Messages By: momakababe

I was beginning to think the common online manners I'd been taught at the start of the internet were outdated.  Thank heavens there's other who still know what curtesey means. 

post on the internet as a 15 yr. old.  It isn't Dr. Phil that's showing them how.  They can get that online too.  There are preditors that share chat rooms among themselves and swap stories etc.  It's VERY scary and as mentioned there are many other web site that are a problem for kids & it's the one that are about kids interests like web sites on hobbies that attract the kids who participate in those hobbies.   for example kids who do karate will go toforums set set for karate & the pervs know their there and not on guard & they'll pretend to be one of the kids.  They don't need to be taught this but PARENTS need to be made aware of this because we don't think like a perv and don't think they're going to be on a site for cub scouts.  Parents need to know all the new schemes these wacko's come out with. 

I think these "guys believe it's ok" because they're sick not because anyone lead  them to believe it's ok.  Myspace.com is only 1 place that preditors surf to find a victim.  To say "Don't blame men for looking when you advertise ladies" is a different thing entirely because these men aren't just "looking" their stalking & preying on someone who does not want them too.  This is a tactic used years ago by lawyers trying to get off rapists saying "If she hadn't been dressed so scantliy and showing herself he wouldn't have tried anything.  She was asking for it."  You cannot blame the victim.  Someone who attacks is attacking.  Rape is not about sexual desire but about overpowering and dominating someone.   

  

We do not consider the girl scouts, cub scout, or a baby in a diaper scantily clad would we?  Do we think that a girl in a catholic school uniform is "scantily clad"?  Any place that is online is a hunting ground for a pedophile and that includes school web sites that you need to register for.  Any class room in any school a hunting ground for the sicko.  it has nothing to do with "scantily clad" youngesters.    

if myspace went away it would be another message board or chat room & it already is really.  It's the most innocent that you'd not imagine is where you'll find preditors looking.  Actually the "mysapce" I imagine is the easiest place to round up a preditor and at least there now people/kids may be on their guard.  You just wouldn't think of a preditor being on a web site for FFA kids or kids who like to hike or ride horses.  We need to educate our kids and then watch them.  I know it's hard to do & I have had teens to worry about. 

I think they're trying to show just how coniving these sicko's can be and how they truely don't see what they're doing as wrong &/or how they've no regrets & willhelp a fellow perv.  I do hear what you're saying but I can honestly say that over the years as the pervs out there have used different tricks to get kids into cars & to molest them.  The only way to be able to be "prepared" is to know what vocabulary they're using.  We all use to put our kids names on their clothes when we went on class trips but you'd NEVER do that any more because someone trying to grab a kid will call them bby name if they can see it.  And so now we're for warned to tell our children "it doesn't matter who it is unless it's a gift or a party of some kind we do not keep secrets".  You now know what is inapropriate needs to be explained to a kid as young as they can posibly understand.  and if he/she doesn't want to sit on uncle bob's lap they do not ever have too. 

1st do not blame the victims.  Frankly when I saw your post I'd thought "hogwash" & it is but then I & you see you're a 17 yr. old and your view of things is diffeent than an adult and that's why for a 15, 16 & 17 yr. old they're not mature enough in their thinking to completely be on their own and making decisions.  This is why you still have parents making the majority of them for you.   Or watching as you make decisions and trying to point out what you need to know.    This is why teens cannot drink, smoke and up until 16 yrs. old even when you consent to sex it's still considered an offense because a 15 & 16 yr. old aren't mature enough TO consent.   

  

I do not necessarily dissagree with you that myspace is being used as a scape goat and this is done because it gives parents a feeling of being in control and being able to "protect" by checking on kids etc.   As a teen you know (& I hope you'll admit it so the parents hear & understand it) that if a kid wants to dothing behind a parents back online they can go to any library or school computer lab and do so.  The mother who had just tricked her sons in reality has just shut off any kind of trust her sons had that she trusts them etc.  Now if they want to set up an account that they don't want her to know about they'll do it at school, a friends house or at the library.    Rather than just discount everything that was said on the show today think about all that they said.  If you're speaking to people that you've not met in 3d then they can very well be an older man just using a picture of a girl or younger man.  This isn't just because of your age that you could be fooled and many an adult over the years have had that same thing happen.  I knew of a woman one time who was (married) & carrying on with some guy she didn't know all the way across the country.  Every time they'd plan tomet in person he couldn't & would back out at the last minute.  She'd seen pics of him and spoken to him on the phone too.  But alas it turns out it was just another WOMAN playing games with her.  People can be real sick & thee's nothing wrong with us keeping ahead of what's happening and what these sicko's are using to trick people.  They do not want to know just sexual things & they are on a lot more sites than just myspace.   

and everyone in your childs life too like teachers, coaches, pastors, guidance counselors,  friends parents etc. etc.  you have to watch for them all. 

as far as being charded with a sex crime involving a minor just for being seen by them while peeing in public perhaps people will refrain from peeing in public!  I can wholeheartedly tell you I've NEVER had to pee in public and I don't think to tough a thing to contain yourself from doing never mind in the company of a minor.    

