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derevna33
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January 24, 2008, 7:40 am PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: eguiguren

I heard a phrase one day:

'The only perversion with sex is not doing it'.

Ja, ja, in that case I'm most definitively not a pervert.

I also think that if a couple decides to talk about their sex lives with the children, it's their decision. All this mistery with sex makes children more curious and might send the wrong message... that sex is not a topic your parents want to talk about. If you are open they might see it as a normal human activity that takes place also in their parents bedroom.

People in this Board is so uptight...

   Are you real?   Are you making that up?   

   Dragging children into an active sex life is considered abuse in my area.  It 'contributes to the delinquency of minors.'


 
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derevna33
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January 27, 2008, 7:56 pm PST

01/28 The Baggy Pants Debate

Quote From: thatrabbit

Since when did it become right or fair for anyone to tell you what you can wear, unless it's a parent and a young child. There are so many more important issues that people should be trying to resolve. If the males are not going to be allowed to wear baggy jeans are they going to stop women from wearing short shorts or skirts, low cut tops, or pants that are too tight ? We all know some women who should not be dressing this way do, at least the males are covered up and don't have any body parts hanging all out. A female can just as easily hide a weapon in her shirt as a male can in baggy pants. I think if you see something you don't like look the other way instead of continuing to look. I know this show hasn't aired yet but I saw the previews.

 

   The problem is that the males are not covered up.  When a fellow should wear size 34, and instead he wears a 42, with the crotch down to his knees, it is easy for his friends to de-pants him in the hallway or cafeteria or gym.  There is a rule now in the high school that I attended that the third time your friends drop your drawers and your colored underwear go with them, you have to start wearing suspenders.

    I know it's funny.  The local high school insists every year they have to buy a dozen or so more suspenders.

  
 
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derevna33
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February 8, 2008, 7:26 am PST

02/08 "My Worst Valentine!"

Quote From: nannydue1

I realize that I have gained a little weight over the years but really......Dr. Phil's Weight Loss book is not an appropriate Valentine's gift.

  

     Was it what you actually wanted?

     The most thoughtful, personal gift I ever helped a man give his wife as a present was . . .  dirt.  My best girlfriend, Sena, was raising African Violets.  She had all the pots she need to transplant them, but she needed several cubic feet of African Violet potting soil.  As her bff, I informed her husband, Steve, that Sena hoped and prayed for him to go down to Home Depot and purchase it.

    "Are you sure?" he asked me. 

     "Yep, Steve.  If you don't buy her some dirt for Valentine's Day, Sena's gonna be real disappointed.  Candy and flowers are nice, but Sena would be happier with the dirt."
 
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derevna33
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February 9, 2008, 10:30 am PST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: grosvo

 I have seen preview of this topic for a couple of weeks now.My stomach felt sick and I started to shake.It's not like I forget it happened to me,but to know someone else went through what I did.

  I was also 9 when my mother walked in the room and found my father abusing me.I can still feel that moment when my mother said my name and asked what had I done.I remember feeling so dirty,wonder why she was angry with me.My father had been abusing me from my earliest memories.My mother also stayed with my father for a year after she found us together.My father never abused me again since then.But years later found out he abused my younger sisters(I was the oldest).

  At the time my mother found us,I remember her trying to call the police and my father took a gun and pointed  it at my little sister head(she was about 3).He told my mother and myself that he would kill her if we told anyone.

  Many years later ( 1991) my sister(3 of ) and I pressed chargers against our father and he got 18 years in prison served 13 and is out now.

 I am now 52 years old ,a mother of 3 and grandmother of 2.

  I guess I just wasn't prepared to see my past on Dr.Phil and to know how far you come in your healing it is always there.

patricia

 

     I understand this topic too well. 

     Are you going to be able to deal with this issue enough to even watch the show?  I'm not sure I will.  The damage that jerk did to my body was nothing in comparison to number he did to my mind.    

 
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derevna33
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February 10, 2008, 1:01 pm PST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: ladyehawke

 1st, thanks to all who posted.  We are the brave ones; we are the couragious ones.  I don't know that I'll be able to watch this program.  I'd want to ask "she who gave birth" to this precious lady, "What were you thinking?"  I'd want to ask the "biological sperm bank" , "What were you thinking?"  I was about age 4 when my father began making nightly visits.  His one brother molested me, I think just once.  My father used to take me to the bars.  One time, if I recall correctly the patrons "played" with me.  My mother physically, verbally, emotionally abused me.  The sexual assaults stopped, at least, from them when my youngest sister turned about age 4.  I tried in 1985, when I was yet in counseling, to confront my parents.  They denied it.  My mother said that I was making it up and to just forget about it.  She also said that I must have enjoyed what my uncle had done.  I stopped any contact w/ them after that.  They haven't seen my four wonderful children, attended any weddings, or seen my grandchildren.  My husband and I made one more attempt in 2003.  My father exploded -- nothing new -- and my mother talked about how hard life had been for her living with him.  That's it.

