12/29 Intervention Follow-Up
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Posted by: tpatricia1
Posted on: 2003-11-26 10:26:07
I WATCHED ALL THREE SHOWS ON BRANDON AND HIS FAMILY...THE TEARS JUST ROLLING DOWN MY FACE..ON THE INTERVENTION BRANDON LOOKED VERY HANDSOME AND HAPPY,AND HIS MOTHER JUST COULDNT STOP SMILING.I AM SO HAPPY FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY,AND I WISH THEM THE BEST OF LUCK.HAPPY HOLIDAYS....
Posted by: tpatricia1
Posted on: 2003-11-26 10:26:07
I WATCHED ALL THREE SHOWS ON BRANDON AND HIS FAMILY...THE TEARS JUST ROLLING DOWN MY FACE..ON THE INTERVENTION BRANDON LOOKED VERY HANDSOME AND HAPPY,AND HIS MOTHER JUST COULDNT STOP SMILING.I AM SO HAPPY FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY,AND I WISH THEM THE BEST OF LUCK.HAPPY HOLIDAYS....
Hope
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-26 17:26:13
As I watched the show, I could not hold too much hope for Brandon. My son was in rehab and came home. He is still clean but so angry at me for making him go. 3 weeks ago he threw me physically out of the room. The police came and now he is gone from our lives. This was my most special child. I just cant beleive he has done this to himself. It is as though he has died. I packed up all his things. It really hard because his room still smells like him. Until I can paint it I have just shut the door. Tomorrow is THanksgiving, he always cut our turkey. I just dont know how I will get through it. I never suspected a thing. He had me fooled for over 23 years. I know it is not my fault but it sure feels like it is. I think it would be easier if he was dead.
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-26 17:26:13
As I watched the show, I could not hold too much hope for Brandon. My son was in rehab and came home. He is still clean but so angry at me for making him go. 3 weeks ago he threw me physically out of the room. The police came and now he is gone from our lives. This was my most special child. I just cant beleive he has done this to himself. It is as though he has died. I packed up all his things. It really hard because his room still smells like him. Until I can paint it I have just shut the door. Tomorrow is THanksgiving, he always cut our turkey. I just dont know how I will get through it. I never suspected a thing. He had me fooled for over 23 years. I know it is not my fault but it sure feels like it is. I think it would be easier if he was dead.
Have Hope
Posted by: bkissing
Posted on: 2003-11-26 17:33:56
your message touched me. my oldest, 35, is still a user and is basically "gone" to us. We tried everything, he did time in prison. He, like your son, has to want it. It is not your fault. you will be in our prayers & I pray that you find hope this holiday season. You must start living again.
Posted by: bkissing
Posted on: 2003-11-26 17:33:56
your message touched me. my oldest, 35, is still a user and is basically "gone" to us. We tried everything, he did time in prison. He, like your son, has to want it. It is not your fault. you will be in our prayers & I pray that you find hope this holiday season. You must start living again.
why
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-26 18:54:31
I REALLY DONTwant to start living again. It seems that all I ever do is start over. If I dindnt have a younger child I would just check out. I have not really added anything to the world except problems. I know I am depressed but then I guess I should be. for me this is the first person that I really loved that has in a sense died. This was my son that I thought I could depend on for anything. We were so close how did I not know? I asked three different times but he assured me He was clean. I dont think I will ever be happy again. I havent even been able to go to work for two weeks. I never knew I could hurt this much. I've been through a lot in my life that really has hurt but this is the worst.
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-26 18:54:31
I REALLY DONTwant to start living again. It seems that all I ever do is start over. If I dindnt have a younger child I would just check out. I have not really added anything to the world except problems. I know I am depressed but then I guess I should be. for me this is the first person that I really loved that has in a sense died. This was my son that I thought I could depend on for anything. We were so close how did I not know? I asked three different times but he assured me He was clean. I dont think I will ever be happy again. I havent even been able to go to work for two weeks. I never knew I could hurt this much. I've been through a lot in my life that really has hurt but this is the worst.
