12/22 Jealousy and Envy
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7Gratitude
Posted by: selarroc
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:14:25
Erin,
Try writing 5 things every day that you can feel grateful for -- even if it is just that you are alive! Do this every day and see if it helps change your perspective. I dont think I need to tell you that there are so many people in the world who would LOVE to have what you have. Sponsor a woman through Women to Women International and write letters to your sponsor sister and see what kind of life SHE leads and you will have much to be grateful for.
I look at what you have and think it is fabulous. I am a single mom with way less than you, but I feel like a QUEEN! I choose to be grateful in the moment every day. When the kids are crying and fussing, I thank God that at least I have them.
You can do a lot to change your perspective, but you have to make the choice to do it.
Blessings to you!
Posted by: selarroc
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:14:25
Erin,
Try writing 5 things every day that you can feel grateful for -- even if it is just that you are alive! Do this every day and see if it helps change your perspective. I dont think I need to tell you that there are so many people in the world who would LOVE to have what you have. Sponsor a woman through Women to Women International and write letters to your sponsor sister and see what kind of life SHE leads and you will have much to be grateful for.
I look at what you have and think it is fabulous. I am a single mom with way less than you, but I feel like a QUEEN! I choose to be grateful in the moment every day. When the kids are crying and fussing, I thank God that at least I have them.
You can do a lot to change your perspective, but you have to make the choice to do it.
Blessings to you!
Give to Others
Posted by: selarroc
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:18:09
One other thing -- go out and volunteer and give to others. Find a retirement home where people need your love, or children who need what you can give. Giving of yourself to others is the finest way to get over feeling lonely, feeling bad about yourself or poor self-esteem!
Posted by: selarroc
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:18:09
One other thing -- go out and volunteer and give to others. Find a retirement home where people need your love, or children who need what you can give. Giving of yourself to others is the finest way to get over feeling lonely, feeling bad about yourself or poor self-esteem!
GET a LIFE
Posted by: scrubadub
Posted on: 2003-12-22 15:13:54
How old do ya think that first girl was?? 24, 25 She should be so happy for what she has. Her house is VERY nice her kids are great and her HUBBY is just GREAT TOO!!!
Posted by: scrubadub
Posted on: 2003-12-22 15:13:54
How old do ya think that first girl was?? 24, 25 She should be so happy for what she has. Her house is VERY nice her kids are great and her HUBBY is just GREAT TOO!!!
Thank you
Posted by: debhoran
Posted on: 2003-12-26 11:07:36
I appreciate your words to help Erin. They helped me too. I am going through a rough time right now with illness, financial problems and marital stress. I have a wonderful daughter and I am very grateful for her. I also have good people in my life to help me. Sometimes my circumstances get me down and I appreciate your warm suggestions. What is "woman to woman international?" My best wishes to you.
Posted by: debhoran
Posted on: 2003-12-26 11:07:36
I appreciate your words to help Erin. They helped me too. I am going through a rough time right now with illness, financial problems and marital stress. I have a wonderful daughter and I am very grateful for her. I also have good people in my life to help me. Sometimes my circumstances get me down and I appreciate your warm suggestions. What is "woman to woman international?" My best wishes to you.
envy is a way of being stingy with admiration
Posted by: sephone
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:26:23
Gratitude is a wonderful thing, but Erin also seems to need at least a couple of other things much more.
It would help her to accept that uncomfortable feelings won't kill her. I don't know about holding her feet to the fire, but she needs to keep them on the floor when whe wants to bolt because of her feelings of envy and inadequacy. She can feel like leaving all she wants, but actually leaving is a different thing and totally within her control.
And she needs a little geneosity - her husband said she would "do anything for anyone" so the next time she's falling short on the grocery store comparison scale, maybe she could turn around and acknowledge someone for something she finds admirable: "you're children are so beautiful" or "you have great hair" or "you look so totally together - I wish I felt like that!".
Other people really are better than her at specific things, and always will be unless her intention is to be the best in the world at everything. Working at a homeless shelter is fine, but maybe Erin needs to work with people she admires and learn to give some props to the people who give us all some tail lights to follow instead of letting herself off the hook so readily. Not only would the discomfort not kill her, but refusing to sit through those feelings obviously does suck the life out of her.
