06/04 The Other Woman
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Posted by: rbeyenhof
Posted on: 2003-02-20 16:26:04
Dr. Phil
I didn't have the pleasure of watching your show yesterday. But I have been there at least 6 times. I was the wife. So I already know what the show was about. The other woman blamed both wife and husband and didn't take any of the blam. Well the first time my ex-husband had an affair, his excuse was that we didn't talk and that I wasn't a clean enough housekeeper. Well with 4 kids under the age of 5 how easy is it to keep the house clean all day. I could go on along time. But I just wanted to get this off my chest and let any other "other women" out there this. Sometimes it's just the husband that thinks the marriage is on the rocks. Because I didn't have a clue there was a problem. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Rita
Posted by: rbeyenhof
Posted on: 2003-02-20 16:26:04
Dr. Phil
I didn't have the pleasure of watching your show yesterday. But I have been there at least 6 times. I was the wife. So I already know what the show was about. The other woman blamed both wife and husband and didn't take any of the blam. Well the first time my ex-husband had an affair, his excuse was that we didn't talk and that I wasn't a clean enough housekeeper. Well with 4 kids under the age of 5 how easy is it to keep the house clean all day. I could go on along time. But I just wanted to get this off my chest and let any other "other women" out there this. Sometimes it's just the husband that thinks the marriage is on the rocks. Because I didn't have a clue there was a problem. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Rita
THE OTHER WOMEN
Posted by: grimkathy
Posted on: 2003-02-22 09:57:46
THE OTHER WOMEN AREN'T SURROUNDED WITH KIDS, DISHES, WASH AND A FULL TIME JOB! SO THERE FOR THEY'RE NOT TIRED ALL THE TIME AND HAVE TIME ON THERE SIDE. ITS TO BAD THEY DON'T TAKE THAT TIME TO FIND A MAN OF THEIR OWN! THESE MEN ARE RUNNING FROM A LIVE THEY CREATED AND LEAVING THE WOMEN TO CLEAN UP THEIR MESS.
Posted by: grimkathy
Posted on: 2003-02-22 09:57:46
THE OTHER WOMEN AREN'T SURROUNDED WITH KIDS, DISHES, WASH AND A FULL TIME JOB! SO THERE FOR THEY'RE NOT TIRED ALL THE TIME AND HAVE TIME ON THERE SIDE. ITS TO BAD THEY DON'T TAKE THAT TIME TO FIND A MAN OF THEIR OWN! THESE MEN ARE RUNNING FROM A LIVE THEY CREATED AND LEAVING THE WOMEN TO CLEAN UP THEIR MESS.
AMEN
Posted by: girltechie
Posted on: 2003-02-22 18:39:42
You are right on target...when the tough gets going, a man in this type of mindset tends to look for greener grass.
Posted by: girltechie
Posted on: 2003-02-22 18:39:42
You are right on target...when the tough gets going, a man in this type of mindset tends to look for greener grass.
Some men can't handle it
Posted by: penny25
Posted on: 2003-06-04 16:27:48
I think every man that cheats is plain selfish. I was just watching the episode "The other woman", and I would seriously like to slap every single guy shes talked to along with her. I told my boyfriend if he ever decides to cheat to give me a call first so I can dump his butt. There is no reason for this behaviour. If you are unhappy at home it is most likely your own fault. Why don't you try spending some time with your wife or girlfriend, do something that you used to do. You were obviously attracted to her for some reason. Maybe it is you slacking on dinners, movies, romantic gifts! Just send an email, or leave a little note to her, I guarantee that will make a huge difference. I believe some guys can get lazy after being in a relationship, they forget the little things. So they go looking for a new one, but why start all over at something you already have? If its sex, whynot do something romantic to bring it back? If its looks or weight, whynot surprise your woman with a new bike and start riding together? Guys can be lazy, work on your relationship, don't run from it! You are just starting over again and losing what you have already! Don't be an idiot!
