11/11 More Controlling People
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Posted by: bbrand
Posted on: 2002-11-11 09:44:01
I have watched this couple a couple of times when they have been on the show. Not only is Rochelle controlling she is emotionally abusive. If Rochelle was making the claims that her husband told her what to do, when to do it, how much soda she could drink, etc., I am sure the audience would be screaming for her to leave him, because he would be labled an abuser. Yet when Rochelle does it, we say she is controlling.
I truly hope Rochelle is honest about your advice changing her life, her life will be so enjoyable if she does let go of those ways and appreciates her husband for the unique person he is.
Posted by: bbrand
Posted on: 2002-11-11 09:44:01
I have watched this couple a couple of times when they have been on the show. Not only is Rochelle controlling she is emotionally abusive. If Rochelle was making the claims that her husband told her what to do, when to do it, how much soda she could drink, etc., I am sure the audience would be screaming for her to leave him, because he would be labled an abuser. Yet when Rochelle does it, we say she is controlling.
I truly hope Rochelle is honest about your advice changing her life, her life will be so enjoyable if she does let go of those ways and appreciates her husband for the unique person he is.
are they kidding?
Posted by: tashayar1
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:30:40
I haven’t seen today’s show but the last one was more than enough for me.
Obviously this man enjoys being manipulated and verbally abused by his wife.
They are both getting a reward from this behavior.
The part that really floored me was the two of them admitting they had a very good sex life (did they mean with each other?)
Posted by: tashayar1
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:30:40
I haven’t seen today’s show but the last one was more than enough for me.
Obviously this man enjoys being manipulated and verbally abused by his wife.
They are both getting a reward from this behavior.
The part that really floored me was the two of them admitting they had a very good sex life (did they mean with each other?)
MORE ROCHELLE
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2002-11-12 08:18:35
I didn't see all the show, just the first couple. If Rochelle is the blonde who appeared first, I have something to say to that situation. When they married, was there nothing in their vows about "to love, honor and obey" in them? That works two ways.
Also, Dr. Phil says "we teach people how we want to be treated". Does the husband "not get it?" by doing these "little irritating things". He's part of the problem but wanting to change his acceptance of the "berating, belittling?" he's receiving by coming on the show. He's not showing either any backbone or understanding as to why Rochelle is this way. Maybe she was treated by her mom or dad like anything she did had to be just "perfect." It's called a sickness-perfectionism. Guys, become aware of your spouse!! My husband's aunt committed suicide and no one claims or wants to claim they saw any changes in her behavior, especially the husband. Maybe it can happen but in our situation, I know it's not the case. Back to the show, it's like the age old question,"why can't men put the toilet lid down?". Possibly because it was first built without one and it became habit or it's more convenient for men since they use it more often. I'm just kidding, I don't know how it was first built or if men really do have weaker "plumbing", ha,ha.
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2002-11-12 08:18:35
I didn't see all the show, just the first couple. If Rochelle is the blonde who appeared first, I have something to say to that situation. When they married, was there nothing in their vows about "to love, honor and obey" in them? That works two ways.
Also, Dr. Phil says "we teach people how we want to be treated". Does the husband "not get it?" by doing these "little irritating things". He's part of the problem but wanting to change his acceptance of the "berating, belittling?" he's receiving by coming on the show. He's not showing either any backbone or understanding as to why Rochelle is this way. Maybe she was treated by her mom or dad like anything she did had to be just "perfect." It's called a sickness-perfectionism. Guys, become aware of your spouse!! My husband's aunt committed suicide and no one claims or wants to claim they saw any changes in her behavior, especially the husband. Maybe it can happen but in our situation, I know it's not the case. Back to the show, it's like the age old question,"why can't men put the toilet lid down?". Possibly because it was first built without one and it became habit or it's more convenient for men since they use it more often. I'm just kidding, I don't know how it was first built or if men really do have weaker "plumbing", ha,ha.