Posted by: sephone
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:26:23
Gratitude is a wonderful thing, but Erin also seems to need at least a couple of other things much more.
It would help her to accept that uncomfortable feelings won't kill her. I don't know about holding her feet to the fire, but she needs to keep them on the floor when whe wants to bolt because of her feelings of envy and inadequacy. She can feel like leaving all she wants, but actually leaving is a different thing and totally within her control.
And she needs a little geneosity - her husband said she would "do anything for anyone" so the next time she's falling short on the grocery store comparison scale, maybe she could turn around and acknowledge someone for something she finds admirable: "you're children are so beautiful" or "you have great hair" or "you look so totally together - I wish I felt like that!".
Other people really are better than her at specific things, and always will be unless her intention is to be the best in the world at everything. Working at a homeless shelter is fine, but maybe Erin needs to work with people she admires and learn to give some props to the people who give us all some tail lights to follow instead of letting herself off the hook so readily. Not only would the discomfort not kill her, but refusing to sit through those feelings obviously does suck the life out of her.
Good Point
Posted by: sanbois
Posted on: 2003-12-23 17:02:29
It took me a wasted 40 years of jealousy, envy, hatred, and resentment to realize that in order to get what other people had, instead of shying away from them, I should get as close to them as I could to find out why they seem to have life so good. I found out that the person with a great figure rode a bicycle and walked in all kinds of weather while I stayed inside and watched television under the airconditioner or by the fire. I found out that the person who had money worked one job and took every opportunity given to her to earn more money while I shopped and spent money on the weekends. I found out that the person with the house that had some recent improvements had done the work themselves instead of hiring someone like I always do. Well, now I either stay content with the way things are or I can choose to do what these people have done and achieve the same. You make a good point about establishing relationships from people that challenge you and you can learn from. If you want to be successful pattern yourself after successful people.
San_Bois
Posted by: sanbois
Posted on: 2003-12-23 17:02:29
It took me a wasted 40 years of jealousy, envy, hatred, and resentment to realize that in order to get what other people had, instead of shying away from them, I should get as close to them as I could to find out why they seem to have life so good. I found out that the person with a great figure rode a bicycle and walked in all kinds of weather while I stayed inside and watched television under the airconditioner or by the fire. I found out that the person who had money worked one job and took every opportunity given to her to earn more money while I shopped and spent money on the weekends. I found out that the person with the house that had some recent improvements had done the work themselves instead of hiring someone like I always do. Well, now I either stay content with the way things are or I can choose to do what these people have done and achieve the same. You make a good point about establishing relationships from people that challenge you and you can learn from. If you want to be successful pattern yourself after successful people.
San_Bois
My husband is just like Erin
Posted by: rmedina
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:41:30
My husband is just like Erin on today's show. His life is consumed with what everyone else has that he doesn't. We do not have much money so it does appear that his siblings and others have more. We have a rental home and 2 old cars. But we also have 2 beautiful, heathy children and enough money to live on. His anwer to "our" problems is to move somewhere he can get a higher paying job. Thing is...we have moved 6 times in 7 years and he has had higher paying jobs and he has never been happy. We are now barely speaking to each other because I do not want to move again. So, now it is my fault that we are in this bad situation. My 7 year old daughter has been in 4 different schools already. I want to try to make it work here. What do you say to a man that doesn't want help and blames everyone else for his problems?
rmedina.
Posted by: rmedina
Posted on: 2003-12-22 10:41:30
My husband is just like Erin on today's show. His life is consumed with what everyone else has that he doesn't. We do not have much money so it does appear that his siblings and others have more. We have a rental home and 2 old cars. But we also have 2 beautiful, heathy children and enough money to live on. His anwer to "our" problems is to move somewhere he can get a higher paying job. Thing is...we have moved 6 times in 7 years and he has had higher paying jobs and he has never been happy. We are now barely speaking to each other because I do not want to move again. So, now it is my fault that we are in this bad situation. My 7 year old daughter has been in 4 different schools already. I want to try to make it work here. What do you say to a man that doesn't want help and blames everyone else for his problems?
rmedina.
