06/19 Are You Raising a Spoiled Brat?
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11I have 2 spoiled children too
Posted by: dawnluv
Posted on: 2003-05-02 08:51:02
Wow, I don't feel so alone anymore. We have a 14 year old who has fits alot. He has bi-polar manic depression. We have learned the difference between that and just plain defiance of the rules. We have went through this for 8 years. We finally told him enough is enough. Life doesn't revolve around what he wants. In life, you have to earn everything. If you throw a fit, argue or call names, you don't get anything. The only thing you get is time-out or grounded until you realize the reality of ther rules of life.
Posted by: dawnluv
Posted on: 2003-05-02 08:51:02
Wow, I don't feel so alone anymore. We have a 14 year old who has fits alot. He has bi-polar manic depression. We have learned the difference between that and just plain defiance of the rules. We have went through this for 8 years. We finally told him enough is enough. Life doesn't revolve around what he wants. In life, you have to earn everything. If you throw a fit, argue or call names, you don't get anything. The only thing you get is time-out or grounded until you realize the reality of ther rules of life.
You're on the right track
Posted by: pmgcal
Posted on: 2003-05-02 09:33:01
Sounds to me like you finally got the message. Good for you. Now your 14 year old has the boundaries he requires and has the choice to either have a fit and accept the consequences or to follow the guidelines that have been presented. You are not alone. But you are now blessed with having the tools to help you and your child. Just be thankful that it only took 8 years to figure this out. Many people never get it. You can now be sensitive to your sons' medical needs as well as his "growing pains".
Posted by: pmgcal
Posted on: 2003-05-02 09:33:01
Sounds to me like you finally got the message. Good for you. Now your 14 year old has the boundaries he requires and has the choice to either have a fit and accept the consequences or to follow the guidelines that have been presented. You are not alone. But you are now blessed with having the tools to help you and your child. Just be thankful that it only took 8 years to figure this out. Many people never get it. You can now be sensitive to your sons' medical needs as well as his "growing pains".
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
Posted by: retro5
Posted on: 2003-05-02 18:05:33
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR SON HAS BI-POLAR MANIC DEPRESSION? HOW IS THAT DIAGOSED? BY A SPECIALIST? I DON'T THINK I COULD GET MY SON TO GO TO THE DR.
Posted by: retro5
Posted on: 2003-05-02 18:05:33
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR SON HAS BI-POLAR MANIC DEPRESSION? HOW IS THAT DIAGOSED? BY A SPECIALIST? I DON'T THINK I COULD GET MY SON TO GO TO THE DR.
getting help for bipolar
Posted by: wiredup
Posted on: 2003-05-05 16:13:20
My husband and daughter have bipolar. You can ask your physician about being tested, or you can be referred by a mental health counselor. You didn't say how old your son is, but a school counselor should be able to do a referral for you. I encourage you to get help! Be sure your son, if he's old enough to know there's something wrong, understands that this is a medical condition, and nobody is trying to label him as crazy. We've had wonderful results with diet and lifestyle changes in our family. Best of luck to you!
Posted by: wiredup
Posted on: 2003-05-05 16:13:20
My husband and daughter have bipolar. You can ask your physician about being tested, or you can be referred by a mental health counselor. You didn't say how old your son is, but a school counselor should be able to do a referral for you. I encourage you to get help! Be sure your son, if he's old enough to know there's something wrong, understands that this is a medical condition, and nobody is trying to label him as crazy. We've had wonderful results with diet and lifestyle changes in our family. Best of luck to you!
Spoiled rotten
Posted by: kitten0031
Posted on: 2003-05-03 07:25:14
Hi,
Wow, Dr Phil's show was all about my biggest problem lately. My ten year old daughter runs my house. She says the most hurtful things to her brother and even to me.
I seperated from my husband almost a year ago and since then, my daughter has become so much worse. I hate to admit this. but... I almost dread her return home from school. I know she will not listen and were at the point where, not much anps her into reality.
I KNOW this is my fault, I did not stay consistant when I should of. These days she isnt getting away with anything and thats why things have become a constant battle with she and I.
Dr Phil gave some good advice. I just hope its not too late for her to change.
kitten
Posted by: kitten0031
Posted on: 2003-05-03 07:25:14
Hi,
Wow, Dr Phil's show was all about my biggest problem lately. My ten year old daughter runs my house. She says the most hurtful things to her brother and even to me.
I seperated from my husband almost a year ago and since then, my daughter has become so much worse. I hate to admit this. but... I almost dread her return home from school. I know she will not listen and were at the point where, not much anps her into reality.
I KNOW this is my fault, I did not stay consistant when I should of. These days she isnt getting away with anything and thats why things have become a constant battle with she and I.
