06/11 Fighting in Front of Your Children
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Posted by: slickem
Posted on: 2002-10-30 10:46:25
You know I am 32 years old, have been lived thru hell and back. Been in an abusive relationship and both mentally, and sexually abused by a so called father(dead now), I have 2 beautiful daughters that I would die for. I left my ex because he always treated me like garbage in front of my daughter. She has not seen her father since.Any parent or so called mommy or daddy, would never NEVER treat one another like that in front of their children. I know it is hard sometimes but no matter what the children can not speak up and say STOP IT NOW! Just like Dr. Phil said it for them. Your the adult, take it outside or in the bedroom when the kids go to sleep. Dont hurt them anymore,they are innocent. They dont deserve it. Show them love and compasion, not yelling and name calling. I wish i could have reached into the tv and grab that little girl and hold her and tell her it is ok. I hope the mother realizes her kids are hurting and stop fighting in front of them....
Posted by: slickem
Posted on: 2002-10-30 10:46:25
You know I am 32 years old, have been lived thru hell and back. Been in an abusive relationship and both mentally, and sexually abused by a so called father(dead now), I have 2 beautiful daughters that I would die for. I left my ex because he always treated me like garbage in front of my daughter. She has not seen her father since.Any parent or so called mommy or daddy, would never NEVER treat one another like that in front of their children. I know it is hard sometimes but no matter what the children can not speak up and say STOP IT NOW! Just like Dr. Phil said it for them. Your the adult, take it outside or in the bedroom when the kids go to sleep. Dont hurt them anymore,they are innocent. They dont deserve it. Show them love and compasion, not yelling and name calling. I wish i could have reached into the tv and grab that little girl and hold her and tell her it is ok. I hope the mother realizes her kids are hurting and stop fighting in front of them....
Posted by: lacis_head
Posted on: 2003-06-11 15:38:29
Scott and I planned on never fighting in front of Conner. We made lots of plans together we both swore we would never fight in front of anynbody. We would drive to the marina and fight there. This last time scott went a little too far.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
Posted by: tallone51
Posted on: 2003-06-13 10:22:02
I read that you said you would never fight in front of your kid or anybody; where WAS your kid THAT night?
Posted by: tallone51
Posted on: 2003-06-13 10:22:02
I read that you said you would never fight in front of your kid or anybody; where WAS your kid THAT night?
Stop Fighting in Front of HER!!!
Posted by: gilpper52
Posted on: 2004-04-30 15:51:30
Well if that is what you and Scott decided than i think that, that is what you and Scott should do. How can you teach your kids right from wrong if the two adults in the house do not even know what right and wrong are?
I am sure there is more than one room in your home, GO TO A DIFFERNT ROOM!!!! OR WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE ALONE!!!! There is a time and a place for everything, learn when to use them........
Posted by: gilpper52
Posted on: 2004-04-30 15:51:30
Well if that is what you and Scott decided than i think that, that is what you and Scott should do. How can you teach your kids right from wrong if the two adults in the house do not even know what right and wrong are?
I am sure there is more than one room in your home, GO TO A DIFFERNT ROOM!!!! OR WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE ALONE!!!! There is a time and a place for everything, learn when to use them........
In Re: Silent Tears
Posted by: hurryquick
Posted on: 2003-06-12 02:22:24
I can empathize with you. Being froma broken home myself, I was happy when my parents divorced for all the fighting they did in front of me as a child. My father was very abusive toward my mother and I actually witnessed my father "pistol-whipping" my mother. After their divorce, I was free of the constant fear and began molding my own relationships. However, recently I became extremely upset and disappointed with myself for entering into a relationship that turned emotionally abusive. I was angry and ashamed because I, of all people, should have been aware of the signs being from that broken home and being an undergrad in the counseling profession. What I did was accept that situation as it was and know better to go back to him so that the abuse could continue. What set my "significant other" off was the fact that I asked him to consider seeking counsel so that he could get over his divorce and move on with me. My suggestion basically openned the gates of hell and made me aware of how dangerous the situation could get. Usually when I consider a man as a prospective mate, I usually ask myself, "Do I see me being happy with him?" If we can't be friends, then it's very unlikely that we can be much more. I used these thoughts as tools to avoid what could be a diasterous marriage and preventative measure as to not bring a child into the world to witness the same violence that I saw in my parents' marriage. God be with you Sister.