What do you say to a man that doesn't want help..
Posted by: tea4ular
Posted on: 2003-12-22 11:24:19
...and blames everyone else for his problems?
We're sure gonna miss you!
Posted by: tea4ular
Posted on: 2003-12-22 11:24:19
...and blames everyone else for his problems?
We're sure gonna miss you!
Ownership is first
Posted by: dostocker
Posted on: 2003-12-22 13:05:07
Dr. Phil states regularly that you can't change that which you will not acknowledge. Until your husband takes ownership of his situation, he's not going to fix it by relocating. Dr. Phil also says that as you are running towards something, you're usually running "from" something as well. If your husband keeps taking "the problem" with him, he's just doing nothing more than relocating it. You guys need to get some help with him in getting real about what it is he's running from. A higher paying job is obviously not the ticket because you don't solve money problems with money. So, how's that working for you? Try signing him up for a trip to the Dr. Phil show. So, far it seems to be working quite well for a whole lot of people who needed help just like you. Happiness lies in wanting what you have, not having what you want.
Posted by: dostocker
Posted on: 2003-12-22 13:05:07
Dr. Phil states regularly that you can't change that which you will not acknowledge. Until your husband takes ownership of his situation, he's not going to fix it by relocating. Dr. Phil also says that as you are running towards something, you're usually running "from" something as well. If your husband keeps taking "the problem" with him, he's just doing nothing more than relocating it. You guys need to get some help with him in getting real about what it is he's running from. A higher paying job is obviously not the ticket because you don't solve money problems with money. So, how's that working for you? Try signing him up for a trip to the Dr. Phil show. So, far it seems to be working quite well for a whole lot of people who needed help just like you. Happiness lies in wanting what you have, not having what you want.
To rmedina
Posted by: folker
Posted on: 2003-12-22 13:20:29
I dont know if this will have any effect on your husband but just three days ago, my oldest son called me from San Jose, California to tell me that his company has transfered him to outside Washington, D.C. or else he would be terminated. He will be moving in Jan. I know that he will have to make this move but I also told him that moving often for your career is very hard on children (he has two) because I remember moving many times in my childhood and you never really develop a bond with your community and you take on an attitude "why make close friends because you will lose them soon anyway!" This may have an effect on a person in later life with difficulties in socializing with other people. It did in my case. I realize that sometimes you have to move to make a living but please take a look as to why you are thinking about that move. Is it for the benifit of the family or is it because of your own restlessness and unhappiness within your heart. You cant run away from yourself and moving sure is hard on the family!
Posted by: folker
Posted on: 2003-12-22 13:20:29
I dont know if this will have any effect on your husband but just three days ago, my oldest son called me from San Jose, California to tell me that his company has transfered him to outside Washington, D.C. or else he would be terminated. He will be moving in Jan. I know that he will have to make this move but I also told him that moving often for your career is very hard on children (he has two) because I remember moving many times in my childhood and you never really develop a bond with your community and you take on an attitude "why make close friends because you will lose them soon anyway!" This may have an effect on a person in later life with difficulties in socializing with other people. It did in my case. I realize that sometimes you have to move to make a living but please take a look as to why you are thinking about that move. Is it for the benifit of the family or is it because of your own restlessness and unhappiness within your heart. You cant run away from yourself and moving sure is hard on the family!
Posted by: samchild
Posted on: 2003-12-22 17:08:37
I couldn't agree more! It is so unfair to a small child to move them from school to school and it can definitely affect them into adulthood. Her husband is not thinking of his children in all his "running." He needs to get over it and just be happy or realize that he will never be happy and focus on his family's happiness and stability.
I wish
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2003-12-22 14:20:18
I wish you could get your husband on the show. Dr Phil would know what to say. Of course, whether it would do any good is another matter! Look at Erin. Dr Phil had the hardest time getting through to her and I'm not sure he really did. Only in a followup show will we ever know!
