Messages By: despwife15

The decision to not have your daughter stay at your MIL's house without you is a good one. You have to listen to your intuition on this...you are right about this woman, something isn't "right" with the way she is.  

Its only natural for a baby to crawl and then walk, and to drink from a sippy cup and then from a regular cup!! It sounds like she is desperate for attention, any kind of attention, even from a baby, thats why she will take the baby in another room to be alone with her- because she needs the one on one attention from the baby. I suggest following her when she does that!! She is using the baby to fullfill her needs, and its not healthy for the baby to grow up with the burden of making sure her grandmother is happy, its suppose to be the other way around!!  

Its going to be difficult for your husband to fully realize what his mother is doing because this is the woman he was raised around, so to him, some of her behavior is seen as 'normal' and other behaviors he might know are not normal, yet its just too difficult to admit that the person who is supposed to love you would do things harmful to you and/or your child. Who wants to admit that their own mother is a lieing manipulating sneak? Its not easy. But your husband needs to realize that the happiness of your child is in yours and his hands, and it is in your child's best interest to protect her.  

Keep smiling when you see your MIL and ask her about her life.. usually people like her love to talk about themselves. It is unfortunate that your husband and his mom aren't as close as they used to be, but how do you make another person stop being a liar? You can't. The only thing you can do is change your behavior towards her, as you have been. Is it possible for your husband to point out to her that he knows she has lied about certain things, or from now on could you agree that he will speak up when he knows she isn't being truthfull about things? She lies because she can, so the less she can lie and get away with it, the better off things will be.  

Your MIL doesn't like to be confronted about her actions...I guess she thinks that you are just supposed to "take" it! Her reaction to you and your husband's questions just goes to show you how immature this woman is, it sounds like she is emotionaly stunted or something- like she didn't mature past the age 14. 

You guys just want to make things better, but she would rather hold a grudge for unknown reasons- probably something petty- this way, in her eyes, she gets to be the 'victim'...obviously its a role that she is  very comfortable playing. You guys want to help her by talking about whatever the issues are, but she would rather deny it. You've done your best! Where has this left your husband? Has he talked to her since then? I wonder what the 10 year old sister would say if your  husband talked to her alone...when mom wasn't around? Is that possible? That could shed some light on the subject. Thats my only suggestion as to where to go from here... Otherwise, the ball is in his mother's court, as the saying goes, to try to mend things, because you can't mend things if you don't know what to mend. 

i should give a little more history on the girl.  She has no family.  They disowned her at 15.  Apparently over religious differences.  She is very motivated and independent.  She refuses to call us by our first names, insists on mr and mrs......  even though ive ask her not to, she says thats just how she was raised, its respect.  I think its disrespectful to not call us what we ask.  When i say hello to them both i have to say hello twice to her just so she will respond.  She has taken my sons last name in emails, wears a ring on left hand that he has not given her.    

His behaviour has changed in small ways, but very noticable.  He seems very evasive with me and even the simplest question seems to make him quite defensive.  He used to call alot just to see what i was doing and how i am.  That has stopped completely.  However in his defense i must say he is still very close with his dad, they always have been.  They do alot of guy stuff together.    

Do i let him go for awhile, treat him like he's treating me.  I can't say anything to him about her becuase im afraid ill loose him forever.  I think she is playing head games with him, she seems quite good at it.  

Before I became pregnant I was dating my fiance for 4 months and before I knew I became pregnant and now i've had our son and we will be getting married wihtin the month. My fiance scares me in his behavior, although I do have faith in him. I'm also scared. He'll still want to go out with his friends on the weekend and leave me and our son at home while he partys, and hangs out till mindnight or 2am sometimes. He also left alot when I was pregnant and would tell me it was because our house was to small and he needed to get out while I was there alone. He knows I don't like it but then again i'm also very easy going and non confertational. Am I starting off on the wrong foot...I love this man with all my heart, he can be a jerk and say stupid thing but he's a wonderful father, and very caring and loving. He is the man I want to grow old with and raise our son with, but I feel like he still needs to grow up, and how do I help him. What do I do to help him, how do I help him. I don't want to give up on him because i know we are capable of having a wonderful marriage together, but it needs to start now.