Posted by: hurryquick
Posted on: 2003-06-12 02:22:24
I can empathize with you. Being froma broken home myself, I was happy when my parents divorced for all the fighting they did in front of me as a child. My father was very abusive toward my mother and I actually witnessed my father "pistol-whipping" my mother. After their divorce, I was free of the constant fear and began molding my own relationships. However, recently I became extremely upset and disappointed with myself for entering into a relationship that turned emotionally abusive. I was angry and ashamed because I, of all people, should have been aware of the signs being from that broken home and being an undergrad in the counseling profession. What I did was accept that situation as it was and know better to go back to him so that the abuse could continue. What set my "significant other" off was the fact that I asked him to consider seeking counsel so that he could get over his divorce and move on with me. My suggestion basically openned the gates of hell and made me aware of how dangerous the situation could get. Usually when I consider a man as a prospective mate, I usually ask myself, "Do I see me being happy with him?" If we can't be friends, then it's very unlikely that we can be much more. I used these thoughts as tools to avoid what could be a diasterous marriage and preventative measure as to not bring a child into the world to witness the same violence that I saw in my parents' marriage. God be with you Sister.
How sad !!
Posted by: queenpatsy
Posted on: 2003-06-13 15:08:46
I watched the show and I realised that my life and my sisters life were so affected by the same actions that my parents participated in. The fighting and the arguing and the fact that children do not have a voice is so true. We were never heard. The sad part is that even as the children have grown up they are so affected in more ways than one. Dr Phil made me realise how sad my life is.
Posted by: queenpatsy
Posted on: 2003-06-13 15:08:46
I watched the show and I realised that my life and my sisters life were so affected by the same actions that my parents participated in. The fighting and the arguing and the fact that children do not have a voice is so true. We were never heard. The sad part is that even as the children have grown up they are so affected in more ways than one. Dr Phil made me realise how sad my life is.
Parents Quarrel
Posted by: shiru24
Posted on: 2002-10-30 10:54:36
Dear Phil,
I have been watching your programme lately and I learn a lot from your tips/suggestions,to how to improve our life in all respects.
Its a wondeful show..just keep it up.
On todays topic,I took have gone under the same problem of parents arguing infront of their kids..I love my parents,but when I some time see them aruging or quarreling,it makes feel so bad and I do cry..I feel why the feel we fight in lfe,when GOD has given us just one single lfe to live happily and peacefully..
I shall watch your todays show..
Thanks
bye
Shriram
Posted by: shiru24
Posted on: 2002-10-30 10:54:36
Dear Phil,
I have been watching your programme lately and I learn a lot from your tips/suggestions,to how to improve our life in all respects.
Its a wondeful show..just keep it up.
On todays topic,I took have gone under the same problem of parents arguing infront of their kids..I love my parents,but when I some time see them aruging or quarreling,it makes feel so bad and I do cry..I feel why the feel we fight in lfe,when GOD has given us just one single lfe to live happily and peacefully..
I shall watch your todays show..
Thanks
bye
Shriram
No fighting in front of childred
Posted by: jnett49
Posted on: 2002-10-31 07:39:09
Dear Dr. Phil, I watched your show yesterday and was totally discusted with the couple fighting in front of their kids. There is no reason for it today. It leaves scars no matter how old you are. I lived in that situation and am now 53, been married for 35 years, have 2 boys and swore I would never live that life. We have NEVER had a fight and if we disagree we walk our own way. It can be done and no excuse for it to be happening.Thanks and bye Jnett.
