J: I found Realgood2U but what I found had mostly to do with infidelity. Do you have a link? My primary concern now is for my son. I know that if left unchecked, my hubby’s antics will damage him. But my son also loves and dotes on his dad. Somehow I keep intervening and hoping he will get it, but I won’t wait forever.
Q: I do know perfection is a load. I was a high achiever in school, and had great anxiety over excellence. Over time and with maturity, I learned fear of failure doesn’t make you excellent, it holds you back. I don’t want my son burdened with those anxieties. When the hubby starts pulling his act, I do call him on it. He tells me I am undermining his parental authority and gets mad. I tell him browbeating isn’t proper parenting. I keep telling him, I am not just taking his crap, but he is on a self-pity trip when he isn’t crabbing.
I think I am fairly informed on what emotional/verbal abuse is, but more knowledge can’t hurt. I have some support, but yes, I could use more on this subject specifically. My sisters and friends do help. Otherwise, my family likes him; he is helpful and personable around others. He is much like his mother as are many of his siblings, having to run things, having to be right, to be better than others.
With the counseling I did receive, I learned about my own self destructive thinking patterns that allowed him to get to me in the first place, and I think my head is on pretty straight under the circumstances. This is just an exhausting struggle. His negativity and self-pity are tiring. At times I think he hears me and then we go backward. When he tries to push responsibility for his misery on me, I push it right back, but he is stubborn.
I have not yet sought any legal counsel, but should I decide it is time to go, I am not afraid to find it and act on my rights. As for other plans, I am working on a business I can do from home, one that uses my talents, and something I think I could really love doing. He of course, keeps suggesting low-wage entry-level type jobs. Heaven forbid I should ever be a success. He’s either discouraged or tolerated my educational pursuits.
Have I done everything? I am not sure. Some days I feel like he might be getting it, and others, we seem to be riding the same old merry-go-round of bull. Since I keep my emotional distance to protect myself, we can not be truly on the mend because he still plays to win, and will use any ammo I give him. I am just tired. The MS brings fatigue, so I don’t have the average fortitude. It is like new discipline for a child, it takes a long time for them to get you mean business, and that you won’t cave, but he got his way for a very long time. I just wish he’d grow up and get a friggin’ clue.
M
