07/16 Bullies
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Posted by: sld1958
Posted on: 2003-02-27 08:26:19
my 12 year old special needs son,is the victim of violence and harassment by one to three students at least once or more a week.
This has occurred since he entered Junior High School.
The types of violence and harassment include assaults with fists,
being thrown against alocker, spit on at lunch, sexually harassed,
being called names, intimidated, and chased. Theseincidents occur at school, on the bus,
and at the bus stop. I have sharedmy concerns with the school, both verbally,
and in writing, andthey have failed to respond appropriately.The state dept of ed is unresponsive,
office of safeschools claims it does not assist with individualcases, mental health has turned us down
and we are notable to obtain legal assistance as indigents.
I do not know where else to turn?
Posted by: sld1958
Posted on: 2003-02-27 08:26:19
my 12 year old special needs son,is the victim of violence and harassment by one to three students at least once or more a week.
This has occurred since he entered Junior High School.
The types of violence and harassment include assaults with fists,
being thrown against alocker, spit on at lunch, sexually harassed,
being called names, intimidated, and chased. Theseincidents occur at school, on the bus,
and at the bus stop. I have sharedmy concerns with the school, both verbally,
and in writing, andthey have failed to respond appropriately.The state dept of ed is unresponsive,
office of safeschools claims it does not assist with individualcases, mental health has turned us down
and we are notable to obtain legal assistance as indigents.
I do not know where else to turn?
Media Coverage
Posted by: i8423x
Posted on: 2003-02-27 09:58:18
I am so sorry for you and your son. I hate to hear of this happening to anyone, it is a horrible thing for anyone to experience. I was teased growing up and know how bad that feels just by itself. This is only a suggestion but I think that you should contact your local television station and see if they will do a story about it. Anyone on the wrong end of reporting doesn't like and may be prompted to try to take some action to stop the problem. Another suggestion is that, if you haven't already, make sure you make a copy of any letters you send or make sure you write down what is said in any conversations you have with anyone about this. I hope that you succeed in getting something done.
Posted by: i8423x
Posted on: 2003-02-27 09:58:18
I am so sorry for you and your son. I hate to hear of this happening to anyone, it is a horrible thing for anyone to experience. I was teased growing up and know how bad that feels just by itself. This is only a suggestion but I think that you should contact your local television station and see if they will do a story about it. Anyone on the wrong end of reporting doesn't like and may be prompted to try to take some action to stop the problem. Another suggestion is that, if you haven't already, make sure you make a copy of any letters you send or make sure you write down what is said in any conversations you have with anyone about this. I hope that you succeed in getting something done.
You are right!!!
Posted by: arwrites2
Posted on: 2003-02-27 22:43:23
You are so right in suggesting going to the media. My niece was assaulted at school (attempted rape). The principal said the offending student would not be expelled, as it was my niece's word against his. Having worked in the media, I told my sister to visit the school again, but this time, tell the principal what she would do: contact the local paper and tell them how the school principal supports attempted rape cases in his school. Yes it's spinning the story; some may even say sensationalizing it. But it worked. The offending student got the counseling he so desperately needed.
Posted by: arwrites2
Posted on: 2003-02-27 22:43:23
You are so right in suggesting going to the media. My niece was assaulted at school (attempted rape). The principal said the offending student would not be expelled, as it was my niece's word against his. Having worked in the media, I told my sister to visit the school again, but this time, tell the principal what she would do: contact the local paper and tell them how the school principal supports attempted rape cases in his school. Yes it's spinning the story; some may even say sensationalizing it. But it worked. The offending student got the counseling he so desperately needed.
finally justice
Posted by: crjbmzs
Posted on: 2003-02-27 23:00:34
I was molested and raped and both of my offenders are still on the streets. so I am so happy to hear that your niece got some justice it is about time.
I am sorry to hear that she had to be a victom of such a cruel and evil offence, but to hear that she got some kind of justice gives me hope that us victoms still have some hope.
