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Messages By: mmcturk
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July 15, 2007, 2:24 am PDT
 Quote From: sisless This might be a doozy - I received the following email from my father: Last night what seemed at first to be one of those intervention sessions by (my brother) and (my brother) warning me of my bad eating habits & my not exercising enough turned into me being chastised big time. First for not trying diligently enough of finding a new home. Then it went to where everything bad that ever happened to them in their lives was my fault. I was accused of getting sick just so I can parade all my children around in front of the nurses & doctors. And trying to do the same when I asked if they would go to the three churches (on different Sundays) for Mass. Maybe on that one I wanted to show off my children & grand children, but I did not get sick for that purpose. Well, none of that is ever going to happen even if "they" decide its OK. Your name came up quite a bit as if to validate what they were telling me. "Just ask (sisless)." Even though I bring up the fact that (my youngest brother) is an Honor Roll Student raised solely by ME, they tell me its all (my youngest brother's) work. While he may be doing the work, I made pleasant surroundings for him to do so. He has to worry for NOTHING. There is so much more, but the wind up is that I don't want (my brother) in my home anymore and I told (my other brother) he should find a place of his own. He's been telling me he wants to do this for months now, so go. I wonder (sisless), do you & your husband ask his father who gets the house when he drops dead or is that just for me?
Okay, so I responded with this: Sorry about your fight with my brothers. The house will be left to his three children and there is still much debate over his Yankee collection, his little clocks and some other miscellaneous items. My husband's siblings and the grandkids joke about it every so often, kind of like how we do from time to time. My point is that it is something families discuss and it is not because they want that person to die. They are just things that are meaningful to us. I am not sure why they would say "ask sisless" often to you. When I saw you last we talked about your health because of my concern for you and the tingling you speak about in your legs. You don't want a lecture but seriously your medical history isn't great and you were diagnosed with diabetes less than a year ago. It is not easy and actually very awkward to even bring this subject up to begin with because you are our father and we are your children. Can you imagine ever trying to do that with your parents? No matter what - I love you, my brothers love you and if we didn't say something to you about your health it would mean that we didn't care about you and that is how I think you should look at it. Please don't see it as an insult because it is not meant to be that way. When we were babies, you took care of us - it was your job and you know what? you are getting older and sometimes that comes with ailments and you become more "fragile" if you will - and it is our turn to care about you in that way. And not necessarily even because of that - but you are not used to anyone telling you what to do or what you should do, especially your kids and maybe that is hard to cope with. With that said, I don't know what was said to you entirely and I think that whatever was said is not the end all of everything. Is it all really worth losing people you love? Again, it didn't happen to me - but our family is rapidly falling apart and I really don't like what I am seeing. Yes, my sisters both suck but they are still my sisters and it upsets me to know that they are estranged. Am I going to run after them for them to be in my life...no! But I still love them. Now my brothers arent welcome anymore and I wonder what is going to be left. We have all been through hardships and everyone deals with stuff differently and I think that needs to be respected. I sometimes reflect and think how the family can be repaired - every family has problems but it seems that when our family does it has to be the absolute final end to the relationship - why does it have to be that way? Aren't families supposed to stick together through thick and thin? You and I have had our problems in the past and things are fine and I hope they always stay that way. I want you to see your grand daughters grow up (that is why you need to go to the Dr.) and I want them to know their grandfather - it is important to me. I really wish we could all get along and learn to work things out, instead of exiling each other. Seriously though Dad, I hope you are feeling okay and I love you very much.
And this is what I got: You are right, you weren't here. I warned your brother the last time when he threatened to get physical with me would be the last time. That time was right in front of his girlfriend. He told me "Lets go outside to settle this." This time in front of your brother & his girlfriend your other brother got in my face as if to do something. He also held the door not allowing me to go outside when I felt I had enough. Shall I wait for him to kill me, sisless? Your brother for his part was telling me what a very bad job I did raising my children, him included. He blamed me for his getting trouble with the law. Of course the boiling of the water got into the mix. Like I broke the oil burner myself on purpose. Your brother wants to take over the raising of your two younger brothers. Like he's doing such a good job of his own life. Bumming a "free" ride with his girlfriend's father. The only thing your brother pays IS HIS DIGNITY, but ignorance is bliss. Most of the "arguments" were typical of your sister's subjects and reminiscent of your mother's method of arguing. I had an answer for each argument and was kept on the defensive. There was a lot of airing out, but here's the twist, these were old arguments. We've gone over them more than one time. So, what does that tell me? It tells me that there is no good answer I can give that will ever be ACCEPTABLE. What is lacking with my "children" is RESPECT for me. What is respected is MONEY$$$$. If I had it things would be different. The PROOF is what has/is happening.
