08/18 Adult Bullies
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Posted by: hp10184
Posted on: 2003-04-30 10:16:52
Well the show hasn't been viewed by the public yet but I would just like to say... when I was a kid in elementry school all the way up to my freshman year in highschool I was picked on so much I would dred going to school. Then I would dred going home because my dad would always choose the women who would tell him what to do with me and some of them even hit me and my father still wouldn't do anything about it. I can see why children do it (possibly for attention or to look cool infront of friends or something) but adults should know better. Work through things without being the "BIG BAD BULLIE"
Posted by: hp10184
Posted on: 2003-04-30 10:16:52
Well the show hasn't been viewed by the public yet but I would just like to say... when I was a kid in elementry school all the way up to my freshman year in highschool I was picked on so much I would dred going to school. Then I would dred going home because my dad would always choose the women who would tell him what to do with me and some of them even hit me and my father still wouldn't do anything about it. I can see why children do it (possibly for attention or to look cool infront of friends or something) but adults should know better. Work through things without being the "BIG BAD BULLIE"
Bullies-hp10184
Posted by: trictoros5
Posted on: 2003-04-30 10:44:54
I watched the show and also read your comment. I am curious as to whether or not you did any bullying of your own due to the fact that you felt bullied yourself..did your parent(s) come forth and defend you in any way or were you expected to fight your own battles? If you have children of your own how do you think your experience affected them? Thanks for listening. I'd also like to say I'm sorry you went through what you went through...but I'm happy to know you survived without a lot of resentment..I have learned to manage my angry behavior/feelings over the years...and anything that is "learned" can be "unlearned or modified" if...someone wants it bad enough.
Posted by: trictoros5
Posted on: 2003-04-30 10:44:54
I watched the show and also read your comment. I am curious as to whether or not you did any bullying of your own due to the fact that you felt bullied yourself..did your parent(s) come forth and defend you in any way or were you expected to fight your own battles? If you have children of your own how do you think your experience affected them? Thanks for listening. I'd also like to say I'm sorry you went through what you went through...but I'm happy to know you survived without a lot of resentment..I have learned to manage my angry behavior/feelings over the years...and anything that is "learned" can be "unlearned or modified" if...someone wants it bad enough.
Bullies
Posted by: lena153
Posted on: 2003-05-06 15:56:59
I agree that once you realize your bullying behavior that you can change. But what do you do if the Bully does not change their bullying behavior once they are made aware of it. It is the saddest thing in the world to have to kick that person to the curb and go on with your life. Especially if it is a close relative. I recently had to do that and it is very difficult. But I have found that I have become a better person for it. If they don't change, then you have to change your position in the situation. Never allow yourself to be abused by anyone. Do what you have to do to get out of it. You deserve better. And always demand respect.
Posted by: lena153
Posted on: 2003-05-06 15:56:59
I agree that once you realize your bullying behavior that you can change. But what do you do if the Bully does not change their bullying behavior once they are made aware of it. It is the saddest thing in the world to have to kick that person to the curb and go on with your life. Especially if it is a close relative. I recently had to do that and it is very difficult. But I have found that I have become a better person for it. If they don't change, then you have to change your position in the situation. Never allow yourself to be abused by anyone. Do what you have to do to get out of it. You deserve better. And always demand respect.
Bullies
Posted by: 47wally
Posted on: 2003-08-18 08:30:14
I know about having to kick someone to the curb. I had to do it to my own mother. I had asked her to live with us, thinking she'll be the kindly grandmother to my kids. When she got here, she turned into the wicked witch. She yelled at my kids, tried to discipline them as if they were her children, criticized everything I did as a mother, humiliated me in front of my neighbors, you name it. I finally had to ask her to leave. She was a big, OLD, bully and I wasn't going to allow one to live in my home.
Posted by: 47wally
Posted on: 2003-08-18 08:30:14
I know about having to kick someone to the curb. I had to do it to my own mother. I had asked her to live with us, thinking she'll be the kindly grandmother to my kids. When she got here, she turned into the wicked witch. She yelled at my kids, tried to discipline them as if they were her children, criticized everything I did as a mother, humiliated me in front of my neighbors, you name it. I finally had to ask her to leave. She was a big, OLD, bully and I wasn't going to allow one to live in my home.