Posted by: crjbmzs
Posted on: 2003-02-27 23:00:34
I was molested and raped and both of my offenders are still on the streets. so I am so happy to hear that your niece got some justice it is about time.
I am sorry to hear that she had to be a victom of such a cruel and evil offence, but to hear that she got some kind of justice gives me hope that us victoms still have some hope.
To Finally Justice
Posted by: arwrites2
Posted on: 2003-02-27 23:29:09
I'm so sorry you suffered such a terrible crime. That your offenders are still on the streets must make you relive the experience over and over. You can get justice for yourself by reaching out and getting help from trained counselors. It's too heavy a burden for one person to carry; please, please get help and support from others.
Posted by: arwrites2
Posted on: 2003-02-27 23:29:09
I'm so sorry you suffered such a terrible crime. That your offenders are still on the streets must make you relive the experience over and over. You can get justice for yourself by reaching out and getting help from trained counselors. It's too heavy a burden for one person to carry; please, please get help and support from others.
to finally justice
Posted by: crjbmzs
Posted on: 2003-04-12 19:32:02
I thank you for your respone to my post,
and when I was younger I did get councling.
although it was some what helpful it still took years to over come. I have dealt with it and am ok with it now. I understand that it was not my fault nor am I to blame for what happend to me back then. I try to help others who have been in my situatation,by talking with them and letting them know they are not alone. but again thank you.
also one thing that keep's me going I believe in God and carma, and I do believe that what they did to me will come back to them ten fold some time in thier life.
by either something they do or get caught doing.
Posted by: crjbmzs
Posted on: 2003-04-12 19:32:02
I thank you for your respone to my post,
and when I was younger I did get councling.
although it was some what helpful it still took years to over come. I have dealt with it and am ok with it now. I understand that it was not my fault nor am I to blame for what happend to me back then. I try to help others who have been in my situatation,by talking with them and letting them know they are not alone. but again thank you.
also one thing that keep's me going I believe in God and carma, and I do believe that what they did to me will come back to them ten fold some time in thier life.
by either something they do or get caught doing.
my great sympathies
Posted by: msjuniper
Posted on: 2003-07-17 14:46:32
We are stronger than they'll ever know. We know the pain & cruelty of humanity.
I once watched the parent of a bully in our neighbourhood sniffle about the poor Bosnian women & I snapped. I pointed out that if given 1/2 a chance the little bastard she was raising would probably do the same if given the opportunity.
I pointed out that if she wanted to raise a son that no woman in her right mind would marry, that was her problem. But I damn well thought she was a hypocrit for not cleaning her OWN house before simpering about things she couldn't control.
I'm a strong, grown woman who is still tortured daily by the treatment I received in Jr & High School... I make it a personal mission in Life to stamp out the cretins as I find them.
Trust me, you feel better for taking a stand as an adult to help protect the tenderhearted youth of the world.
Stand up & give them a wakeup call!!
Posted by: msjuniper
Posted on: 2003-07-17 14:46:32
We are stronger than they'll ever know. We know the pain & cruelty of humanity.
I once watched the parent of a bully in our neighbourhood sniffle about the poor Bosnian women & I snapped. I pointed out that if given 1/2 a chance the little bastard she was raising would probably do the same if given the opportunity.
I pointed out that if she wanted to raise a son that no woman in her right mind would marry, that was her problem. But I damn well thought she was a hypocrit for not cleaning her OWN house before simpering about things she couldn't control.
I'm a strong, grown woman who is still tortured daily by the treatment I received in Jr & High School... I make it a personal mission in Life to stamp out the cretins as I find them.
Trust me, you feel better for taking a stand as an adult to help protect the tenderhearted youth of the world.
Stand up & give them a wakeup call!!