So, I decided to ignore it and take a day to reflect before I respond and this morning I have another one: I re-read your e-mail to me...The "medical" part of our arguments were settled early on with me AGREEING with them on everything; the meds, exercise more, watching my diet and doctor visits. Yes I agreed that I would do all that starting the next day, but your brother wanted me to walk right then 10pm. I don't think so. And that brought on all the rest. Me agreeing was too easy for them. They wanted to carry on, so they started on everything else. All this is what THEY WANT, NOT ME. ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT. NONE!
Okay, that was some interesting reading for you huH? Anyhoo...my point is that I have talked to my two brothers and he is completely exaggerating and I believe them because this is just how my father is and I don't know how to respond to him. It is like our family really can't have a rational conversation and my father is all about letter writing because as you can tell, talking to him face to face just blows up back at you. What do I say? He is an older man and I doubt he will ever change at this point. My brothers are both really upset because this is not the direction they wanted their good intentions to go into. My family has become a really sad state and I have my own family (everybody else is single - 5 brothers, 2 sisters) and it is stressful to me and we always (siblings) feel like he thinks just because he is our father that we have to just take his crap and respect him and he doesn't have to earn it or show any towards us and we love the big lug. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Your Father isn't going to change his personality so my advice would be in future don't reply to any of his messages in a way thet he could read as contentious. E-mails are terrible things really as you can't see people's body language and what may be an innocent remark can end up as being seen as an insult. Just reading messages on this Board gives numerous examples of this. As you say you have your own family your Father, brothers and sisters seem to strive on drama so don't add to the mix. You don't have to reply to his messages straight away and you don't have to read them immediatly either. If your Faher is as lazy as your brother's say he won't turn up at your door and if he rings up you can say "Oh Dad I've been meaning to get back to you as my PC is broken but I've been so busy and you've just called as I'm dashing out, I'll get back to you when the PC is fixed". It's a white lie but I get the feeling your family tell plenty of those anyway so one more that will help you keep your sanity won't hurt. Write down what you are going to say and keep it with you or by your house phone for when/if he rings. He's just pressing your buttons don't react concentrate on your own family life and enjoy it. |
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July 19, 2007, 2:49 pm PDT
Quote From: tammy_anne attending to your moms situation in such a prompt and caring matter, staying untill your father came and waiting to ensure for yourself that she was getting thecare and atention she needed before going back to your own responsabilites. you letyour father make the decision as to how and when to inform your siblings about the situation. did you do anything wrong? absolutly not. Understandably your brother was upset, but unloading his fears, concerns and anger on you was wrong on his part. you had to make a determination for yourself whether it was appropriate to call your brother or let your father make the call, based on what you knew youdetermined it was best to let your father make the call, nothing wrong with that. you were not with holding information or not callling to be malicious, you were respecting the fact that the best person to make the call was you Dad, and let him do so. by what you stated in your post both you and your dad were being very considerate of your brothers feelings, unfortuantly that consideration was not reciprocated, but in any event you can feel good about making a considerate and compassionate choice, irregardless if it was appreciated or not. HUGS Tammy
Your brother is making a mistake and as Tammy says he was upset (so it is excusable, possibly). If you can be the bigger person and try not to dwell on this and ever refer to it, then that would be the best plan. You could give a sort of apology, something along the lines of " Sorry bro' clear communication wasn't too good the day Mum got sick, someone should have let you know, thank goodness Mum is getting better though, that's the important thing" If that seems too difficult then just move on, it is a distraction from the really big issue of your Mum's health. |
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July 21, 2007, 9:58 am PDT
Quote From: raesunrae Hi, I need some advice. I was a young single Mother. I have worked hard all my life to take care of three boys. My older boys, now 23 and 21, I raised with no financial help from their Father. My 21 year old quit school in the 11th grade and moved out when he turned 18 to go live with my Brother who is 3 years older than him. That didn't work out so he moved back home with me at 19. I charged him rent of $400.00 a month rent which included his food and utilities. He then got himself into a little legal trouble. He lived with me for a year and then moved down south to live with a friend so he could be closer to his girlfriend. (I won't allow her to sleep in his bed with him at my home). He eventually had to move out of his friends place into his girlfriends place, (who by the way is 21 and lives with her parents due to health problems). That lasted a few months and now he has moved back home with me. He is 21. Am I wrong for charging him $300.00 a month rent? That includes all utilities and most of his food. I always told my kids they have an open door policy with me. The only exception is that I expect them to pick up after themselves and respect me. I also told them life isn't easy nor free. If they are pursuing an education than I would never charge them rent but if they are not trying to better their future than I am not going to cater to that either. He is a great guy and never gives me an attitude. I love him very much. He just doesn't have a lot of motivation to get his GED and make a better future for himself. He also has ruined a lot of opportunity because he has tattoos all over him including both arms that can only be covered by wearing long sleeves! Am I being too harsh??? No. End of subject! |
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July 22, 2007, 1:56 am PDT
Quote From: sadinphilly Please help, I need some reassurance that I'm not crazy and not alone. How old is "too old" for a child to be having parent visitation weekends? My step-son is 18 - just graduated high school - and I have a feeling that our lives will have to revolve around the "every other weekend event" for the rest of my life.