Dragon-Lady Mothers
Posted by: zeisig
Posted on: 2003-08-18 17:23:17
My mother bullied us for as long as I can remember. I can recall only being afraid of her. Everything had to revlove around her. I got up the nerve to actually tell her that I feared her more than I loved her one day when I was 35. She trivialized my sentiments and my pain. To not repeat the cycle of abuse with my own children I sought therapy at 3 different times in my life as a mother raising 2 boys on my own. I may not have been perfect, but I was a whole lot better with my children than she was with us, and that gives me solace. Although I tried talking to her and did talk to her on several occasions to share my feelings, I don't think I ever reached her. She would hang up on me on the phone or riducule me when I spoke to her face to face. She died several months ago and although I don't miss her or grieve, I feel an emptiness, a glowing ember rage that I was never acknowleged, nor validated. I know I'm a big girl now and should just get over it and get on with it, but there are moments when I would still like to kick her ass. Unfortunately today's show only served to bring up awful memories from the past. If the pen is mightier than the sword, I will write her a letter and unload my pain. I'll see if that helps
Posted by: zeisig
Posted on: 2003-08-18 17:23:17
My mother bullied us for as long as I can remember. I can recall only being afraid of her. Everything had to revlove around her. I got up the nerve to actually tell her that I feared her more than I loved her one day when I was 35. She trivialized my sentiments and my pain. To not repeat the cycle of abuse with my own children I sought therapy at 3 different times in my life as a mother raising 2 boys on my own. I may not have been perfect, but I was a whole lot better with my children than she was with us, and that gives me solace. Although I tried talking to her and did talk to her on several occasions to share my feelings, I don't think I ever reached her. She would hang up on me on the phone or riducule me when I spoke to her face to face. She died several months ago and although I don't miss her or grieve, I feel an emptiness, a glowing ember rage that I was never acknowleged, nor validated. I know I'm a big girl now and should just get over it and get on with it, but there are moments when I would still like to kick her ass. Unfortunately today's show only served to bring up awful memories from the past. If the pen is mightier than the sword, I will write her a letter and unload my pain. I'll see if that helps
Posted by: jehannefor
Posted on: 2003-08-24 20:01:50
I have a similar situation. My mother is living with me and my husband and our two young children. My mother has never been what you could call "motherly." She reacts coldly to me and stays in her room all the time when she comes home from work. She has little interaction with her grandchildren, which is surprising to me. Like you I thought she would be more loving. Well, It's not the picture I imagined. She's criticized me on occasion for being too lenient with disciplining my children, but I'm not upset about that as much as I am upset about the fact that she witholds affection. I'm also angry that she belittles me ... my personal appearance, my intellegence, my choice in a marriage partner, and my economic status. I just say "Whatever" and walk away, but it really hurts inside. I'm really tired and sick of all the hurt and anger I feel toward my parents. Both my father and mother were bullies to me. I am an only child who was used regularly as a recepticle for their emotional and verbal abuse from a very early age. And it is only NOW at age 38 that I am finally drawing some boundaries and trying to hold my parents accountable for their abuse. I'm with you....I don't want a bully living in my house or even associated with me on any level. My husband and I are leasing a house with my mother, and the lease expires in 10 months - we can't wait to get away!
Bullies
Posted by: notsohappy
Posted on: 2003-09-23 14:05:36
I am 28 years old and been bullied by my mom all my life. Now that I am married and have children, it seem to have gotten worse. Being that she doesn't like my husband, I've become more stupid to her and she criticizes me in everything I do. Her words are negative and very hurtful to me. I just don't want her to start bullying my children. Sometimes if she gets angry at me, she will take it out on my children. At one point I moved away from her and she would call every day. She would find a way to make me feel guilty for moving away, then when I came back, it started all over again.
Posted by: notsohappy
Posted on: 2003-09-23 14:05:36
I am 28 years old and been bullied by my mom all my life. Now that I am married and have children, it seem to have gotten worse. Being that she doesn't like my husband, I've become more stupid to her and she criticizes me in everything I do. Her words are negative and very hurtful to me. I just don't want her to start bullying my children. Sometimes if she gets angry at me, she will take it out on my children. At one point I moved away from her and she would call every day. She would find a way to make me feel guilty for moving away, then when I came back, it started all over again.
Posted by: clh9701
Posted on: 2003-05-07 14:25:26
Your first group where there was mother and daughter/daughters. If the mother continues with this,the daughter/daughters will come to a point to where they will only communicate with there mother only when they need to, which will not be very ofter.