Posted by: tyler01
Posted on: 2003-11-26 19:14:41
All I can add is that I have been where you are at. My 30-year old son is a recovering meth addict - we were on that "roller coaster" for 15 years with him. He has a little over two years clean. They don't always "get it" the first time, and sometimes not the second or third. But most will get it at some point. Never ever give up on your child - even when you are separated by the drugs like you are now. One thing I always said to my son whenever I did see him was that I loved him. He didn't want to hear it...but it stuck in his head. When on drugs, the addict DOESN'T want anyone to love them or care about them - because they don't love or care about themselves. So even if you tell them you love them - they won't want to hear it. Say it anyway. My son finally went into rehab on Sept. 21, 2001. He is working a strong program with Narcotics Anonymous (VERY important) and going to community college and working part time. We are proud of the strength he has shown but we know it was extremely difficult for him. So "exhausted" - hang in there, pray, and keep loving your son. Also, if you are depressed, see a doctor. It REALLY does get better - for the addict and the family. I'm living proof and so is my son. Blessings on you.
Response to "All I Can Add"
Posted by: jkt5825
Posted on: 2003-12-29 17:29:50
Thanks for your message. We have a 21 yr. old son who has been dealing with addition for 7 years. He has been in rehab 6 times and he still isn't there. Faith is all that we have now. The Dr. Phil show lets others know what it is really like for families that have to deal with addiction. I hope he continues to follow up with Brandon's family. I hope for the best for them, however it may be just the beginning.
Posted by: jkt5825
Posted on: 2003-12-29 17:29:50
Thanks for your message. We have a 21 yr. old son who has been dealing with addition for 7 years. He has been in rehab 6 times and he still isn't there. Faith is all that we have now. The Dr. Phil show lets others know what it is really like for families that have to deal with addiction. I hope he continues to follow up with Brandon's family. I hope for the best for them, however it may be just the beginning.
Hang tight
Posted by: fishesjoan
Posted on: 2003-11-26 20:23:28
This is for "exausted". I know how you feel. I waited almost 15 years for my son to come "clean". I did all the things that I was supposed to from praying and interventions to excluding him from the family. (you get so tired of the fights). Finally HE decided he'd had enough and was on the verge of suicide. I asked him to let me help him one more time but it had to be on my terms. I gave him the rules and told him if he really wanted to stop he would live by my guidelines for 1 year. We are 7 mos into the "program" and he thanks me every day for saving his life. (By the way he's 34 yrs old) The reward is worth the wait if nothing happens to him inthe meantime. Tell him you love him so much that you just can't bear to watch him kill himself and when he's ready to change, to come to you. They have to know they have a safe haven to land on. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your son too. Brandon was an inspiration. I cried when I saw what he changed into. This is a major problem in this country and it has to be recognized as such. First, we have to stop being afraid to "offend" our children. It's our duty to take care of them and if asking and not believing that are telling us the truth then we have to have the courage to do something about it. I have only good thoughts for you and your son. I hope it helps.
Posted by: fishesjoan
Posted on: 2003-11-26 20:23:28
This is for "exausted". I know how you feel. I waited almost 15 years for my son to come "clean". I did all the things that I was supposed to from praying and interventions to excluding him from the family. (you get so tired of the fights). Finally HE decided he'd had enough and was on the verge of suicide. I asked him to let me help him one more time but it had to be on my terms. I gave him the rules and told him if he really wanted to stop he would live by my guidelines for 1 year. We are 7 mos into the "program" and he thanks me every day for saving his life. (By the way he's 34 yrs old) The reward is worth the wait if nothing happens to him inthe meantime. Tell him you love him so much that you just can't bear to watch him kill himself and when he's ready to change, to come to you. They have to know they have a safe haven to land on. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your son too. Brandon was an inspiration. I cried when I saw what he changed into. This is a major problem in this country and it has to be recognized as such. First, we have to stop being afraid to "offend" our children. It's our duty to take care of them and if asking and not believing that are telling us the truth then we have to have the courage to do something about it. I have only good thoughts for you and your son. I hope it helps.
