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Messages By: catskat3

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July 25, 2005, 11:25 am CDT

Been more than once

I feel like an oddball and perhaps I'm not.  I guess I know that noone is REALLY alone when it comes to any subject or experience so here's mine to share.  If you're a victim/survivor then maybe my voice lent to yours will help you know that you are not alone either.  I have experienced sexual abuse from more men than I can count on one hand.  From the time I was 7 with an uncle, to my other uncles, my grandfather, my neighbors and even my dad in later years.  Its disgusting and sickening.  The worst thing is that I have taken all the pain onto myself and because of it, as one psychologist told me, I'm overweight as a protection against such occurances happening again...and again.  The more I think of it, the more I know she was right but still I can't stop myself and truly get a grip on my thoughts...enough to want to lose weight and look good.  When I have lost weight and my husband (of 26 years) responds, I feel sick inside, feel panicky, and I stop dieting.  I know I'm not alone.  I'm sure others here have experienced more than one incident with more than one man.  Although I hate men for this, I love my husband....am I just hopeless and crazy?
 
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September 20, 2005, 11:19 am CDT

I've got her number

Watching Michelle yesterday I caught on to her pain right away.  Look at her picture here on the home page.  The pain, depression and fatigue are so clearly displayed there.  I know that she's the latest villain in Dr. Phil's shows, but I caught something and I'd bet the farm I'm on target about her.  As she took her lumps from Dr. Phil, I noticed that she wasn't really trying to defend herself, because she knew there was no real defense for her actions.  I think the problems from her past have made her bitter.  I'll bet whatever it was that happened to her was never resolved and she's carrying it into her adult world.  Subconsciously, she' s gonna make her kids feel the same pain she did.  She is like the college kids who were pledges and had to take the abuse in order to fit in.  Well, she did it, suffered through it and NOW, its her turn.  When she said she'd been abused as a kid, did you notice that she wore it like a banner, a badge, an award.  To her, it was an accomplishment.  She had to suffer it, so will they.  Dr. Phil launched into her with both fists and both feet and a big set of shiny, sharp fangs.  She barely cried.  In my view, he missed her by a mile.  I wonder why he didn't ask her, "What do you get out of it?".  Isn't that one of his favorite questions?  But he didn't ask her.  If he had and she were going to be blunt and brutally honest, bet she would have said, "Revenge".  Her kids are her whipping posts for her past and sadly, speaking from experience here, she'll never be able to get revenge and she'll only grow more bitter.  In the end, she will wind up alone and unloved. 

 
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September 20, 2005, 12:16 pm CDT

My "I QUITt" Anniversary

On September 20, 1996, I threw away my emergency panic partial pack of cigarettes (or coffin nails if you prefer). 

  

Today everyone, I am celebrating my 6th anniversary, SMOKE FREE!!! 

  

It took me about 6 months to finally quit because I went at it differently than most do.  I realized that when I started smoking, I didn't start out by smoking a pack & a half a day.  Heck, it took me about a month to smoke a pack back then.  And I also realized that there are many drugs that you aren't supposed to just stop taking when you're giving them up.  You have to taper off of them so you don't have problems like strokes, heart attacks and severe depression and such.   

  

So I started out by leaving the pack home when I went to the store or shopping, little errands.  I also marked time on the clock.  I timed my smoking so that I couldn't have a smoke until at least 15 minutes had gone by and increased that to 1/2 hour, an hour, and so on.  I have to admit, I had some goofs.  I'd get caught away from home for longer than I'd planned to be and a few times I just had to buy a pack to get me home on.  I know the toughest smokes to deal with are the after meal and morning wake up smokes.  Those were really tough to control, but I did it. 

  

Finally I got to where I was keeping them in the fridge cuz I wasn't smoking them too much.  Maybe had 4-6 a day.  So one day I decided to really quit.  I threw away the partial pack in the fridge.  BIG MISTAKE!  I found that I panicked.  I didn't have them to fall back on and I panicked.  So I went out and bought a pack and put them unopened in the fridge.  I realized that I wasn't quite independent yet.  But, I also realized that just having them there was enough and I dealt with it. 

