Messages By: zapatasred

I saw this show for the second time and listened more closely to this segment because Ed was like my Mom - nothing was ever neat enough, clean enough or done well enough to suit her. I thought it fit the description Dr. Phil gave of OCD personality disorder. If this woman gets a knot in her stomach when he comes home ,how do you think the kids feel?  I still get a knot in my stomach when my mom calls on the phone although I understand her behavior as something she cannot change and she needed to be tightly in control of everything. But it is very abusive to the kids and the wife. I would have separated from him. The best part now is when ever my Mom comes to visit she cleans the refrigerator!!!!:>) She's done it for years but we live far away. I actually relaxed when I moved to a different state and got fewer headaches. Another town wasn't far enough. Dr. Phil, Please have a show about clean freaks or perfectionists and how this can be abusive. Perhaps an update on this couple. I know you can't tell every couple to split but when you said you thought he didn't have OCD and that they had a lot of good things in their marriage, I looked at the TV and thought Lord, she's probably plotting to kill him slowly with arsenic  or one day he'll pick on her and she'll snap!!!  She's keeping all her anger in. By now she has an ulcer if she hasn't done him in already. I think he snowed you with his long list of her good traits. It made him look good. I think he was more a Jekyll and Hyde type.

 WOW- This is the second time I've seen this show, and I missed the part about another woman sending Brad a picture of herself in a bikini!!!!!!!!!  So she would be 41 or 42 because there was one other also. My jaw dropped. I was hoping although I knew it didn't happen, that Michelle would ask Brad to move out right on the show to a motel and she would have his things sent to him. Then she would have the locks changed and file for divorce. Economically women can be at a disadvantage to leave especially if you have been home raising kids. I liked the chewing gum comparison. I've been married 20 years and yes I wonder what it might be like with some cute guy I come in contact with from time to time, but I just wonder and try to work on putting the "flavor" in my present relationship. The grass is greener on the side you water the most!!!!  Watching Dr. Phil would scare almost anyone out of an affair!!!!!:>) I really have met some cute instructors taking certain lessons but actually changed instructors on purpose because one was too cute!!!!! OK so I stuck with one for longer just cuz he was good looking but what's a girl to do???!!!!! Oh,well. I really want to hear an update on this one. 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, etc. I'm counting!!!!!!!  (not nice but could be true)

I found this article that the lady described.I had to register first to read it,then typed in Dan Porter and the article came up. It said that he was at Lisa's house the weekend before and gave his wedding ring to her daughter. He quit his job on the Friday and asked his Boss for 5 rounds of ammunition, which his boss refused to give him. I think he may have planned to kill Tina, the children and himself. They also said that not all his hunting sites were searched, but hunters go so many places you don't know. I think Tina's lack of emotion could be from being medicated to function or that leaden feeling of fear that her children might not be alive. I hope Dan is prosecuted for murder if the children are gone for a length of time and circumstancial evidence accumulates. I would be in favor of Lisa being prosecuted for interfering in an investigation and witholding evidence. I live within driving distance and although it's doubtful, I would love to go attend his trial in October and report on these boards. I wonder if Lisa will be called as a witness?  I can imagine her laying on a chaise lounge reading Dan's lustful letters as her chest heaves in her low cut nightgown. :>) Oh, I'm so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!

It sounds like this Mom is living in a fantasy world thru the one daughter. I haven't seen the show yet, just clicked on the website and read it. Yeah, I wanted to reach in and shake the Mom up. Focus on the kids gifts and good points not just their looks.Society is not going to baby her like you and you are not doing her any favors. She could rebel later on by turning to drugs or bad behavior to break away from a mom who has WAY TOO much invested in her as A Piece of furniture or something,not a person. What if she turns out to be gay? Or dates the bad guys cause she got sick of playing princess for mommy? Think about it.  I saw it happen with a roomate of mine. (a ministers daughter) I don't even want to go there. Get two nice twin beds or bunks and get some therapy. you are depriving these 2 girls of one of the best things in life, a sister friendship they could have for life. Remember, They're going to be the ones deciding which nursing home YOU go in.

I had one question after reading the online version. It does not say if the kids will be separated from the mother for a period of time while she gets help. The father needs help-he is afraid of her too. Remember the show with Sheila and her husband who was alcoholic? they were separated but her behavior was physically violent. This Mom is a time bomb. I wish they would take the kids away from her and maybe live with their Dad and then they can get help individually and as a family. Can she really change enough to raise these kids?  I just can't see them all going home after the show and holding hands and singing Kum-bay-yah. Please follow up on this one. Her frustrations, I don't   think she will change soon enough for these kids. They will not feel safe with her.

