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Messages By: lucky35

lucky35
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October 8, 2005, 12:57 pm PDT

Thank you

Quote From: teri_id

Hello, 

  

I am 35 and finishing up my pre-law and then on to law school.  I am switching careers drastically in my thirties.  Actually, I am following my dream finally.  I believe I am at the perfect age to do this...right now.  When we want to make changes, making them right now is the best time...if we have the right controls. I don't know about retirement, yet I do know that I have never regretted education yet, and I have known some people who got degrees well into their 50's and 60's.   

Teri 

Thanks for your input.  You definitely understand what I am going through.  Good luck to you!
 
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lucky35
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October 9, 2005, 8:04 am PDT

Sex has gotten stale

Hi, my husband and I have only been married for 1 1/2 years, but already our sex life is kindof "blah".  We have sex probably at least once a week, but I'd rather relax most of the time.  We are both honest with each other about our sexual feelings and we both have admitted at times we don't like it that much.  I think we're both just a little bored and tired of each other, yet we love each other.  Is this normal?
 
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lucky35
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frustrated
October 11, 2005, 6:48 am PDT

We argue over money...

Hi, my husband is not very stable at all!  We've only been married for two years, but within that time frame his whole life has changed.  He's quit nursing school and has had several jobs within our marriage and now makes a minimal wage.  I get so mad because I've done everything I said I was going to do and more!  He on the other hand has done nothing he said he was going to do. I get so mad and just want to take all his money for bills and then I feel so bad because I feel like I really should be paying more because I have more of the money right now.  I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think marrying him was a huge mistake and I feel taken for granted most of the time. I don't know what to do. I don't think I could go through a divorce or want the stigma associated with a divorce.  I know Dr. Phil says, "you might as well make the marriage you have work because it won't be any better with someone else", but I'm just so angry.  How can I get over the fact that my husband has let me down in his goals and career?  He told me a lot of things prior to getting married and now I haven't seen them become reality. I feel like he told me all those wonderful things just to get me to marry him and now he doesn't do anything he said he was going to do for me. I just
 
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lucky35
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frustrated
October 11, 2005, 6:51 am PDT

We argue over money...

Hi, my husband is not very stable at all!  We've only been married for two years, but within that time frame his whole life has changed.  He's quit nursing school and has had several jobs within our marriage and now makes a minimal wage.  I get so mad because I've done everything I said I was going to do and more!  He on the other hand has done nothing he said he was going to do. I get so mad and just want to take all his money for bills and then I feel so bad because I feel like I really should be paying more because I have more of the money right now.  I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think marrying him was a huge mistake and I feel taken for granted most of the time. I don't know what to do. I don't think I could go through a divorce or want the stigma associated with a divorce.  I know Dr. Phil says, "you might as well make the marriage you have work because it won't be any better with someone else", but I'm just so angry.  How can I get over the fact that my husband has let me down in his goals and career?  He told me a lot of things prior to getting married and now I haven't seen them become reality. I feel like he told me all those wonderful things just to get me to marry him and now he doesn't do anything he said he was going to do for me. I just bought a new car and he has a beat-up, gas-gugglin' truck, and he didn't want me to get a job so that we could save money on gas by him using my car to go to work in and me just using it to go to school. I don't feel like I should let him work and use my new car (while I pay the car note) and me just do nothing.  What do ya'll think?
 
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lucky35
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frustrated
October 11, 2005, 8:20 am PDT

I totally understand!

Quote From: pariah

Four years ago my husband quit his job and started his own business.  We agreed that he would not pay himself for one year to get the business established.  Unfortunately, the business is still barely making enough money to support itself, and is acquiring more and more debt.  Whenever I suggest my husband help out with the bills at home, he says he cannot afford to pay himself yet. 

  

Meanwhile, the burden of supporting the entire household is on me.  I feel like he doesn't realize how expensive the cost of living is.  He expects me to be able to pay all of our personal expenses by myself with one meager income.  Now we have incurred enormous credit card debt, and have absolutely no financial security.  We can't save any money for emergencies, kids' college or anything.  I've decided to take a second job just to make ends meet.  

  

We already live in a pretty small house, and drive older cars, but my husband refuses to downsize.  He also refuses to give up on the business and get a paying job to help out with our household expenses.  He keeps insisting that the business will pick up soon.  After hearing this for four years, I'm beginning to think my husband is living in Fantasyland.   

