Messages By: nasale

I just left my husband last Thursday.  We have been married almost two years but together for seven.  6 months after we got married, he came home and said he wanted a divorce and there was no chance of saving it.  I was devastated and taken aback.  So, I did what I needed to do and moved out.  I got myself and my daughter (not his) a great home, found a new job and was doing really well.   

Three months into the separation, he showed up at my door and wanted to see where we stood.  I love him and wanted to make it work.  We continued this reconcilliation for 8 months and then I moved back home.   

Wow, almost exactly to the day, he pulled it again.  So last Thursday I made the decision to leave and get a divorce.  I am so hurt and angry.  How can someone you love treat you as if you don't matter anymore.  The last three months we were together, he would stay out every other night until 3 in the morning.  He made it obvious to me that he was avoiding me.  He insulted me, put me down and basically made me feel like nothing.   

I pray every night not to love him anymore, but God help me I do.  How do you move on?  What if he comes knocking on my door again?  He has sucked every bit of strength from me...I have nothing left to give.  My daughter is taking it pretty hard this time.  She won't let me out of her sight and refuses to sleep alone.  She has nightmares that I am leaving her or someone breaks into the house.   

I fear I may not recover and that I am going to leave a legacy behind that will scar her forever.  Just today, I met with my husband to discuss the divorce paperwork and he just sat there like he didn't know me continuing to throw out the most hurtful things.  Please help. 

Hi,  

I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at the age of thirteen when i only weighed a mere sixty eight pounds.  I was again hospitalized at the age of 18 for this disorder, and to this day am currently battling this disorder. ( i am 22)  

I became upset while reading these boards i do not belive that people fully understand the grip that anorexia has over someone.  I was NOT myself when i was anorexic.  when you are anorexic  you starve your body AND your BRAIN.  I became emotionally abusive to all those around me trying to help me, almost to the point where i was psychotic.  I was mean and nasty and i thought everyone was out to get me or put me in a hospital.  The people who cared the most about me were the ones i treated the worse.  People with anorexia do not have a clear view of reality.. most times their reality is "their" reality and it is very distorted.  I'm not only talking about body perception but everything involved in their lives.   When i was thirteen and 18 and i was emotionally abusive to my friends and family ... MY MOTHER SAVED MY LIFE BY PUTTING ME IN A HOSPITAL.  She STOOD BY ME AS WELL AS DID MOST OF MY FRIENDS.  WITHOUT THEIR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT there is a good chance that i would not have survived for as long as i have.  I made it through because of my friends and family.  Even though i alienated them completely from my life, called them every name in the book, became paranoid of their actions and thought they were only out to hurt me or destroy my life... they still stood by me.  That is what a family/husband/wife/friends are supposed to do.  I am NOT completely excusing my behavior and saying oh i was sick that was why i did it.. dont apologize dont fix it later.  I am saying that when i got better and could see reality and was able to make "good" decisions i apologized to my friends and family, and thanked them for sticking through the rough times, knowing who "the real me" was, and getting me the help that i desperately needed.  For me to read these men saying it was all aprils' fault and who would have stuck with her??? who should have dealt with her when she was that sick and abusive... my answer is SOMEONE WHO CARES. SOMEONE WHO LOVES THAT PERSON.  SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ONLY INTERESTED IN THEMSELVES BUT THE WELL BEING OF THE SICK INDIVIDUAL.  I am currently 22 years old, and I am still suffering from anorexia.  I still lie to my boyfriend of a year and a half about my eating, and exercise habits as well as laxative use.  It is not because i do not love him or because i want to hurt him, it is not about anyone else... anorexia consumes me.. it is about me.  People with anorexia do not intentionally inflict emotional pain/abuse on other people.  They are too far into the illness to realize what they are doing... and how it is effecting others.  I just lost 15 pounds in two weeks, and im hoping that it doesnt get bad to the point again where i have to go back into a hospital.  I hate the hospital, and I would rather die then get the help i need.  When they try to take away my anorexia it feels like they are trying to kill me.  anorexia is a part of me, it is me, it consumes  me.   However I do know that if i end up back in the hospital due to this horrible ILLNESS (NOT CHOICE) that the people who really love me and care about my well being will be there to hold my hand, will be there for me to yell at, will be there for me to say how much i hate them, and will be there when i get better, and the help i need and realized again how much i desperately needed them.  People who have anorexia do not choose to have anorexia and they can not suddenly just "choose" to get better.  "getting better" does not happen overnight, and it is long hard and very difficult.  People used to tell me to just eat already and stop craving attention.. its nothing about attention and its not really about eating.  If it was about putting the food in my mouth and swallowing i dont think it would be much of a problem.. it goes deeper than that.  I do not choose to be sick with anorexia.... and i am working on controlling my anorexia.   Anorexia is a life long disease it does NOT go away forever it stays with you.  You can relapse at any time ... and there can be some times during your life when you have the illness "under control" .  Every single day is a struggle for people with anorexia/bullemia.  Everyday  is a battle of the mind body and soul.  

