Messages By: kkaren1966

I am a step mother to 3 grown girls 21, 19 and 16. 21 lives with me, my husband and our 7yo doughter together.  the other live with their mother.  We have been together since the 16yo was 8 and to be honest I am glad they are grown now as it has not been a pleasant expeience at all.  Just last night the 19yo had her father take her to look at cars and I warned him that she would want him to co-sign a loan and of course I was right.  Anyway his credit is not so good and neither is the bio mom's so I was approached to co-sign and I refused and now I am the bad guy.  This child is in college working part time and I am not willing to risk my credit standing on her.  Am I the bad guy?

but I don't think you can make her not move close to you but you can control giving her any financial help.  Sounds like she need to be cut off completely financially.  See my post below as to my feeling about dealing with adult step children.  But you and your husband should come to a clear agreement about the no more financial support issue.

Well my 21 yo SD just got a full time job she starts next monday she was waitressing about 20 hours a week and we told that she had to have a full time job or she needed to go live with her mother.  She was pretty excited about the job (daycare center she wants to work with kids) that is until she called her mother.  Her mother said "you are an adult and they can't make you get a full time job, you should just keep working part time at Friendly's and have fun"  My husband almost called her to say like what are you doing but he talked to the daughter and explained that she is an adult and is expected to be working full time to live with us and that maybe she needs to re-think things and live with her mother if she wants to work part time and party.  We have been together 10 years it amazes me that the ex still wants to play the kids against my husband.  I thought it would end when they became adults but I don't think it ever ends.