unmanageable. I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity and I became willing to turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understood Him. Of course there are 9 more steps and I am currently in the later steps 9-12. My life has changed in ways I could never have possibly imagined. Mostly I am free of the worry and fear that ruled my life before sobriety. I talk to a lot of people these days to offer experience, strength and hope. When I decided to get sober I was a medical professional with a family and a six figure income. I almost lost my license to practice, and nearly lost my family to divorce. Today I am sober, living a life of service to others, working in my field (though not for 6 figures) and am slowly rebuilding my family. If I can do it so can you. The first step is admitting you are powerless - quitting comes next in conjunction with steps 2 and 3. It is hard to quit when someone else in the house is using - my husband still drinks alcoholically and I maintain sobriety. I will be sober 1 year on September 28 2005. Start each day by saying a prayer - I like this one written by Reinhold Neibuhr in 1926.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage the change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
Taking as He did this world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to his will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And extremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Peace and God bless
Mischif
OK, so I wrote this extremely long message explaining alittle more about my situation and me and what's going on and somehow lost it all. Really aggs me right about now. So, instead of cussing out the Dr. Phil online people reading this right now, I have decided to write a poem, which I love to do. Maybe it will chill me out. Thanks for listening and thank you for your advice. You are so much of an inspiration and I admire your strength and will to keep going. May God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you is my prayer for you!
Muffled, jumbled, scattered brain
Everything’s fuzzy
And such a strain
I am so blessed
And so aware
Yet look at me
Without a care
Why do I dwell
Why not just live
Why not just give
What I have to give
Holding me back
There’s the strain
There’s the pain
There’s the rain
There’s where I have lost myself
And found some dirt instead
There is where everything changed
And we all wished we were dead
I can’t blame that
My choice came next
Before me stood
The ultimate test
Time has aged
More blurred I become
Further I drift
Loose sight of the Son
Seems like dark
Has come to take
My soul wants out
Can’t be a fake
Relief, relax, restoration, repent
I need some warmth
In my life of sin
My God, my healer, my king, my fortress
My warmth, my peace, my life
Show me the path, your will I want
Take away this pain and strife
(copyright Leasa Pettit)