Posted by: penny25
Posted on: 2003-06-04 16:27:48
I think every man that cheats is plain selfish. I was just watching the episode "The other woman", and I would seriously like to slap every single guy shes talked to along with her. I told my boyfriend if he ever decides to cheat to give me a call first so I can dump his butt. There is no reason for this behaviour. If you are unhappy at home it is most likely your own fault. Why don't you try spending some time with your wife or girlfriend, do something that you used to do. You were obviously attracted to her for some reason. Maybe it is you slacking on dinners, movies, romantic gifts! Just send an email, or leave a little note to her, I guarantee that will make a huge difference. I believe some guys can get lazy after being in a relationship, they forget the little things. So they go looking for a new one, but why start all over at something you already have? If its sex, whynot do something romantic to bring it back? If its looks or weight, whynot surprise your woman with a new bike and start riding together? Guys can be lazy, work on your relationship, don't run from it! You are just starting over again and losing what you have already! Don't be an idiot!
i understand the blame thing
Posted by: skipperdoo
Posted on: 2003-06-05 06:41:08
You know I blamed myself too. I realized though that after 5 months of a bad therapist( who told me that the affair was 4 months old and it was time for me to get over it), and a year of rollercoaster communication with my husband, that it was not my fault. The communication was always there at least on my part. I'd ask him every night what was on his mind and ask about work, let him know that I saw a difference in his behaviour. When I finally allowed myself to further investigate, it was too late. The relationship had been going on for 4 months. Its been a hard one for him to admit, but he finally takes responsibility for his action. It was hasrd for me to admit that he was a selfish idiot. We've been married for 23 years and he had the reputation with our friends as being "the best husband". Its hard for both people to swallow when an affair happens.You are right though. If there is a problem in the marriage where you think about straying try to spice up your own before you destroy trust, friendships and childrens sense of security. Our son found out.
Posted by: skipperdoo
Posted on: 2003-06-05 06:41:08
You know I blamed myself too. I realized though that after 5 months of a bad therapist( who told me that the affair was 4 months old and it was time for me to get over it), and a year of rollercoaster communication with my husband, that it was not my fault. The communication was always there at least on my part. I'd ask him every night what was on his mind and ask about work, let him know that I saw a difference in his behaviour. When I finally allowed myself to further investigate, it was too late. The relationship had been going on for 4 months. Its been a hard one for him to admit, but he finally takes responsibility for his action. It was hasrd for me to admit that he was a selfish idiot. We've been married for 23 years and he had the reputation with our friends as being "the best husband". Its hard for both people to swallow when an affair happens.You are right though. If there is a problem in the marriage where you think about straying try to spice up your own before you destroy trust, friendships and childrens sense of security. Our son found out.
skipperdoo me too!
Posted by: cavins4
Posted on: 2003-06-30 20:42:12
You know when you go through something like i am going through you feel all alone,as much as i am so very sorry for your pain as every other person who has been betrayed,it really means something when you can relate to someone else.i do understand your pain and i am so very sorry.all my family live in another state and i havent been able to make any new friends as of yet.I wanted you to know that by you expressing your pain it has helped me.I can only hope and pray i can ease someone's pain as you have mine.
thank you.
Posted by: cavins4
Posted on: 2003-06-30 20:42:12
You know when you go through something like i am going through you feel all alone,as much as i am so very sorry for your pain as every other person who has been betrayed,it really means something when you can relate to someone else.i do understand your pain and i am so very sorry.all my family live in another state and i havent been able to make any new friends as of yet.I wanted you to know that by you expressing your pain it has helped me.I can only hope and pray i can ease someone's pain as you have mine.
thank you.