I also have a step-daughter that is almost 17, and I have a feeling that her father has given her the guilt trip about coming over - I know that he has made remarks about her cancelling weekends before, and that she shouldn't be making plans with her friends on "his weekends" - honestly, I disagree... he needs to let go of the apron strings and make other plans with her.
When I got married, I was under the assumption that one day the kids would grow up. I wouldn't mind an occasional weekend - even though I find it to be a little ridiculous for an 18yr old - considering the kids live not even 5 miles away.
Am I wrong for thinking that at this age visitation should be limited to hanging out for a day here, a day there, going to dinner, movies, and things like that? My husband keeps saying that I knew he had kids when we got married... and for the past 10yrs they have been here faithfully every other weekend and then some. However, I also got married under the assumption that one day his children would grow up.
I feel like I'm being mean, and I'm going to be slammed with all kinds of posts telling me not to rush them to grow up, but I took my vows with my husband, and from what I remember, it did not involve playing mommy to grown children and having to arrange our plans around visitation weekend schedules for all eternity.
To make matters worse, I am told to "mind my business" when I mention anything about getting his son help to help him evolve into manhood. He needs to be taught to cook for himself, clean up after himself, tend to his personal hygiene without being reminded, and finally to get on his feet and at least apply himself to doing something other than playing video games and watching television. But yet... this is the person that I'm expected to take care of every other weekend.
Since summer is here, my step-son has been here for almost 2 weeks now, and I'm at my wits end. My husband keeps arranging these "extended" visits without even consulting me, but then gets angry when I mention something about giving me a little break with having another child to tend to (I have 3 children full time). You seem to be between a rock and a hard place. You can just accept that your husband is going to continue with the parental visitation weekends indefinetly and endure the stress and extra work that causes OR you can have your week-ends and other free time back but have an unhappy husband and step children who will view you as the classic evil stepmother, thereby ruining the free time you have had restored. Just a suggestion, would it work if you took yourself and your kids away on the week-ends that his 'children' came round and left your husband to cook and deal with the domestics himself? If you come home after his kids have gone and the house is in a mess then get some cleaners in to tidy up. If your husband doesn't like the extra expense then suggest he cleans up or gets his kids to do it, explain it is hardly fair that you should have to clean up someone else's mess. Don't do extra food shopping before, let him arrange all that, you will be away. Be pleasant about it, you are being quite reasonable. Alternatively he could take the kids away one week-end and then you go away another week-end and then all of you go way for a week-end. Just try and break the cycle, and whatever you do make sure your needs are catered for. What are you a doormat? Of course not so the family have to realise this. But try to be calm at all times, deep breathing helps. |
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July 26, 2007, 1:29 am PDT
Quote From: bellker It's all very simple really.
It is a good thing to be happy, knowing that an ill person does not have to stay ill forever, in pain, sickness etc... Take comfort in knowing that the Lord will put an end to thier pain, suffering and sickness at some point.
Be happy that you have been blessed with the current time to spend this time with the person. Grieve after their gone. Be happy for the time they have left.
It's all very simple. I stand by my comments.
