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Messages By: bigred80

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July 30, 2005, 3:00 am CDT

Hi

Hi everyone

 

I have a confession to make, I thought I was going great with the steps and about half way through I ground to a screeching halt. To begin with I thought that it was just because I took a break while the in-laws were staying, but then I realised that I was really just reading a book.

 

So far there is nothing that I haven't understood. To be honest I just don't know how to get back in to it.

 

I think that I need to start from the beginning and maybe slow down this time. But it is just so frustrating, alot of what is covered I already know. I think it is the stuff on figuring out myself and me reasons and triggers for my over eating that I am having problems with.

 

Anyway before I prattle on anymore, what do you think? Should I start again? Or any ideas on how to get back on track.

 

Thanks for the help

Natalie

 
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confused
July 30, 2005, 3:18 am CDT

Slightly off topic

Hi

 

I know this is slightly off the topic of career goals, but it as close to my question as I could find.

 

For me to ask my question first I need to give a little background. When I left school I worked in a few casual jobs until I was employed Full time for about four and a half years. In that time I had my son and chose not to go back to work. After a few months of being an at home mum I realised that I am the type of person who needs to be busy or I go nuts and clean everything. So I went back to work. I left that job a few weeks ago because it was completely unsatisfying and my boss wasn't a nice person.

 

Anyway I have had arrange of jobs from cashier, to cleaner, to day care even the defence force and I still don't know what I want to do. I must add that I am only 25.

 

I have this feeling of wanting to go somewhere, I just have no idea where that somewhere is.

 

Anyone have suggestions on finding/changing career?

 

Thanks

Natalie

 
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August 1, 2005, 2:34 am CDT

Thanks you so much

Thanks Suu

 

Well I have started the book from scratch. I am felling a lot more confidant this time around. Last time I was enthusiastic to start and more than I like to admit I just wanted to get to the information that I thought I needed the most.

 

There is a voice inside my head that says that I have no idea as to why I gain weight. And then there is the one that says 'are you crazy?'. I know what I have to do, I am pretty sure I even know what works and what doesn't for me, but I forgot on crucial thing, the reason I purchased the book in the first place: I needed to learn how to deal with me. So the me who can talk myself in and out of anything got hold and kept telling me I didn't need to do that exercise or the next one. I was only reading the book to get to the part that was "relevant' to me.

 

So I have to say that there is going to be a lot more messages on here from me, the ones when I know that I am running away with myself and need to decompress before I loose all the work I have done.

 

Thank you for your support and your advice, it is nice to know that I am not alone. And it is great to get advice from someone who has walked this road before me.

 

Natalie

 
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angry
August 7, 2005, 5:49 am CDT

Some people make me mad

As a mother I chose not to breast feed in public only because I didn't feel comfortable doing it. What I don't understand, is how some women feel the need to cover it up. It is not about exposing yourself, it is about fulfilling a life need (remember people the difference between needs and wants, early primary school for most!!!) The child needs to be fed. It is no simpler than that. 

  

You know what I find more offensive? People sitting in a food court, scoffing down junk food as it spills down their shirt, chewing with theirs mouths open and just basically looking like a PIG! 

  

A child is not born with shame, so why should it be forced upon them? 

 
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upset
August 8, 2005, 3:52 am CDT

Wrong end of the stick

Quote From: jettav

I didn't mean anything negative about "covering it up". There is a modest way to breast feed without having to expose your self to the community and that is exactly what I did. I was "comfortable" with breastfeeding where ever and when needed but had absolutely no desire to show off what I had. I felt the need to feed my children when they needed to be fed but had no problem covering myself up with a cloth. I wasn't ashamed or uncomfortable, but I am very modest when it comes to my body. I don't have a probelm with people knowing that I am a nursing mom but they don't have to have it "visualized" for them. I felt the need to cover myself, no different then you not being "comfortable" doing it in public. You didn't go out because how you felt, I didn't show myself cause of the way I felt. What's the difference? I agree that it isn't about exposing your self, but you did choose not to" expose" your self out IN public, I made the the decission not to "expose" myself WHILE out in public. Now, at home, I had no problem, I didn't cover myself. Just becasue a mother nurses in public doesn't mean every one has to see her breast. Now, if others don't have a problem showing off their breast to the public, then I guess that is up to them and their choice but in my opinion it doesn't show much dignity. Like I said there is a modest way of doing it without being exposed.