good sex
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-12 09:36:41
Now that i have your attention. This is john.They show rochelle pointing and demanding.I cant tell you how many times we fought over the things that we disagreed on.I know that if I insist on winning that we wont get anywhere but divorced.the reason she wont budge is from her dad.I cant change that but a third party did!I knew early on that its a two way street.my dad was a army capitain.he was always right!I have some of that in me so you can imagine the sparks when I have had enough!rochelle has trully changed.our life has improved and I have learned a lot also. john
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-12 09:36:41
Now that i have your attention. This is john.They show rochelle pointing and demanding.I cant tell you how many times we fought over the things that we disagreed on.I know that if I insist on winning that we wont get anywhere but divorced.the reason she wont budge is from her dad.I cant change that but a third party did!I knew early on that its a two way street.my dad was a army capitain.he was always right!I have some of that in me so you can imagine the sparks when I have had enough!rochelle has trully changed.our life has improved and I have learned a lot also. john
Drat! I missed it
Posted by: barbielyn
Posted on: 2002-11-12 12:34:16
Dear John,
I'm so sorry I missed the show yesterday. Yesterday's was exactly the problem I have with my husband. Now that the kids are grown and I'm coming out of my depression I want to live differently. BUT my husband has a real problem with me. Now that I have put up some boundaries he just can't stand me. His anger use to bother me when I was more nerotic and codependant. So I would ggive in, but at times even then I did not feel as if he loved me. For a while there would be more peace outwardly, but at a big expense to my inner self. I want to stay together and get this worked out. What did Dr. Phil say that was the key ? What was the crux of his answer.
Posted by: barbielyn
Posted on: 2002-11-12 12:34:16
Dear John,
I'm so sorry I missed the show yesterday. Yesterday's was exactly the problem I have with my husband. Now that the kids are grown and I'm coming out of my depression I want to live differently. BUT my husband has a real problem with me. Now that I have put up some boundaries he just can't stand me. His anger use to bother me when I was more nerotic and codependant. So I would ggive in, but at times even then I did not feel as if he loved me. For a while there would be more peace outwardly, but at a big expense to my inner self. I want to stay together and get this worked out. What did Dr. Phil say that was the key ? What was the crux of his answer.
your me - he's rochelle?
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-12 13:45:46
hi barbie. What can I say.I had no idea we would be going to see dr.phil.I did know something had to change.Outside help showed rochelle was playing her dad in our relationship.We both know sometimes there is no winning with this type of attitude.At times I have to tell myself" this argument won't end unless I let go compleatly".Dr. Phill said "YOU are letting your dad controll you from the grave"or somthing like that.Maybe you can ask what his mom or dad were like?Brakeing the cycle is possable. john
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-12 13:45:46
hi barbie. What can I say.I had no idea we would be going to see dr.phil.I did know something had to change.Outside help showed rochelle was playing her dad in our relationship.We both know sometimes there is no winning with this type of attitude.At times I have to tell myself" this argument won't end unless I let go compleatly".Dr. Phill said "YOU are letting your dad controll you from the grave"or somthing like that.Maybe you can ask what his mom or dad were like?Brakeing the cycle is possable. john
I'm you-He's Rochelle
Posted by: barbielyn
Posted on: 2002-11-12 19:03:34
Funny you should mention her Dad. My husband's Mom and Dad were both quite overbearing when they were growing up, but his Mom was not able to stand up to him even before he died. My Mom is something like him in a lot of ways and I think that my husband's overbearing nature struck a familiar chord with me drew me to him in that way. My father was a real man in some ways, but he did not stand up to her because he loved her and didn't know how to deal with her temper and still keep us all together. She traumatized me and basically I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. So I was just ripe for the plucking. Thank God I got some help and today my husband and I were able to agree that my more healthy state of mind actually saved our marriage over this last rough period. I think we are coming out of it where before we just went underground with our feelings and the real problems just simmered like a sleeping volcano. Gotta go
Posted by: barbielyn
Posted on: 2002-11-12 19:03:34
Funny you should mention her Dad. My husband's Mom and Dad were both quite overbearing when they were growing up, but his Mom was not able to stand up to him even before he died. My Mom is something like him in a lot of ways and I think that my husband's overbearing nature struck a familiar chord with me drew me to him in that way. My father was a real man in some ways, but he did not stand up to her because he loved her and didn't know how to deal with her temper and still keep us all together. She traumatized me and basically I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. So I was just ripe for the plucking. Thank God I got some help and today my husband and I were able to agree that my more healthy state of mind actually saved our marriage over this last rough period. I think we are coming out of it where before we just went underground with our feelings and the real problems just simmered like a sleeping volcano. Gotta go
i just wonder
Posted by: tomannis
Posted on: 2003-03-03 10:39:24
I have a curiosity... did your husband treat you differently in the dating process and through the courtship leading up to your eventual nuptuals? What initially attracted you to someone who now is so controlling and manipulative? I realize that we can all be deceived and tricked into someone's fictional self... but were there any red flags that you might have seen during all this or were you just a passive part of the relationship process? Also, what makes you think you can deal with someone who will always want to control you and have the upper hand in your actions and opinions?