DR PHIL, I AM ASHAMED OF YOU
Posted by: gomlli
Posted on: 2003-06-05 20:16:32
Dear Dr Phil, you have been a best friend of mine for a long time. Last nite you jeopordized that 'friendship' with your show on the "other woman".. First of all, don't stereotype relationships! That's what I can't agree with with ur show tonite. I have been cheated on twice, in two seperate marriages. I AM and HAVE BEEN seeing a married man for almost 3 years, whom i have been friends with for almost 17 years.I am still married to my husband, we've been apart(he in texas me in fl)for almost 5 years. My S.O. has been living apart for 3 years. This is my message to all, myself included! A piece of paper doesnt make me LOVE or NOT LOVE(ie, a marriage license or a divorce decree)... Those 'papers' are CONTRACTS written with a poison pen! I feel SO SORRY that there are so many people out there who sadly think a paper can control your life and your feelings. We all make mistakes. Maybe the affair isn't the mistake maybe the 'signing of a contract' was the mistake, a barter if you will. My S.O. and myself are still married to other parties out of commitment and finance and other contractual agreements. I CAN ASSURE ALL...neither he or I would ever hold each other to such an agreement. Does anyone, including DR. Phil remember the phrase, "Live and Let Live"?...and "A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime"...no 'contract' should or in legal terms IS a lifetime. Wives an Husbands...if that other party isn't happy/satisfied...move on with your own life and seek true happiness as we have
Posted by: gomlli
Posted on: 2003-06-05 20:16:32
Dear Dr Phil, you have been a best friend of mine for a long time. Last nite you jeopordized that 'friendship' with your show on the "other woman".. First of all, don't stereotype relationships! That's what I can't agree with with ur show tonite. I have been cheated on twice, in two seperate marriages. I AM and HAVE BEEN seeing a married man for almost 3 years, whom i have been friends with for almost 17 years.I am still married to my husband, we've been apart(he in texas me in fl)for almost 5 years. My S.O. has been living apart for 3 years. This is my message to all, myself included! A piece of paper doesnt make me LOVE or NOT LOVE(ie, a marriage license or a divorce decree)... Those 'papers' are CONTRACTS written with a poison pen! I feel SO SORRY that there are so many people out there who sadly think a paper can control your life and your feelings. We all make mistakes. Maybe the affair isn't the mistake maybe the 'signing of a contract' was the mistake, a barter if you will. My S.O. and myself are still married to other parties out of commitment and finance and other contractual agreements. I CAN ASSURE ALL...neither he or I would ever hold each other to such an agreement. Does anyone, including DR. Phil remember the phrase, "Live and Let Live"?...and "A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime"...no 'contract' should or in legal terms IS a lifetime. Wives an Husbands...if that other party isn't happy/satisfied...move on with your own life and seek true happiness as we have
Nice Rationalizing and Justification for Adultery
Posted by: harvesthrt
Posted on: 2003-06-06 22:51:41
Yes, a contract is just a contract and both you and your S.O. have broken yours. Why your spouses haven't divorced the both of you, is beyond me. I figured you would get down to the financial part in your tirade, but that doesn't obviate the fact that you both are claiming to be noble in your love to your S.O. but don't have the intestinal fortitude to proclaim to the world that your marriages are over and accept all that goes along with that choice. You're just selfish enough to want your cake and eat it too and have the audacity to sanctimonious and self-righteous enough to say it is in the name of your great love. while totally disregarding the sanctity of the contract you entered that you claim maybe was the "mistake." I have no respect for those that want to play it both ways just because they can. And attacking your "freindship" with Dr. Phil, you are a bit delusional to boot. Something tells me that he can live very well without friends like you.
Posted by: harvesthrt
Posted on: 2003-06-06 22:51:41
Yes, a contract is just a contract and both you and your S.O. have broken yours. Why your spouses haven't divorced the both of you, is beyond me. I figured you would get down to the financial part in your tirade, but that doesn't obviate the fact that you both are claiming to be noble in your love to your S.O. but don't have the intestinal fortitude to proclaim to the world that your marriages are over and accept all that goes along with that choice. You're just selfish enough to want your cake and eat it too and have the audacity to sanctimonious and self-righteous enough to say it is in the name of your great love. while totally disregarding the sanctity of the contract you entered that you claim maybe was the "mistake." I have no respect for those that want to play it both ways just because they can. And attacking your "freindship" with Dr. Phil, you are a bit delusional to boot. Something tells me that he can live very well without friends like you.
Are you kidding?
Posted by: ihavissues
Posted on: 2003-06-07 11:20:03
Wow! WHere do I begin? If you have such an issue with the concept of marriage then why did you get married the second time? Your theory on contracts seems quite flawed. The marriage license does not control your life, the character of the person signing the contract/license controls their own life. When you make an agreement, a contract with another person, you are stating that you will hold up your end of the bargain. When you realize that the person you have made the agreement with isn't willing to hold to that agreement, then you move on. Moving on means dissolvong the agreement. It sounds like you are still holding onto bits and pieces of the agreement while letting go of the rest. If you truly wanted to you could dissolve any marriage. If you are truly happy with this "new" S.O., then why not cut the chains from your previous "mistakes" so you are free to " Live and Let Live".