thanks
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-27 08:45:56
I guess i am just so dissapointed that this particular child has done this to himself. I am also dissapointed that I asked the Dr. Phill show to recommend someone in my area for conseling for myself and my younger son. three days and still no reply. We have been to therapists bad ones. We sent my son to rehab a national known one. Bad results and very expensive. I just need a name so I can make the call. I know I will go on. I always go ono. I will immerse myself in my work and the one son I have left. Today we are going to go serve the homeless so we can put our troubles in perspective. Then we will have Thanksgiving for two and be thankful that we have even that. Tough love is a great thing, but when there is a court order in place because of domestic violence by the drug addict you cat tell him ou love him. You really dont want to tell him. You want him to suffer and feel the same pain you are feeling. Now someone else in enabling him and he will be ok for a while and then turn on them. I really need to close the book on him or it will end up killing me. I find it really interesting that everyone in their replies assumes that I am a woman. I wonder if I would be talk to the same way if people thought I was a man.
I hope you have lots of family over today and have a really nice day
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-27 08:45:56
I guess i am just so dissapointed that this particular child has done this to himself. I am also dissapointed that I asked the Dr. Phill show to recommend someone in my area for conseling for myself and my younger son. three days and still no reply. We have been to therapists bad ones. We sent my son to rehab a national known one. Bad results and very expensive. I just need a name so I can make the call. I know I will go on. I always go ono. I will immerse myself in my work and the one son I have left. Today we are going to go serve the homeless so we can put our troubles in perspective. Then we will have Thanksgiving for two and be thankful that we have even that. Tough love is a great thing, but when there is a court order in place because of domestic violence by the drug addict you cat tell him ou love him. You really dont want to tell him. You want him to suffer and feel the same pain you are feeling. Now someone else in enabling him and he will be ok for a while and then turn on them. I really need to close the book on him or it will end up killing me. I find it really interesting that everyone in their replies assumes that I am a woman. I wonder if I would be talk to the same way if people thought I was a man.
I hope you have lots of family over today and have a really nice day
Don't "close" the book
Posted by: golfinopa
Posted on: 2003-11-27 10:54:15
Do NOT "close the book" on your son!!!Take out a bookmark, place it in the book, and just lay it down for a moment! Now go take care of yourself!! In a few weeks I will enjoy the 20th anniversary of my victory over alcohol addiction. Continueing to try to give back I find the "drug scene" responds with identical frustrations and successes as addiction to C2H5OH (the Drug alcohol). Your letters did not mention any AL-ANON type exposure! Find a group and try it with your spouse if possible! These people have all "been there and done that"! Just like finding an AA group for myself, I always encourage others to "shop" for a group. The "experts" don't mention this often, but find a group you feel comfortable with, some can be hard nuts to crack and if you're not at ease, it won't work. At the very worst you'll you should find some peace from comparing notes with other "victims" and perhaps at a better time can pick up the book you just laid aside.
Posted by: golfinopa
Posted on: 2003-11-27 10:54:15
Do NOT "close the book" on your son!!!Take out a bookmark, place it in the book, and just lay it down for a moment! Now go take care of yourself!! In a few weeks I will enjoy the 20th anniversary of my victory over alcohol addiction. Continueing to try to give back I find the "drug scene" responds with identical frustrations and successes as addiction to C2H5OH (the Drug alcohol). Your letters did not mention any AL-ANON type exposure! Find a group and try it with your spouse if possible! These people have all "been there and done that"! Just like finding an AA group for myself, I always encourage others to "shop" for a group. The "experts" don't mention this often, but find a group you feel comfortable with, some can be hard nuts to crack and if you're not at ease, it won't work. At the very worst you'll you should find some peace from comparing notes with other "victims" and perhaps at a better time can pick up the book you just laid aside.
