04/09 Secrets and Lies
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Posted by: powell57
Posted on: 2003-04-09 11:09:04
In my opinion and experience,the first guest will not stop lying. Yes he is sorry, but I think there is a deeper issue. And I don't think it can be solved just by going on Dr. Phil.
The second guest doesn't even admit to lying :-) He won't stop what he is doing either.
The third one :-) If she continues to "protect" her children in this way, she will do them more harm than good.
The 4th one (phone) is doing what is safe and a lot of women are and have done that. Including myself....but not for that long. Especially those women who do not have a formal education. (I got mine at age 52)
The young girl???? I don't know what that was all about. I first thought she had lied all thru shool. Shouldn't have been part of the show....My opinion only :-)
Posted by: powell57
Posted on: 2003-04-09 11:09:04
In my opinion and experience,the first guest will not stop lying. Yes he is sorry, but I think there is a deeper issue. And I don't think it can be solved just by going on Dr. Phil.
The second guest doesn't even admit to lying :-) He won't stop what he is doing either.
The third one :-) If she continues to "protect" her children in this way, she will do them more harm than good.
The 4th one (phone) is doing what is safe and a lot of women are and have done that. Including myself....but not for that long. Especially those women who do not have a formal education. (I got mine at age 52)
The young girl???? I don't know what that was all about. I first thought she had lied all thru shool. Shouldn't have been part of the show....My opinion only :-)
Liars
Posted by: moparmama7
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:25:06
To show how pervasive lying is,my son got hired 3 weeks ago for a customer service job.He got fired yesterday because he refused to lie to the customers.
Posted by: moparmama7
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:25:06
To show how pervasive lying is,my son got hired 3 weeks ago for a customer service job.He got fired yesterday because he refused to lie to the customers.
2 moparmama7
Posted by: lyndish
Posted on: 2003-04-10 19:06:32
GOOD FOR HIM!!! Obviously, HE was raised properly.
Posted by: lyndish
Posted on: 2003-04-10 19:06:32
GOOD FOR HIM!!! Obviously, HE was raised properly.
I don't think so
Posted by: tats_me
Posted on: 2003-04-12 15:01:19
Perhaps that was the reason he gave you. I've worked, and still do, as a customer service rep and it's NOT required nor expected to lie to customers. We are 100% up front and honest in our responses and even the 'canned' objection handlers we sometimes use to respond to any objections.
Posted by: tats_me
Posted on: 2003-04-12 15:01:19
Perhaps that was the reason he gave you. I've worked, and still do, as a customer service rep and it's NOT required nor expected to lie to customers. We are 100% up front and honest in our responses and even the 'canned' objection handlers we sometimes use to respond to any objections.
Posted by: glennagn1
Posted on: 2003-04-13 17:59:59
It really depends on who HE was working for. Some companies may not ask you to lie about certain things, but simply omit the truth or "dance around" a customer's questions if they feel the answer might affect business with the customer.
I Know So
Posted by: jcs1962
Posted on: 2003-04-21 14:48:30
Not to be rude, but not ALL customer service jobs are honest. Not all jobs are honest period. I also worked for a Customer Service co.. Yes, we were told to lie to the customers. Many ppl were fired for not doing so. I simply quit. What goes around comes around, because this particular company filed bankruptcy this past December :-)
Posted by: jcs1962
Posted on: 2003-04-21 14:48:30
Not to be rude, but not ALL customer service jobs are honest. Not all jobs are honest period. I also worked for a Customer Service co.. Yes, we were told to lie to the customers. Many ppl were fired for not doing so. I simply quit. What goes around comes around, because this particular company filed bankruptcy this past December :-)
reply to moparmama7
Posted by: justkelly
Posted on: 2003-04-13 02:41:53
I was in simular situation at a job i had as an accounts payable specialist. The company was experiencing financual difficulties and it was my job to answer vendor calls regarding payment on our accounts. I was instructed to say, either a). check is in the mail, or b). we will be cutting a check next week..(both statements were not true) after about the 3rd call, I couldnt lie anymore, and told the supervisor i refused to lie..I was suspended for 3 days for in-subordination..The truth is always best, but it'll cost you.
Posted by: justkelly
Posted on: 2003-04-13 02:41:53
I was in simular situation at a job i had as an accounts payable specialist. The company was experiencing financual difficulties and it was my job to answer vendor calls regarding payment on our accounts. I was instructed to say, either a). check is in the mail, or b). we will be cutting a check next week..(both statements were not true) after about the 3rd call, I couldnt lie anymore, and told the supervisor i refused to lie..I was suspended for 3 days for in-subordination..The truth is always best, but it'll cost you.
the accessory
Posted by: minitaur88
Posted on: 2004-01-17 21:26:06
A company cannot force a person to do something illegal or to lie. If you do, you are "an accessory" A person asked to do this should seek legal counsel immediately.