I disagree - don't spin the story
Posted by: newsnow
Posted on: 2003-03-01 14:48:40
I am a journalist. I understand that you must feel angry, frustrated and desperate to get someone to listen, but lying or exaggerating something to the media won't do it. Once they find out you are exaggerating they'll drop you like a hot paotato. All credibiility will be lost and you'll NEVER get it back. Let me repeat. You will NEVER get it back. Tell them the unembellished TRUTH. If this is not enough then say, "I FEEL like the prinicipal is supporting rapists when he does this. I FEEL the school board is opposed to healthy children when they don't take action. SEPARATE your feelings, your anger and your desire for revenge or justice from the facts. If you don't, the media will and you may turn out looking like a hysterical parent. While sensationalizing the story may work in one of a hundred cases, it's NOT fair or just and it's certainly not the truth. You become the bullier when you do this. Tell the facts. Believe in the facts. You can still express your emotions, but remember that's what they are - emotions and feelings. The media needs to have the facts. Then you can share your emotions. Facts are news. Emotions are human interest. The two work together, but it's a distinction the reporter - not you, must make.
Posted by: newsnow
Posted on: 2003-03-01 14:48:40
I am a journalist. I understand that you must feel angry, frustrated and desperate to get someone to listen, but lying or exaggerating something to the media won't do it. Once they find out you are exaggerating they'll drop you like a hot paotato. All credibiility will be lost and you'll NEVER get it back. Let me repeat. You will NEVER get it back. Tell them the unembellished TRUTH. If this is not enough then say, "I FEEL like the prinicipal is supporting rapists when he does this. I FEEL the school board is opposed to healthy children when they don't take action. SEPARATE your feelings, your anger and your desire for revenge or justice from the facts. If you don't, the media will and you may turn out looking like a hysterical parent. While sensationalizing the story may work in one of a hundred cases, it's NOT fair or just and it's certainly not the truth. You become the bullier when you do this. Tell the facts. Believe in the facts. You can still express your emotions, but remember that's what they are - emotions and feelings. The media needs to have the facts. Then you can share your emotions. Facts are news. Emotions are human interest. The two work together, but it's a distinction the reporter - not you, must make.
this is happening too much
Posted by: cadetmoma
Posted on: 2003-03-01 16:25:23
I thank god that our story did not end like the woman on the shoe where she is visiting her son at the grave side.... my daughter thank god did not turn to drugs or alcohol or even sex she infact turned to me.... she had been teased, bullied, and harrased for years and it finally got to her to the point she wanted to end her life... I thank god everyday that she came to me first and did not go ahead with her plan.... this has been going on for too too long and everyone students .. parents... teachers everyone has to put a stop to it!!!!!!!!!!!! after three weeks of being in the hospital and councilling (still on going) she is getting better ....
Posted by: cadetmoma
Posted on: 2003-03-01 16:25:23
I thank god that our story did not end like the woman on the shoe where she is visiting her son at the grave side.... my daughter thank god did not turn to drugs or alcohol or even sex she infact turned to me.... she had been teased, bullied, and harrased for years and it finally got to her to the point she wanted to end her life... I thank god everyday that she came to me first and did not go ahead with her plan.... this has been going on for too too long and everyone students .. parents... teachers everyone has to put a stop to it!!!!!!!!!!!! after three weeks of being in the hospital and councilling (still on going) she is getting better ....
THIS IS HAPPENING TOO MUCH
Posted by: rosebud99
Posted on: 2003-04-11 04:16:27
I'm sorry to be late commenting,but I just learned about this site & comment board. My grandson is 14 & is being bullied by 4 boys at school. There is nothing the matter with his looks. He wears glasses is all,but he has always been an A & B student. Now this,along with adolescence,is affecting his grades. He is on antidepressants,due to the fact he lost his father,my son,a few years ago & the bullying. I don't know if his fathers death was accidental or suicide,but his dad was also tormented through high school & was depressed when his death occurred. I couldn't stand to lose my grandson on top of my son. The school isn't much help. Where do you turn? Rosebud99
Posted by: rosebud99
Posted on: 2003-04-11 04:16:27
I'm sorry to be late commenting,but I just learned about this site & comment board. My grandson is 14 & is being bullied by 4 boys at school. There is nothing the matter with his looks. He wears glasses is all,but he has always been an A & B student. Now this,along with adolescence,is affecting his grades. He is on antidepressants,due to the fact he lost his father,my son,a few years ago & the bullying. I don't know if his fathers death was accidental or suicide,but his dad was also tormented through high school & was depressed when his death occurred. I couldn't stand to lose my grandson on top of my son. The school isn't much help. Where do you turn? Rosebud99
Give the school a clear message!