Adult Bullies
Posted by: pipypoodle
Posted on: 2003-08-12 21:38:52
What I was wanting to know is "how do I deal with a bully in the workplace" who is my supervisor. She has intimidated alot of people over the years and most of them have since left. Talking to the "powers that be" doesn't really work in the long run and the person making the complaint is generally the one made out to be the "problem". These people just move on and she continues to get away with it and makes life unpleasant in the working enviroment. I love my job and do not won't to leave.
Posted by: pipypoodle
Posted on: 2003-08-12 21:38:52
What I was wanting to know is "how do I deal with a bully in the workplace" who is my supervisor. She has intimidated alot of people over the years and most of them have since left. Talking to the "powers that be" doesn't really work in the long run and the person making the complaint is generally the one made out to be the "problem". These people just move on and she continues to get away with it and makes life unpleasant in the working enviroment. I love my job and do not won't to leave.
Workplace Bullies
Posted by: 47wally
Posted on: 2003-08-18 08:36:27
I too quit many jobs that I enjoyed due to a "bully" being in the workplace. Finally, it hit me, I shouldn't run from the bullies because that was only punishing myself. I took yet another job with a bully supervisor (I think it had gone to her head that she was in charge). I loved this job and wasn't going to leave, even though I had the supervisor-bully from hell. She hated me for no apparent reason. I realized that she was overweight and had a miserable home life, and I didn't, so that's probably why she felt she had to bully me. I attempted for almost a year to befriend her. On her birthday, I bought her cards and donuts (yumm for a fattie). I killed her with kindness, complimented her a lot, and basically brown-nosed the you-know-what out of her. It finally worked. Once she came to my side, I quit dreading going to work every day. She still has her moments, but I don't feel so threatened by her any more (that she'll fire me out of bully-ness or something). I think once they realize that you aren't going to fight them or be afraid of them, it takes all the fun out of their bulli-hood and they'll quit. It's just whether you can weather the storm, until they find someone else in the workplace to bully.
Posted by: 47wally
Posted on: 2003-08-18 08:36:27
I too quit many jobs that I enjoyed due to a "bully" being in the workplace. Finally, it hit me, I shouldn't run from the bullies because that was only punishing myself. I took yet another job with a bully supervisor (I think it had gone to her head that she was in charge). I loved this job and wasn't going to leave, even though I had the supervisor-bully from hell. She hated me for no apparent reason. I realized that she was overweight and had a miserable home life, and I didn't, so that's probably why she felt she had to bully me. I attempted for almost a year to befriend her. On her birthday, I bought her cards and donuts (yumm for a fattie). I killed her with kindness, complimented her a lot, and basically brown-nosed the you-know-what out of her. It finally worked. Once she came to my side, I quit dreading going to work every day. She still has her moments, but I don't feel so threatened by her any more (that she'll fire me out of bully-ness or something). I think once they realize that you aren't going to fight them or be afraid of them, it takes all the fun out of their bulli-hood and they'll quit. It's just whether you can weather the storm, until they find someone else in the workplace to bully.
Thanks
Posted by: suzymckeen
Posted on: 2005-02-15 09:48:41
Thank you so much for telling your story. Your message was very inspirational to me. I too have a job that I basically love but a coworker is bullying me to point of causing me so much stress that it is affecting my health. I was off work over two months last year with stress related hypertension! I have tried everything from ignoring the behaviors of her to reporting it management (who actually seem more bullied by her than I am!!!). I will try the killing with kindness thing and see how that works! Thanks again...Suzy
Posted by: suzymckeen
Posted on: 2005-02-15 09:48:41
Thank you so much for telling your story. Your message was very inspirational to me. I too have a job that I basically love but a coworker is bullying me to point of causing me so much stress that it is affecting my health. I was off work over two months last year with stress related hypertension! I have tried everything from ignoring the behaviors of her to reporting it management (who actually seem more bullied by her than I am!!!). I will try the killing with kindness thing and see how that works! Thanks again...Suzy
Bully Bosses
Posted by: zeisig
Posted on: 2003-08-18 17:51:36
Oh, I feel for you! I had a bully boss that made us want to hide behind the furniture when he entered the room. What was worse, he signed our checks. So how could we voice our displeasure? I finally figured out that he felt inadequate and had to whip somebody else to make himself feel good. I got to know his wife and learned that she wore the pants in the family. Since I was the chosen "whipping boy", it became obvious that I was the only one in our department whose level of education and experience rivaled his own. Perhaps he thought I posed a threat to his position even though I never aspired to have his job. I got over my fear of him with pity. I stopped walking on eggshells and kept up my duties on the job with the utmost professionalism so that he never had a reason to criticize me. If and when he lost his cool I would simply not internalize it. I let it roll off me like water off a ducks behind.