Sincerely Wow, I would have to say you are one amazing woman and whatever you are on I want some of that! I too am a Christian, wife and mother. I have read your profile and seen the masses of other stuff you do as well AND you have managed to write over 50 posts on this message board over the past 72 hours. Your time management skills are incredible. On a good day I manage about 30 minutes on Dr Phil's site just reading stuff and occasionally I have the time (and inclination) to post a message. My full time job, family duties and social life would never free up enough time to manage what you have achieved this week in posting messages alone, well done you. Please tell me how you do it (remember I too am a believer so I know it can't be just be that). Also I think you owe Canada (my favourite country in the world) an apology as in one of your previous messages you called it 'nowhere Canada', as a fellow Christian I'm sure you didn't mean to insult a whole country and it's citizens. Have you ever been? If not I seriously would recommend it, the people are lovely and the scenery, cities and general pace of life is fabulous. Looking forward to being let in on your time management secret, would like to write more but I'm off to work, hopefully you will have replied by the next time I check in. God bless. |
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July 26, 2007, 9:36 pm PDT
Quote From: mmcturk Wow, I would have to say you are one amazing woman and whatever you are on I want some of that! I too am a Christian, wife and mother. I have read your profile and seen the masses of other stuff you do as well AND you have managed to write over 50 posts on this message board over the past 72 hours. Your time management skills are incredible. On a good day I manage about 30 minutes on Dr Phil's site just reading stuff and occasionally I have the time (and inclination) to post a message. My full time job, family duties and social life would never free up enough time to manage what you have achieved this week in posting messages alone, well done you. Please tell me how you do it (remember I too am a believer so I know it can't be just be that). Also I think you owe Canada (my favourite country in the world) an apology as in one of your previous messages you called it 'nowhere Canada', as a fellow Christian I'm sure you didn't mean to insult a whole country and it's citizens. Have you ever been? If not I seriously would recommend it, the people are lovely and the scenery, cities and general pace of life is fabulous. Looking forward to being let in on your time management secret, would like to write more but I'm off to work, hopefully you will have replied by the next time I check in. God bless. Over 24 hours and no postings from you. Drat I thought you had super human powers and your time dimensions were unlike the rest of us humble beings. Obviously not. Presumably whatever you were on has run out, eiher that or an irritated Canadian has thrown your computer into the sea. |
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July 28, 2007, 12:34 am PDT
Quote From: marciamiller My 21 year old daughter will be a junior in college next year and is home for the summer. When she is home, we let her use our extra car (as we did with her older brothers.) She is also on our cell phone plan as the extra line was minimal. In school, she studies hard and has a job in the financial aide office. She makes good grades and is very conservative by nature. She has been an easy daughter and very conscientious student. We have maintained a close family relationship and up until now, she has never challenged our guidance. This summer she works hard as a waitress and is saving her money to help pay for college her college tuition.
Recently she was asked out by a 26 year old young man. He is a college graduate and has a job with a sailboat dealorship near the boat dock where we go sailing. My husband does not think she should be allowed to date someone that is 5 years older. My husband also assumes this kid is in the 'fast lane' and questions his motives for wanting to date our daughter. The young man has offered to meet with my husband and address any questions or has offered to email him. My husband is adamant that she not date him. My daughter that is usually very careful to listen to parental warnings and advice indicated she feels as a young adult of 21 years old, she should be allowed to date who she chooses. The latest discussion resulted in my husband demanding the car keys telling her we will drive her to and from work if she plans to date this man. He is also taking her cell phone away. While as parents we have always tried to maintain a 'united front' we have different opinions about this. I feel she is striving for some independence and by taking her phone and the car he offered for the children to use over the summers, he is treating her like a 16 year old. While she isn't rebellious by nature, I really believe this is going to push her over the edge. I will admit when he told her about the phone and car, she respected his request and said she would get her own cell phone plan and find rides to and from work. She was respectful and told him she didn't agree but would make arrangements so she didn't have to depend on us for those things.