  

As far as the sex offender register and them being punished the rest of their lives most victims of sex offenders feel this very same way and they had NO choice in the matter!  Frankly killing them isn't too upsetting to me though it's not the pc thing to say.  Of course I think they should start with the 3rd degree sex offenders &/or the ones most likely to reoffend.  Ther are MANY of them out there living in group homes on parol with kids being dropped off in their driveways practically.  If the government would just make it so one hand knew what the other was doing ie school system & correctional system perhaps it would be a much safer place.  Yes parents need to watch their kids but the offenders need watching too because as soon as you turn your head they will offend and they can blend into look just like anyone else.  A parent can "know where their kid is" all they want but if sex offenders are walking around scott free they're gonna get those kids.   

  

If there is a agressive and mean dog on the block I want to know where it is so that I can not only watch for it when or if I need to pass by that area but I want my kids to know in case it gets loose and heads in our direction & into a place it's not expected!  Watching for danger like a pedophile is part of a parents job to watch out for their kid!  That is them doing their job & turning a blind eye and saying "ahhh that could be an 18 yr. old having sex with his 16 yr. old girlfriend" is sticking your head in the sand. 

they're probably using computers right in school and the high schools and most libraries have computers online with services that the kids know how to use.  I agree children should be watched but they need to be *warned* too.  We've always had our computer in a central room here in my family room and so I am here but as they got older I didn't exactly watch right over their shoulder.   Where we live we've a chat room set up for our high school kids & friends of theirs who are invited I believe that was originally on IRC anyway the kids who have parents watching over their shoulder use ancronims (sp?) and they speak so one can hardly make out what their talking about when speaking to friends.  ie brb = be right back, afk away from keyboard, pitr = parents in the room, prw = parents are watching etc.  These are the ones I remember and know but they ve done this with all vocabulary and so mom could be watching right over their shoulder and not have a clue as to what is really being said and they all know that a parent is over a kids should because they tell each other.  Of course they then clean up the talk in the room until the pig =parent is gone.  Then they let loose once again.   

  

When we hold on too tight to a kid because we're trying to protect them some times we do more damage because they'll start to take offense.  Did you see the looks on those boys faces yesterday?  They will come up with online identities that she'll never find on that computer now and will be shut out of any info they would have given if she just *talked to her kids*.   If you want to "know what's going on" you want to ask them and tell them why you're asking!  "Look do you give out your number online to friends because there's pervs out there pretending to be kids".  Kids are not stupid and they hear what their parents are saying a lot more than we all think they do.   What parents need to do is *talk to their kids* and then listen too!  If you "trick them" to find out and do it in a decitful way they will not TRUST you any more to tell you stuff.   They need to know why you're doing what you're doing and they need toknow what the score is when it comes to these preditors.  or you'll have to be THERE no matter where they are.  A preditor can & will find them at school, CHURCH, on the sports fields and in any hobby of their interest.  Do you spend 24/7 with all 4 of your kids?  Unless you are they're in danger of a perv.   

  

    

  

  

and I have to tell you with my twin sons now 22 & my youngest 18 I'm winded from the "monitoring" of such things but like you say it's not easy.  Nothing in life worth while is easy though and we're doing the best we can in a VERY messed up world.   

  

I wanted to address you reall because I wanted to tell you that you sound so tired and frustrated "I thought her user profile was clean, I once again, discover something inappropriate".  I have to tell you I know this all leads to heated discussions etc. but I wanted you to know that from looking from the outside you ARE winning and a lot more than 1 arguement!  If you found something "inappropriate" that means she's not afraid to show it to you & not afraid to communicate with you.  You're privy to her private life and in the life of a kid & particularly a teen this is HUGE.  There are SO many parents that walk around not knowing anything because they're so strick "No myspace" that they're shut out of it all.  I think the mother on todays show is wrong for doing what she did and all she did was teach her sons that when she sees fit she'll use means of deceit to know what's happening in their lives.  If that wasn't bad enough she went on NATIONAL TV and humiliated them so much!  I'm certainly an adult now & have raised my own but I can honestly say if that had been me as a kid I'd never have told my mother anything ever again, because I would have felt I couldn't trust her (she uses deceit).  

  

You're a good mother becoming winded from the dicussions you're having trying to make a teen ager/kid see something that some times they're not really capable of & so at the same time you get to see the mistakes she's making freely to talk argument or not.  That teaches trust, honesty & communication.  Yours is a refreshing post and I thank you!