12/17 Ask Dr. Phil
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7my son is very sinsitive
Posted by: 081693
Posted on: 2002-12-17 10:13:03
Dr.Phil,I don't know what to do with him,becuase when you ask him(michael).to do anything his answer is always i'm to busy or(WHAT DO YOU WANT).Ineed some help here Dr.Phil (PLEASE)...colleen james
Posted by: 081693
Posted on: 2002-12-17 10:13:03
Dr.Phil,I don't know what to do with him,becuase when you ask him(michael).to do anything his answer is always i'm to busy or(WHAT DO YOU WANT).Ineed some help here Dr.Phil (PLEASE)...colleen james
Explain this to me
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2002-12-17 12:45:13
I don't understand how telling his mother that he's to busy to do what she askes him to do equates to "very sensitive." To be honest it sounds like he's just being a brat. Please explain why this shows sensitivity.
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2002-12-17 12:45:13
I don't understand how telling his mother that he's to busy to do what she askes him to do equates to "very sensitive." To be honest it sounds like he's just being a brat. Please explain why this shows sensitivity.
Sensitive or Conditioned?
Posted by: iiccee
Posted on: 2002-12-17 19:59:42
I am curious about your son's age.
Most children give the parent the same answer they get when they ask a question or are asked to do something.
Is it possible you are conditioning your son to respond to you this way because that is the way you respond to him?
It is also possible he answers with; "What do you want" to buy himself time before he has to give you his full attention. Do you do the same thing?
Remember, children learn from our example.
On what basis are you using to determine your son's sensitivity?
Does he cry or pout when he is asked to do something?
This isn't being sensitive. This is manipulating you.
I would suggest you think about and pay close attention to your way of answering your son and see if you are indeed conditioning/teaching him this way of responding to you.
If this is the case, start with making your behavior more positive.
Best of luck, raising children is not easy.
Posted by: iiccee
Posted on: 2002-12-17 19:59:42
I am curious about your son's age.
Most children give the parent the same answer they get when they ask a question or are asked to do something.
Is it possible you are conditioning your son to respond to you this way because that is the way you respond to him?
It is also possible he answers with; "What do you want" to buy himself time before he has to give you his full attention. Do you do the same thing?
Remember, children learn from our example.
On what basis are you using to determine your son's sensitivity?
Does he cry or pout when he is asked to do something?
This isn't being sensitive. This is manipulating you.
I would suggest you think about and pay close attention to your way of answering your son and see if you are indeed conditioning/teaching him this way of responding to you.
If this is the case, start with making your behavior more positive.
Best of luck, raising children is not easy.
I agree sensitivity can be conditioned
Posted by: frances2
Posted on: 2002-12-18 07:45:13
I agreed totally with Dr. Phil and could relate to the women whom cried during Shrek...I cried also....also during Lilo and Stitch and Spirit. And I do know they are cartoons. What I find happening is something in the movie will trigger an unhealed wound. It will trigger cruelty I remember. In Shrek...it triggered a memory of my sister skinning frogs alive. In Lilo it triggered feelings of being left behind by my family because I want to deal with my past and they don't want to, so they have abandoned me. In Spirit it triggered memories of my father telling me that children were like horses and needed to be "broken". We had horses so I saw the process of breaking them....and I saw his process of "breaking us". I had not until the last few years been an extremely emotional person. I find now my sensitivity is a sign of my healing process. I try hard to handle my emotions and avoid triggers until I'm alone and can let the emotions flow because I find people have trouble dealing with so much emotion. It's hard when you are by yourself handling your emotions, it's very lonely. But what do you do when most people can't or won't underdstand the magnitude of your hurts.