Posted by: ihavissues
Posted on: 2003-06-07 11:20:03
Wow! WHere do I begin? If you have such an issue with the concept of marriage then why did you get married the second time? Your theory on contracts seems quite flawed. The marriage license does not control your life, the character of the person signing the contract/license controls their own life. When you make an agreement, a contract with another person, you are stating that you will hold up your end of the bargain. When you realize that the person you have made the agreement with isn't willing to hold to that agreement, then you move on. Moving on means dissolvong the agreement. It sounds like you are still holding onto bits and pieces of the agreement while letting go of the rest. If you truly wanted to you could dissolve any marriage. If you are truly happy with this "new" S.O., then why not cut the chains from your previous "mistakes" so you are free to " Live and Let Live".
We Can Rationalize Anything, Can't We?
Posted by: regroup57
Posted on: 2003-06-07 23:50:16
Dear Gomlli:
I was shocked by your rationalization and/or justification committing adultery. If your marriage is a mistake, instead of compounding the situation, why haven't you and SO divorced your respective spouses? Do you really think it is fair to them that you are cheating? Because that is exactly what you are doing. Apparently, you are not a believer in GOD or His commandment. You know the one, "Thou shall not commit adultery." I don't know your marital situation, but as you have stated you have been cheated on twice, you know the devestation it causes to everyone involved. Are you the type who believes that because you have been cheated on, you have the right to inflict that pain on someone else; someone who loved and trusted you enough to marry you. If your marriage is that bad, wouldn't the right thing to do would be to end it? Even if you have to be alone, it is better for you, morally to go it alone that to mess with GOD. Is it really worth the risk?
Posted by: regroup57
Posted on: 2003-06-07 23:50:16
Dear Gomlli:
I was shocked by your rationalization and/or justification committing adultery. If your marriage is a mistake, instead of compounding the situation, why haven't you and SO divorced your respective spouses? Do you really think it is fair to them that you are cheating? Because that is exactly what you are doing. Apparently, you are not a believer in GOD or His commandment. You know the one, "Thou shall not commit adultery." I don't know your marital situation, but as you have stated you have been cheated on twice, you know the devestation it causes to everyone involved. Are you the type who believes that because you have been cheated on, you have the right to inflict that pain on someone else; someone who loved and trusted you enough to marry you. If your marriage is that bad, wouldn't the right thing to do would be to end it? Even if you have to be alone, it is better for you, morally to go it alone that to mess with GOD. Is it really worth the risk?
This isn't about God, it's about companionship
Posted by: diamondsna
Posted on: 2004-11-11 20:14:25
Dear Regroup57:
Wake up. Not everyone believes in God. And it is not easier to go alone. Obviously you have never been alone.
Posted by: diamondsna
Posted on: 2004-11-11 20:14:25
Dear Regroup57:
Wake up. Not everyone believes in God. And it is not easier to go alone. Obviously you have never been alone.
Ashamed of Whom?
Posted by: rypski
Posted on: 2003-06-08 15:07:09
You're right, each person has a right not to be stereotyped, or grouped into groups. However, who was stereotyping? Or talking about a piece of paper? A contract? Just because you chose to ignore pledges and vows made to another person be it on paper or verbal doesn't make your justification fair to "the wife" or "the husband." But who cares about them? Right? Afterall it is you're "live and let live" scenerio living YOUR life to it's fullest. I feel so sorry for you with "A reason, A season, A Lifetime" It would be nice if you allowed the other persons in each of your marriages to realize the truth, and then make a decision if they want to remain or move on. Afterall, they don't have all the information or platitudes as you do. It's called honesty and truth that will allow "that other party" to realize if they are happy or satisfied.
Posted by: rypski
Posted on: 2003-06-08 15:07:09
You're right, each person has a right not to be stereotyped, or grouped into groups. However, who was stereotyping? Or talking about a piece of paper? A contract? Just because you chose to ignore pledges and vows made to another person be it on paper or verbal doesn't make your justification fair to "the wife" or "the husband." But who cares about them? Right? Afterall it is you're "live and let live" scenerio living YOUR life to it's fullest. I feel so sorry for you with "A reason, A season, A Lifetime" It would be nice if you allowed the other persons in each of your marriages to realize the truth, and then make a decision if they want to remain or move on. Afterall, they don't have all the information or platitudes as you do. It's called honesty and truth that will allow "that other party" to realize if they are happy or satisfied.