Posted by: minitaur88
Posted on: 2004-01-17 21:26:06
A company cannot force a person to do something illegal or to lie. If you do, you are "an accessory" A person asked to do this should seek legal counsel immediately.
believe nothing you hear & half of what you see
Posted by: minitaur88
Posted on: 2004-01-17 20:51:29
I don't believe for one minute your son was asked to lie. It is illegal to misrepresent, and representatives are checked on, and can be legally taped without their knowledge in most states. I think you have been lied to since I have worked at business' that have as much as an 80% turnover rate. It is a tough business and takes a great deal of control to focus on the issue rather than get emotional when someone else becomes emotional, as well as being kind and positive about it all the time. There are some real viscious people who don't care who they hurt when it comes to a couple of bucks. Customer Service is in at least 80% of all jobs, but very few know how to do it properly. Plus there is the statistical aspect to fulfill which many people cheat to accomplish and get fired for, or they just quit because they are no good at the job and can't fulfill the quotas.
Posted by: minitaur88
Posted on: 2004-01-17 20:51:29
I don't believe for one minute your son was asked to lie. It is illegal to misrepresent, and representatives are checked on, and can be legally taped without their knowledge in most states. I think you have been lied to since I have worked at business' that have as much as an 80% turnover rate. It is a tough business and takes a great deal of control to focus on the issue rather than get emotional when someone else becomes emotional, as well as being kind and positive about it all the time. There are some real viscious people who don't care who they hurt when it comes to a couple of bucks. Customer Service is in at least 80% of all jobs, but very few know how to do it properly. Plus there is the statistical aspect to fulfill which many people cheat to accomplish and get fired for, or they just quit because they are no good at the job and can't fulfill the quotas.
Dr Phil´s Wave
Posted by: fialotta66
Posted on: 2003-04-09 11:20:34
Dr Phil. You are wonderful. I think that you and your wife is so sweet to each other. Of course you have a special Waving to her.
I love your show. Many men should listen and learn from you. Ok i know i gonna get for this one. But i dont care.
Sending a hug from Sweden/Jönköping. Anneli.
Posted by: fialotta66
Posted on: 2003-04-09 11:20:34
Dr Phil. You are wonderful. I think that you and your wife is so sweet to each other. Of course you have a special Waving to her.
I love your show. Many men should listen and learn from you. Ok i know i gonna get for this one. But i dont care.
Sending a hug from Sweden/Jönköping. Anneli.
Lying Verses Forgetfulness
Posted by: lynbyn
Posted on: 2003-04-09 14:07:40
Let me just say that my husband plays that I forgot card quite often. For example, when I ask him if he called the insurance guy, I know he has not and his response is "Oh, I will do that right now." If it is forgetfulness, fine, but it drives me crazy and then his family will tell him of a get together and the day before his mother will ask me what I am bringing and I know nothing about it. This to me is very annoying. It sounds to me like this is the case with the first couple and her husband. His staying out until 2,3,or 4 in the morning would have been stopped along time ago, and I don't think that he will change.
Posted by: lynbyn
Posted on: 2003-04-09 14:07:40
Let me just say that my husband plays that I forgot card quite often. For example, when I ask him if he called the insurance guy, I know he has not and his response is "Oh, I will do that right now." If it is forgetfulness, fine, but it drives me crazy and then his family will tell him of a get together and the day before his mother will ask me what I am bringing and I know nothing about it. This to me is very annoying. It sounds to me like this is the case with the first couple and her husband. His staying out until 2,3,or 4 in the morning would have been stopped along time ago, and I don't think that he will change.
hollows out a womans heart
Posted by: facesfaces
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:27:50
He lies like breathing. Ask him if he did anything and he’ll say, “yes” when he hadn’t. Or he says, “I think so. I don’t remember. I’d better do it again;” just another way to say yes when it’s really no. The same type of answer will apply to any subject, any question. Hes now being treated for ADD. It's helped some.
In my unprofessional, but long experience, it’s a problem with authority. Not that I am his authority! But if he’s questioned on anything, his “old tapes” say, uh oh authority is after me. One man said, “It’s freedom.”
Posted by: facesfaces
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:27:50
He lies like breathing. Ask him if he did anything and he’ll say, “yes” when he hadn’t. Or he says, “I think so. I don’t remember. I’d better do it again;” just another way to say yes when it’s really no. The same type of answer will apply to any subject, any question. Hes now being treated for ADD. It's helped some.
In my unprofessional, but long experience, it’s a problem with authority. Not that I am his authority! But if he’s questioned on anything, his “old tapes” say, uh oh authority is after me. One man said, “It’s freedom.”