The end of the story is that once I tendered my resignation, he suddenly became nice as pie. He interviewed and hire 11 different candidates to replace me in the company, yet they all backed out for one reason or another. In the end, he had no one to fill my shoes. His boss wined and dined me to come back until a suitable replacement could be found. I agreed. However the bully-boss refused. He lost his job 2 months later. Ah, there is justice after all.
Posted by: zeisig
Posted on: 2003-08-18 17:51:36
Oh, I feel for you! I had a bully boss that made us want to hide behind the furniture when he entered the room. What was worse, he signed our checks. So how could we voice our displeasure? I finally figured out that he felt inadequate and had to whip somebody else to make himself feel good. I got to know his wife and learned that she wore the pants in the family. Since I was the chosen "whipping boy", it became obvious that I was the only one in our department whose level of education and experience rivaled his own. Perhaps he thought I posed a threat to his position even though I never aspired to have his job. I got over my fear of him with pity. I stopped walking on eggshells and kept up my duties on the job with the utmost professionalism so that he never had a reason to criticize me. If and when he lost his cool I would simply not internalize it. I let it roll off me like water off a ducks behind.
The end of the story is that once I tendered my resignation, he suddenly became nice as pie. He interviewed and hire 11 different candidates to replace me in the company, yet they all backed out for one reason or another. In the end, he had no one to fill my shoes. His boss wined and dined me to come back until a suitable replacement could be found. I agreed. However the bully-boss refused. He lost his job 2 months later. Ah, there is justice after all.
Adult Bullies
Posted by: pipypoodle
Posted on: 2003-08-12 21:39:00
What I was wanting to know is "how do I deal with a bully in the workplace" who is my supervisor. She has intimidated alot of people over the years and most of them have since left. Talking to the "powers that be" doesn't really work in the long run and the person making the complaint is generally the one made out to be the "problem". These people just move on and she continues to get away with it and makes life unpleasant in the working enviroment. I love my job and do not want to leave.
Posted by: pipypoodle
Posted on: 2003-08-12 21:39:00
What I was wanting to know is "how do I deal with a bully in the workplace" who is my supervisor. She has intimidated alot of people over the years and most of them have since left. Talking to the "powers that be" doesn't really work in the long run and the person making the complaint is generally the one made out to be the "problem". These people just move on and she continues to get away with it and makes life unpleasant in the working enviroment. I love my job and do not want to leave.
Adult Bullies
Posted by: pipypoodle
Posted on: 2003-08-12 21:40:46
What I was wanting to know is "how do I deal with a bully in the workplace" who is my supervisor. She has intimidated alot of people over the years and most of them have since left. Talking to the "powers that be" doesn't really work in the long run and the person making the complaint is generally the one made out to be the "problem". The ones that are being bullied just end up leaving and she continues to get away with it and makes life unpleasant in the working environment. I love my job and do not want to leave.
Posted by: pipypoodle
Posted on: 2003-08-12 21:40:46
What I was wanting to know is "how do I deal with a bully in the workplace" who is my supervisor. She has intimidated alot of people over the years and most of them have since left. Talking to the "powers that be" doesn't really work in the long run and the person making the complaint is generally the one made out to be the "problem". The ones that are being bullied just end up leaving and she continues to get away with it and makes life unpleasant in the working environment. I love my job and do not want to leave.
Posted by: racp32
Posted on: 2003-08-18 16:23:52
I never bullied anyone in school. It wasn't untill I met my husband that I started. To be honest, I didn't think I had a problem untill my brother told me "I don't believe in hitting women, but if I were Andy, I 'd beat the crap out of you." I think that I decided that I was not going to be treated like my mother, so I became my father. The weird thing is though, that I have NEVER treated my children like we were treated or like I treated there dad. I have always been very patient and loving with them. Go figure. Anyway, once I realized what I was doing, I changed the behavior. It's hard to do but I want my home to be a place that my children and my husband want to be. I want them to feel loved and sheltered, and that begins with me.
Lasting Memories
Posted by: janobout
Posted on: 2003-09-13 00:11:53
The show about bullying screened last month in Australia and it left a deep impression with me and my daughter. I always was a hands on mum at the school and I found it to be a great way to deter bullies. Be there for reading, canteen, trips, etc.
