Messages By: angielove

MY HUSBAND AND I JUST HAD A BABY 5 WKS. AGO. MY HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE MY SISTERS FOR SMALL PETTY REASONS. HE SAID OUR DAUTHGER CAN ONLY GO TO MY SISTER HOUSE IF I'M WITH HER. HE SAID SHE CAN ONLY BABYSIT AT OUR HOME BECAUSE SHE TALKS LOUD, SCREAM AT HER SON, AND IS WORRIED TOO MANY PEOPLE WILL BE HANDLING THE BABY. HE SAID THAT AS A CHILD GROWING UP HE WAS EFFECTED BY HIS MOTHER YELLING AND SCREAMING AT HIM,BUT I TOLD HIM FOR 1. OUR DAUGHTER IS A BABY AND MY SISTER WOULD NOT BE SCREAMING AT HER(SHE WOULD BE SCREAMING AT HER SON) AND 2. JUST BECAUSE HE WAS EFFECTED BY HIS MOTHER DOES NOT MEAN OUR DAUGHTER WILL BE EFFECTED BY IT(I WASN'T GROWING UP). NOT ONLY THAT HE REALLY DIDN'T WANT HIS OWN MOTHER BABYSITTING BECAUSE HE DOES NOT TRUST ANYONE AND NOT FAMILY-ORIENTED. HE IS NOT CLOSE TO HIS FAMILY AND HE ONLY WANT MY FRIENDS TO BABYSIT,NOT FAMILY. MY SISTER LOVES CHILDREN AND HER DAUGHTER WORKS AT A DAYCARE CENTER,BUT DOES NOT WANT THEM TO BABYSIT. IT'S NOT RGHT THAT MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT SPEND ANY TIME WITH HER AUNTS, WHAT ADVICE CAN BE GIVEN?

I TRULY UNDERSTAND THAT, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL MY SISTER SHE CAN BABYSIT ONLY AT MY HOUSE BECAUSE OF NOISE AND YELLING WITHOUT HER TAKING IT THE WRONG WAY AND GETTING OFFENDED.

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. and when I met him I had no idea that he was not close to his family because I met them. Everyday he would go over to his parents' house, but what I did not know is when he would go over there he would not go inside the house to visit them, he would just go over to feed the horses; so I had no idea that he didn't have a good relationship with them, he speaks to them but thats about it. I'm very close to my family they have always been supportive of me. Well, my husband does not want to go to any family functions with me to give me support, he feels that when something happens like I had surgery 2 years ago, he felt that I did not need to tell them because he thought too many people would come to the hospital. He said if they would show up at the hospital, he would leave. I told him I felt it was wrong that I did not tell my family that I was having surgery because anything could have went wrong during surgery, what if I would have died, I wouldn't even have a chance to talk to my family. He said what is the point of having family there because they can't change anything. He said surgery went fine and he took care of me, what could they have done.  We just had a baby and my family wasn't there because I had her a month early and they were out of town. My sisters told him that they were sorry that they were not there. He told me he didn't understand why they are sorry because everything went fine and he was there, they were not needed. I tried to explain to him that its a way of support, it doesn't mean they were going to do anything or they could change anything, its just a form of support. He clearly does not get it because he did not have any type of support growing up and his family wasn't there for him. All of our arguments have been 99% about family. Since we have a daughter now it brings on more issues with family. I guess I need some advice. Since we can't agree on family issues and all of our arguments about family I question myself is the marriage worth it? We really don't have any other problems, only about family. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have been married to my husban for almost 4 years and we have a brand new baby (4 months to be exact).  We have the same argument every year about the same thing-my family.  My husband does not want to go any functions with me during the holidays, I only ask that he goes to one.  At first, he said he would go if we drove seperate cars because I want to stay too long, then it was he's not going at all.  We spoke to our pastor about this because once I found out that I was pregnant I thought it was important that we discussed these issues.  My husband stated he was going to go for the sake of our daughter, but since last night he said he will not be attending any functions and our daughter would just have to understand.  I think he is being selfish, stubborn, and self centered. He stated that my sister and he got off to a bad start (I told her that he was wishie washie and she just asked him about it)when he first met her 6 years ago and that has set the stage. He is still holding on to petty things like that which is so unnecessary. Also, he feels if something happens to me like having a baby or having surgery, he does not feel like my family needs to be contacted because he can handle everything as he says. I have considered divorce, but I'm I jumping the gun too soon? Those are our only issues.

Thats what I was thinking, if he could just go to one function I would be happy,but I can't get him to do that. I wish it was that simple.  He says that he understand that things change when a child comes in the picture,but he does not feel that him going to one function is going to matter. I told him that he has to set the stage for our family to our little girl. If she sees that he is not attending functions then she will not know how to or even want to deal with family.

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now and the 1st year was extremely difficult, but I didn't give up.  Everytime my husband didn't like something or didn't want to compromise he would threaten to leave and I would beg him to stay.  Well the last 1 1/2 our marriage was good, we got adjusted to each other and then I got pregnant(it was planned, she is now 5 months old). Since I have had the baby, I was at home for 14 weeks and I had plenty of time to think. I became depressed and very upset about things that occurred in our marriage years ago. Now all I think about is not really wanting to be with him. I don't know if my eyes were closed in the beginning of our marriage or what but its like I had a reality check and I opened my eyes.  I have thought about how he never wanted to compromise on anything and how he always threatened to leave and I just get angry and wish that he would leave now because I don't care. I don't want to feel like this because that happened in the past and I thought we were pass that. The other week I told him how I wasn't happy with how he always making smart comments about my family and how he wouldn't participate in anything our daughter and I was involved in with family members. I told him that I refused to live like that forever and he needed to change or it wasn't going to work.  He told me later that night that he was going to leave. Well, the next day he acted as if nothing happened and I asked him about arrangements as far as putting the house on the market and so forth. He said he didn't want to leave his girls,but he still haven't mentioned anything about compromising in this marriage. During the entire marriage I have been more compromising than he and it has taken away some of my feelings towards him.  At this moment, I feel like I don't want to be a part of this marriage and I don't know if it had something to do with having the baby or what. I don't want to feel this way but I don't know how to act the same with him anymore and he says that he noticed that I different towards him.  Should I call this marriage quits or what should I do to get my marriage back on track?  I'm just confused.