 

           Typical.  My father was not the one who abused me.  It was an elderly  neighbor who did "free babysitting."  Over 15 years, he amassed about 30 victums.

          Still, when my mother found out about the abuse to my sister, she didn't behave one bit better.  My favorite is hearing all about how I had "seduced" him.  (I was 4 and one half.  My dear, sweet little sister was only 3)

          Mom's favorite advice has always been for me to forget about it.  It didn't happen.  I'm imagining it.  I guess it means that unpleasant things are not allowed to happen in her wonderful little world.  To her, or my sister.  I have always felt responsible.  I probably always will.   
 
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derevna33
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February 10, 2008, 5:04 pm PST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: deanna1954

     I was abused when I was 12-13 by my biological father.   I told my mother and was taken to a psychiatrist to see if I was lying.  Psychiatrist said since I had a vivid imagination, I was probably lying.   I attempted suicide after my mother wanted to put me in a bedroom downstairs with a lock on the inside to keep my father away from me.  I said no.  I went into a foster home and my mother had their phone number changed so I couldn't call my siblings and my siblings were told I was sent away because I was not obeying the rules.  To make a longgggg story shorter,  I moved away (myself) to my Grammys after my Grandfather passed away, and I lived there till my mother decided I was NOT going to be raised by anyone but her and my father.  So, they followed me, and I had to move back in with them.   My father continued (not physically touching) to spying on me when I was bathing, and playing with my underwear.  I soon married, to get away, and mother stayed with my father till he died.  She now still doesn't believe me, and I had been told I was the reason their marriage was so bad.  I am an outcast and I suppose I will be the rest of my life.  My mother now has said she wishes I had never told my youngest brother about my molestation, since it has soo upset him, well booohooo.   I am bitter, and still angry at the treatment I still receive about this, and I guess I will never get over it.  Dr. Phil,  I have been in councelling, and still, this is a thorn in my side.....any suggestions?   Your Biggest Fan,  Deanna

   

       Do you really want to keep the peace?  That is easy.  All you have to do is remember that you are the least important member of the family.  Everyone else matters more.  Especially since the abuser is more important dead than you are alive!   You are the one that made your mother her lose her illusion that she had one big happy family! 

    Yep, I've been there myself. 

     You aren't as alone, or as crazy as you feel.

    

 
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derevna33
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February 12, 2008, 7:24 am PST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: grosvo

 I am planning on taping the program and take my time watching it.My husband is here for me if I need him to be,but I think I need to watch it alone.
   That's a good idea.  This way you have more control of the situation now, than you had over the situation then.  If you have to stop the tape for a few days, or hours, or minutes, you can.
 
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February 15, 2008, 7:29 am PST

02/15 Living on a Prayer

Quote From: ramair

Isn't it "funny" how people will use "God" as a way to justify being too "sorry" to provide for their family? As a pastor, you know the Bilble says a man who isn't providing for his family is worse than a infidel. I wonder how this father of seven missed that verse. Or, if he's ever bothered to read the Bible.

 

     He goes off on a mental trip to La-La Land.  He isn't concerned with reality at all.  "The Lord will provide." 
 
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February 16, 2008, 2:58 pm PST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Quote From: cate45

This will be a sad show. My biggest personality problem is that I had a Mom with a drinking  problem, no she was a drunk, but when she was straight she was a  great dresser, a red hat wearer, a real looker but she had that awful disease. I have listened to you enough to know that both you and Robin had alcoholic parents, and it  is sad. The thing is you can not walk away from them. You have to learn to live your own life and detach from their lives. That way you can still see them but realize that they have their life and you have yours. My Mom lived to be 80 years old. She was diagnosed with dementia and she forgot that she drank and  smoked when she was 78. But hey, she could watch "It's a Wonderful Life" 52 times in a row and love it like it was the first!

 

Good luck to the daughters! 

 

    Having been a co-dependent myself, married to two alcoholics, I can understand how those girls feel.  It is terribly painful watching someone that you love drink themselves to death.  Logically, we know they should stop drinking.  Because you are the only sober person, you feel that you should take over, and make decisions for them.  So, we wheel out or ultimatums!

      "Sober up or Else!"

      It doesn't work.  The drunk misses booze, the great love of their life.  The drunk blames you, and drifts off on a pity-party with a keg of beer tucked under each arm.  
 
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February 17, 2008, 10:19 am PST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Quote From: tats_me

While I didn't grow up with an alcoholic parent, I am living with one.  It is a horrible disease and I am greatly affected by it.  Right now he hasn't been home in almost two weeks.  There is no place to leave him a message and his only thoughts are the bottle, not me.  I wish I had the backbone to end this but I love him.  Despite being told by all my friends to pack his stuff up and put it by the curb, I am not that person who can do this.  I hold on to the person he is and was before the alcohol become his mistress. 

 

      What about you?  Why are you so content to be second place to a thing?  He has made his choice.  He has chosen alcohol.  He has been gone two weeks.  If you aren't the person who can do this, ask your friends to help you do this for you. 

     It would be a hell of a fun party! 

     Invite me!
 
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