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Messages By: aba1969

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July 22, 2005, 2:55 pm CDT

An ex is killing me !!

Hi all,

 

My ex common law husband for 4 years and me had a 6 yrs. old daughter.  During those time of separation, we were off and on until last time was December 2004.  He had dated here and there and had a girlfriend in 2004 but only lasts 5 months.  He introduced our daughter to this girl only once.  After that girl, he dated another one that only lasts 3 months.  He came back to me and got back together again but only lasts for not even 2 weeks.  After a month he started seeing a new girl and already started exposing our daughter to her.  They are still together and both been spending time with my daughter sometime every other weekend when my daughter is with him. I overheard on his voice mail messages that this girl is already saying I love you to him.  I know it is not illegal for him to expose my daughter to her..but it's making me really angry.  I wanted to know this girl so I know who my daughter is spending time with when she is with her dad but he would not introduce her to me.  He already introduce her to her family but not to me.  Am I entitled to know or for him to introduce to me to his girlfriend or is this out of my business? 

 
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July 23, 2005, 7:52 am CDT

Breaking Up

do you not trust your husband?...unless you think she is a serious threat to your daughter, I dont see the problem...and in fact, it is better that they meet than wait until their relationship is more serious and then meets her...and why are you listening to your husbands emails? He has found someone new, and as hard as that may be to accept, you have to learn to deal with. If I met someone new who I really loved, and it sounds like he may, the last thing I would want is for my ex to meet her after such a short time together. I would let your husband decide on when the daughter can meet new girls...I would definitely refrain from making the decision myself.

Thank you for the response.  My only concern is for my daughter's well being.  I did not want her being exposed to a variety of girlfriends that when the other does not work he'll introduce her to another.  I reacted before when he said he was not even sure if it was going to work out with her since he already let them spent time together for the first couple of days they started seeing each other.  I know his lovelife should not be any of my concern as he was the one who have asked me if I have found anybody or going to moved in with anyone.  I was not controlling him, I don't even response to his personal comment regarding his relationship with this girl.  There was one time he drove to my new place to drop our daughter to me and she came with them but did not see me that's why I asked him to introduce me to her but did not do it, and again today the girlfriend just decided to go to his place in the morning just to drive them to my place to drop my daughter off and not use my ex's car.  I mean, what is this?  I feel like he is trying to use our daughter to get back at me.  I hope I am really wrong.  I feel like he does not want me to be happy. 
 
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August 9, 2005, 5:32 am CDT

just thought it would be nice to try in here...

My ex who I've been with for 4 years (according to him) and I have been separated for more than 4 years now.  During the years of separation we've gone off and on. We have a 7 yrs old child together.  The reason he left was because according to him we always fought and told me I was so insecure with his past girlfriend when he called her to say merry christmas.  He had dated alot. in 2003 was the longest time of getting back together that lasted 3 months. He needed space again (that he is not ready to commit..like marriage) so we again broke up.  After a month he already started seeing a girl who he already know before we got back together.  That was the first time he treated someone like a real girlfriend after me.  They only lasts less than 5 months.  Then he started getting back to me but at the same time he's seeing another girl who he met through a friend.  Then we got back together again and only lasted for 2 weeks or less than that.  I sent him an email telling him that I wanted to move on with my life but he never replied to it.  Then after a month, he started seeing another different girl who I think he already knew the first year of our first separation.  They've been together for 8 months now and I think still growing.  He's been exposing our daughter to this girl already.  I am still upset about this especially that he's been exposing our daughter to her and I know there's nothing I can do about.  I am still hurt that he has moved on with his life.  I don't want to feel this kind of feelings anymore.  I hope that someone here can help me.  I don't want to wonder anymore if he is really very serious with this girl or not.  I also wanted to meet the girl for peace and because he's been exposing our daughter to her but he just ignored my request.  Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
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chillin'
August 9, 2005, 10:45 am CDT

thank you for the nice reply..

Quote From: jenoc99

I think that you definatly should be moving forward with your life, whether you got a response from him or not, you don't need his permission. Who knows, maybe he isn't responding to that "request" so he can keep you waiting, so he'll have someone to hang out with while he is between other girlfriends...don't let him disrespect you that way. You know that your relationship is too toxic to ever be together and be happy. If he has been with this woman for 8 months, it is safe to say he is serious about her. I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but, if he has been with her for 8 months and he is bringing your child around her, its likely that he wants a future with this woman, otherwise he wouldn't introduce your child to her. Unless he is irresponsible with your child in other ways that you don't mention, its most likely that he feels his girlfriend is a safe and responsible person to be exposing your child to. Who knows, she might be a nice person, a woman who will treat your daughter with kindness, a person who could create a stable environment for your ex and your child? I know that is a difficult scenario to process.  

My exhusband remarried when our daughter was only 2, and I was very protective of her, I was worried about her being around this other woman, etc., but as time went by, I realized that if it wasn't for this woman, my child probably wouldn't even be seeing her father, because she was the one who called to arrange times for her to visit, and even if my daughter was sick, I came to realize that she took good care of her, and it was comforting. I admit I definatly had a hard time at first seeing them together, but I was dating, so why couldn't he? He has been remarried for 12 years now, and I couldn't have picked a better step mother for my daughter. Like the other poster said aboutsomeone she knows, I would rather talk to his wife then him! You've got to find a way to let go, and move forward, because you deserve to be happy.  