Posted by: frances2
Posted on: 2002-12-18 07:45:13
I agreed totally with Dr. Phil and could relate to the women whom cried during Shrek...I cried also....also during Lilo and Stitch and Spirit. And I do know they are cartoons. What I find happening is something in the movie will trigger an unhealed wound. It will trigger cruelty I remember. In Shrek...it triggered a memory of my sister skinning frogs alive. In Lilo it triggered feelings of being left behind by my family because I want to deal with my past and they don't want to, so they have abandoned me. In Spirit it triggered memories of my father telling me that children were like horses and needed to be "broken". We had horses so I saw the process of breaking them....and I saw his process of "breaking us". I had not until the last few years been an extremely emotional person. I find now my sensitivity is a sign of my healing process. I try hard to handle my emotions and avoid triggers until I'm alone and can let the emotions flow because I find people have trouble dealing with so much emotion. It's hard when you are by yourself handling your emotions, it's very lonely. But what do you do when most people can't or won't underdstand the magnitude of your hurts.
Watch it again
Posted by: gill1974
Posted on: 2002-12-18 12:46:23
Obviously you and the woman on the show didn't watch Shrek all that closely. Because I have a 4 year old I have seen it a million times at least. The frog does not blow up. The blue bird does but not the frog. What actually happens is Shrek grabs the frog, blows it up like a balloon, ties a string around its mouth and hands it to Princess Fiona. Then Princess Fiona grabs a snake, blows it up, ties it into an animal shape like clowns do, then ties it up with a string and hands it to Shrek. They then push each other, Princess Fiona falls into a bush, they let go of the "balloons" which float away, and they run after each other. There is no frogs blowing up into a million pieces. The only time an animal blows up is when Princess Fiona and the blue bird are singing to each other and Princess Fiona hits such a high note that the bird blows up like a crystal glass would. There's being sensitive, then there's being just plain silly.
Posted by: gill1974
Posted on: 2002-12-18 12:46:23
Obviously you and the woman on the show didn't watch Shrek all that closely. Because I have a 4 year old I have seen it a million times at least. The frog does not blow up. The blue bird does but not the frog. What actually happens is Shrek grabs the frog, blows it up like a balloon, ties a string around its mouth and hands it to Princess Fiona. Then Princess Fiona grabs a snake, blows it up, ties it into an animal shape like clowns do, then ties it up with a string and hands it to Shrek. They then push each other, Princess Fiona falls into a bush, they let go of the "balloons" which float away, and they run after each other. There is no frogs blowing up into a million pieces. The only time an animal blows up is when Princess Fiona and the blue bird are singing to each other and Princess Fiona hits such a high note that the bird blows up like a crystal glass would. There's being sensitive, then there's being just plain silly.
I'm glad for you that you don't get it
Posted by: frances2
Posted on: 2002-12-19 07:05:24
gill1974, the point is not whether the frog blew up or whether it was the bird...(you are correct it was the bird) what was the trigger was the cruelty. Because of my past (and if you knew the whole story things would make more sense to you), I lead a very guarded life, I am hypervigiliant to keep my emotions in "check". However when you go into a cartoon, you don't expect to have to be on guard, so you relax. And that's when something can "ambush" you. I now have friends whom know my story go the see a movie before me for that exact reason. they let me know if I can go to it unguarded, because for my children's sake I need to stay strong. Also alot of the hurts that I am healing from occurred in childhood, so cartoons were the medium watched at that time. Also having younger children, in the last few years I'm right in the "trigger" zone. I find only people whom have walked this path understand it....others think it's silly.
Posted by: frances2
Posted on: 2002-12-19 07:05:24
gill1974, the point is not whether the frog blew up or whether it was the bird...(you are correct it was the bird) what was the trigger was the cruelty. Because of my past (and if you knew the whole story things would make more sense to you), I lead a very guarded life, I am hypervigiliant to keep my emotions in "check". However when you go into a cartoon, you don't expect to have to be on guard, so you relax. And that's when something can "ambush" you. I now have friends whom know my story go the see a movie before me for that exact reason. they let me know if I can go to it unguarded, because for my children's sake I need to stay strong. Also alot of the hurts that I am healing from occurred in childhood, so cartoons were the medium watched at that time. Also having younger children, in the last few years I'm right in the "trigger" zone. I find only people whom have walked this path understand it....others think it's silly.
