Messages By: patjoyce

 I had or should I say a drinking problem myself.  Started at 15 , I lied to myself for years on how many years I had been drinking. I am now 53.  Played with drugs in my teens. But the booze is what I liked best.  I have been sober now for 16 months , With the help of detox , a therapist and AA meetings.  I hurt my family the most and no matter what I always took the Brandy first.  My brother died form this disease.  I hated myself  just knew god had turned on me. Why else was life so lousy.  It was not me. I did not make myself be a loner , nobody wanted to play with me at a kid. was not my fault that I had been molested as a child and did not tell, Or the old man that tried to kidnap me at 3 years old. Not my fault that my 1st husband cheated and used to beat me. After all the police would not help so it must have been my fault. The booze got me through that. Oh yes and the black outs helped.  I tried to kill myself 3 times.  The last time  I cut myself was the last time, That was 2-2-05 .  MY husband said thats it you are getting help this can't go on. Before that all he could say is I want you to stop drinking I want you to live. But only you can do it.    

On 2-3-05 I went into the hospital with so much fear but I was ready and I knew it. I have so much to live for 7 wonderful grand babies 3 adult children. A husband that would go to the ends of the earth for me.  I put my husband through living hell. In the hospital it was the first time I could tell anyone about my DEEP BACK HOLE I was living in.  I could not let go of the past no matter what.  

Nobody hurt me more than me.  I now own my part in life that went wrong. and understand more about myself than ever.  I sleep much better now, no more nightmares. 

As soon as I got out of the hospital I went AA meeting 90 days 90 meetings. Took me 3 weeks to get a sponsor. I have worked my steps 4th of the worst and the best thing I have ever done for myself. I now have many people in my life . My husband and I not had a fight some things we don"t agree on but no fights. My daughter gave me one of the best gifts of all. She told me how great it is to have her mom back , the one she always wanted and the grandparent she was wanted for her kids. Thats a gift.  

I hope this family can get the help they need.  I hope they are ready.  

God bless them.  

5 days that's really great.  Learn from yesterday don't think about tomorrow and just take care of today.  Myself I don't like the word diet.  It truly is a life change. Just to let you know I weighed 270  lbs  3 years ago.  I got down to 155 and stayed at that for 2 years.  And in the last year I allowed some of those old records play in my mind and gained 10 lbs.  I'm back on track now.    

  The YMCA has water aerobics and no one judges you there.    

You are going to do just fine. I had such a good feeling when I read your message.  

  Keep up the good life change , All my best to you  

But there is so much truth between the lines.  When I was 2 or 3 an old man tried to kidnap me twice.  I had been molested by many at a young age. And in my teens.  I let my fat armor protect me from many things in my life.  While hating myself for being fat the whole time.   

But it was easier to stay fat so know one would try to kidnap  me  in one way or another again,  

I'm  happy to say I got help for these problems and deal with them much better now.  I only wish I would have seek ed help when I younger.  I missed out on so much. Now I have a good marriage kids grandkids.  I did lose the weight now I have allot of extra skin.  I got to work on that one :)  

I weighed 270 lbs  not so long ago. I have pretty much stayed between 155 and 165 for 3 yrs now.  

My insurance paid to have the apron taken off and I paid an extra  $6.000.00 to have a full tummy tuck.  However things did not turn out as I thought they would. I still have allot of extra skin on my upper body and 2 HUGE hunks of fat hanging on my sides by my hips. 

I talked to the Doctor about it and he said I was still swollen. Well it has gone down and the skin hangging worse.  I talked to him again and he said maybe I was setting my expectations to high.  I don't think so. I told him at the time I would never be able to afford this again so please make sure you do a good job.  In truth he was the one that said I would have a nice waist so on and so on. I never anticipated Even that much.  I would do it again if I could but seek a different Doctor.  OK I have told my story of woe and got it off my chest.  I just felt I had to get my story out there.  Does anyone is there a way to get a doctor to redo this?