Since I did not get any reply from him I just stay quiet.  I asked because when he dropped our daughter off to me after having her for the weekend, she was with them but did not get out of the car.  They don't live together.  And then the next weekend that he should have our daughter but he asked me a favor to take care of her as he was going to attend a wedding,  the gf woke up early in the morning, went to his place, picked them up only to drive him and my daughter to my place (he has a car too) and she parked far after dropping them both and then waited for him.  I feel like they are both using my daughter to get back at me.  And him to use our daughter to let me know what is going on in his life and his lovelife.  I feel like this girl is not the right girl (but I know it's really not my problem).  I hope I am wrong about how I feel towards her.  I thought that it was just approriate letting know or warn me that he was going to expose our daughter to a girlfriend already.  I hope he is really serious about her so that my daughter's well being will bring good outcome in the future.  Too bad her dad and I could not become friends.  If only we're friends, everything should have been smooth and easy (for me maybe).  We don't communicate, only when he has to talk to his daughter, he will send me a text message.   

 
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September 2, 2005, 12:12 pm CDT

thank you for the reply

Quote From: realgood2u

  

This on again off again stuff is no good for anyone involved.  Don't do it any more. 

  

Jeff Foxworthy says "I need space" is half a sentence.  The other half is "without you in it".  Makes it easier to persue ex girlfriends that you feel obligated to contact at Christmas. 

  

I think he HAS replied to your email, in actions, if not in words.  You said you wanted to move on and he took you seriously.  The "hurt" will lessen in time.   

  

I strongly advise that you get over "her" involvement with your daughter unless you think she is dangerous.  Unless Dad cuts daughter out of his life contact is unavoidable and you have no power here.  It would be nice if you could meet her on civil terms, but maybe you are not ready for this yet. 

Oh thank you all for the reply!  I appreciate it!    

Now I have an update regarding that.  He is still with this girl.   

Today I feel kind of weired regarding a message this morning.  When I got up this morning just after 9:00 am.  I noticed that I had my phone flashing (that means I have a new message)  When I checked the call display it was an unknown number.  When I checked the message, it was him and his girlfriend on the background (I heard the girl said 'bye and Ilove you!' to him).  And then probably a couple of minutes just after the girl or whoever left, someone hung up the phone.  I know they or he or she did it on purpose to dial my number because they block the number for it to appear as unknown.  Now, I wonder why he had to that to me.  I think he is sick!  Undescent.  

   

 
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September 6, 2005, 4:00 pm CDT

Just wondering...

Hi, I had posted here before about my ex common law husband.  We have a little girl (she's almost 7). We've been together for 4 years and been separated more than 4 years.  We were on and off during separation.  He now have a girlfriend (the second one he treated as a girlfriend).  I believed they have been together for 8 months now.  Just saying these again for those of you who did not see my post and I believed that post is still in here.  

  

  

So, here is the story:  

  

Last Friday when I got up in the morning just after 9:00 am.  I noticed that I had my phone flashing (that means I have a new message)  When I checked the call display it was an unknown number.  When I checked the message, it was my ex talking on the background and his girlfriend on the background giggling or laughing and said 'bye and I love you! to him.  And then probably a couple of minutes just after the girl or whoever left, someone pick up and hung up the phone.  I don't know which one of them purposely dialed my number because the number was block to appear as private number.  Now, I wonder why he had to that to me.  I think he is sick!  Undescent.    

 
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October 1, 2005, 7:13 pm CDT

it's annoying though....

Quote From: mohammed

Hello Dear, 

I have read your story and I think that call means he wanna let you know he's happy with that girl 8months with that girl = 8 yars with you, How come this happen after 4 years of marriage and having baby girl from that marriage ,,,, its really sad to hear this,,, to me i will never do such a thing even if we divorced i will just remember that one day she was my wife and loved her, never think of doing any that might hurt her or her feelings, this is my opinion about what happen with you and what does that call means. wish you all the best hugs for the little girl and want you to take care of her. 

Regards 

Mohammed 

Thank you for the comment and I appreciate it a lot. 

 

  

 

The thing is, if he wanted to let me know that he’s happy, why couldn’t just him talk to me and tell me he is happy rather than calling my phone and let me listen to their situation.  I never bother him and his girlfriend in their relationship.  Except that I tried to beg him couple of times not to exposed our daughter to an early stage of his relationships with the girl until I realized it was out of my control, then I stopped bothering about it.  I think he also have a hint, knowing from our daughter that I am dating too.  He has done that before trying to make me believed that he accidentally dialed my number by mistake.  Anyway, I think he enjoys making me jealous.  I never bother about it anymore although at first I admitted myself and to friends that it was upsetting and disrespectful.  I just wish that someday he would respect me as his daughter’s mom.  I expect him to be happy and I have already told him that I am happy for him a week ago.
 
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January 23, 2006, 2:38 am CST

news from ex!

Hi, I just got back from holiday with my child.  We were overseas the last five weeks.  My ex who had been dating this girl for a, I guess a year now decided to move in with her to her so called new place.  He just told me last night after dropping off our child to my place after spending the weekend with him.  He told me that he would want a week off sometime in march and he want our child to spend it with him. And he suddenly said that our child (7yo) has a big news to tell me.  I asked him what it was about and he then told me that he is going to move in to a new place with someone.  I asked him with who, and he said with his girlfriend.  I have not met this girl yet.  According to friends, I should meet his girlfriend to get to know her since she will be around my child more.  Is this okay?  Our child spend every other weekend with him and every one night a week.   I told him that I have not met his girlfriend yet and he said I will meet her sometime.  I want to meet her before they move in together.  There will be other people too living there with them in the same house.  I am kind of worry with this situation.  He also mentioned that financial is one of the reason of why he is moving in with her.  And that our child and his girlfriend are getting along okay.  I said she gets along with everybody.  What should I do?  Will this affect my child?  Will she become her step mom once they move in together?  Should she have a right to make a decision for her?  Please help.
 

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