Messages By: mjkkas

    I have had the same question. Years ago I even asked a therapist if it would ever go away. She told me that it would never go away, but it wouldn't have as much of an effect on me after a lot of work and counseling. 

    I try to look at it as if I were in an accident caused by someone else, I become paralyzed because of their carelessness. I can no longer walk like most everyone else, but I could learn to get around by other means (Just an example, I am not paralyzed). 

    It is unfortunate that we have this as part of our life, but we still have to try and live life. Find new ways to get around through life. I struggle myself a lot of days with this, but have to remember that I have to try and find the way to go on as others do. 

    I am sorry if this is not coming out right, I am trying to help myself too.  Good for you in reading the book. I hope it helps. 

MJKKAS 

I think you are very wise for your age.  

Don't feel guilty or responsible for what is going on 

Your dad loves you I am sure and doesn't want to 

know of the bad stuff that is going on right now. 

I was hoping that you would tell your dad everything 

but letting him know and having your younger 

brother validate that is an important step. 

We all here wish you happiness and peace. 

MJKKAS 

    Last week my stepson got arrested (again), he is 19 and can't seem to stay out of trouble.  

He uses everyone and is quite a charmer. Everyone loves this boy (me included), but he only uses people, takes their money and lies constantly. 

    He has 3 felonies and a bunch of other charges against him. He may go to prison, he has been in trouble since he was 11. Always in DT and kicked out of school for various reasons. He has been able to talk himself out of most everything, like drug charges, drinking, shoplifting, assault, lewdness, the list goes on. 

    We had him arrested when he was in 11 grade because of drugs and violence, running away and such. They made us put him in the hospital for 3 weeks. He got put on meds for bipolar and he did so good, took all state in football got a championship ring and everything. 

    Now we are back where we started. Anyway my question is, how do I respond to him when he calls us from jail? I mean I want to yell and scream at him and tell him how stupid he is, but my husband does that enough. I know he has to want to help himself I just want to know how do I respond to this to him?  

    We were real close and now he tells everyone that he doesn't have a mom or dad. His grandpa wants the judge to throw the book at him and send him away because he has ruined his name. I am just real frustrated and bewildered. 

MJKKAS 

Enabling is true I don't want to do that. That is what he wants and many family members have done that to him because they didn't understand what we were going through with him. They haven't helped him by giving him money and letting him live with them and such. 

Thanks again 

MJKKAS 

I agree with you and it is really hard, all the love in the world isn't;t going to help him if it enables him. I really appreciate this because I felt that it should be that way but didn't want to be wrong either. 

My husband is heart broken because of this and I can't fix that, we just have to get through it together. I am not allowed to say this stuff to my husband because he thinks I am picking on his son, I am just a bit more objective than he is with his son. 

I have a 7 and 3 year old and have to focus on them and my well being, depression is hard enough without stuff going on too LOL! 

Thanks  

MJKKAS 

Thank you for responding. 

My stepson is not taking his meds. They were working great for him and he had his life on track.  

I told him that being grown up is taking care of yourself and doing what you need to be the best you can. Even if meds were to be taken for years to come. Being grown up is not being able to do what ever the h*** you want. He has to be responsible for what he has done. 

Yeah my husband gets real mean and cranky with him and that doesn't help. It is hard to be in the middle. 

MJKKAS 

But I saw your post before it was taken off, I guess your last comment about someone  

was enough to get the monitors to take it off.  They took mine off too, so... 

MJKKAS 

    Don't think for one minute that we think you are a coward.  

No way, not even You are so brave.  

I am very proud of you telling your dad what you did, so please  

don't think otherwise.  

I hope that your mom will let you stay with your dad. Hearing what 

you have wanted to hear after all this time has got to put some 

hope into your heart. I am glad that it turned out like it did for you. 

You are very Brave> 

MJKKAS 

I understand that you don't want to share what you were robbed of, 

new discoveries about our abuse can be hard to deal with. I hope that you can find a place to get this out of your system.  

We care about you too.  

MJKKAS