Dr Phil gave some good advice. I just hope its not too late for her to change.
kitten
Sooo, what are you doing
Posted by: alexandr
Posted on: 2003-05-04 04:20:09
to change her behavior? There should be a consequence for everything she does. I can't tell if she was this way before your husband left and maybe she is part of the problem or if she was wonderful before he left and then got to be a brat.
The answer to that question could determine how to go about saving her before she turns out to be a horrible woman.
Posted by: alexandr
Posted on: 2003-05-04 04:20:09
to change her behavior? There should be a consequence for everything she does. I can't tell if she was this way before your husband left and maybe she is part of the problem or if she was wonderful before he left and then got to be a brat.
The answer to that question could determine how to go about saving her before she turns out to be a horrible woman.
its not too late
Posted by: sparcels
Posted on: 2003-05-05 00:02:19
I have an 11 year old daugher and an 8 year old son. I have been divorced for 8 years and my daughter tries to be the mom of the house and my son the man of the house. Sometimes it is chaotic. I need help around the house and their is a lot of battles. But, I put up a chart in their rooms and for each chore they do they put on a sticker and if they hug someone for the day, if they listen to me they put another sticker. If they don't do what's on their chart they get a check and if they get four checks then they get a citation and they don't get their reward for the end of the week. Each child has a different reward because their personalities are different. Their schools do this so they know how it works. Let me tell you it works at home and we have fun with it to. The hurtful words aren't as much and there are a lot of hugs and smiles! It's a start.
Posted by: sparcels
Posted on: 2003-05-05 00:02:19
I have an 11 year old daugher and an 8 year old son. I have been divorced for 8 years and my daughter tries to be the mom of the house and my son the man of the house. Sometimes it is chaotic. I need help around the house and their is a lot of battles. But, I put up a chart in their rooms and for each chore they do they put on a sticker and if they hug someone for the day, if they listen to me they put another sticker. If they don't do what's on their chart they get a check and if they get four checks then they get a citation and they don't get their reward for the end of the week. Each child has a different reward because their personalities are different. Their schools do this so they know how it works. Let me tell you it works at home and we have fun with it to. The hurtful words aren't as much and there are a lot of hugs and smiles! It's a start.
Getting help
Posted by: cindimom
Posted on: 2003-05-04 07:12:47
I suppose that you go to a psychiatrist for meds, I would ask him or her just how to handle installing boundries and consequences.
Posted by: cindimom
Posted on: 2003-05-04 07:12:47
I suppose that you go to a psychiatrist for meds, I would ask him or her just how to handle installing boundries and consequences.
To: I have 2 spoiled Children too
Posted by: karendjl
Posted on: 2003-06-19 10:36:56
To: dawnluv; I am glad to hear someone admit that they have a brat in the making. If I could say one thing about the bi-polar and manic depression. I also have severe depression, but please don't use that as an excuse for your childs behavior. I was a school bus driver and I had children on my bus that when they would misbehave and I would try and correct them they would boldly say I have ........ and that is why I cannot follow the rules of the bus. This is not a excuse. I know because I have the same condition. Please don't let your child use it as an excuse. If a child has a severe medical condition that he cannot control his own behavior then he does not need to ride a school bus; they need to follow the rules the rules are there to save their life.
Thank for letting me talk to you. Karen
Posted by: karendjl
Posted on: 2003-06-19 10:36:56
To: dawnluv; I am glad to hear someone admit that they have a brat in the making. If I could say one thing about the bi-polar and manic depression. I also have severe depression, but please don't use that as an excuse for your childs behavior. I was a school bus driver and I had children on my bus that when they would misbehave and I would try and correct them they would boldly say I have ........ and that is why I cannot follow the rules of the bus. This is not a excuse. I know because I have the same condition. Please don't let your child use it as an excuse. If a child has a severe medical condition that he cannot control his own behavior then he does not need to ride a school bus; they need to follow the rules the rules are there to save their life.
Thank for letting me talk to you. Karen
resolve this while they are young
Posted by: pmgcal
Posted on: 2003-05-02 09:23:36
I am a high school teacher and know first hand how spoiled kids can wreck havoc in a family. I have seen all too often those children that run their parents' lives. It is a shame that so many parents allow their children to do this. Kids are smart and they know exactly what it takes to get their parents to give in to their every whim. I have had the awesome experience of counseling many students. The one comment that they most repeated is that they wished their parent meant "NO" when they said "NO". It was too easy to whine and get their way. What today's children are looking for are absolute boundaries that they can count on. It is the job of the parent to give those boundaries without fail. They are looking for consistancy and safety. At this time in their life, they cannot trust themselves to give it to themselves. They are counting on us as parents to teach them. Do it now, before it is too late or the situation gets out of hand. Once they know you mean what you say, they will feel safe and comply with your wishes. You struggle for only a short period of time. I have used the advice from the students I have counseled to help me with setting boundaries for my own children. It wasn't always easy, but now, as adults, they are thanking me for being fair, for being consistant, and for making their life safe and consequences predictable. Good Luck. The effort is well worth it.
