Message Boards

Messages By:

June 22, 2006, 9:58 am PDT

Why I Hoard

Now that hoarding behavior is becoming publicly noticed partly due to 2 Oprah shows and this Dr. Phil show, plus several features on TV news stations, etc., more and more people who have hoarding issues are coming forward. I am a hoarder so I am glad to know this. Getting to the bottom of our behavior could be as difficult as getting to the bottom of our piles. For myself, I can think of at least 10 reasons why I hoard: 

1. I need to rescue things
2. I am extremely sentimental
3. I don't like to waste things
4. I love many of my things (is that the same as #2?)
5. I might have ADD and can't seem to get things accomplished
6. I am a paralyzed perfectionist
7. I am lonely
8. I have been traumatized by losses in my life
9. I avoid dealing with my own issues and being "ME"
10. I am depressed 

  

Those are a lot of reasons, so healing from all that could be challenging! :) 

 
June 22, 2006, 10:05 am PDT

Reply to "Overwhelmed and overstuffed with stuff"

Quote From: pianomama

My hoarding is not to the extent of the guests today, but I listened with interest at the reasoning behind the hoarding.  My mother is a hoarder, however, her house is large enough to contain all the many possessions behind closed doors.  Mine is another story as well as my brothers.  I'm overworking as part of my addiction and don't have the time to get everything done.  It seems that paper multiplies while I'm away from the house.  My home is not dirty, just cluttered because I don't have enough area to "hide" everything.  My drawers and closets are in great shape; it's just the remaining "stuff" which doesn't have a "home".  I have wonderful hopes of getting everything in order, but get overwhelmed and don't know where to start.   

   

Part of my problem, which is also one of the problems where my brother experiences difficulty, is that our mother couldn't get rid of things and so she has given us her furniture, nick nacks, etc.  I visited my brother's house for the first time and it looked like a smaller version of my parent's home.  Spending time with him recently helped me see how our addictions are similar.  My younger brother, in his own way, responded to the clutter by keeping very little.  His wife says she knows when he has been with the family because he takes on cleaning out with a new fervor.   

   

I teach out of my home and I fear the parents are going back and telling other parents about my lack of skills in decluttering.  It's embarrasing, but I seem to try to laugh it off and just warn them about what to expect.   

   

I desperately need someone to help organize me.  Do you have any suggestions?    

   

Overwhelmed and overstuffed with stuff!   

Dear Overwhelmed, you might want to try joining our Yahoo group: 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Messiness-and-Hoarding/ 

It's an online support group for hoarders. Everyone in the group will understand what you are going through. Hope to see you there. 

 
June 22, 2006, 10:15 am PDT

Depressed, not lazy

Quote From: mystyrayne

I know someone who is might be a hoarder.  Her house is a rundown shack, broken windows, blankets and sheets stuffed in the windows, sheets for curtains, windows are filthy.  yard is overgrown, toys all over.  Inside is filthy.  Not just dirty.  FILTHY.  bags of garbage not taken out, dirty dishes EVERYWHERE. Including food left on dishes.   She is the sister of my best friend.  Best friend tells me, "You dont' know my sister, she's just lazy"   I'm sorry, but as lazy as my boyfriend is,  even HE isnt' that far gone. This woman is obviously mentally incapable of keeping the house clean and not throwing anything out.    I beleive she suffers very bad from depression, but my Best friend still thinks she is just lazy.  If that's lazy, I'd hate to see what depression looks like.   She's got 2 kids, they're 15 and maybe 12 or 11.  (boy and girl respectively)   I feel for them.  They must not ever bring anyone over their house.  :(  I bet they both move out when they turn 18, just like everyone else in the rest of the family did in generations before.  (some even 17 and 16, just to get away from the horrible family conditions...my Best friend included)

Dear Mystyrayne - 

Good for you for recognizing that your friend's sister suffers from depression not laziness. She needs understanding, not criticism. Sounds as if maybe you could be the person to reach out to her and let her know there is hope. She probably feels quite alone. 

 
June 22, 2006, 10:20 am PDT

Going through parents' estate

Quote From: lizajane2

We are closing my parents estate
Hey I feel ( tearfully) for all of you in you various situations with the common thread of  "stuff"
My parents had a normal house until Mom started collecting antiques- things just accumulated until they got too old to do much about it.