RE: Counseling
Posted by: nlawson1
Posted on: 2003-11-27 12:04:44
Please understand that Dr. Phil might have received 200,000 requests for recommendation for "someone in their area" for help. If you pick up the phone and call any local hospital they can give you recommendtions - or the American Medical Association. Don't wait another minute. God Bless you all.
Posted by: nlawson1
Posted on: 2003-11-27 12:04:44
Please understand that Dr. Phil might have received 200,000 requests for recommendation for "someone in their area" for help. If you pick up the phone and call any local hospital they can give you recommendtions - or the American Medical Association. Don't wait another minute. God Bless you all.
GET HELP FOR YOURSELF
Posted by: rcochran10
Posted on: 2003-11-27 14:01:40
I would like to echo the sentiments of "Don't Close The Book." Over 20 years ago we took our then 13-year-old son to rehab. Their advice to us was to get help for ourselves in a 12-step program called Families Anonymous. It was a lifesaver for us. The whole family went through the intervention process, just the way
Brandon's family did, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. He finished his 30-day program and stayed sober for about 90 days, then relapsed. By this time, we were feeling much stronger in our own program and had support from our group to make it through the hard times. Twenty years later, we are still involved in FA as well as Al-Anon. Although we believe our son is no longer using, he still struggles with the everyday problems of life. We support him with love but not money. We maintain a relationship with him, but seldom hear from him. When we do, he is friendly, even loving, but I believe that through his years of drug use, his ability to love has been impaired. We work to be able to deal with his crises by staying strong in OUR program. HIS PROGRAM MUST BE UP TO HIM!! Both Al-Anon and Families Anonymous ask you to attend at least 6 meetings before deciding whether it is for you. There are no fees and you are only asked to give your first name. What do you have to lose? Perhaps your misery. Believe me, I remember the pain but I no longer wish to heap it upon myself.
Posted by: rcochran10
Posted on: 2003-11-27 14:01:40
I would like to echo the sentiments of "Don't Close The Book." Over 20 years ago we took our then 13-year-old son to rehab. Their advice to us was to get help for ourselves in a 12-step program called Families Anonymous. It was a lifesaver for us. The whole family went through the intervention process, just the way
Brandon's family did, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. He finished his 30-day program and stayed sober for about 90 days, then relapsed. By this time, we were feeling much stronger in our own program and had support from our group to make it through the hard times. Twenty years later, we are still involved in FA as well as Al-Anon. Although we believe our son is no longer using, he still struggles with the everyday problems of life. We support him with love but not money. We maintain a relationship with him, but seldom hear from him. When we do, he is friendly, even loving, but I believe that through his years of drug use, his ability to love has been impaired. We work to be able to deal with his crises by staying strong in OUR program. HIS PROGRAM MUST BE UP TO HIM!! Both Al-Anon and Families Anonymous ask you to attend at least 6 meetings before deciding whether it is for you. There are no fees and you are only asked to give your first name. What do you have to lose? Perhaps your misery. Believe me, I remember the pain but I no longer wish to heap it upon myself.
It's a long road back
Posted by: polly6
Posted on: 2003-12-31 00:45:57
I wasn't convinced that Brandon is ready to live his life drug free. The test will come when he is released from rehab. I would like Dr. Phil to have a show on understanding Drug addiction in our society and why it has such a powerful hold on people. My brother was a wonderful person, funny and loveable but he died from an overdose. Brandon will have a long road back to a drug free life after using for 4 years and as I watched him I think he was manipulating the audience. Drug users are very good at lying and manipulation. Good luck Brandon, show the world that this can be beat.