Posted by: gill1974
Posted on: 2002-12-20 10:54:38
I cry at movies (and cartoons too) but for obviously different reasons. Usually because of the story line. I cried at Spirit when the horse jumped the cliff because it wanted its freedom so badly it was willing to put itself in that much danger. To me it was a very moving and touching moment. I cry at every love story, every sad story, probably just about every story there is. Heck, when the movie Ghost came out, I spent a half an hour in the bathroom trying to calm down because I was crying so hard. So I understand crying at movies, but I don't get crying because a cartoon bird blew up. It was supposed to be funny not sad. I hope you are able to overcome your obviously sad childhood and show your children a strong, complete you. Sincerely, Gill
FRANCES2
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2002-12-18 15:49:15
I too am an emotional person. I can't hide my emotions for some reason. Could that be why many people avoid me? I saw my mom cry only two times in my life that I remember. That's sad. She wasn't a soft person to bring your problems to. Maybe it was the times in which she was brought up, I don't know. She's 85 yrs. old. She went through the Great Depression and WWII.
I think it's great that you're emotional since today, many are not and commit terrible crimes without blinking an eyelid. Ex. today your father's cruelty at breaking you as a child-Child Abuse. Just shows you that what your environment is and upbringing has a great impact on you all your life. We can try to change it but some change is hard. Life is hard, not fair and work. I hope you will have healing each day.
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2002-12-18 15:49:15
I too am an emotional person. I can't hide my emotions for some reason. Could that be why many people avoid me? I saw my mom cry only two times in my life that I remember. That's sad. She wasn't a soft person to bring your problems to. Maybe it was the times in which she was brought up, I don't know. She's 85 yrs. old. She went through the Great Depression and WWII.
I think it's great that you're emotional since today, many are not and commit terrible crimes without blinking an eyelid. Ex. today your father's cruelty at breaking you as a child-Child Abuse. Just shows you that what your environment is and upbringing has a great impact on you all your life. We can try to change it but some change is hard. Life is hard, not fair and work. I hope you will have healing each day.
milmarz...can't say for sure
Posted by: frances2
Posted on: 2002-12-19 07:16:05
I know as I have dealt with my past, I have had some people that it is just too hard for them to hear what I have been through. I have found some people whom have also been through similiar things as me can't deal with it because it triggers unhealed stuff from their pasts that they are not ready to deal with. Others whom want to help have difficulty watching you in so much pain so they distance themselves....and they don't know what to do....I have found some people just think it's silly to deal with things from so long ago and pass judgement on your healing, so you avoid those also. I have found that people whom can help me through this are ones whom have walked the path ahead of me or whom are currently walking it. With your mom having been through the war and the depression, I'm sure she saw things as a young girl that would have shaped whom she is. She would like have lots of unhealed memories and has found they way she will cope with them is to stay unemotional. That's how I dealt with things for half my life. I was emotional as a child, but as a grew I closed of from the pain and thus the emotions because I didn't know how to deal with it. Now I'm having to make a choice...and I'm finding the courage to heal, for my kids sake and my own. I have found if you don't heal your history you repeat it. What you don't past back, you pass on.
Posted by: frances2
Posted on: 2002-12-19 07:16:05
I know as I have dealt with my past, I have had some people that it is just too hard for them to hear what I have been through. I have found some people whom have also been through similiar things as me can't deal with it because it triggers unhealed stuff from their pasts that they are not ready to deal with. Others whom want to help have difficulty watching you in so much pain so they distance themselves....and they don't know what to do....I have found some people just think it's silly to deal with things from so long ago and pass judgement on your healing, so you avoid those also. I have found that people whom can help me through this are ones whom have walked the path ahead of me or whom are currently walking it. With your mom having been through the war and the depression, I'm sure she saw things as a young girl that would have shaped whom she is. She would like have lots of unhealed memories and has found they way she will cope with them is to stay unemotional. That's how I dealt with things for half my life. I was emotional as a child, but as a grew I closed of from the pain and thus the emotions because I didn't know how to deal with it. Now I'm having to make a choice...and I'm finding the courage to heal, for my kids sake and my own. I have found if you don't heal your history you repeat it. What you don't past back, you pass on.