  

I feel guilty for not wanting to support my husband so he can work toward his lifelong dream.  But I also feel like he is really taking advantage of me by not contributing to our household expenses! 

I know how you feel.  My husband expects me to pick up the majority of expenses too.  I get so angry with him.  My advice to you is just to put your foot down and tell him he's got to get out, or most businesses fail within five years.  In other words, in one more year if he is still screaming, "I don't have any profits", then he should bail. He should care enough about your wishes to compromise.  I'm so sick of these men today placing all the burden on us women.  I can do bad by myself, but now I'm married and feel stuck because I don't want a divorce.
 
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lucky35
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confused
October 11, 2005, 8:29 am PDT

Advice on fixing my car

Hello.  I just bought a new car, but my old car (honda) I want fixed really bad.  It is broken down in my yard.  It will not crank.  I don't know how to fix it?  Should I "tow" it to the dealership and pay a $60 diagnostic check and find out at least what is wrong with it? I know I probably could not afford to get it fixed at the dealership though and I would have to "tow" it back home and that alone could be at least $120 round-trip.  Will a mechanic come to my house and tell me what is wrong without charing me for the diagnosis?  I don't know what to do?!  I really want to get it fixed, but I don't know what is wrong with my old car and it won't drive to any mechanic shop/business. HELP!
 
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lucky35
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frustrated
October 13, 2005, 5:35 am PDT

Since this posting

Quote From: pariah

Making your own money gives you independence and freedom, so don't give up your job unless you want to.  If your husband wants to drive a better vehicle, he should be able to finance it himself.   

  

Maybe your husband is having an identity crisis right now.  Hopefully he'll get on the right track and find a career that will make you both happy. 

Since the first posting, my husband walked off his job 2 hours early yesterday because he says he can not take "someone standing over him and belittling him constantly". He is supposed to go in today.  This was a coworker who is not above him in the hierarchy and it obviously gets on his nerves.  I'm down to my last straw with him.
 
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lucky35
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anxious
October 13, 2005, 5:37 am PDT

Youre right

Quote From: queentween

Not to discourage you, but I don't think a mechanic would come to your house to diagnose your car without payment...unless its a neighborhood garage where you get all of your work done. Why do you want to have 2 cars? It really is a luxury expense, unless you have 2 drivers that need to get places every day. The electronic systems in modern cars are real devils- and they need the computers to figure out what is wrong- did you check the battery connections? If they are corroded, the car won't start. Did you try to jump it? Is the battery dead? Is the starter the problem? Have you gone on the honda website to try to figure it out? Good luck- I hate dealing with cars- and have had to for years--- 
Well, that's just it.  My husband complains constantly about his truck which "drinks a lot of gas'" so I was actually going to get it fixed for him.  Is that stupid. My broken-down car can run on one tank of gas for almost 2 weeks, whereas, his truck, maybe a week.  I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of hearing him complain and using my my new car and I doubt seriously he ever is in a position to finance anything.
 
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lucky35
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October 14, 2005, 6:40 am PDT

Is it over?

In the middle of making love, my husband stopped and said, "I don't like it". Since then I haven't had sex with him and I'm thinking of divorce.  He said he didn't mean it that way and he just wasn't in the mood.  He has since tried to have sex with me, but I refuse.  How can I forgive and forget such a terrible statement like that and move on with him or not!
 
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lucky35
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angry
October 15, 2005, 4:55 pm PDT

I'm I a Goner?!

Hi, I recently resigned from a "big-time" job making lots of money for reasons I would like to think were really no fault of my own.  It was a job in the Healthcare Industry. It is such a long story, but "let's just say" it didn't work out, but now I am working somewhere new in Retail. I just started this new job and I did not put on my resume or on the application about this recent job I resigned from because it was such a bad experience and I was only there 2 1/2 months.  The problem is one of the women I worked with at the Healthcare company came into the Retail store today and is obviously great friends with one of the managers.  I know that she has told the manager (her friend) that I was last working at that Healthcare company or if not yet already, I know she will ASAP.  I don't know what to do?  Af first I thought I would approach the manager head-on (like a gutsy woman LOL) and just say, "hey, I worked for that company, but the reason I didn't put it down on my resume or application I submitted here is because I realized that was too big of a job for me with my other commitments so I just resigned from the position after 2 months".  What do ya'll think?  I'm scared they are going to fire me for "misrepresenting myself or falsifying my application!"  Any suggestions would be really appreciated!  Thank you!!
 
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