Do you have any opinions or advice? My husband's belief is if he has expressed concern about this young man, she should be listening to his advice and not date him. He is very upset that she would even consider dating him without Dad's approval. I think by trying to control who she dates, he is making a mistake. I feel we have given her guidance and raised her with a good moral compass. She is a responsible young woman and has never given us any concern. She is not a partier or drinker. I believe she is at a stage in her life that she needs to listen to our cautions (go on double dates, get to know him in groups, etc) and make her own choice. HELP! Your daughter sounds a credit to you and your husband. I think Father's sometimes find it very hard to realise their little girl has grown up. I know we all think of them in our hearts as our babies but our heads should tell us they are adults. She can listen to his advice but she must do what she thinks is right, she has to start making her own decisions and her own mistakes. I think all your husband is doing is making her think something along the lines of 'I'll show him, I wasn't that bothered about this guy but now it's time to rebel and I will'. Being a parent is hard your kids have to make their own choices and mistakes. My own kids have done stuff that we didn't think was a good idea and sometimes they have surprised us by it all coming out perfect. Other times it has turned out badly but we didn't say 'I told you so', because they already know that. I'm surprised your husband is questioning why this young man would want to date your daughter. She sounds lovely, why wouldn't he want to date her? The young man also is happy to meet with your husband, he sounds first class also. Should your daughter go off him maybe you could send over his details for my girls !!!!! She can listen to him but at her age she can do what she wants with or withour your approval and she is currently being open with you. By her Father being so harsh she'll be selective in what she tells you. When she is in College presumably she will be making lots of choices without your input. I think (though you must never tell him this) that your husband is the immature one in this scenario. I hope it all resolves itself peacefully as everyone is acting with the best of intentions. |
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July 28, 2007, 3:29 pm PDT
Quote From: bellker The best decisions are always the hardest to make... So you make them and get on with life.... It too shall pass away...
In the opposite, my daughter moved in with me and my husband.... almost everything else you stated about your mom was the same, except happening with my adult daughter. She contributed no funds to anything, took over my home, my computer and even went through my personal things. She began to cause a rif between me and my husband and worse of all she began to get in our personal marriage business. She was pregnant as well and tried to dump a guilt trip of me.... saying she has no one to turn too.. etc...
I got her out of our home and our lives. Not as harsh as it sounds... this is how I did it.
I wrote her a letter and slid it underneath the bedroom door... Basically it gave her too options, to either contribute to the bills by paying such and such, or move... I gave her the choice... She took the choice to move... hence I didn't throw her out....
I gave her two options, that's it...
You see ladies.... never allow anyone into your home with you and your man, husband or fiance'. Two women, wheither cousins, mother, or daughter can not live under the same roof in most cases. Nevertheless, it's your house and what you say goes...
Never keep people in your life who constantly make withdrawals from you...take, take, take...
Stay friends with those who make deposits, give, give, give....
No matter how it may feel when you first step to your mother and lay down the law in your home, It Soon Shall Pass. and life will go on....
Sincerely Reading through some of your posts I was most surprised to read this one. You come across as someone who must have a perfect life. Otherwise how could you be giving so much advice to others. You seem to have a daughter who has no respect for her Mother (not sure if your husband is her Father) and has questionable morals. How can this be? Just a thought, if you had spent a little less time preaching to others and a bit more time raising a respectful daughter you wouldn't have the hole in your heart that you must have with the estarangement from your child. You must be using this board all night as you have been doing this past week, as a substitute for a real relationship and to fill that hole in your heart. How sad, poor you. Tomorrow turn off your computer you are becoming addicted. Search out your daughter, ask her to forgive you, tell her you love her, you may not approve of things she does but tell her it is your fault she has these problems and you will move heaven and earth to help her. You will be so much happier and won't have to find other things to keep her out of your head. Sincerely |
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August 3, 2007, 10:23 am PDT
Quote From: cowgirldiver07 Well, this is frustrating!!! I have been married to my husband for nearly 4 years and we have lived with his mother almost the entire time we've been together. I am 24 years old, I'll be 25 August 14. He is 34, will be 35 in January. When we first moved in together, we weren't married yet. We got married in December 2003, I had our son November 1, 2004 and I FINALLY got him to move us into an apartment in April 2005. A part of it IS my fault that we've stayed with her so long because I had an addiction to pain pills and was draining us of money using it to pay for dr visits and prescriptions. I got help and I'm no longer doing that. Anyhow, in April of 2005, we received my husbands tax return and I said, we should use part of this to finally move out. He was receiving a little over $4k so I knew we could spare it. I said I've looked around and there is a very nice complex and it's only $435 a month for a 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment and we can afford the a deposit, then the first and last month's rent. He said, I really wanted to buy a motorcycle. I said, We live in a living room sleeping on a pull out sofa, we don't even have a real bedroom. We have our son in a crib against the wall under the mantle wherer a fireplace would be if the house had one. Anyway, I