Posted by: nicola6
Posted on: 2003-07-28 18:41:21
You say "the school isn't much help", right?
Don't let it end there. Be firm, but not hysterical, and go to the counselor with the whole story. Satisfaction should come in the form of different responses: The counselor can call in each bully personally and advises them of the illegality of his/her actions. (They can actually be arrested and go to juvenile hall for harrassing another student at school or off campus!)
Then the counselor can pair up each bully with your son and facilitate communication and reconciliation between them.
This might put your son at risk at first, because the bullies will accuse him of snitching on them. You and the school must assign security to oversee his safe passage outside of class.
In addition, his teachers must be alerted as to who is mistreating him and report any sign of bullying.
As a counselor and teacher I can tell you that the kids are masters of covering up these activities.
If you get no satisfaction go to the principal with documentation of what you have already done and the results. And if that does not get your desired reaction, take your documentation , including the principals non-action evidence, and report it all to the school board.
The last step is the legal authorities - the police, or the local DA. If enough parents take the proper steps, which are a lot of trouble, but well worth it, bullying can be stopped in its evil tracks.
-Ms. Nixon
Posted by: nicola6
Posted on: 2003-07-28 18:41:21
You say "the school isn't much help", right?
Don't let it end there. Be firm, but not hysterical, and go to the counselor with the whole story. Satisfaction should come in the form of different responses: The counselor can call in each bully personally and advises them of the illegality of his/her actions. (They can actually be arrested and go to juvenile hall for harrassing another student at school or off campus!)
Then the counselor can pair up each bully with your son and facilitate communication and reconciliation between them.
This might put your son at risk at first, because the bullies will accuse him of snitching on them. You and the school must assign security to oversee his safe passage outside of class.
In addition, his teachers must be alerted as to who is mistreating him and report any sign of bullying.
As a counselor and teacher I can tell you that the kids are masters of covering up these activities.
If you get no satisfaction go to the principal with documentation of what you have already done and the results. And if that does not get your desired reaction, take your documentation , including the principals non-action evidence, and report it all to the school board.
The last step is the legal authorities - the police, or the local DA. If enough parents take the proper steps, which are a lot of trouble, but well worth it, bullying can be stopped in its evil tracks.
-Ms. Nixon
Posted by: cvigil62
Posted on: 2004-01-31 16:06:09
What programs are available in Northern Califoria to educate high school students on tolerance and bullying issues?
Response to Journalist
Posted by: jande99
Posted on: 2003-03-02 08:05:13
Though I agree with your thoughts on credibility, I hate to say that you also made a mistake with your choice of words. You told the person to say "I feel that the principal is supporting rapists when he does that" That is not sharing feelins but sharing judgments. Feelings are emotions.
eg. one feels angry, said, frustrated,etc.
So a better way to word what you said could be "I feel angry at your response and judge you are supporting rapists when you don't take action".
In marriage disputs, couples often get in trouble by mixing up these two statements so I hope you don't mind me correcting this concept.
As for reporters, I often find then sensationalize in order to get a story. In our country, I have seen a political leader's takedown happen through bad reporting and ripping him apart for his faith. They forgot to stick to the facts of his leadership skills or lack of.
jande99
Posted by: jande99
Posted on: 2003-03-02 08:05:13
Though I agree with your thoughts on credibility, I hate to say that you also made a mistake with your choice of words. You told the person to say "I feel that the principal is supporting rapists when he does that" That is not sharing feelins but sharing judgments. Feelings are emotions.
eg. one feels angry, said, frustrated,etc.