Full of Crap
Posted by: bukkie
Posted on: 2003-06-10 15:59:03
You are definitely full of ''it''.. if you know what I mean. So Why did you marry twice then? It is not just about the vows or the "contract". It's the committment that two people make when they are in love. If the Love is no longer there, the honorable thing to do is to get out of the relationship before you get in too deep with the other person. The problem with a lot of Men is that they want the best of both worlds. They lie to the other woman about how things are at home.If only they could stop and think about the kind of pain it brings to the wife, especially in cases where She may not have seen it coming. Don't even let us begin to talk about the pain and disruption it brings to the Children.
Posted by: bukkie
Posted on: 2003-06-10 15:59:03
You are definitely full of ''it''.. if you know what I mean. So Why did you marry twice then? It is not just about the vows or the "contract". It's the committment that two people make when they are in love. If the Love is no longer there, the honorable thing to do is to get out of the relationship before you get in too deep with the other person. The problem with a lot of Men is that they want the best of both worlds. They lie to the other woman about how things are at home.If only they could stop and think about the kind of pain it brings to the wife, especially in cases where She may not have seen it coming. Don't even let us begin to talk about the pain and disruption it brings to the Children.
You need help
Posted by: carlinboy
Posted on: 2003-06-09 09:44:19
I read you message and i was short of words! If you blame to me in love with your S O, why dont you divorce your husband and marry him? Why play double game? You are just a homewrecker!
If you have problems with your marriage go and fix it or if you think you have had enough which i think you have, get a divorce and stop playing with peoples lives!!!
What means you think you are the only one your S O is seeing at the moment? The Way he is cheating on his wife, he will be doing the same to you sooner or later you wait.
Posted by: carlinboy
Posted on: 2003-06-09 09:44:19
I read you message and i was short of words! If you blame to me in love with your S O, why dont you divorce your husband and marry him? Why play double game? You are just a homewrecker!
If you have problems with your marriage go and fix it or if you think you have had enough which i think you have, get a divorce and stop playing with peoples lives!!!
What means you think you are the only one your S O is seeing at the moment? The Way he is cheating on his wife, he will be doing the same to you sooner or later you wait.
go read your wedding vows
Posted by: marcile123
Posted on: 2003-06-10 07:49:17
The vow you take before God and Man reads I promise to....as long as we both shall live and you are the one who said I do. Noone made you. It's not about the piece of paper ,it's about what you promised God and your mate and now you want to break that promise...simple as that...you are just trying to justify what you are doing (adultry-sin) to make yourself feel better. You need to read your Bible, it does not mince any words in this area of sin-real cut and dry-for this reason a man , forsaking all others, shall cleave only unto his wife!
Posted by: marcile123
Posted on: 2003-06-10 07:49:17
The vow you take before God and Man reads I promise to....as long as we both shall live and you are the one who said I do. Noone made you. It's not about the piece of paper ,it's about what you promised God and your mate and now you want to break that promise...simple as that...you are just trying to justify what you are doing (adultry-sin) to make yourself feel better. You need to read your Bible, it does not mince any words in this area of sin-real cut and dry-for this reason a man , forsaking all others, shall cleave only unto his wife!
Other Woman
Posted by: otweety
Posted on: 2004-05-17 17:44:51
Hi I just read your article you wrote sometime ago. I an trying to find some answers for myself. As I am the other woman. I have been dating this married man for 8yrs. I do love him very much. I am single but have been married before. He has been married for 44yrs. Now he tells me because of religion reasons and his wife he is unable to see me anymore. He says he will continue to be my friend but not be intimate with me anymore. I tell him he needs to tell his wife what he has been doing, but he said no because then she would want a divorce. Is he using religion as an excuse to end it all or what? He has done this serveral times now but keeps coming back all the time. I am getting frustrated with his reasoning, what should I do? I do really need advice badly.