I agree with you 100%, you do what feels comfortable and what is necessary. I think that a few key words jumped out at me and instantly I saw red, the temper of a red head, I never used to believe that I had it, guess I do:) 

  

Here in Australia alot of places (shopping centers mainly) have accommodated for parents by creating the "parents room". Like yourself, if I was out and baby was hungry, he was first priority. But due to these rooms it almost felt like I was being segregated, out of sight out of mind. 

  

There was a time when I was in a waiting area, sitting on a nice comfortable couch when I heard those cries, so I fed my son. A sales guy came over and asked if I would be more comfortable somewhere else, me being me did not pick up on what he was saying until later. 

  

I recall an instance when I was bottle feeding my son, I was not far from a parents room, but we were having lunch and that meant I would have had to pack everything up and move. So I fed my son at the table. I was made to feel so uncomfortable by an elderly lady who was sitting near us. She kept looking from me to the sign that directed you to the parents room. I was so blown away, the whole time I kept thinking, "what if I were breastfeeding?". 

  

I cannot begin to understand what goes on in these peoples minds. I wonder if there hadn't been such a hoo ha about breast feeding in public, weather I would have been less concerned about doing it. 

 
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August 9, 2005, 3:34 am CDT

A sigh of relief

Quote From: cinemaven

As a first time mom of a 2 y/o (many years ago) I took him to the doctor to explain that he was starving himself. The doctor took one look at my li'l butterball and laughed at me!!  

  

She asked me to keep a food diary and make sure my babysitter (my parents) also did so.  

I couldn't believe how much he was eating.  

Breakfast, I'd cut up apple and banana and orange slices and he'd pick and leave about 1/2 on his plate. He'd be off to my parents where he'd have "a few wee slices of cheese" and a cup of soup for lunch. Snacks of cheerios, crackers with peanut butter, papa's tomatos fresh from the garden. Dinner of a little of this and a little of that. It really added up when you looked at it all together.  

It really had seemed to me that he was only eating a tiny bit of what we gave him but we were giving him enough to feed 5 kids his size.  

  

When we moved the year he was 2, we found caches of cheerios (and dustbunnies) under the fridge and stove and he wanted to bring his treasure trove with us!! (ick!!!)  

  

He's 18 now, 6'4" tall and about 120 pounds (think Jack Skellington from nightmare before christmas) and he has the appetite of someone 3X his size.  

I saw this topic and I thought I could get some advice for my eat nothing, nearly two, son. What you said is sooooo true! My husband and I are three meals a day kind of people, so when my son doesn't want to eat when we are, I panic. But then I thought about what he eats over the day and I have to ask myself how come he doesn't look like a fifteen year old with the amount that he eats. 

  

Thank you so much. Now maybe dinner will be a bit less stressful, unfortunately I still have to pick up the food off the floor. Luckily some makes it in to his mouth! 

 
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frustrated
August 10, 2005, 5:21 am CDT

Key two

Okay I am having a really huge problem getting through key two! I am trying to listen to my automatic thoughts, but by the time I realise what is happening I am already through my second or third helping. I must admit tonight at dinner time, when I went back for a second helping I noticed, I can't remember ever noticing that I was eating more than what I needed to. But I still listened to those thoughts that make me have more, I can't seem to let go. 

  

This is really hard to explain. There is a logical part of me that as I am having more food than I need and asks why, but I can't seem to let the better part take hold. The times that I realise what I am doing I resent myself for having the ability to say no to myself. It is like being torn between good and bad shoulder angels. 

  

Is there anyone who had similar problems or has any advice. 

  

Thank you Nat 

 
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August 13, 2005, 4:51 am CDT

What would I do with out you?

Thank you Suu and Dolly for your support. You were right, I was on my third go through key two when it just 'clicked'. I was discussing my problem getting through key two, with my husband and I asked just one question and I knew his answer before he said anything. So between the two of us we have made a game plan to help deal with my binge eating. 

  

It was such a relief to see the answer. So I have to say thank you again for your support. If I didn't have someone out there to give me that little 'shove' when needed, I know it would be so easy to give up. 

  

Natalie 

 
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August 30, 2005, 4:19 pm CDT

Have I got this right?

Quote From: renagade

I can relate to you to some degree.  My background is finance/accounting and after being fired from almost every job I have had because I tried to show them that the accounting needed cleaning up or they were week in this/that area - I finally went out on my own.  I then found out that business owners were a lot of the times afraid to know what was actually going on - so let sleeping dogs lie. 

