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Messages By: bubspeanjo

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July 25, 2005, 8:11 am CDT

Overcoming Grief

I am new to the boards, however have been a fan of Dr. Phil, his show, and web site. I am just introducing myself to others who are here through thier grief.....

I lost my son from SIDS at six and a half weeks old June 12,1999. I have come to a point in my grief where I am able to continue on a daily bases, and also memorialize my child as well. The first year was of course the hardest to get through, and each year following did seem to get easier & easier to cope with. We, as a family talk about Baby Jack regularly, in a normal fashion...as normal as it can be that is.

We have made a support group for families who have lost a child from SIDS, and it is our passion to help others through that grief. And of course in the memory of our child is the reason for our hearts desire.

I'll continue to browse around this board for grief..... I hope that others have found this board very helpful to them in thier great time of need!

God Bless you all!

Nancy

Hello Nancy.  I am so sorry for the loss of your son.  I too lost a child to SIDS.  Our daughter Carlie died of SIDS on April 25th, 2000.  She is a twin.  Her twin brother will be starting kindergarten in about 3 weeks.  You are right, the pain does lessen, though I am having bittersweet moments with Cody starting school.  Buying school supplies for my surviving twin was exciting, but hard at the same time because I know I should be buying for 2. 

 

Where do you live?  I live in Ft Worth Texas.  Have you heard of SIDSFamilies.com?  I frequented that Yahoogroup for a long time.  I recently unsubscribed from the group because I have gotten to a better place.  It was hard for me to offer support now that life is finally getting to a stable place and the overwhelming saddness is not around as much.

 

I have also had another little girl.  She is 2 1/2, will be 3 on 11-2-05.  She was very much our healing baby and really helped our grief. 

 

I was very much into spreading SIDS Awareness and making sure that the average person knew about Back To Sleep and that SIDS cannot be prevented, but now I kind of feel like, my baby is gone, why should it be my job to make sure others try to reduce their risk to save their babies when they won't listen to me?  Do you ever feel like that? 

 

I keep in touch with a group of girls I met online in a Babies After SIDS group, and we don't talk about SIDS much at all.  We talk about our babies, but not that they died of SIDS.  I hate SIDS and I hate what the media has portrayed it out to be.  I hate that many people think SIDS is abuse or murder. 

 

What sort of relationship do you have with First Candle?  Tom Harris, the current president of First Candle was president of the Local member, the Alliance For Infant Survival, here in DFW. 

 

Well, I just wanted to say hi and let you know there is another SIDS mom that reads these boards.  I too haven't posted much so I am pretty new to this.  I hope to talk to you soon.

 
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July 25, 2005, 8:14 am CDT

Overcoming Grief

Hello Nancy. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost a child to SIDS. Our daughter Carlie died of SIDS on April 25th, 2000. She is a twin. Her twin brother will be starting kindergarten in about 3 weeks. You are right, the pain does lessen, though I am having bittersweet moments with Cody starting school. Buying school supplies for my surviving twin was exciting, but hard at the same time because I know I should be buying for 2.

Where do you live? I live in Ft Worth Texas. Have you heard of SIDSFamilies.com? I frequented that Yahoogroup for a long time. I recently unsubscribed from the group because I have gotten to a better place. It was hard for me to offer support now that life is finally getting to a stable place and the overwhelming saddness is not around as much.

I have also had another little girl. She is 2 1/2, will be 3 on 11-2-05. She was very much our healing baby and really helped our grief.

I was very much into spreading SIDS Awareness and making sure that the average person knew about Back To Sleep and that SIDS cannot be prevented, but now I kind of feel like, my baby is gone, why should it be my job to make sure others try to reduce their risk to save their babies when they won't listen to me? Do you ever feel like that?

I keep in touch with a group of girls I met online in a Babies After SIDS group, and we don't talk about SIDS much at all. We talk about our babies, but not that they died of SIDS. I hate SIDS and I hate what the media has portrayed it out to be. I hate that many people think SIDS is abuse or murder.

What sort of relationship do you have with First Candle? Tom Harris, the current president of First Candle was president of the Local member, the Alliance For Infant Survival, here in DFW.

Well, I just wanted to say hi and let you know there is another SIDS mom that reads these boards. I too haven't posted much so I am pretty new to this. I hope to talk to you soon.

By the way, my name is Amanda.  Sorry about that.
 
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October 16, 2005, 4:08 pm CDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: kdaniels1

Homosexualality is against God's holy word.  God didn't make gay people when he created Adam and Eve.  That is man's choice which is condemed by God. 

  

Kdaniels1 

LOL, and who says there was an Adam and Eve or an Ark for that matter.  Just another one of those tall tales written by old men claiming God was talking to them.  LOL and what do you Christian's do with people talking like that nowadays?  Throw them in a mental hospital?   Arrest them and throw them in a padded cell. 