So a better way to word what you said could be "I feel angry at your response and judge you are supporting rapists when you don't take action".
In marriage disputs, couples often get in trouble by mixing up these two statements so I hope you don't mind me correcting this concept.
As for reporters, I often find then sensationalize in order to get a story. In our country, I have seen a political leader's takedown happen through bad reporting and ripping him apart for his faith. They forgot to stick to the facts of his leadership skills or lack of.
jande99
DITTO
Posted by: scorpio88
Posted on: 2003-07-17 18:44:38
How you feel along with the actual facts are the most important factors. No one can argue "how you feel." No one has the right to argue or correct "what your feelings are." Sometimes it is enough to allow the facts stand along with how the incidents made you feel.
Do not embellish. It will come back to haunt you even past the resolution.
Posted by: scorpio88
Posted on: 2003-07-17 18:44:38
How you feel along with the actual facts are the most important factors. No one can argue "how you feel." No one has the right to argue or correct "what your feelings are." Sometimes it is enough to allow the facts stand along with how the incidents made you feel.
Do not embellish. It will come back to haunt you even past the resolution.
Appalled at Apathy
Posted by: jande99
Posted on: 2003-03-02 07:47:55
I was shocked to hear of that principal's attitude. I too am glad you went to the press. People are afraid of media coverage as I found out recently. I was dealing with something totally different and when I threatened media, I got an answer.
Back to this scenario, I too was being bullied as a child. I was pushed down and kicked in the diaphram so many times I almost died. Fortunately a friend's mother driving by was able to stop the fight and sent me to the principal to report. (this was back in the days when discipline within the school system happened). The two girls were dealt with and I had no more problems.
It seems today, we have 2 problems on our hands. (1) Apathy - no one wants to get involved (2) Parents who think their "Johnny or Susie" can never do anything wrong. It is time parents wake up and start being parent again and not let government determine how we raise our kids.
jande99
Posted by: jande99
Posted on: 2003-03-02 07:47:55
I was shocked to hear of that principal's attitude. I too am glad you went to the press. People are afraid of media coverage as I found out recently. I was dealing with something totally different and when I threatened media, I got an answer.
Back to this scenario, I too was being bullied as a child. I was pushed down and kicked in the diaphram so many times I almost died. Fortunately a friend's mother driving by was able to stop the fight and sent me to the principal to report. (this was back in the days when discipline within the school system happened). The two girls were dealt with and I had no more problems.
It seems today, we have 2 problems on our hands. (1) Apathy - no one wants to get involved (2) Parents who think their "Johnny or Susie" can never do anything wrong. It is time parents wake up and start being parent again and not let government determine how we raise our kids.
jande99
Apathy Must Run in Cycles
Posted by: fibbel
Posted on: 2003-07-19 16:36:36
After reading your comments, and especially the comments about how much better it was back when there was discipline in the schools, I had to respond.
When I was in school, teachers, principals, parents and other students stood by while I was bullied daily from kindergarten through high school. It seems that is happening again. If so, we forget history at our own peril. Now bullied students can get semi-automatic firearms with which to redress their greivances. They do this because, when you lose hope, the solutions that occur to you, especially if you are young, tend to the extreme.
Posted by: fibbel
Posted on: 2003-07-19 16:36:36
After reading your comments, and especially the comments about how much better it was back when there was discipline in the schools, I had to respond.
When I was in school, teachers, principals, parents and other students stood by while I was bullied daily from kindergarten through high school. It seems that is happening again. If so, we forget history at our own peril. Now bullied students can get semi-automatic firearms with which to redress their greivances. They do this because, when you lose hope, the solutions that occur to you, especially if you are young, tend to the extreme.