Posted by: tomannis
Posted on: 2003-03-03 10:39:24
I have a curiosity... did your husband treat you differently in the dating process and through the courtship leading up to your eventual nuptuals? What initially attracted you to someone who now is so controlling and manipulative? I realize that we can all be deceived and tricked into someone's fictional self... but were there any red flags that you might have seen during all this or were you just a passive part of the relationship process? Also, what makes you think you can deal with someone who will always want to control you and have the upper hand in your actions and opinions?
for rochelle & john
Posted by: sprampy99
Posted on: 2002-11-12 14:45:03
hey guys!
i just want to tell you how proud of you i am. rochelle made the hard decision and was willing to do hard work. john was willing to go the distance. i wish both of you a long marriage and a great family. take care and i'm rooting for you both!
Posted by: sprampy99
Posted on: 2002-11-12 14:45:03
hey guys!
i just want to tell you how proud of you i am. rochelle made the hard decision and was willing to do hard work. john was willing to go the distance. i wish both of you a long marriage and a great family. take care and i'm rooting for you both!
thank you
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-12 19:49:49
people like you can help others so much.others with harsh cynacisum do not help.its good for them to vent though,what a good website.thankyou again john
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-12 19:49:49
people like you can help others so much.others with harsh cynacisum do not help.its good for them to vent though,what a good website.thankyou again john
HUH?
Posted by: zebrails
Posted on: 2002-11-12 15:16:03
What things are resolved and what are not? I read your response and I do not see an understood closure to the situation. My wife and I shared the same vows of accepting each other as we are and yet, she does not follow hers. Where is the logic in the vows if they are said only in spite of when and where they were said? They are called vows... perhaps they should be called promises... it would seem that promises are more easily broken and acceptable. Making a pledge may be it, yet with a pledge the one making it has to actually do it where as a promise is yet to be put into action and does not simply state when it will happen. My wife gave me an ultimatum... tell her what I want in the 10 minutes she gives me or she leaves the house... I gave my wants... and does she acknowledge them and accept them? Does she actually think about these wants when they are acutally needs? Did I waste my breath in those short 10 minutes? Luckily, I wrote most of them down. I do not have an answer from her to my first two questions. I will confront her with my wants/need, again, very soon.
Posted by: zebrails
Posted on: 2002-11-12 15:16:03
What things are resolved and what are not? I read your response and I do not see an understood closure to the situation. My wife and I shared the same vows of accepting each other as we are and yet, she does not follow hers. Where is the logic in the vows if they are said only in spite of when and where they were said? They are called vows... perhaps they should be called promises... it would seem that promises are more easily broken and acceptable. Making a pledge may be it, yet with a pledge the one making it has to actually do it where as a promise is yet to be put into action and does not simply state when it will happen. My wife gave me an ultimatum... tell her what I want in the 10 minutes she gives me or she leaves the house... I gave my wants... and does she acknowledge them and accept them? Does she actually think about these wants when they are acutally needs? Did I waste my breath in those short 10 minutes? Luckily, I wrote most of them down. I do not have an answer from her to my first two questions. I will confront her with my wants/need, again, very soon.
Hi John and Rochelle
Posted by: linnyg
Posted on: 2002-11-12 22:40:56
The Oprah show really effected me I must say...to the point that I was shaking afterwards in disbelief. Shows you how much I know about what others may be experiencing, because there sure has been a huge turnout in response.
I'm very happy for you and Rochelle after seeing Dr. Phil's show Monday. She especially looks more relaxed...compared to how you both looked two years ago.
My husband was greatly effected by his father, also. Says it was like living with Archie Bunker...but guess who pops up in this house now and then? No... I'm not an Edith...at least not yet. Ha!
I read a poem years ago, and this lines has always stayed with me..." The victims, will imitate the ones they hate." I'm glad you had the insight to see this, and stuck it out with Rochelle through all of this. I'm sure your story will help many more people for years to come. Doesn't look like Dr. Phil is going to let you go either...take it easy you two...Linny
Posted by: linnyg
Posted on: 2002-11-12 22:40:56
The Oprah show really effected me I must say...to the point that I was shaking afterwards in disbelief. Shows you how much I know about what others may be experiencing, because there sure has been a huge turnout in response.
I'm very happy for you and Rochelle after seeing Dr. Phil's show Monday. She especially looks more relaxed...compared to how you both looked two years ago.