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Posted by: minitaur88
Posted on: 2004-01-17 21:03:40
I think it's lack of respect that makes it an authority issue. I have met so many men who were raised by Moms that were not respected. Many of them think little of police and other authority figures. Lack of desire to give answers in a personal relationship (I believe)says they have things to hide, and this is the way it is done to not have to outright lie.
Posted by: minitaur88
Posted on: 2004-01-17 21:03:40
I think it's lack of respect that makes it an authority issue. I have met so many men who were raised by Moms that were not respected. Many of them think little of police and other authority figures. Lack of desire to give answers in a personal relationship (I believe)says they have things to hide, and this is the way it is done to not have to outright lie.
Lies Lies Lies and guess what-distrust!!
Posted by: lillylee
Posted on: 2003-04-09 15:16:30
I personally can tell anyone about a relationship that started out with lilltle white lies and turned into a wall and a war of deception...my marriage of 22 years. Our marriage was laced with many no-no's to go along or cause the lies..drugs...flirting...greed..SELF ABSORBTION!!! We were together in a growing hell for about 15 years, seperated and blamed each other and have just re-conciliated through teachings of a twelve steps program....Let me tell you...Lies are
of no value unless the truth would severelydamage someone elses life...we (my husband and I)value the truth equally with our love and life!!!
Posted by: lillylee
Posted on: 2003-04-09 15:16:30
I personally can tell anyone about a relationship that started out with lilltle white lies and turned into a wall and a war of deception...my marriage of 22 years. Our marriage was laced with many no-no's to go along or cause the lies..drugs...flirting...greed..SELF ABSORBTION!!! We were together in a growing hell for about 15 years, seperated and blamed each other and have just re-conciliated through teachings of a twelve steps program....Let me tell you...Lies are
of no value unless the truth would severelydamage someone elses life...we (my husband and I)value the truth equally with our love and life!!!
lillylee
Posted by: phylspa
Posted on: 2003-04-09 20:58:01
i know the feeling i have been lied to also and i am having a hard time getting over it we went to a counselor and i know in my heart i must get over it but it was more than one lie now its so hard to trust him again i can relate to your flirting thats what my husband does contantly and it really hearts if your willing to listen i would like an opinion it sounds like we have similar situations e-mail address phyl1113@aol.com thanxs for reading
Posted by: phylspa
Posted on: 2003-04-09 20:58:01
i know the feeling i have been lied to also and i am having a hard time getting over it we went to a counselor and i know in my heart i must get over it but it was more than one lie now its so hard to trust him again i can relate to your flirting thats what my husband does contantly and it really hearts if your willing to listen i would like an opinion it sounds like we have similar situations e-mail address phyl1113@aol.com thanxs for reading
liar-liar
Posted by: brenwyn
Posted on: 2003-04-09 15:54:53
There is no room in a serious relationship for lies. My exhusband reminded me of the husband on todays show who would stay out till all hours of the night. My husband worked a second job in the evenings, but had a hard time finding his way home after. I was so tired of the excuses, that I just stopped asking. Let me tell you that nothing good happens after midnight! I could also relate to Wendy who hasn't told her children about the divorce. My exhusband was incarcerated for almost 2 months before I told my children (5 and 3) where he was. Sadly they didn't even notice that he wasn't around until about the same time I decided to tell them. They thought he was coming home after they were in bed and leaving in the a.m. before they got up.
I was honest with them about where he was, I just applied it to their level of understanding (he was doing a time-out!).
Posted by: brenwyn
Posted on: 2003-04-09 15:54:53
There is no room in a serious relationship for lies. My exhusband reminded me of the husband on todays show who would stay out till all hours of the night. My husband worked a second job in the evenings, but had a hard time finding his way home after. I was so tired of the excuses, that I just stopped asking. Let me tell you that nothing good happens after midnight! I could also relate to Wendy who hasn't told her children about the divorce. My exhusband was incarcerated for almost 2 months before I told my children (5 and 3) where he was. Sadly they didn't even notice that he wasn't around until about the same time I decided to tell them. They thought he was coming home after they were in bed and leaving in the a.m. before they got up.