  

I then heard about this book 'Rich Dad - Poor Dad' that was about the authors father who had an earned Phd in education, rose up to be Superintendent of schools and died broke - the other dad who was actually his best friend in schools dad never went past the 7th grade, owned a couple of businesses and when he died he left and estate of 10 million.  It was about the way these two men thought.  They only agreed that education was the best thing for you and Tuesday was the day that came after Monday!  They disagreed on everything else. 

  

Reading this book I found out where I was wrong, and have set out to change things which I am in the process of doing.  I found out that I didn't want to 'as the author says - be a slave to a paycheck and wait for a retirement that may not be there'.  The author says that most people do not use their brains to its fullest.  The other factor he says is to create wealth - and that is exactly what I am attempting to do. 

  

Rog 

Thank you for your advice. Are you saying, that instead of focusing on my insecurities and failures, I should be focusing on my abilities and goals?  

   

I have thought about stepping out on my own, starting a business, fear always holds me back. My husband and I have had great ideas for business, but as soon as the idea is out there we are talking ourselves out of it.  

   

My goal in life isn't to be super rich (however it would be nice!), but to be happy and be able to provide a future for my son, whatever he wants to do. All I want is to be is "comfortable". But along the way I want to being doing something that is right for me. I don't see the point of having money and being to depressed, overworked etc to enjoy it.  

   

Thank you   

Natalie  

 
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hopeful
September 2, 2005, 10:39 pm CDT

Career Goals

Quote From: renagade

Why on earth are you focusing on your insecurities and failures - this is one of the prime reasons people don't get ahead.  Insecurities and failures are not the same.  An insecurity is either real or imangined.   If it is real ok - deal with it and correct it if possible - if not - forgetaboutit.  A failure can and should be a learning tool.  Every time you fail at something - fine - learn from it. 

  

Yes - Natalie - you should be focusing on your abilities and goals.  I don't know why you arn't in the first place??? 

  

Is it fear of failure or fear of being successful, or fear of standing out from others that holds you back?    I further read about 'Rich Dad Poor Dad' that Rich Dad  had failures and made many mistakes - and he learned from each one.  I am doing the same.   I am waiting for one last ok to finish my website - and am waiting for another item to happen (lets say Part B). 

  

If your thinking of starting a business pick an area that you know a lot about, feel comfortable with, and can have fun with - yes have fun with. 

  

The other item that I employ and don't imploy is - I don't use a 'positive mental attitude' - I use a 'factual mental attitude' - this means that I deal with life as it comes.  Too many people that have a positive mental attutide get angry over negatives that happen - they say 'no I'm only going to be positive today - well how about being real. 

  

It is good that your goal is not to be superrich - making money should never, never be a goal.  Having a business that gives people what they want, and that belives in Customer Service Par Excellencant well get you there.  I read an article on customer service that said 4% of the people complain the other 96% go home angry - this is what will kill any business. 

  

Let me know your thoughts.              Rog 

How is it that someone you don't know, can make you ask yourself the questions that you normally don't even acknowledge?   

    

Three of your questions all made an impact on me. Fear of failure, fear of success and fear of standing out are for sure the things that are holding me back. I am a learn from mistakes person, that is one of the things that I have always lived by. As a student I was very scared of not being right, so I did nothing and only just graduated high school. So at some point I decided to ask more questions and let myself be wrong. Not only did I learn more, but I was happier with myself.   

    

So now I am pretty certain that my two areas of concern are as always money and what I think is most important, stepping out of my comfort zone. Basically there are two options I am considering, one is to join the police force or two is to open a cafe in a newly developing local shopping center.   

    

Two jobs, poles apart. But both are very enticing to me. But both are going to require a whole heap of commitment from me and that is where your questions hit home. To join the police force is going to require a lot of time and dedication, both of which will take me away from my family.   

    

The Cafe option for me, although it would be expensive, is the safe option. As crazy as it seems this is also the scariest option. It is what I know, when I left school I studied to be a chef, and then took a job in hospitality in the defence force. I know I want to try something new and my own business would no doubt provide that, but if I get it wrong, my family looses, if I get it right, is it really what I want to commit my time to?   

    

On the other hand if the police force doesn't pan out, we haven't lost anything. I just continue looking for another job.   

    

It is crazy, a few years ago getting a job was all about me, now it is all about us. Nothing like some pressure to make you feel mad.   

    

Thank you for helping me, it is good to have some wisdom. And someone to bounce my ideas off of.   

    

Nat   

 

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