Messages By: derevna33

      It is difficult to have a happy marriage when you are a teenager.  Being 19 doesn't make it any easier or any more difficult to be married.   

      Meanwhile, what are Tim and Lilly to do?  They seem realistic.  They understand they should have professional counseling going into their marriage.  And part of this counseling involved finances.  The youngest couple had the most knowledge and best grip on the role of money within a marriage.  $20,000 first prize will help them on their way.  

         Family squabbles only become worse when the legal system is drug into the midst. 

         This problem goes on in my family also.  My brother--who is 48--is now in the middle of a squabble with his stepson and his wife over the children.  Half the time, my brother, Ralph, has custody of his grandchildren.  The state of Washington has agreed that children's best interest are not  are with their natural parents.  My brother and my sister in law have accused the natural parents, their children, of everything from neglect to drugs and thievery, Ralph and Holly expect to have a good relationship with everyone involved. 

           It isn't easy.  It sure isn't realistic.

           I believe that women have a competitive nature.  We compete with one another over some of the most inane things.  My mother loves a good competition with me over who is the best parent.  And, nothing makes her happier than my unhappiness.   She gets to lord it over me to her heart's content.           

      How many times did you mention the wrongs done to you in that paragraph?  Need we enumerate them?  "She didn't get up with him in the morning, I DID!"  "She did not stay home with him when he was sick, I DID!"  And, you go on and on and on and on and on in the same ridiculous tone throughout the message.

    "Would you walk away from this child?  What do you do if not the courts?" 

    Your child is your daughter.  Remember that your first loyalty should be to her.  Fighting about your grandson poisons the relationship you have--or should have with her.  

     Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?    

      As a bride, I was the guest of honor.  This was the largest party that my parents ever hosted in my honor.  They paid the bills.  They invited whom they wanted.  All I was required to do was look gorgeous, smile, and have a happy marriage.   Everyone else had a fine time at the party . . . I didn't even stay to the end.

     It is difficult to be the hostess, the party planner, and the caterer at such a large event.  It kept my mom busy for months.  I didn't even try.  I'm glad because I spent the evening in a daze.  I was happy and excited and enjoying the party.    

         I must be a different type of person than the two guests on the show.  They live in a fantasy world, untroubled by reality.  They aren't liars; they are pretenders. They want to find love and happiness in a make believe world.

   When I am on-line, I do not have an agenda.  I don't want things from other people.  I certainly won't lie or delude myself.  I am not that kind of "friend," 

     Why the fixation on being a blond with double D's?  It isn't so great.  I understand why you say you could post things to suggest that you are a doctor or lawyer.  Perhaps that is very common on-line.  Several people here on this board have done that to make their opinions seem important.

      Do you take what people say here seriously?  

        So, you'd make a pretty good on-line friend.  Basically,  you tell the truth.  You are what you say you are. We agree on many points, and we can have a discussion without getting our feelings hurt.

         Be proud of your home and family!  Being a "brunette housewife" is the hardest and most rewarding job.  And we have no social status whatever.  We almost apologize for working 12-18 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and no retirement benefits, time off, or even sick leave.  I suppose what a housewife most longs for is adult company.  I once went two months, and no one called me by my first name.  I was Mommie or Ooots.  I almost forgot my own first name.

     I'm not Dr. Phil, but I can still give you a perfectly good opinion.

     Make yourself a list of "three things that I love about my husband."  If it takes more than 5 minutes to decide, you have your answer.

      And then, you have to decide whether you are in a marriage by yourself.  It sounds as if he is off in La-la-land.  Then, you have to decide why you allow him to decide how you will live your life.  He is not going to change.  He is happily on-line with all the fantasy women he wants. 

   I agree that a professional counselor will be helpful. 

   When my first marriage broke up, I was that upset myself. Basically, I lost my appetite.  I lost 40 pounds in three months.  When my second marriage broke up, I didn't care much if I lived or died--but I hated the idea of killing myself and missing the 2006 Olympic Games.  I cared about figure skating.