Bullies hate a big target. Give children the home back-up they need to stand up to thugs like that and teach them to defend others and not stand back and tolerate this
destructive behaviour. Australia has an unacceptably high rate of teen suicide and some of these cases can be directly attributed to teen bullying. The Charter by Jay is a fabulous idea so teachers can be encouraged to be more hands on.
A deep subject with a memorable impact.THANKS !
Posted by: janobout
Posted on: 2003-09-13 00:11:53
The show about bullying screened last month in Australia and it left a deep impression with me and my daughter. I always was a hands on mum at the school and I found it to be a great way to deter bullies. Be there for reading, canteen, trips, etc.
Bullies hate a big target. Give children the home back-up they need to stand up to thugs like that and teach them to defend others and not stand back and tolerate this
destructive behaviour. Australia has an unacceptably high rate of teen suicide and some of these cases can be directly attributed to teen bullying. The Charter by Jay is a fabulous idea so teachers can be encouraged to be more hands on.
A deep subject with a memorable impact.THANKS !
Posted by: litlsquaw
Posted on: 2003-04-30 10:41:53
What a great show today. I've never seen so many men touched liked that. All those guys with tears in their eyes really got to me. There seems to be something so special between brothers that only guys get. My husband has 5 brothers. We've been married for 8 years and I still don't gett the relationshiiip they share. The mother really got to me.. I'm not like that but I saw aspects of her in myself and it really made me think.
maekit re:Brothers
Posted by: trictoros5
Posted on: 2003-04-30 10:54:06
Enjoyed your comment, but what I saw was a younger sibling who looks at his older brother as "his hero" who had the feeling that he was not as good as or could never please his brother without his brother finding fault with him or his brother thinking that just because he was younger doesn't know anything...when any sibling sees a brother or sister in high regard they need to pay attention to the behaviors they are modeling. Thanks for listening.
Posted by: trictoros5
Posted on: 2003-04-30 10:54:06
Enjoyed your comment, but what I saw was a younger sibling who looks at his older brother as "his hero" who had the feeling that he was not as good as or could never please his brother without his brother finding fault with him or his brother thinking that just because he was younger doesn't know anything...when any sibling sees a brother or sister in high regard they need to pay attention to the behaviors they are modeling. Thanks for listening.
I am often mean
Posted by: pferg101
Posted on: 2003-04-30 15:09:04
I watched it and saw myself. It was scary to see it! I suffer from depression and terrible pms which I take meds for. When I am pms I have a hard time with my mouth. My life is complicated in that I have a child who is emotionally disturbed but, it still doesn't give me the right to abuse him verbally!I say mean things that I sometimes later regret! I don't want to be like this. I am going to try to say to myslef that "I don't have the right or permission to act this way."
I hope it helps seeing this!
Posted by: pferg101
Posted on: 2003-04-30 15:09:04
I watched it and saw myself. It was scary to see it! I suffer from depression and terrible pms which I take meds for. When I am pms I have a hard time with my mouth. My life is complicated in that I have a child who is emotionally disturbed but, it still doesn't give me the right to abuse him verbally!I say mean things that I sometimes later regret! I don't want to be like this. I am going to try to say to myslef that "I don't have the right or permission to act this way."
I hope it helps seeing this!
Often mean
Posted by: trichter
Posted on: 2003-04-30 16:11:16
I had to reply to your post. I decided last fall that I had to stop yelling at my 3yr old. He is very bright and really knows what buttons to push. However, I realized that after 3 years of having struggles and battles with him that it was all me. Why could I not just let him be a child? So after having a slight break down I got in touch with a therapist and call my obgyn. I was diagnosed with PMDD, pre-menstral disphoric disorder. So on top of getting therapy and meds to control my hormones, I have a much happier son and when mommy is happy everyone is happy. Please seek out some help. I don't go to therapy anymore, but I do call and go when I am feeling closed in. Best wishes.
Posted by: trichter
Posted on: 2003-04-30 16:11:16
I had to reply to your post. I decided last fall that I had to stop yelling at my 3yr old. He is very bright and really knows what buttons to push. However, I realized that after 3 years of having struggles and battles with him that it was all me. Why could I not just let him be a child? So after having a slight break down I got in touch with a therapist and call my obgyn. I was diagnosed with PMDD, pre-menstral disphoric disorder. So on top of getting therapy and meds to control my hormones, I have a much happier son and when mommy is happy everyone is happy. Please seek out some help. I don't go to therapy anymore, but I do call and go when I am feeling closed in. Best wishes.