Posted by: pmgcal
Posted on: 2003-05-02 09:23:36
I am a high school teacher and know first hand how spoiled kids can wreck havoc in a family. I have seen all too often those children that run their parents' lives. It is a shame that so many parents allow their children to do this. Kids are smart and they know exactly what it takes to get their parents to give in to their every whim. I have had the awesome experience of counseling many students. The one comment that they most repeated is that they wished their parent meant "NO" when they said "NO". It was too easy to whine and get their way. What today's children are looking for are absolute boundaries that they can count on. It is the job of the parent to give those boundaries without fail. They are looking for consistancy and safety. At this time in their life, they cannot trust themselves to give it to themselves. They are counting on us as parents to teach them. Do it now, before it is too late or the situation gets out of hand. Once they know you mean what you say, they will feel safe and comply with your wishes. You struggle for only a short period of time. I have used the advice from the students I have counseled to help me with setting boundaries for my own children. It wasn't always easy, but now, as adults, they are thanking me for being fair, for being consistant, and for making their life safe and consequences predictable. Good Luck. The effort is well worth it.
AMEN!!
Posted by: jcreese
Posted on: 2003-05-02 16:43:25
Amen To That! Finally, someone who gets it!!!!
Posted by: jcreese
Posted on: 2003-05-02 16:43:25
Amen To That! Finally, someone who gets it!!!!
I AGREE
Posted by: retro5
Posted on: 2003-05-02 18:00:53
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT. MY SON IS 16-YR OLD AND WE ARE STRUGGLING WITH HIM EVERYDAY. HE REFUSES TO LOOK FOR WORK, GET GOOD GRADES, TAKE ACNE MEDS, AND DO ANY CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE. WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO TAKE AWAY AND SAY NO TO THOUGH. ANY MORE IDEAS?
Posted by: retro5
Posted on: 2003-05-02 18:00:53
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT. MY SON IS 16-YR OLD AND WE ARE STRUGGLING WITH HIM EVERYDAY. HE REFUSES TO LOOK FOR WORK, GET GOOD GRADES, TAKE ACNE MEDS, AND DO ANY CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE. WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO TAKE AWAY AND SAY NO TO THOUGH. ANY MORE IDEAS?
Frightened kids
Posted by: mspat32
Posted on: 2003-05-03 12:50:13
One wonders how frightened a spoiled kid is inside to do some of the stuff they do. If parents could understand that the kid needs the stability that comes with rules to keep them from being fearful, maybe it wouldn't be so hard for them to be consistent.
Posted by: mspat32
Posted on: 2003-05-03 12:50:13
One wonders how frightened a spoiled kid is inside to do some of the stuff they do. If parents could understand that the kid needs the stability that comes with rules to keep them from being fearful, maybe it wouldn't be so hard for them to be consistent.
Spoilded 32 year old
Posted by: granny609
Posted on: 2003-06-20 00:00:06
My mother used to tell me the same thing but I failed to use it.Now I have a 32 year old daughter who can still get her way by manipulating me.She learned early how to get her way and she has never grown past that. I really blame myself and I am now trying to change but it is not easy...
Posted by: granny609
Posted on: 2003-06-20 00:00:06
My mother used to tell me the same thing but I failed to use it.Now I have a 32 year old daughter who can still get her way by manipulating me.She learned early how to get her way and she has never grown past that. I really blame myself and I am now trying to change but it is not easy...
second time around
Posted by: val2x2
Posted on: 2003-05-02 09:56:00
I had a set of twins who are now 19 years old. I did the guilt thing with them and it was a hard time but we did and now they are wonderful young women in collage. I now have another set of twins and they are 7 and they are wonderful children. I did not do the guilt thing with them and i am not having nearly the trouble i had with the older girls. My second set of twins are so well mannered and well behaved that i can take them anywhere. I get such praise from strangers that it makes me so proud. I love all my children the same but i hope to not have the fighting that went on with the older girls.
Posted by: val2x2
Posted on: 2003-05-02 09:56:00
I had a set of twins who are now 19 years old. I did the guilt thing with them and it was a hard time but we did and now they are wonderful young women in collage. I now have another set of twins and they are 7 and they are wonderful children. I did not do the guilt thing with them and i am not having nearly the trouble i had with the older girls. My second set of twins are so well mannered and well behaved that i can take them anywhere. I get such praise from strangers that it makes me so proud. I love all my children the same but i hope to not have the fighting that went on with the older girls.
can I ask you a question
Posted by: bmoubry
Posted on: 2003-05-02 16:00:55
Wow! Two sets of twins! I also have twins who are almost 3 and for the most part, they are great little boys. They listen and they do not throw tantrums, unless they're exhausted. I experience guilt when I don't get enough one-on-one time with each of them. What can I do about that?