Examples
A 21/2 car garage- with no car- just boxes full of stuff ( and mouse debris) - and me (wearing surgical gloves) for weeks combing through it.
The bedrooms stuffed to the gills with boxes, etc; and even after the first 2 sales we ran, I found 30 more more pcs. of framed art in my old bedroom!

After a year and a half- the only thing we have to do is rip out the  pet odored carpets( wonderful hardwood floors) and do a final cleaning and we are done. ( deep clean and repair are done!)

It is such a slow process and there are emotions you didn't know you had, and the memories my bro. and I share and discuss are so valuable-
 
My  Dad repaired TVs( his shop was in the basement) in addition to his factory job at Goodrich. After we watched them do the final cart-off  of Dad's shop, my bro said he couldn't do anything the rest of the day he was so emotionally wiped out.

Finally clearing out Mom's BR and the dressing table which predates me, I opened one of the drawers and smelled that familiar perfume which so enchanted me as a little girl- I unexpectedly burst into tears.

Events we regard as so common on our lives growing up have more meaning than we will ever know.
If anyone is in the midst of clean up- remember- it Is possible to see the light at the end of the tunnel- but it takes time- and don't forget to cry.
I am feeling overwhelmed as we approach this last phase- but I must remember how far we've come!




Lizajane, I am sorry that you lost your parents and had to go through everything. I have been in the same situation. It took me 2 1/2 years to clean out my mother's house (my father died 12 years earlier). My mother had a mild case of hoarding but I have a moderate case of it. I have no children and find it very hard to part with anything of my parents (I was an only child and very close to them). On top of all that, my husband just died in Feb. at age 46 so I have no one left at all! So I feel a need to hold onto things and stuff from my parents and husband. I understand how you felt when you smelled the perfume. Hope things get better for you. Congrats on a great job with their house.
 
September 20, 2006, 12:17 pm PDT

I'M ON HER SIDE

I am watching the show as I write this. I am on Tasha's side but the audience is on Todd's side and it seems most of the posters here are too. Am I the only one that sees nothing wrong with having a free speech forum to expose sleazy people you have dated, no matter whether they are male or female?
 
September 20, 2006, 2:18 pm PDT

GROW UP AND STOP CRYING

Quote From: kmnking

This is for the little boy on stage: If you didn't do those things then why should you care Its called freedom of speech. Im sure you went off to all of your guy friends and talked about the girls you had.

I agree with the person who said this, but we seem to be in the minority.

 
April 26, 2007, 2:59 pm PDT

Lock him up

Quote From: dawn75

This guy is going to kill her.  If he can't have her, he'll make sure nobody else will have her either.  Put him in a psychiatric facility and tell her to move far away.

Dawn75, I agree with you. This guy is beyond fixing by Dr. Phil. Some of what he has done is illegal. Lock him up and then she needs to get away and possibly even change her identity. How awful!
 
April 26, 2007, 4:15 pm PDT

Congratulations

Quote From: shawnarae1

I thought I was watching my life on the show today.

 

 

I actually thought something was wrong with me because of the things he would do.

 

I got out after 8 years of abuse.

 

 

Shawnarae1 and all the other women who have written that they too were once in abusive relationships but have gotten out--

CONGRATULATIONS!!

I hope that this woman will soon join your ranks.

 
November 21, 2007, 2:38 pm PST

11/21 A Husband's Shocking Confessions, Part 3

Quote From: mo_gal28

I have to agree with you on this.  There is something about her and her own role in this mess that hasn't come to light yet.  I think she LOVES the attention of being the victim.  I certainly do think Wade is seriously screwed up, BUT....I think Michelle though not physically abusive, she is DEFINITELY manipulative, hooked on the "poor me" attention and probably has lived her entire life trying to be the victim in every situation that doesn't go her way.  I wouldn't want to live in a house with either her OR Wade.
Ditto what you folks said. Something is "off" with Michelle too. What about the Ambien incident? That remains cloudy. She says she only took 2. Then she sent Wade a text message to tell him she may have taken too many? Then when he got there she was completely unresponsive? Some links are missing here. Wonder why Dr. Phil didn't delve into it.
 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next Page | Last Page
Return to Message Board