I feel so much for April.  April if you read these boards I wish you would start writing on the "anorexia" boards.  It is under the topic eating disorder and then anorexia.  You will find a ton of love and much support.  I understand how awful this disease is and so do many others.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I AM HERE FOR YOU AND SO ARE OTHERS.  PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT JACKASS.  HE IS NOT A MAN .. NOT EVEN CLOSE. YOUR LIFE IS SO IMPORTANT AND YOU ARE WORTH A TON.   

I've never posted here but I saw the show today and had to. April doesn't deserve a husband. Abusive jerks like to insist they're entitled to unconditional love and support, and use that to guilt everyone around them. This is absurd. You're not entitled to unconditional anything, not in the real world of grown-ups. If you treat someone bad, and they leave you, you got what you had coming. In a loving relationship, what you're entitled to is the same amount of love, kindness, and respect that you give. What makes this crazy lady think she's done anything to make this man stay with her? And this whole anorexia nonsense...no way is this a "disease", that doesn't pass the smell test. It's insulting to the intelligence to put things like anorexia and gambling in the same category with tuberculosis and cancer. Everything's a disease, it's ridiculous. But let's just say it is a true disease, what's that got to do with her rudeness, sarcasm, self-pity...oh, that's right, the disease causes those things too. That's very convenient. So fine, let's say she really can't help herself from being so obnoxious, it's the disease.....since when does having a disease mean you don't have to deal with consequences? If I get pulled over for DUI, do you think I can go to court claiming to have the disease of alcoholism? I'd be laughed out of the courtroom! If the disease of anorexia causes you to be abusive, that doesn't make it any easier for the person trying to endure your abuse. They're still entitled to leave. It's also strange to me that anyone could take April's side, because if the genders were reversed here, it'd be a different story. What would people say about a man who woke his wife up at 4 in the morning and forced her to sleep in the car? If a man did that to me he'd be dealing with my dad and brothers, straight up.  

Anyone who is remotely perceptive can see that this woman feeds off chaos and drama and will do anything to create it and keep it. She's willing to destroy her physical appearance just so she can be the center of attention. She destroyed her marriage and she revels in it, because it's an opportunity to cry in public. The only man who will deal with her is someone with a very poor self-esteem, who is willing to fall for her whiny crybaby routine and promises of "getting better". Jon looks fantastic now (dude, if you're ever in the ATL, holla at me ;), and he doesn't need to settle for a bully, he can go out and meet some fun, happy ladies with no protruding bones. Poor guy probably just wants to chill out and get a good night's sleep. He was willing to look like the bad guy, he didn't need anybody to have a pity party for him, he just wanted his life back. People have a moral responsibility to fulfill their own potential, so he did the right thing. Had he ever had a child with her, knowing how cruel she is...that would be extremely irresponsible.  It's nice to see someone decent just cut and run from an abusive relationship, because that's not typical. As far as April's future, I don't think she'll ever change, because she's content to blame others and has no remorse. Generally speaking, abusive people don't change. She'll just try to find a new sucker.   

My husband has been having an affair for 7 years.  I didn't know about it all that time.  He keeps telling me it's ending, but it doesn't.  He says that he loves me and wants me, but he still sees her.  He lies about her, he hides his cell phone.  When I question him about it, he gets upset or he says that we will talk about it later.  He tells me he has to end it "his way".  And he says that he understands that it's not quick enough for me.  But it is happening.  Our kids are just out of college and in college.  This affects them also, but he doesn't seem to grasp this at all.  I know it's crazy, but  I do love him.  I feel like he's using me.  I told him this past week that I think we should get a divorce.  We have a tax issue to deal with and our home.  He always says that he doesn't want a divorce, but yet he can't seem to make a decision to stop his affair.  The other woman isn't giving up on him at all.  I feel so lost and alone.  He left last night and went to her I know.  We argued about the affair.  So he left mad.  He hasn't tried to call me or get in touch with me at all.  I texted messaged him when he first left, then stopped.  Why is it so hard for me to let go?  I know this isn't a marriage. 

My husband told me he was having an affair shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer. A couple weeks ago I had my surgery on a Tuesday and he spent the two weekends which book-ended my surgery with his trashy mistress!! 

hey, im sorry i possibly overreacted to what you said, i get what you mea now... that his statement not only effected me but others not suffering from anorexia as well.... people are so cruel sometimes.  I didnt mean to upset you and for that im sorry.  Im just very upset and devastated by some of the things said on this board.  Its very hurtful and upsetting. 

amy 

again im sorry for the misunderstanding (((((((())))))))))))) (hug) lol