My husband may occasionally say it would be nice to be rich, but only because he wouldn't have to deal with his job anymore. Thank goodness retirement is only 26 months away! We have enough money and he's content with that. He feels sorry for people who have a lot of money and no life. All they do is work, nver go anywhere, never do anything. He says the don't know their way out of town. We're rich in memories because we get out of town and do things. We travel, even if it's only day trips.
Yes, there are lots of people with no life. Some of them are rich. Then there are all the others who waste their lives away envying them.
I'm afraid your current relationship with your husband is Ron's future one with Erin if she doesn't take Dr Phil's advice to heart and resolve her jeolousy issues. He may be loving and tolerant now, but how can that last unless she changes.
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2003-12-22 14:20:18
I wish you could get your husband on the show. Dr Phil would know what to say. Of course, whether it would do any good is another matter! Look at Erin. Dr Phil had the hardest time getting through to her and I'm not sure he really did. Only in a followup show will we ever know!
My husband may occasionally say it would be nice to be rich, but only because he wouldn't have to deal with his job anymore. Thank goodness retirement is only 26 months away! We have enough money and he's content with that. He feels sorry for people who have a lot of money and no life. All they do is work, nver go anywhere, never do anything. He says the don't know their way out of town. We're rich in memories because we get out of town and do things. We travel, even if it's only day trips.
Yes, there are lots of people with no life. Some of them are rich. Then there are all the others who waste their lives away envying them.
I'm afraid your current relationship with your husband is Ron's future one with Erin if she doesn't take Dr Phil's advice to heart and resolve her jeolousy issues. He may be loving and tolerant now, but how can that last unless she changes.
I think Erin is depressed
Posted by: wldwood
Posted on: 2003-12-22 22:41:22
I think Dr. Phil missed an obvious reason why Erin is so unhappy. I think she is depressed and the depression shows up as discontent. I recently read a book called "The Half Empty Heart" and it made me realize how unhappy I was and that I blamed everyone for my dissatisfaction with my life. This book is about overcoming "chronic discontent" and growing as a person.Erin and Dr. Phil should read this book and follow its recommendations--maybe it will help your husband too.
Posted by: wldwood
Posted on: 2003-12-22 22:41:22
I think Dr. Phil missed an obvious reason why Erin is so unhappy. I think she is depressed and the depression shows up as discontent. I recently read a book called "The Half Empty Heart" and it made me realize how unhappy I was and that I blamed everyone for my dissatisfaction with my life. This book is about overcoming "chronic discontent" and growing as a person.Erin and Dr. Phil should read this book and follow its recommendations--maybe it will help your husband too.
After you realized
Posted by: anshanty
Posted on: 2003-12-22 22:51:19
After you realized that you were unhappy what did you do to change your behavior?
Posted by: anshanty
Posted on: 2003-12-22 22:51:19
After you realized that you were unhappy what did you do to change your behavior?
Posted by: wldwood
Posted on: 2003-12-22 23:33:10
The book I mentioned (The Half Empty Heart) requires the reader to go through a series of steps to overcome the reader's dissatisfaction in life. I'm about 60% done and feeling better all the time. I felt snubbed, devalued, and insulted about everything and blamed others for stuff that was not a big deal. The book helped me to find out how to stop feeling that way. The poster who said she has moved 6 times in 7 years should have her husband read this--she should read it too. Moving to overcome chronic discontent is a classic behaviour.
Erin's not depressed
Posted by: polly6
Posted on: 2003-12-23 01:14:17
I don't think Erin is showing any of the classic symptoms of depression. I doubt that everything in her sister life came so easy. Her sister probably handles her life more positively and is happier so it appears that everything has come much easier. Erin needs to stop viewing herself as a victim in life. Does she feels life "owes" her something? Honestly, I hardly had the patience to watch a whining, sniffling, shallow person with a loving husband, healthy children, comfortable home complain because her car isn't good enough.
Posted by: polly6
Posted on: 2003-12-23 01:14:17
I don't think Erin is showing any of the classic symptoms of depression. I doubt that everything in her sister life came so easy. Her sister probably handles her life more positively and is happier so it appears that everything has come much easier. Erin needs to stop viewing herself as a victim in life. Does she feels life "owes" her something? Honestly, I hardly had the patience to watch a whining, sniffling, shallow person with a loving husband, healthy children, comfortable home complain because her car isn't good enough.