My husband was greatly effected by his father, also. Says it was like living with Archie Bunker...but guess who pops up in this house now and then? No... I'm not an Edith...at least not yet. Ha!
I read a poem years ago, and this lines has always stayed with me..." The victims, will imitate the ones they hate." I'm glad you had the insight to see this, and stuck it out with Rochelle through all of this. I'm sure your story will help many more people for years to come. Doesn't look like Dr. Phil is going to let you go either...take it easy you two...Linny
hi linny
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-14 16:10:47
thank you . if I felt it did'nt help others I wouln't have done the shows. people like you prove we did in some way help.thank you for writing john
Posted by: bajanewlyw
Posted on: 2002-11-14 16:10:47
thank you . if I felt it did'nt help others I wouln't have done the shows. people like you prove we did in some way help.thank you for writing john
Why in the world
Posted by: vashti1616
Posted on: 2003-03-03 15:45:45
Why in the world would you marry someone like this? Is your self esteem that low? What is great sex? If someone looks at you and say "You have to fix your flaws first" how could you stay there and not take you stuff and run?
Posted by: vashti1616
Posted on: 2003-03-03 15:45:45
Why in the world would you marry someone like this? Is your self esteem that low? What is great sex? If someone looks at you and say "You have to fix your flaws first" how could you stay there and not take you stuff and run?
You are so right!
Posted by: jostman
Posted on: 2003-03-03 16:31:00
Also notice the audience laughing/smiling when they hear how those women were abusive/controlling. If it were a man doing the exact same things to his wife they would be booing at him. You always hear about men that are abusive but there are just as many women that have control issues it's just society doesn't recognize it as much or give it as much attention. This is another double standard that needs to change.
Posted by: jostman
Posted on: 2003-03-03 16:31:00
Also notice the audience laughing/smiling when they hear how those women were abusive/controlling. If it were a man doing the exact same things to his wife they would be booing at him. You always hear about men that are abusive but there are just as many women that have control issues it's just society doesn't recognize it as much or give it as much attention. This is another double standard that needs to change.
yeah right
Posted by: sweet_asia
Posted on: 2003-10-20 14:05:38
i have seen rochelle at the oprah show one time and she was flaunting her breast implants. there is something really wrong in her personality. she said that having those implants allowed her to focus on herself more and somehow,helped her stop controlling her husband. duh?
Posted by: sweet_asia
Posted on: 2003-10-20 14:05:38
i have seen rochelle at the oprah show one time and she was flaunting her breast implants. there is something really wrong in her personality. she said that having those implants allowed her to focus on herself more and somehow,helped her stop controlling her husband. duh?
John and Rochelle--Amaaazing
Posted by: carrrterr
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:12:28
How did the two of them get interested enough to get married? Dr. Phil, not only are you awesome, but you are AmAAAAzing.
Now if you would only make a trip to Pittsburgh, PA and get these controlling figures out of my Life.
Posted by: carrrterr
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:12:28
How did the two of them get interested enough to get married? Dr. Phil, not only are you awesome, but you are AmAAAAzing.
Now if you would only make a trip to Pittsburgh, PA and get these controlling figures out of my Life.
Believe It or Not
Posted by: carrrterr
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:20:41
Whenever I am out doing my shopping, the control freaks will direct the cashier or the merchant to switch my selection with something that I don't want. For instance, a dented food can, or chunky when I choose unchunky. I do assert myself by taking the product back, and I have filed complaints with the Attorney General's office.
Nothing works, Dr. Phil what do I have to do to get some recourse?
Posted by: carrrterr
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:20:41
Whenever I am out doing my shopping, the control freaks will direct the cashier or the merchant to switch my selection with something that I don't want. For instance, a dented food can, or chunky when I choose unchunky. I do assert myself by taking the product back, and I have filed complaints with the Attorney General's office.
Nothing works, Dr. Phil what do I have to do to get some recourse?
Assertiveness or Doormat
Posted by: carrrterr
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:31:27
Dr. Phil I make choices for myself that is comfortable for me. I wear the authentic self attire that I want, but these control freaks think that I should make my choices according to their liking and predilections.
THEY ARE WRONG!
Posted by: carrrterr
Posted on: 2002-11-11 10:31:27
Dr. Phil I make choices for myself that is comfortable for me. I wear the authentic self attire that I want, but these control freaks think that I should make my choices according to their liking and predilections.
THEY ARE WRONG!