Posted by: polly6
Posted on: 2003-12-31 00:45:57
I wasn't convinced that Brandon is ready to live his life drug free. The test will come when he is released from rehab. I would like Dr. Phil to have a show on understanding Drug addiction in our society and why it has such a powerful hold on people. My brother was a wonderful person, funny and loveable but he died from an overdose. Brandon will have a long road back to a drug free life after using for 4 years and as I watched him I think he was manipulating the audience. Drug users are very good at lying and manipulation. Good luck Brandon, show the world that this can be beat.
to eausted
Posted by: phylteal
Posted on: 2004-01-02 15:02:58
The advice I got from Dr Phil's crew was attend Alanon. I guess I'll try it. I too feel I need some sort of closure or I will go crazy. I want to know how to find this closure. I have no strength left to go on trying. My son calls collect from jail. I send money so he can have pop etc then they move him and don't let him have the money. The sysytem is what is the MOST screwed up. They don't want to help anyone. They are part of the main problem. I too am afraid of my son. I do tell him I love him and I want to help him - it is killing me that he is in jail and I can't get him out as that would be the bad thing to do - how can that be bad my heart says - my mind and my heart are not together. I want this to end but see no end in sight.I actually envy people whose children are dead.
Posted by: phylteal
Posted on: 2004-01-02 15:02:58
The advice I got from Dr Phil's crew was attend Alanon. I guess I'll try it. I too feel I need some sort of closure or I will go crazy. I want to know how to find this closure. I have no strength left to go on trying. My son calls collect from jail. I send money so he can have pop etc then they move him and don't let him have the money. The sysytem is what is the MOST screwed up. They don't want to help anyone. They are part of the main problem. I too am afraid of my son. I do tell him I love him and I want to help him - it is killing me that he is in jail and I can't get him out as that would be the bad thing to do - how can that be bad my heart says - my mind and my heart are not together. I want this to end but see no end in sight.I actually envy people whose children are dead.
So sorry
Posted by: singla
Posted on: 2003-11-26 20:25:32
exausted, I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through. Please don't think that you "have not added anything to the world but problems." It is NOT YOUR FAULT that you didn't realize your son's problem. Although I am not a mother, I have heard of countless cases where it was impossible for the parents to realize what was happening. Perhaps it would help you to use this experience to attempt to help others, and help guide your younger child.
Posted by: singla
Posted on: 2003-11-26 20:25:32
exausted, I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through. Please don't think that you "have not added anything to the world but problems." It is NOT YOUR FAULT that you didn't realize your son's problem. Although I am not a mother, I have heard of countless cases where it was impossible for the parents to realize what was happening. Perhaps it would help you to use this experience to attempt to help others, and help guide your younger child.
love yourself
Posted by: pqtlmr
Posted on: 2003-11-26 21:58:00
If you believe you have only added problems to the world, then that is the way you will view the world - filled with problems you created. First off, you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. You owe that to both children. I believe too many people have children before they even discover who they are and what they are all about. It should not be that you felt you could depend on your son - get help with your depression, start loving and believing in yourself because a child needs to depend on his mother - you are placing a huge burden on your child expecting to depend on him. too many people have children because they are lonely - a child should not be created to be a companion. a child is the celebration of the love a married couple create - a child should be an overflow of such love, confidence and self respect. I feel that is why millions of children turn to drugs. They have no strong parent structure to turn to and lean on. They wonder why they where created and most of them have reason to. Your husband should have been the first person you really loved prior to your child but you don't mention him. That's where the problem begins. Before you can ever help your child, you must get help for yourself. Only YOU must want to start living again. And that's what life and maturing is all about - starting over and over and over again - until BINGO one day you realize you've got things down pat. And Dr. Phil told the secret to Brandon today: FIND SOMETHING YOU A
Posted by: pqtlmr
Posted on: 2003-11-26 21:58:00
If you believe you have only added problems to the world, then that is the way you will view the world - filled with problems you created. First off, you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. You owe that to both children. I believe too many people have children before they even discover who they are and what they are all about. It should not be that you felt you could depend on your son - get help with your depression, start loving and believing in yourself because a child needs to depend on his mother - you are placing a huge burden on your child expecting to depend on him. too many people have children because they are lonely - a child should not be created to be a companion. a child is the celebration of the love a married couple create - a child should be an overflow of such love, confidence and self respect. I feel that is why millions of children turn to drugs. They have no strong parent structure to turn to and lean on. They wonder why they where created and most of them have reason to. Your husband should have been the first person you really loved prior to your child but you don't mention him. That's where the problem begins. Before you can ever help your child, you must get help for yourself. Only YOU must want to start living again. And that's what life and maturing is all about - starting over and over and over again - until BINGO one day you realize you've got things down pat. And Dr. Phil told the secret to Brandon today: FIND SOMETHING YOU A
arent you mature and perfect
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-26 22:16:27
glad you have everything figured out. i bet you sleep on a bed of bibles and yell and honk at people who want to get out og the church parking lot before you. depression does not always require a doctor, It is normal to be depressed over this. Hell even jesus was depressed about being hung on the cross. It is obvious that you have zero children. Thank goodness your god had the sense to spare anyone your tutuledge. See you in hell isnt that where the self rightious go?