Depressed? Watch OPRAH 12/22/03
Posted by: ironfish
Posted on: 2004-01-03 12:52:38
If anyone, including and especially myself was considering having a pity party for themselves, it should take only ONE viewing of "OPRAH IN AFRICA" shown on the same day as Erin's whining.
Ironic that those 2 shows were on the same day....or is it? Could have been planned that way ! Made me think for sure about how grateful I am for everything I have; and made me want to do what I could to help those that could not help themselves.
Get that Oprah show and watch it, Erin, over and over again.
(The word "depressed" is used very loosley in our society.)
I'm confident she will be fine; that assignment of 100 things to be grateful for PER DAY for a week should be a great start!
Posted by: ironfish
Posted on: 2004-01-03 12:52:38
If anyone, including and especially myself was considering having a pity party for themselves, it should take only ONE viewing of "OPRAH IN AFRICA" shown on the same day as Erin's whining.
Ironic that those 2 shows were on the same day....or is it? Could have been planned that way ! Made me think for sure about how grateful I am for everything I have; and made me want to do what I could to help those that could not help themselves.
Get that Oprah show and watch it, Erin, over and over again.
(The word "depressed" is used very loosley in our society.)
I'm confident she will be fine; that assignment of 100 things to be grateful for PER DAY for a week should be a great start!
A hole in his heart
Posted by: sanbois
Posted on: 2003-12-23 17:18:44
Your husband sounds like my nephew who resents his dad for not providing for him finacially after his parents' divorce. He doesn't acknowledge that eventhough his dad may have not provided for him, his grandparents made sure that he had food to eat and clothes to wear. His mother worked very hard to provide for him and his aunts helped in other ways. His dad's favorite holiday was Independence Day so there were plenty of fireworks to help celebrate the day. He always got Christmas Gifts from his dad and the grandparents were always there to load him money so he really didn't do without. Now he is a grown man and is still trying to accumalate money to make up the the so called "hardship" that he thinks that he experienced in his childhood. If anyone stands between him and a dollar, he will hurt that person even a relative to get money that he thinks belongs to him. I think he has a hole in his heart that no amount of money can ever fill to make up for his childhood. Your husband needs to search his inner self to find out exactly what is missing. My nephew missed not so much as the money from his dad, but the love and attention that he feels he never got from his dad.
San_Bois
Posted by: sanbois
Posted on: 2003-12-23 17:18:44
Your husband sounds like my nephew who resents his dad for not providing for him finacially after his parents' divorce. He doesn't acknowledge that eventhough his dad may have not provided for him, his grandparents made sure that he had food to eat and clothes to wear. His mother worked very hard to provide for him and his aunts helped in other ways. His dad's favorite holiday was Independence Day so there were plenty of fireworks to help celebrate the day. He always got Christmas Gifts from his dad and the grandparents were always there to load him money so he really didn't do without. Now he is a grown man and is still trying to accumalate money to make up the the so called "hardship" that he thinks that he experienced in his childhood. If anyone stands between him and a dollar, he will hurt that person even a relative to get money that he thinks belongs to him. I think he has a hole in his heart that no amount of money can ever fill to make up for his childhood. Your husband needs to search his inner self to find out exactly what is missing. My nephew missed not so much as the money from his dad, but the love and attention that he feels he never got from his dad.
San_Bois
You Have Wonderful Insight
Posted by: aquila11
Posted on: 2004-01-05 19:04:06
San_Bois,
Your comments about your nephew and your other posting about wasting 40 years of jealously, envy, etc. were very insightful. I admire your decision to be content with what you have or be willing to do the work to get what you want. I wonder if you'd like to exchange emails sometime. If so, you can email me at Quila1111@aol.com
Posted by: aquila11
Posted on: 2004-01-05 19:04:06
San_Bois,
Your comments about your nephew and your other posting about wasting 40 years of jealously, envy, etc. were very insightful. I admire your decision to be content with what you have or be willing to do the work to get what you want. I wonder if you'd like to exchange emails sometime. If so, you can email me at Quila1111@aol.com