  

Perhaps my method will work for you if you're having trouble with quitting.  My way put me in charge of quitting and not trying to stick to some company's idea of how to quit.  And I wasn't replacing one habit for another, like the gum chewing and lollipop suckers. 

  

It was tough, but I did it.  And one last thing:  I broke down about a year after I quit.  I just HAD to have one.  Bought a pack, and wound up buying three more packs and smoked them all one day at a time.  But by then, I'd made up my mind that I wasn't going to pay someone to kill me.  It was easy to stop again and I've been off them ever since. 

  

I did it and so can you!!!! 

 
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September 22, 2005, 1:48 pm CDT

Gina & Linda

Hey ladies, I'm sure glad to hear of your attempts and truly hope you can make it.  I know its tough, sure do.  I started at 13 and quit at 49.  Was smoking one to one & half each day.  Its torcher but if you believe in yourself you'll make it.  Gina, keeping those emergency smokes around is a great help.  I realized that, as I wrote earlier, when I threw that partial pack out.  I felt like I couldn't think.  I really experienced panic and was fine after I got them.  If you're really determined to quit, then having them around won't do any harm. 

 

Linda, I love your counting, but hope its not actually putting pressure on yourself to go "just one more day"?  You'll have to keep all of us posted tho so we can root you on!! 

 

This is probably one of the very hardest things you'll have to do in your life, but I promise you, once your head clears and the fog rolls out, you'll feel so much better.  Food will taste better, your clothes don't smell anymore, you don't have to worry about having enough to get through the night and all that, you know what I mean. 

 

I was so desperate for cigs one year I actually walked to a mini market 2 miles from home in sub zero weather (lived in Wisonsin at the time) just to get them.  My husband couldn't get the car to start and he said he wasn't going to walk for cigs. 

 

My legs were truly BLUE when I got back home and it took forever to get the shaking to stop but boy howdy, I had my cigs!!!  Yeah, sad huh? 

 

So keep it up you two and I'll send a little prayer for you both for the strength and WISDOM not to kill anyone!!!! 

 

Kat 

 
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September 27, 2005, 11:44 pm CDT

New Cover on an old bed

I hate to admit it but this is nothing new.  We were doing this when I was in junior high, over 40 years ago.  Only thing different was we didn't choke each other.  Here's what we did.  With one girl standing behind me, I bent over forward, placing hands on knees and took 3 huge breaths in and out.  On the 3rd extremely deep breath, I hold in the air and stand up.  The girl behind me locks her arms around my ribs and then squeezes my chest as tightly as she can and just holds on.  My head begins to tingle, then my lips, my hands and then after about 2-3 minutes I being to go black.  Shortly after that, she lets me drop onto the bed.  I'm now in a twilight state.  Eyes are closed and the tingling is very extreme.  I move my tongue around in my mouth and get the tingling all around my mouth.  I am out for about 30 seconds or so, I guess, who knows.  I want to open my eyes but I can't yet. I don't have control over my body yet.  I can hear the girls laughing about how red my face it, and saying I don't look like I'm breathing, and they laugh some more, I look so silly.  Finally the rush is over and I open my eyes.  We all sit around on the bed and I share the experience with my friends and then its the next girl's turn.  Wasn't that fun?? 

  

Where were my parents?  At work, and being an only child, we usually come to my house cuz I don't have any siblings to tattle on us so its safe to be there.   

  

So if you think your sweet little Linda wouldn't do that, think again.  If you think your straight A student, James has no time for such nonesense, I'd check my thinking if I were you.  This is peer pressure and besides even though they've heard the 'scare tactic' stories, we know that could NEVER happen to us.  After all, we know how to do it the right way, we're smarter than that. 

 
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September 28, 2005, 11:44 pm CDT

Look at you girls go!!!