Posted by: exausted
Posted on: 2003-11-26 22:16:27
glad you have everything figured out. i bet you sleep on a bed of bibles and yell and honk at people who want to get out og the church parking lot before you. depression does not always require a doctor, It is normal to be depressed over this. Hell even jesus was depressed about being hung on the cross. It is obvious that you have zero children. Thank goodness your god had the sense to spare anyone your tutuledge. See you in hell isnt that where the self rightious go?
GUESS NOT
Posted by: beckys612
Posted on: 2003-11-27 01:15:41
It's very clear you don't have kids because of your reply. Keep on praying on your bible because my God never judged like you.
Posted by: beckys612
Posted on: 2003-11-27 01:15:41
It's very clear you don't have kids because of your reply. Keep on praying on your bible because my God never judged like you.
come down to earth
Posted by: fustrateds
Posted on: 2004-02-16 13:53:58
If you knew what it was like to live with a person that is addicted to drugs or alcohol you would not have this all mighty sense of yourself i have many family members that are addicted and it dose mean the whole family needs help from professionals faith dose not always cure everything. I pray everyday for this to stop and for us to have a normal life but it dont stop with out help and determination of the family and of the addicted person sorry you see the world through rose colored glasses
Posted by: fustrateds
Posted on: 2004-02-16 13:53:58
If you knew what it was like to live with a person that is addicted to drugs or alcohol you would not have this all mighty sense of yourself i have many family members that are addicted and it dose mean the whole family needs help from professionals faith dose not always cure everything. I pray everyday for this to stop and for us to have a normal life but it dont stop with out help and determination of the family and of the addicted person sorry you see the world through rose colored glasses
I am praying for you
Posted by: phillyphan
Posted on: 2004-02-18 02:04:03
Ok, I realize that this is a wayyyyy belated response but I figured I should still write it because it seems as though your knowledge of God is a little lacking. I do NOT know the answers to everything at ALL whatsoever, but I DO know that my God is a God of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. My prayer is that you will come to experience peace through Him as well.
Posted by: phillyphan
Posted on: 2004-02-18 02:04:03
Ok, I realize that this is a wayyyyy belated response but I figured I should still write it because it seems as though your knowledge of God is a little lacking. I do NOT know the answers to everything at ALL whatsoever, but I DO know that my God is a God of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. My prayer is that you will come to experience peace through Him as well.
Reply to Exausted
Posted by: soleil47
Posted on: 2003-11-26 22:34:30
PLEASE seek help for yourself...anti depressant meds and/or individual counseling....as Dr. Phil emphatically told Brandon's parents....this is NOT their fault....nor is it YOUR fault....PLEASE seek help.....for your sake as well as for your younger child......
Posted by: soleil47
Posted on: 2003-11-26 22:34:30
PLEASE seek help for yourself...anti depressant meds and/or individual counseling....as Dr. Phil emphatically told Brandon's parents....this is NOT their fault....nor is it YOUR fault....PLEASE seek help.....for your sake as well as for your younger child......