Is my son gay?
Posted by: bernisava
Posted on: 2002-12-17 12:00:22
I didn't hear the mother ask her question, but I caught Dr. Phil's response. I couldn't disagree with him more. You can't force a gender out of a child. If a boy wants to play with dolls and dress up in girls clothes you should just let him be. If he is gay or has an abundance of female hormones in his body, banning him from girlie things isn't going to change a thing except to create anger and confusion for him. Although he has boy friends how does he act around them? Do they make him feel bad? Allow him to be who he is, because if he is gay, you won't be able to change that anyway no matter what Dr. Phil says.
Posted by: bernisava
Posted on: 2002-12-17 12:00:22
I didn't hear the mother ask her question, but I caught Dr. Phil's response. I couldn't disagree with him more. You can't force a gender out of a child. If a boy wants to play with dolls and dress up in girls clothes you should just let him be. If he is gay or has an abundance of female hormones in his body, banning him from girlie things isn't going to change a thing except to create anger and confusion for him. Although he has boy friends how does he act around them? Do they make him feel bad? Allow him to be who he is, because if he is gay, you won't be able to change that anyway no matter what Dr. Phil says.
gender identification
Posted by: msbenthar
Posted on: 2002-12-17 13:38:35
If this child were a girl and she wanted to wear jeans and play with trucks and wear her hair short, would you identify her as a lesbian-to-be? I' m not sure that is a sure fire way to pinpoint gender identity. I'd let the kid be and explain frankly (if friends begin to cause difficulty) just way that could be happening, depending on the age, of course.
Posted by: msbenthar
Posted on: 2002-12-17 13:38:35
If this child were a girl and she wanted to wear jeans and play with trucks and wear her hair short, would you identify her as a lesbian-to-be? I' m not sure that is a sure fire way to pinpoint gender identity. I'd let the kid be and explain frankly (if friends begin to cause difficulty) just way that could be happening, depending on the age, of course.
Gay tendencies
Posted by: aries303
Posted on: 2002-12-17 14:05:55
Wow. This is a subject that I don't think Dr Phil is going to want to get into. Even though Dr Phil's answer is probably what most people would accept, he needs to address the issue that these early signs of gender identity can be a definite signal that the young person is gay. Since we are born gay, it can become apparent from a very early age. Dr. Phil .. when are you going to have some gay people on your show so that all of these religious bigots can see firsthand that being gay is not a choice. The question to everyone out there is .... at what point in your life did you decide to become straight? Of course, the answer is we didn't decide ...... we were just born this way. I'd like to have some discussion on this topic on one of your shows. Thanks.
Posted by: aries303
Posted on: 2002-12-17 14:05:55
Wow. This is a subject that I don't think Dr Phil is going to want to get into. Even though Dr Phil's answer is probably what most people would accept, he needs to address the issue that these early signs of gender identity can be a definite signal that the young person is gay. Since we are born gay, it can become apparent from a very early age. Dr. Phil .. when are you going to have some gay people on your show so that all of these religious bigots can see firsthand that being gay is not a choice. The question to everyone out there is .... at what point in your life did you decide to become straight? Of course, the answer is we didn't decide ...... we were just born this way. I'd like to have some discussion on this topic on one of your shows. Thanks.
"Religous bigots"
Posted by: brigmommy
Posted on: 2002-12-17 14:59:53
Why is it okay for you to call people who practice a religion "bigots" but it is not okay for other people to express their opinions about homosexuality and other issues? Isn't that hypocritical and judgmental as well? Just a thought...