Lets see now:  Aggie - 7 months!! woooo hoooo!; linda12k - 6 months!! woooooo hooooo!!!; itsgina14 - one month - you goooo girl; anniesgran - 10 days and goin strong!!!  I think I can safely say for us all in here: "you make us proud!"  Never surrender, never give up!! :)  

  

I have to say I'm a little envious of you all, too.  Why?  Because I tried and tried to quit cold turkey.  I couldn't do it.  I chewed off my fingernails and was eyeballin my daughter's when my hubby (Gary) tapped me on the head and said, "Don't even think about it!". ! HEHEHEHE. 

  

What you are doin is so awesome and I'm so proud to be here, coming along, in on the journey towards freedom with you four.  Every post you ladies make is inspiring for someone out here who's not ready to talk to us yet, but he/she is reading and taking comfort, gaining strength from reading your posts.   

  

Linda, you're so right about watching out for those temptations, and yes they can be so sneaky about how they lure ya into failing.  For me it was those times when you light up without even thinking about it.  Suddenly there's a smoke in your hand and you can't remember lighting it up.  Sound familiar.  Yeah, those are the sneaky ones, the ones you have to really be on guard against..  That one that completes your first cup of coffee in the morning and tucks you in before youy close your eyes at night.  How about the one that substitutes for dessert after a meal or the one you have to light up before you enter a club or party where you don't really know anyone.  Its your best friend.  Its the one that calms you down, your sedative when the road gets bumpy.  The excuse for taking a little break and isn't that just what you say as you open the door?  "I need to take a little smoke break, be right back".   

  

Tell you what, though.  I don't smoke anymore and have been clean for 9 years as of Sept 20, 1996!!  And I know I won't go back to them, I'm positive, why?  Because I did break down about 6 months into my quitting.  I smoked 3 packs in as many days.  And the best part of this is that when I finished that 3rd pack, I simply didn't buy another pack.  I had really done it, really turned the corner and closed the door and I feel great. 

  

I believe in the four of you, I just KNOW you're going to succeed.  Why? Because you're all sharing with us.  You're checking in and sharing with us.  Putting it all out there for all to see.  I pray for you cuz I know how much it helps.  I know the struggle can be really touch.  Lean on us, we who are here sharing your stories and caring about each of you, because you matter. 

  

Take care, ladies and remember to lean on us, we're here for ya, we want you to succeed! 

  

Kat 

 
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October 10, 2005, 11:27 am CDT

Gina...you rock!!

Quote From: itsgina14

Hi Everyone, Been working alot lately, and with two little ones, its hard to find time to post. Hope everyone is well and still smokefree. It is now 1 month 2 wees 6 days and 35 minutes for me. I still find it a challenge, but it is getting easier. Gina

I know how tough this is, hun, but you're doing just fine!! I am soooo proud of you g/f.  Don't know if you are using anything to help qwell the cravings, but if not, grab a bag of peppermint hard candies.  You know, the ones you buy in bulk at the grocery store.  They're great for helping to stop that habit we all formed of touching our fingers to our mouths.  A lot of the problem in quitting is just that.  We have made it a habit, a sensory habit, and it sometimes needs to be addressed.  If you're doing fine without any 'crutches' ...hey... right on!!! But if you find yourself getting a bit too edgy, go get some little hard candies to satisfy that sensory habit.  It will help. 

  

Meantime tho, nice to know you're still going strong.  I don't envy any of you out there working on quitting!!!! Everytime I think, "I wonder how it would be to light up just one", I think about the aftermath, 9 years of clean breathing on the line.  Its not worth it.  Sides, I know, I'd get dizzy and sick to my stomach.  That would not do me any good.  And I would feel like I dirtied myself after all this time I've spent in cleaning out my lungs and all the power of breath that I have now.  Nope, its not worth it!! 

  

Take care sweetie and keep it up..   Oh, BTW, we haven't seen a head count from anyone lately.  Where's everyone???? 

