Messages By: derevna33

Quote From: mgrant1211

I would like to know how a man can be the leader when he is living with a woman like her on your program.  He can't get a handle on the situation.  Women can talk about how they feel sorry for her, but she is the one with the problem.  She needs help.  I know couples in this situation and the woman wants to be in control and there is nothing a man can do with her and he knows he will not get custody of his kids and he has to see her continue her behavior in front of her girls.

 

Women need to take their place in the home and be in submission like God told them to.  I am a widow and my husband and I raised 4 kids.  We discussed how things were going to be but he had the final say and it works.  It is not politically correct anymore and this is what is wrong with  families now. 

 

Men think they have been so loving that their wives have been easy to get along with and it is when the woman takes her place that the man can be loving.  A man needs a place to come home to after he has worked all day.  He doesn't need a place where there is an upheaval all the time.  

 

You came down on her and you should have been with a woman like her, but I don't know how a man can step up and be the leader when she won't let him.

 

Gladly in subjection to my husband.

Quote From: dentistorbust

hey.. this is jeremy from the show.  I am thankfull that you see that every relationship is two sided.  I know that Jennie has felt like she was a bit thrown under the bus on this show.  It was a stretch for us to go on the show. especially for me.  I am a fairly private person, and don't like the idea of airing our dirty laundry out for the nation to see.  I am regretfully aware that I contribute a lot to the disharmony in my home.  I know that both of us need to take a good hard look at what things are truly important in life, and put our children at the top of our priority list.  It is good to hear that you found a way to improve your marriage.  what did you do to evoke a change, and what do you suggest we do?

Quote From: mom42_1963

I think your story is worse than mine.  It sounds like you did the very right thing on getting out of that marriage.

Did you happen to remarry?  Well if you didn't do you know that if you stay single till you are sixty five you can draw a percentage of his social secrutiy and he has nothing to say about it.  I think I might do that because he will surely have more social secruity than me.

 

Thank you for replying to my message.  It is nice to talk to someone.

 

Quote From: dentistorbust

thank you for your comments.  I am afraid if I took my kids and ran,,,,, it would be the end for jennie. she loves her kids very much.  I remain hopefull that she will get help to be the best mom possible whether we are together or not.  Your comments are appreciated however.

Quote From: mom42_1963

I am sorry it got worse.  I hope and will be praying that your life will get better.  I have learned that the way everything was so bad in my life the only way to go is up.  I have been at my lowest and now I am on to the the top.  I have two goals.  One is to live at least to be 65 years old and to have my teaching degree by the time I am 50 years old.  The man I am with now is a man who gives me a lot of support.  He tells me I will be right behind you helping you with whatever you need to get through school.  It is not his money that is helping me it is his word of encouragement that is getting me through this tough new life.

Keep your chin up and think positive and everything you are looking for in your life will come your way.  Also keep your eyes and hears toward God he will help with whatever you need.  Keep praying your prayers God does not get tired of hearing them.  He says, "ask and ye shall recieve. Amen.

Quote From: jlarson

You are not alone - and it's not all your fault.

I had a difficult son and went through alot of what you're going through.  I pride myself in being a well adjusted, intelligent, successful person - but at the time (6-7 years ago) I guess I wasn't.

While he was a teenager he drove me crazy - I don't mean that in some abstract way - I mean he literally drove me insane - he pushed my buttons and I snapped every time (yes - yelling and screaming until I thought my head would burst) - but it wasn't me - I really feel like it was temporary insanity.

Was I a bad person?  NO - there is no doubt in my mind that he was doing it intentionally - he knew exactly how to  get that reaction out of me - it was a game, a power struggle - and he won every time.

But my son was difficult from the time he was born and he consistently played this same game with everyone in a position of dominance.  In kindergarten he made the teacher's aid cry, in grade one he did it to the principal who happened to be subbing that day - his response when I picked him up from the principals office - which I did on a very regular basis (remember he was only 7) was that he "kept doing it until she couldn't take it anymore".