Posted by: brigmommy
Posted on: 2002-12-17 14:59:53
Why is it okay for you to call people who practice a religion "bigots" but it is not okay for other people to express their opinions about homosexuality and other issues? Isn't that hypocritical and judgmental as well? Just a thought...
Religous Bigots
Posted by: yamanba
Posted on: 2002-12-17 17:00:03
Just a quick note to say I ask the same question.
Posted by: yamanba
Posted on: 2002-12-17 17:00:03
Just a quick note to say I ask the same question.
Damage to children
Posted by: excentrus
Posted on: 2002-12-17 18:25:38
I am not sure that Dr. Phil will go further into this subject. I think he gave the wrong answer. I was seriously damaged as a child when my parents took away the girl things. When I wanted skates, I wanted figure skates...but was forced into hockey skates. I was forced to drive go-carts even though I hated the noise and aggressive behaviour of the track. I was a pacifist at an early age. I was about 6 or 7 when I realized that I was different from my boy friends. It wasn't the difference that bothered me, it was the reaction of my father and mother at my difference. I am gay now and I was gay then. But I will say that I suffered because of the attitude in the house where I grew up. Leave the kids alone...let them play with whatever they want to play with and support them in their individuality.
Posted by: excentrus
Posted on: 2002-12-17 18:25:38
I am not sure that Dr. Phil will go further into this subject. I think he gave the wrong answer. I was seriously damaged as a child when my parents took away the girl things. When I wanted skates, I wanted figure skates...but was forced into hockey skates. I was forced to drive go-carts even though I hated the noise and aggressive behaviour of the track. I was a pacifist at an early age. I was about 6 or 7 when I realized that I was different from my boy friends. It wasn't the difference that bothered me, it was the reaction of my father and mother at my difference. I am gay now and I was gay then. But I will say that I suffered because of the attitude in the house where I grew up. Leave the kids alone...let them play with whatever they want to play with and support them in their individuality.
frazier
Posted by: tidings
Posted on: 2002-12-17 20:01:29
Can you help me? Read "from a mom who has been there".that's me. Do you have any suggestions for me about how to handle certain issues with my son? If he is gay, I don't want to try to "UN-GAY" him, but i want him to be confident about himself..he is different from the other boys. Kids are cruel to ones that are different(He is only 6)I don't ever want him to feel like he can't be himself. What did you do?
Posted by: tidings
Posted on: 2002-12-17 20:01:29
Can you help me? Read "from a mom who has been there".that's me. Do you have any suggestions for me about how to handle certain issues with my son? If he is gay, I don't want to try to "UN-GAY" him, but i want him to be confident about himself..he is different from the other boys. Kids are cruel to ones that are different(He is only 6)I don't ever want him to feel like he can't be himself. What did you do?
For Tidings
Posted by: jkpfeifer
Posted on: 2002-12-18 15:49:00
My son is also "different" than the other boys in just the way you describe and I also don't want to change him. I would love to teach him at his young age (6) to be confident and sure of himself. He is a wonderful, sweet, loving child. His kindergarten teacher described him as a kind, gentle soul which made me cry because it was so true. My 8 year old is all boy (whatever that means :-) ) and plays football and all the other rough and tumble. He is wonderful with his brother, though. Anyway, I'd love to hear advice on how to help instill confidence and give some snappy replies to children who do make fun.