I was honest with them about where he was, I just applied it to their level of understanding (he was doing a time-out!).
i live with a expensive liar
Posted by: soozeq2
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:11:23
I live with a man who has lied us into a major debt. $2o,ooo later a ruined marriage and hurt feelings i have finally realized this has been going on his whole life and it goes on daily with him and he really isn't aware of it and if he is he really has lied so much he thinks he is telling the truth, isn't that great? i am sorry but i am not going to counselling again with him i have just decided i can take care of myself and my son. There is no way i can help this man until he gets the help he needs and other people stop accepting his lies it truly has put a damper on my feelings towards honesty in a marriage. s.d. germantown
Posted by: soozeq2
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:11:23
I live with a man who has lied us into a major debt. $2o,ooo later a ruined marriage and hurt feelings i have finally realized this has been going on his whole life and it goes on daily with him and he really isn't aware of it and if he is he really has lied so much he thinks he is telling the truth, isn't that great? i am sorry but i am not going to counselling again with him i have just decided i can take care of myself and my son. There is no way i can help this man until he gets the help he needs and other people stop accepting his lies it truly has put a damper on my feelings towards honesty in a marriage. s.d. germantown
ADD
Posted by: facesfaces
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:19:55
Shame on Dr. Phil. The couple that was on the “Telling the truth about lying” show where the husband told “little white lies” but couldn’t seem to verbalize anything worse than being late to the bank one day had serious troubles! My husband and I have the same problem. He lies like breathing. Ask him if he did anything and he’ll say, “yes” when he hadn’t. Or he says, “I think so. I don’t remember. I’d better do it again;” just another way to say yes when it’s really no. The same type of answer will apply to any subject, any question.
In my unprofessional, but long experience, it’s a problem with authority. Not that I am his authority! But if he’s questioned on anything, his “old tapes” say, uh oh authority is after me. One man said, “It’s freedom.” My husband lies about bills, phone calls, unmailed gifts, letters, brushing teeth, bathing, daughter’s safety, what he’s eaten, virtually everything!
He’s now being treated for ADD. It has helped SOME, but the learned behavior has to change. There’s still choice involved! Every counselor we’ve ever gone to has told me to leave him. But I stayed for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which was that I believed him when he told me he didn’t INTEND TO HURT ME. Also, we have a daughter, and we were financially dependent on him since so much of my time and effort went into fixing his screw ups and doing everything in the household and the family - alone. When I finally had – “had it” I left for 3 months. That was when he started
Posted by: facesfaces
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:19:55
Shame on Dr. Phil. The couple that was on the “Telling the truth about lying” show where the husband told “little white lies” but couldn’t seem to verbalize anything worse than being late to the bank one day had serious troubles! My husband and I have the same problem. He lies like breathing. Ask him if he did anything and he’ll say, “yes” when he hadn’t. Or he says, “I think so. I don’t remember. I’d better do it again;” just another way to say yes when it’s really no. The same type of answer will apply to any subject, any question.
In my unprofessional, but long experience, it’s a problem with authority. Not that I am his authority! But if he’s questioned on anything, his “old tapes” say, uh oh authority is after me. One man said, “It’s freedom.” My husband lies about bills, phone calls, unmailed gifts, letters, brushing teeth, bathing, daughter’s safety, what he’s eaten, virtually everything!
He’s now being treated for ADD. It has helped SOME, but the learned behavior has to change. There’s still choice involved! Every counselor we’ve ever gone to has told me to leave him. But I stayed for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which was that I believed him when he told me he didn’t INTEND TO HURT ME. Also, we have a daughter, and we were financially dependent on him since so much of my time and effort went into fixing his screw ups and doing everything in the household and the family - alone. When I finally had – “had it” I left for 3 months. That was when he started
continued
Posted by: facesfaces
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:20:54
on his road to change. He’s got a long way to go, and frankly, I might still go. But I don’t take divorce lightly. I’ve invested 18 years in this difficult man. I’d like to see a return on my investment!
Lying is death to a woman’s heart. It scrapes you out from the inside and leaves you hollow, empty and vacant of hope, love and energy. It MUST stop! Some think I’ve become a raging “bitch” because I don’t let him get away with it, even my daughter. But for now I stay hoping for growth. “For better or for worse,” now I’m waiting for the better! And I’m waiting for MY turn. I’ve been the strong one, the psychologist, the fixer for long enough. Though many think I’ve detached too much, that’s just too bad! I’ve got to survive.
Posted by: facesfaces
Posted on: 2003-04-09 16:20:54
on his road to change. He’s got a long way to go, and frankly, I might still go. But I don’t take divorce lightly. I’ve invested 18 years in this difficult man. I’d like to see a return on my investment!
Lying is death to a woman’s heart. It scrapes you out from the inside and leaves you hollow, empty and vacant of hope, love and energy. It MUST stop! Some think I’ve become a raging “bitch” because I don’t let him get away with it, even my daughter. But for now I stay hoping for growth. “For better or for worse,” now I’m waiting for the better! And I’m waiting for MY turn. I’ve been the strong one, the psychologist, the fixer for long enough. Though many think I’ve detached too much, that’s just too bad! I’ve got to survive.