HOWEVER, could I have changed what was happening?  maybe - I was young (early 20s), didn't know much about parenting or what was or was not normal.  maybe I should have had him psychologically examined?  I can tell you he is (always was) definitely well above average intelligence so I'm sure that contributed to it and maybe I didn't have the tools to deal with it.  But I love him more than life itself and I've tried to show him that.

The real problems started when he hit puberty - the power struggle hit a new high.

To complicate matters his Dad and I divorced when he was about 10 and I'm sure that was very difficult for him to deal with.  Of course then there was the new step-Dad, and that probably didn't help matters.

 

The turning point for my son was when he got his first real job  (we gave up on school after grade 10 - there was no way I could force him to go but I told him if he wasn't going to school he had to get a job and pay rent).  The job really boosted my son's confidence and self-worth.  He now has a very good job and is well respected by his employer and other business people.

I'm very proud of him and I always knew there would be great things in store for him if I could get him through adolescence.

Sadly, I still feel that our relationship is not very close and it really hurts.

 

DR PHIL - I NEED YOUR HELP! 

First let me say that I don't think you have an appreciation for the situation that this family is in.  Having been there myself - I'm not a bad, crazy, mother - although there were times I certainly felt like it.

I don't think it was helpful at all to have Robin say what a perfect family you have.  I'm happy for you that your family is so great and I'm sure you and Robin are mostly responsible for that but I don't see how that was helpful to hear for this family.  It doesn't do any good to point fingers - why not look at what the real problem is.  When this happened to me it I can see now that it was because of other issues happening in my life that I wasn't able to deal with the situations with my son - if someone had paraded a perfect family in front of me and told me what a bad mother I was I would have told you where to go. So SHAME ON YOU for doing that to this woman.

 

But I haven't given up that perhaps you can help me.  So,  now that my son is an adult how can I mend our relationship - I think he's mad at me for some of the choices I made (ie leaving his Dad).  I went through a really hard time where I know I wasn't 100% there for him, I've tried to talk to him but he won't open up. What can I do?

 

Quote From: dixie88

You raised this child.  She is your responsibility. What can you say that's good about her? Nothing in this post.  It's awful reading things like this about kids.  Nobody is "fully cooked" before age 25.  That's from Judge Judy. It's a fact that the human brain is not completely grown before age 25.  So why are you expecting adult behavior from someone whose brain isn't even finished developing?  You say you've tried tough love.  What about Kind Love?  Of course she doesn't care about tomorrow.  She's a kid!  But if you really have such a terrible opinion of her, tell her she has 2 months to save up rent money & by X date, she is to move out.  Then don't expect a relationship with her.

Quote From: dixie88

Hugs to you!  Thanks for your input & may you find love to replace what you didn't get at home.  You sound like a great guy.

Quote From: studentmom08

I have been separated from my husband for almost a year. He told me he would support my family financially while I attended school. I wasn't even through my first semester when he walked out. I have gone through many changes. It has been hard. He hasn't formally filed for a divorce, but he may as well have. I was ignored for my birthday (not one call or text), our 4 year anniversary, and the recent holidays. I will continue to go to school to get my degree. I will never be able to trust a man ever again with my or my children's welfare. My children are 12 and 19, from previous relationships. I would say that too many people rush into relationships and marriage when they really don't know the person. I was with my husband for 2 years (on & off), before we married in December of 2003. I THOUGHT I knew him. I guess now I really didn't. Ours is a "disposable society" where if one doesn't like something or someone, it is/they are "traded-in" for the new, improved model. Tip: Never marry someone 12 years YOUNGER than you, either. I thought that would not be an issue between us; in the end it was as clear as day. Both people in the marriage have got to want to make it work. That is where I got stuck. The more I tried to include my husband back in my life; the more he ignored me and blew me off. It has been a hard and gut-wrenching experience, and I guess one can say that I have learned something from this.