Posted by: jkpfeifer
Posted on: 2002-12-18 15:49:00
My son is also "different" than the other boys in just the way you describe and I also don't want to change him. I would love to teach him at his young age (6) to be confident and sure of himself. He is a wonderful, sweet, loving child. His kindergarten teacher described him as a kind, gentle soul which made me cry because it was so true. My 8 year old is all boy (whatever that means :-) ) and plays football and all the other rough and tumble. He is wonderful with his brother, though. Anyway, I'd love to hear advice on how to help instill confidence and give some snappy replies to children who do make fun.
to jkp pfeifer
Posted by: tidings
Posted on: 2002-12-18 21:54:37
Thank God! There is someone out there who knows exactly what I am talking about! It's not like I have any friends who can relate to this subject, I feel like God gave me a "special assignment" and I am so afraid i might screw it up.I feel so honored to have also such a sweet, gentle , loving soul in my life. His teacher said the same thing about my son.I am also fortunate that he is very independant and really doesn't care what other kids think. He is naturally sweet and kids just seem to leave it at that.But what about when he gets older and kids start stereotyping?will he still be as vibrant?I think our sons are angels. I really do.How did we get so lucky? What wonderful adults they will turn into if they learn to ignore the ignorant part of society and stay strong within thier sweet little loving spirits! The world is so lucky to have these little guys around. and just think..we get to see them every day.
Posted by: tidings
Posted on: 2002-12-18 21:54:37
Thank God! There is someone out there who knows exactly what I am talking about! It's not like I have any friends who can relate to this subject, I feel like God gave me a "special assignment" and I am so afraid i might screw it up.I feel so honored to have also such a sweet, gentle , loving soul in my life. His teacher said the same thing about my son.I am also fortunate that he is very independant and really doesn't care what other kids think. He is naturally sweet and kids just seem to leave it at that.But what about when he gets older and kids start stereotyping?will he still be as vibrant?I think our sons are angels. I really do.How did we get so lucky? What wonderful adults they will turn into if they learn to ignore the ignorant part of society and stay strong within thier sweet little loving spirits! The world is so lucky to have these little guys around. and just think..we get to see them every day.
just wondering
Posted by: gaumer
Posted on: 2004-01-19 19:59:56
I also have a 4 year old son who enjoys many "girl" pastimes. He enjoys female roles, loves the colour pink and purple, prefers girls as friends. On the contrary,he loves to wrestle, is rowdy, and often lets me know how strong he is. My question to anyone out there is, have they had sons like this that have outgrown this type of behaviour or do they continue to be more feminine?
Posted by: gaumer
Posted on: 2004-01-19 19:59:56
I also have a 4 year old son who enjoys many "girl" pastimes. He enjoys female roles, loves the colour pink and purple, prefers girls as friends. On the contrary,he loves to wrestle, is rowdy, and often lets me know how strong he is. My question to anyone out there is, have they had sons like this that have outgrown this type of behaviour or do they continue to be more feminine?
gay tendencies....
Posted by: laurahay
Posted on: 2003-01-06 20:52:11
i totally agree. this is 2003. this is a subject that needs to be brought out more so we can get people to talk about it and understand its not a disease. so many people feel we should not even discuss it. don't ask , don't tell. that is just wrong. having a 19 year old son who is gay has made me more understanding to people who are different than myself. i am more sensitive to peoples feelings. whether it is someone who is overweight, disabled, gay etc. dr phil has a lot of shows about over eating, fat people,low self esteem, family issues. but there isn't any talk show that discusses what it is like for a person who grows up gay and gets teased throughout their childhood. it is overwhelming for these kids. and it doesn't go away when they grow up. come on dr. phil lets get this out in the open. :^)
Posted by: laurahay
Posted on: 2003-01-06 20:52:11
i totally agree. this is 2003. this is a subject that needs to be brought out more so we can get people to talk about it and understand its not a disease. so many people feel we should not even discuss it. don't ask , don't tell. that is just wrong. having a 19 year old son who is gay has made me more understanding to people who are different than myself. i am more sensitive to peoples feelings. whether it is someone who is overweight, disabled, gay etc. dr phil has a lot of shows about over eating, fat people,low self esteem, family issues. but there isn't any talk show that discusses what it is like for a person who grows up gay and gets teased throughout their childhood. it is overwhelming for these kids. and it doesn't go away when they grow up. come on dr. phil lets get this out in the open. :^)