finally convinced him to move with a lot of huffing and puffing and pouting. Well, we lived in the apartment from April 05 until December 05. I had caused us to majorly go down the drain both in our marriage and financially. He had moved out in September and we separated. Well, in January we had managed to patch some things up and I moved in with him at his mothers. I had caused myself to lose the apartment by being irresponsible. Well, I went to eleven months of residential substance abuse treatment and when I got back, things hadn't changed. Brian hadn't saved any money from working and with his tax refund, bought a motorcycle. He said, he doesn't like apartments and doesn't want to live back in town. He wants to take some money and close in his moms carport to make us a little "apartment" as he calls it. His older brother turned 38 yesterday and has never moved out. He works and pays his own way as far as groceries, his own medicine and helps his mom out by paying the electric bill and gas for the Expedition he drives to work. He probably couldn't afford to live by himself but he has never tried. My husbands younger brother, is 31 and recently moved back in due to marital separation. He moved out a couple years ago to get married and is now separated from his wife. She is back on drugs and has mental problems and things were getting hard for him to deal with,. They do not have children together. Anyway, I know he makes enough to live on his own and he said he needs to pay some bills off first, but he doesn't pay his own bills that are delinquent. He pays his motorcycle payment, pays for his gas and cigarettes, helps with groceries and pays the water bill. I asked Brian's mom what Brian helps with and she says not one thing. He makes $12.50 an hour, has $115 a week taken out in insurance and then whatever amount the taxes are and works 40 hours a week. He has a $333 truck payment, $105 for truck/motorcycle insurance and a $125 loan payment. His truck payment is due on the 15th of every month, insurance on the 5th and I don't remember when the loan payment is due. The point is, he buys his own stuff for his lunches, gets diapers and gas for his truck and that's it. He doesn't see anything abnormal about living here. He always says we can never afford to move out. When I talk about it, he gets upset and says you're never satisfied with our situation. I hate it and it drives me nuts!!! You don't seem to have many choices here. Your mother-in-law, I'm sure would like you all to be able to move out. Until you have enough money to do this then you are stuck. Do you have a job? If not try to get one and start bringing some money to support yourselves. I wouldn't get involved in your Brother-in-law's business, that is between them and their poor long suffering Mother. If your husband isn't paying for food and utilities for your child and yourself and your Mother-in law is doing all that with no contributions from you then you need to get a job and help this Angel of Mercy out.. Then maybe you could be the grown up here and contribute to household expenses. With any left over ,you save. If your husband sees this is happening then he will maybe contribute something to. Will his loan be re-paid soon? If so there's another $125 a month. Whatever happens though your current way of life can't carry on indefinetly. If husband isn't going to change then you will have to do so for both of you. |
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August 8, 2007, 2:50 pm PDT
Quote From: keisha03 I understand completely what you are saying. I have a son (my only son) that is 22 years old and we have never really be able to get along. He is so mean and selfish I simply don't understand where he gets it from he has an older sister 24 and a younger sister 20 and he fights with them just not as much as he fights with me, don't get me wrong I do understand that parents and children will and do have misunderstanding but my son is so disrespectful I simply can not wait for the day he leaves my house. He works everyday but say that he can not afford to move out which I know is a lie because he does not help with anything at all in the house. I have threaten to have him evicted, which I still don't understand seeing that this is my house and I should just be able to put him out and be done with it but the police officer that I spoke with said that I couldn't do it that way I would have to take time off of work and pay to file papers to have him put out of my house. I have a 4 yr old grandson that also stays with me and I don't want him around my son..Because I don't care what I have to do my grandson will not end up like my son. My daughters and my son were raised together in the same household and my daughters are not like that at all. Maybe at times I wasn't the best Mom I could have been, but I did everything I could to make my children's childhood a good one, seeing that their father was never in the picture. Of course it wasn't easy,,but we made it together as a family but my son has never appreciated anything that I ever done, I actually thinks he resents me for leaving his father when he was 3 years. But if he only knew that was the best thing I could have done for myself as well as for them When you say your son doesn't help with anything in the house do you mean he doesn't pay any rent? If that is so and he doesn't help in the home and causes conflict then he needs to start growing up very quickly. You will know that you are (here comes that over used word) enabling him and difficult as it is going to be you are going to have to make some tough decisions that help YOU get what YOU want. You have to decide, do I want him out of my home and possibly out of my life, because he is now a grown man and has to start acting like it. If you do want that then you tell him 3 months and you must find somewhere else to live, you aren't happy here and you need to find somewhere that you are happy. Keep reminiding him, 2 months to go, 2 weeks to go, etc and make sure he is packing his stuff and getting another place to live. If that isn't what you want then you have to decide what it is you want as there will be arguments and unpleasantness but if you have a goal then stick to it. You aren't helping him grow up, if you let him continue to act like a moody tenager. A mother always feels guity no matter what she does for her children so try not to let that emotion cloud your decision making. Good luck |
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