Posted by: otweety
Posted on: 2004-05-17 17:44:51
Hi I just read your article you wrote sometime ago. I an trying to find some answers for myself. As I am the other woman. I have been dating this married man for 8yrs. I do love him very much. I am single but have been married before. He has been married for 44yrs. Now he tells me because of religion reasons and his wife he is unable to see me anymore. He says he will continue to be my friend but not be intimate with me anymore. I tell him he needs to tell his wife what he has been doing, but he said no because then she would want a divorce. Is he using religion as an excuse to end it all or what? He has done this serveral times now but keeps coming back all the time. I am getting frustrated with his reasoning, what should I do? I do really need advice badly.
AMEN TO THAT111
Posted by: suzieee
Posted on: 2003-06-10 05:11:46
Penny, you've hit the nail on the head. Ive been with my husband 13yrs. married 9 of them he didn't follow thru with the "cheat" he left me instead out of quilt and what he was feeling being attracted to someone else. But after 2 short weeks of separation he realized he did love me and we are doing great now. but Im still angry he didn't appreciate what he had all along.My husband does get lazy in our relationship, I try to treat him how I want to be treated but I need a ton of bricks to get him to see that. Its not that he's bad to me, I just hope for a little more. Like you said, flowers once in a while, an e-mail, a note anything.Without it having to be a special occassion would be awesome.
Posted by: suzieee
Posted on: 2003-06-10 05:11:46
Penny, you've hit the nail on the head. Ive been with my husband 13yrs. married 9 of them he didn't follow thru with the "cheat" he left me instead out of quilt and what he was feeling being attracted to someone else. But after 2 short weeks of separation he realized he did love me and we are doing great now. but Im still angry he didn't appreciate what he had all along.My husband does get lazy in our relationship, I try to treat him how I want to be treated but I need a ton of bricks to get him to see that. Its not that he's bad to me, I just hope for a little more. Like you said, flowers once in a while, an e-mail, a note anything.Without it having to be a special occassion would be awesome.
When the tough gets going
Posted by: sueami
Posted on: 2003-06-05 06:54:31
Girltechie, I just had to comment on when the tough get going. I believe most men do go running. I work in a neonatal intensive care unit. My experience has been that when the medical care for babies is extensive and long, with long-term complications, the husbands can't handle the stress and leave their wives and babies. I can imagine these men would be the same men who would say to the other woman, My wife doesn't take time for ME, she too concerned about everyone else but ME. (While she's at the hospital taking care of the baby, dealing with her own stress) Without shedding any light on the real situation. Why do the other women believe these liars to begin with. You take a cheating husband's word for the state of his relationship. Please!! You other women out there must be pretty gullible.
Posted by: sueami
Posted on: 2003-06-05 06:54:31
Girltechie, I just had to comment on when the tough get going. I believe most men do go running. I work in a neonatal intensive care unit. My experience has been that when the medical care for babies is extensive and long, with long-term complications, the husbands can't handle the stress and leave their wives and babies. I can imagine these men would be the same men who would say to the other woman, My wife doesn't take time for ME, she too concerned about everyone else but ME. (While she's at the hospital taking care of the baby, dealing with her own stress) Without shedding any light on the real situation. Why do the other women believe these liars to begin with. You take a cheating husband's word for the state of his relationship. Please!! You other women out there must be pretty gullible.
AMEN
Posted by: willful1
Posted on: 2003-06-11 00:27:23
Women who flirt and/or date married men, do so in competition with the wives. If the man has a relationship with " the other female"
the other female sees herself as better than, or more desirable than the wife.
Husbands that cheat often seem to blame their life, their spouse, whatever they can, instead of placing the blame where it does belong. On themselves! I believe that they cheat because they want to and will find any " reasons" to justify their behaviors. Like an alcoholic, drug addict, or any other addict.... they often look for or even create an environment for justification.
Posted by: willful1
Posted on: 2003-06-11 00:27:23
Women who flirt and/or date married men, do so in competition with the wives. If the man has a relationship with " the other female"
the other female sees herself as better than, or more desirable than the wife.
Husbands that cheat often seem to blame their life, their spouse, whatever they can, instead of placing the blame where it does belong. On themselves! I believe that they cheat because they want to and will find any " reasons" to justify their behaviors. Like an alcoholic, drug addict, or any other addict.... they often look for or even create an environment for justification.