  

 "Christians" for the most part,  judge others while believing they are holy and will be saved.   "Christians" are responsible for most of the major holocausts and witch hunts.   There is a higher incidence of sexual deviation and "problems" within the family structure of Christians then in any other religion or society on this planet.    

  

A group that comprises of the most sinners per square inch and they spout how awful gays are, when it is more likely for a homosexual couple to be stable and monogamus.  How awful that you are teaching your children to hate others and judge others.  I would rather teach my children to be kind to others no matter what they look like or what they do.  Christians repulse me. 

 
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August 14, 2007, 9:15 am CDT

Makes me sick

I Tivo'd this and watched it this morning.   I cried for that little girl.  It made me so sad.  And this also gives me yet another reason why I do not trust "Christians".  And I never will.  How he so arrogantly sat there and proclaimed that the devil made him and he has now been saved, "again".   It figures that he would be a man that considers himself Christian.   Wanna know how many Christian men were arrested by my police department in and onlince solicitation of a minor sting?????   All of them said it was a moment of weakness but they found Jesus again as they were hauled off to County Lock up.......................
 
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October 3, 2007, 2:37 pm CDT

What a let down.....again

I have watched Dr. Phil off and on since he was on Oprah on Tuesdays.  I was again disappointed today with the lack of any sort of help for the two families.  As with all the other shows, I watch them to gain ideas on how to help my own family and see what advice Dr. Phil has for them so I can choose whether or not to incorporate it into my own life.  Struggling with problems with my mom at this time, I was looking for a little help myself.  I cannot buy his books, I cannot fly to LA to be on his show, I cannot afford a counselor.  My mother is an invalid and refuses to do anything to help herself or us (my husband and I) who pretty much care for her and drive her around on a daily basis.  She is only 57.  I just wanted to hear some decent advice that these women could put to use, as well as the viewing audience.  What has happened to your show Dr. Phil.  Too many commercial breaks, not enough resolution and advice.  Please, rethink your new concept.
 
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October 3, 2007, 3:29 pm CDT

WOW

Quote From: naturesgir

Amen to the post about kids drooling on our heads and getting "the look" if we don't think it's cute; not only is that painfully true, it made me hee-haw!!!  WHY do parents even have all these kids today???  Obviously they want to spend all day either working and commuting or running around the restaurants, malls, pools, museums, and other public places not intended for small children -- LEAVE THE CHILDREN AT HOME... 

Some of us have made a conscious choice not to have any, so please don't impose yours upon us; ugh!!! 

 

Speaking to the subject of the show, something is very wrong when so many kids are so obviously cranky and unhappy; my siblings, friends, and I enjoyed a very peaceful, traditional upbringing w/o all the drama.  We knew the rules and boundaries and respected authority and weren't driven (literally) all day and night.  Parents are stressed out (and woefully misguided), kids are stressed out, and they BOTH stress me out.

Well why don't you just smack all us "Breeder's" on the hand for disrupting your life.  BOOHOO.  Get over it.  Some parents need help.  Children do not come with manuals, but I guess when your perfect like you are, your mom and dad did not need one.  You are a vile hypocritical person to judge others when you have no children.  But I guess because you were a "perfect" child, then you can be so high and mighty to be a "perfect" parent.....hypothetically. 

 

I am not so self righteous to say that I am perfect, my two living chidlren are not perfect.  They occasionally have tantrums and we do have problems stemming from the loss of our third daughter who died of SIDS.  For me, I am the type of person who likes to hear from others in my same situation, hear what advice they have to give, or what advice they were given that works for them, and then I can adapt it to fit me. I am not opposed to continually strive to help my children and myself be better, more loving, carling human beings

 

People do not need to be scolded by presumptious, self righteous, all knowing goons.  Your disgust for children, who happen to be just that, innocent children, is what is wrong with this world.  Your mentality, that children should be rarely seen and never heard, fosters children to grow into adults who cannot make their own decisions because mommy did everything for them.  They are never given the choices to make for themselves. 

 

In fact, I was in line at the store with my son when I let him count out the change he had saved up to buy the toy he wanted.  I heard sighs of disgust, people stomping away because it was taking too long, and general bad attitudes.  I was making this a learning experience for my son so he could count change, unlike the cashier waiting on us who could not give us the correct change for a $5.50 item when I gave her a twenty.  One person commented that I was doing some good by taking the time to teach him, the rest exhibited a disgust for children in general. 

 

There will be no getting through to you, nor do I really desire to.  I wanted to state my piece and let others know they are not alone.  Rather then isolate these parents further, why not try to help them.  You will then be able to pat yourself on the back about helping the future generations.  As opposed to hindering them.

 

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