I'm sure her neighbors are taking out restraining orders as we speak. I'm sure they must be sick of hearing her if they live in an apartment complex as she said.  After seeing the show, it sounds like the children are receiving some kind of protection now that the story is out and the parents  both seem so clueless. I'm sure she qualifies for having the children removed from her care. The father has done nothing to stop it so he wouldn't exactly be a better choice.  She never even said anything like " I would do anything to keep my kids" or her husband either. I don't think she can live with the children at all with this anger and even if she spends time with them it should be supervised.Thank God, They just said they are flying her somewhere to get her treatment and counselling for her anger and they are coming back to report on their progress.

well, My Mom had five kids and was ,as this lady,a "raging lunatic". Our father, although a professional man, was alcoholic and bipolar. But with 5 kids, there were more of us than her and we distracted her when she got mad at one. I locked myself in the bathroom and ran in the bedroom I shared with my sister many times and pushed the furniture against the door til she calmed down or had to attend to other family matters. She couldn't focus on just one of us for too long. Luckily, we had wonderful grandparents who thought we were the the best thing in the world to them. That was a godsend. You have to have someone like that. I got into Alanon and I now realize my Mom was an untreated person and could have used alanon or something. She is 80 now, and says I love you and things have settled down. We need to make mental health services available to these people and more knowledge of  how this is passed down from generation to generation.I think she got help because her husband threatened to leave. I got help in college and when I had a child. I never call him names or yell and try to encourage him in everything. I tell him what a special kid he is and  take time to listen. Of course, I only have one,but it is a great joy. After watching this show, I told him he was the best kid ever. Michelle is the only guest my dog has ever barked at while she was yelling at the kids. I think he thought he was protecting me and kept looking out the back door like someone was hurting one of the neighbor kids. It scared him because he started cowering and put his tail between his legs. I think she is lucky she didn't pick the wrong person with her road rage and have someone pull a weapon on her. Sooner or later she would have met up with the wrong person. She obviously picked her husband perfectly as he would never stand up to her. I wonder if she gets better, they will work out together. Something about the crisis life kept her with him. God Bless to all the caring people on this board !!

When I was 3 yrs old we moved to a university town for my Dad's job at the college and for the next 30 years until retirement his 2 bosses were a gay male couple. You never heard one name without the other and being a university was tolerant . Of course they took vacations together,etc. I just thought it was normal for them. they were nice people. Ater I got married we lived in Madison, wisconsin for 10 years and  congressmen and women were gay, too and extremely qualified. Now where I live I had a friend whose family was tolerant of her lifestyle but not entirely approving. When a parent died, she only had one sibling and the funeral home was divided in 2 sides, one for her sibling and one side with her friends and coworkers as they were not speaking. But the parent who passed away had split the estate between the two, showing no favoritism and my friend who helped her parent thru the illness with kindness was able to buy a home and gain independence. She quit her church and joined one that was accepting and even let her give a sermon one Sunday.We were happy for her. We should help them achieve their talents as many are gifted and talents to share.

I wonder sometimes if calling "domestic" violence by a separate name somehow means it may not be as bad as street violence, gang violence or stranger violence. It can be worse if it gets personal. A lot of times the estranged girlfriend or wife is killed in retaliation  and it is over with and the guy goes to jail for life. This was so sad. In 30 hours of warning, how can you think straight to do it right. If she took the kids, I bet he would have killed the grandparents.We just had a mother and her friend who gave her a place to stay killed in front of her kids and the husband cut them off with his car one night. He died in a police chase. They had  a home in an upscale neighborhood.  Both women left children behind.I think Donna couldn't change that she really needed this guy,but she can make it up by caring for her other children, and  some counselling for all . I noticed Caitlins Stepmom has been on here married to her Dad?  A new law will help but we have to protect ourselves because he could have gone to their home and killed them all the first time. She is fortunate to be alive and have the 2 children despite the great tradgedy. In one city I lived in ,the ex-wife moved to Canada, but a year or so later came back for her father's funeral. Her ex-husband shot her in the driveway and killed her. Also, I wondered why the kids didn't stay with the stepmom and her Dad. It kind of makes me angry that the Mom left and then still let the kids go to school. Also, if Donna had such a bad choice in men, why didn't the father seek custody sometime in those 5 years? or the grandparents? I can't believe that guy was around for 5 years. The grandparents seem very nice and I think they are innocent bystanders. I just feel total frustration here. I accidentally came across a website called the 2006 club or Prisontalk.com I read a few entries and was intrigued. It was a website for women whose "Man" was in prison and was set to be released sometime in 2006. They were ecstatic counting down the days and months. They would share parole hearing dates and items about their kids and their guys nicknames.(T-Dog?)  They talked about how much they loved their guys and just couldn't wait. The interesting thing is that no one ever said what their man was in for and what they would be bringing home to their kids. This was a revelation to me although I know people who take AA meetings into prisons. I don't think I should just someone else and where they are at in their life but if we want a "bad" guy, at least send the kids to live with a relative,ex-spouse or grandparents.