 
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October 10, 2005, 1:14 pm CDT

If She Ain't Happy, Buddy, Neither Are You

We haven't seen the show yet here. Its on in about 45 minutes but from what I've seen of the preview of the show and knowing the way the doc deals with hubbies like this, I already know where this show is going.  Let me say this, just from my own experience, though.  Grant, if she isn't happy, hun, you're not gonna be either.  If she isn't smilin by the end of the day, you need to finid out why and change her day.  You love her, you married her.  Is this how you show love?  What if your father treated your mother like this.  Would you approve of you mom being dealt such a hand in life?  Bet not, huh?  Like the doc tells us all, Kelly.  We teach people how to treat us.  If you don't like the lesson, change it or get rid of the book it comes from.  I'm working on 29 years of marriage now and I tell you this much:  It really is the little things that count.  I sometimes make Gary's sandwiches for his lunch and for fun, I take a very small bite out of one of them.  He smiles, I know he does.  We give 'happy nothing's day' gifts, just 'cuz.  You BOTH have to work at keeping the love alive.  Can't afford a sitter?  Fine, put the kids down, pull out a candle, drag some old blanket out on the lawn, turn on the soft music and just lay out under the stars.  There's so much you can do.  If you don't wanna lose your love, you gotta work for it, every day in every way.
 
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October 11, 2005, 3:47 pm CDT

Molly REALLY needs a reality check

What bothered me most about Becky's story is her very obvious avoidance of her marriage.  Did you notice how she just totally skipped over her and Matt's relationship.  Since Molly was born its been all about the baby, the little daughter, the teenager, now the college student.  They're always been best buds.  Hmmm, isn't that a no-no in Dr. Phil's theory of child rearing?  We're their parents, not their best friends.  I got the very strong impression that her marriage leaves her cold, perhaps for years now and her mother/daughter relationship has been her world, not her marriage.  Becky's problem is that when Molly leaves, she's going to have to face Matt head on and with there being no foundation, I have to wonder just how long the marriage will hold up. 

  

I sort of speak from first hand experience here.  I'll never forget the day our youngest left home for the last time.  I can still feel the panic and confusion like it was yesterday.  One night we were watching TV and I looked at my husband and thought, "Wow.  Who is this guy and what do we do nowA?".  We had built our lives around our kids' lives so much so that now that they are gone, we had nothing but space between us, we had lost touch with each other, we had become strangers in our own home. 

  

Guess the doc could do a segment on how to avoid that happening to couples as they raise their kids.  Pay attention to each other and make sure you're not losing touch in your rush to raise your kids.  It was a sad testimony on our 'successful' child rearing that left our marriage in ruins. 

 
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October 12, 2005, 2:46 pm CDT

Theresa, are you kidding????????

Theresa should be ashamed of herself.  I couldn't help but see that poor kid, Ashlee, near tears talking about the frustration of trying to just be normal.  Can you imagine how her girlfriends must talk about her behind her back?  Ashlee must be totally confused wondering just what is so insanely horrific out there that she needs to be so completely terrified day and night.  Theresa KNOWS she has a problem dealing with this over protective out of control mind set she has, yet she has done nothing to correct the problem.  If she gets sick, she knows to go to the doctor, right?  Well, she is sick.  She has a mental disorder and yet she prefers to just let it control her life rather than get it handled by a professional.  She laughs it off all the time knowing she is damaging herself and her daughter, not to mention her husband every single day by acting so absolutely insane. 

  

And like Dr. Phil asked her, "How is she ever going to know how to handle situations if she never has anything experience in dealing with it?".  Most of us know we can't possibly protect our kids from things happening to them.  Its going to happen and all you can do is hope that your training and upbringing will see them through.  That they have the experience and knowledge that will enable her to come through it in tact. 

  

I am just stunned that this mother has gone this far and that her husband has done nothing to stop this from going any further.  Theresa, if you read these posts, I hope you get some professional help.  Ashlee looks confused and terrified.  She's got that "Waiting for the other shoe to drop" look about her.  I just bet she walks around nervously every day, wondering if today is the day that the horrible thing you're afraid of is finally going to happen to her.   

 

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