The bully is otherabled
Posted by: mici12
Posted on: 2003-03-15 20:14:16
My son has tourette's and ADHD. For the first time in 5 yrs. he is in a traditional school. He has had problems with being bullied in his new school.
The school has told the kids in his class he has tourette's and that is why he makes the movements he does.
Now he is being bullied by a kid in a wheelchair. He uses the chair as a weapon, speeds it up and stops short of my sons legs, tells him he is going to have another kid come to the house and beat him up. And tells him to get away from him even if all he is doing is going to the next class.
To make matters worse this other kid lives around the corner from us.
My son has not done anything to retailiate, but it is getting harder and harder for him.
I have told him if he hurts this boy he will be the bad guy.
An e mail to school yielded the response that this boy would get detention if it was warranted. I know if my son did these things he would have detention or in school suspension. I have even said this.
What do you do when the bully is an otherabled child?
I am thinking of going to talk to his dad and see if we can work it out. Any suggestions?
A mom with 2 otherabled kids.
Posted by: mici12
Posted on: 2003-03-15 20:14:16
My son has tourette's and ADHD. For the first time in 5 yrs. he is in a traditional school. He has had problems with being bullied in his new school.
The school has told the kids in his class he has tourette's and that is why he makes the movements he does.
Now he is being bullied by a kid in a wheelchair. He uses the chair as a weapon, speeds it up and stops short of my sons legs, tells him he is going to have another kid come to the house and beat him up. And tells him to get away from him even if all he is doing is going to the next class.
To make matters worse this other kid lives around the corner from us.
My son has not done anything to retailiate, but it is getting harder and harder for him.
I have told him if he hurts this boy he will be the bad guy.
An e mail to school yielded the response that this boy would get detention if it was warranted. I know if my son did these things he would have detention or in school suspension. I have even said this.
What do you do when the bully is an otherabled child?
I am thinking of going to talk to his dad and see if we can work it out. Any suggestions?
A mom with 2 otherabled kids.
Talk to the Father, and then to the Police
Posted by: fibbel
Posted on: 2003-07-19 16:42:52
If a disabled child is bullying your child, it is likely a learned behavior: he was bullied by others so he learned to bully students who are, to him, more at-risk and less able to defend themselves. Talk, calmly, to the father. If that doesn't work, then talk to the police. A bully is assaulting your son. You owe it to your son to do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to keep him safe.
For those who think I am some hard hearted person with no sympathy for a child in a wheelchair, let me dispell that notion: I am in a wheelchair.
Posted by: fibbel
Posted on: 2003-07-19 16:42:52
If a disabled child is bullying your child, it is likely a learned behavior: he was bullied by others so he learned to bully students who are, to him, more at-risk and less able to defend themselves. Talk, calmly, to the father. If that doesn't work, then talk to the police. A bully is assaulting your son. You owe it to your son to do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to keep him safe.
For those who think I am some hard hearted person with no sympathy for a child in a wheelchair, let me dispell that notion: I am in a wheelchair.
Great advice!!!
Posted by: m0mma46
Posted on: 2003-07-24 12:45:03
Your response is right on the money! It is true that disabled children can learn to be bullies by being bullied by others. My nephew is a hemophiliac who became an extreme bully. His parents refused to believe that "Johnny" would participate in any bullying behavior. It took but one visit from a member of the local police force to help eliminate this behavior. It isn't doing the child a favor to allow them to bully. It could be construed by the child as permission to continue a behavior that could get them into considerable trouble later in life.
Posted by: m0mma46
Posted on: 2003-07-24 12:45:03
Your response is right on the money! It is true that disabled children can learn to be bullies by being bullied by others. My nephew is a hemophiliac who became an extreme bully. His parents refused to believe that "Johnny" would participate in any bullying behavior. It took but one visit from a member of the local police force to help eliminate this behavior. It isn't doing the child a favor to allow them to bully. It could be construed by the child as permission to continue a behavior that could get them into considerable trouble later in life.