Whenever I have one twin on my lap, the other comes up to me whining and crying because he wants a turn, too. Only, putting both on my lap is not an option because BOTH of them cry and freak out. I recognize that each of them has a need to have an individual relationship with me that is filled with alone time, yet it almost is useless when your "special time" with one is at the expense of the other.
They do not yet understand the concepts of "before and after", meaning that saying, "After Greg is done" does nothing for Ben.
Do you have any advice for me (you or anyone reading this)?
Posted by: bmoubry
Posted on: 2003-05-02 16:00:55
Wow! Two sets of twins! I also have twins who are almost 3 and for the most part, they are great little boys. They listen and they do not throw tantrums, unless they're exhausted. I experience guilt when I don't get enough one-on-one time with each of them. What can I do about that?
Whenever I have one twin on my lap, the other comes up to me whining and crying because he wants a turn, too. Only, putting both on my lap is not an option because BOTH of them cry and freak out. I recognize that each of them has a need to have an individual relationship with me that is filled with alone time, yet it almost is useless when your "special time" with one is at the expense of the other.
They do not yet understand the concepts of "before and after", meaning that saying, "After Greg is done" does nothing for Ben.
Do you have any advice for me (you or anyone reading this)?
It doesn't matter if you have twins
Posted by: alexandr
Posted on: 2003-05-04 04:31:49
or twenty children. The fact is that you are allowing whining. Three is not too young to hear "Stop -- no whining. I will not listen to whining". Put both on your lap and when they start to whine put them down and state that you will no longer listen to whining. From then on when you hear a whine you restate your position and walk away. If they respond with a tantrum, simply ignore with a calm demeanor. Do as many times as needed until the behavior stops. Another effective technique if you have a fenced in yard is put the whiner(s) outside no matter if they are eating, bathing, etc. Of course watch through the window to be sure they are safe. My son acted up in the grocery store and I told him one more time and I would put him in the car. He did and I did. He didn't know I could see him through the window a few feet away. He never acted up again. (I lived where nobody would call the cops before checking out). The point is say what you will do if they do a bad behavior and THEN DO IT>
Posted by: alexandr
Posted on: 2003-05-04 04:31:49
or twenty children. The fact is that you are allowing whining. Three is not too young to hear "Stop -- no whining. I will not listen to whining". Put both on your lap and when they start to whine put them down and state that you will no longer listen to whining. From then on when you hear a whine you restate your position and walk away. If they respond with a tantrum, simply ignore with a calm demeanor. Do as many times as needed until the behavior stops. Another effective technique if you have a fenced in yard is put the whiner(s) outside no matter if they are eating, bathing, etc. Of course watch through the window to be sure they are safe. My son acted up in the grocery store and I told him one more time and I would put him in the car. He did and I did. He didn't know I could see him through the window a few feet away. He never acted up again. (I lived where nobody would call the cops before checking out). The point is say what you will do if they do a bad behavior and THEN DO IT>
Lady, are you smoking crack?!
Posted by: bmoubry
Posted on: 2003-05-04 23:01:05
Put your child outside?! Thank your lucky stars that you don't live where people call the cops?! Where I live, that's called child abuse! Granted, your point about not putting up with whining is valid, but I find your measures extreme.
I was simply asking the mother of twins, or anyone else who balances between more than one child, how to give that special time and NURTURANCE (ever hear of that word?) and do so not at the expense of the other.
Let me clarify to anyone else who is reading this: I am looking for constructive ideas that will not land me in jail, will not lead me to have my children taken away, will not humiliate my children for my own personal gain or convenience, and will afford both of my twins special mommy-time in a way that does not lead the other to feel jipped or left out.
Any idiot can bully their child for short term gain. I am looking for creativity here from parents who don't have to worry about their neighbors or fellow grocery store patrons calling the cops.
Posted by: bmoubry
Posted on: 2003-05-04 23:01:05
Put your child outside?! Thank your lucky stars that you don't live where people call the cops?! Where I live, that's called child abuse! Granted, your point about not putting up with whining is valid, but I find your measures extreme.
I was simply asking the mother of twins, or anyone else who balances between more than one child, how to give that special time and NURTURANCE (ever hear of that word?) and do so not at the expense of the other.
Let me clarify to anyone else who is reading this: I am looking for constructive ideas that will not land me in jail, will not lead me to have my children taken away, will not humiliate my children for my own personal gain or convenience, and will afford both of my twins special mommy-time in a way that does not lead the other to feel jipped or left out.
Any idiot can bully their child for short term gain. I am looking for creativity here from parents who don't have to worry about their neighbors or fellow grocery store patrons calling the cops.