Posted by: jnett49
Posted on: 2002-10-31 07:39:09
Dear Dr. Phil, I watched your show yesterday and was totally discusted with the couple fighting in front of their kids. There is no reason for it today. It leaves scars no matter how old you are. I lived in that situation and am now 53, been married for 35 years, have 2 boys and swore I would never live that life. We have NEVER had a fight and if we disagree we walk our own way. It can be done and no excuse for it to be happening.Thanks and bye Jnett.
No fighting in front of the kids
Posted by: eiball1
Posted on: 2003-06-14 17:46:54
OMG!! I totally agree with Dr. Phil on this matter. It is selfish and a form of child abuse to do that to your children. They can not defend themselves. It is a hard enough world out there without you turning the one safe place these kids have into kaos.. You are all the kids have. GET OVER IT and GROW UP!! nothing is that important that you must do it in front of yor kids EVER!.
Thanks, Eileen
Posted by: eiball1
Posted on: 2003-06-14 17:46:54
OMG!! I totally agree with Dr. Phil on this matter. It is selfish and a form of child abuse to do that to your children. They can not defend themselves. It is a hard enough world out there without you turning the one safe place these kids have into kaos.. You are all the kids have. GET OVER IT and GROW UP!! nothing is that important that you must do it in front of yor kids EVER!.
Thanks, Eileen
FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN
Posted by: arlene753
Posted on: 2002-11-02 22:56:43
DEAR DR PHIL, MY SISTER AND I GREW UP WITH OUR PARENTS FIGTING ALOT AND OUR AUNTS FIGHTING WITH OUR DAD WHO DRANK AND SPEND HIS MONEY ON DRINKING. OUR MOM HAD ABOUT TWELVE NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS AND THE LAST TIME WAS IN HOSPITAL FOR A YEAR AND GOT MANY SHOCK TREATMENTS. I GREW UP FEELING GUILTY AND THINKING I WAS THE CAUSE AND CAUSE I HAD A SEVERE HEARING IMPAIRMENT, I BELIEVE I MADE MY MOM'S LIFE HARDER. I CLEANED, COOKED DID THE WASHS , STUDIED FOR MANY HOURS LATE AT NITE FOR GOOD GRADES AND HOPING OUR MOM WOULD GET BETTER . I FELT SORRY FOR MY DAD WHEN HE WAS DRUNK AND FELL ON GROUND AND I HELPED HIM IN TO THE HOUSE. LIKE THOSE TWO SISTERS, I FELT ALOT OF GUILTS, ANXIETY LOW SELFESTEEM AND ASHAME TO BRING FRIENDS IN AS A TEENAGER. I ENDED UP IN AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE CAUSE MY EX HUSBAND HAS BIPOLAR DEPRESSION. AFTER GETTING HELP AND COUNSELING AND I AM STILL LEARNING EACH DAY. MY SON WAS TEN WHEN MARRIAGE ENDED AND THANKS GOD HE IS FINE NOW AND GROWNUP. MY LIFE IS PEACEFUL AND I HAVE MANY GOOD FRIENDS AND I AM STILL LEARNING EACH DAY. THANK YOU DR PHIL FOR YOUR GOOD SHOWS AND FOR YOUR CLOSED CAPTIONS TOO. I LOVE YOUR SHOWS. GOD BLESS YOU. FROM, ARLENE
Posted by: arlene753
Posted on: 2002-11-02 22:56:43
DEAR DR PHIL, MY SISTER AND I GREW UP WITH OUR PARENTS FIGTING ALOT AND OUR AUNTS FIGHTING WITH OUR DAD WHO DRANK AND SPEND HIS MONEY ON DRINKING. OUR MOM HAD ABOUT TWELVE NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS AND THE LAST TIME WAS IN HOSPITAL FOR A YEAR AND GOT MANY SHOCK TREATMENTS. I GREW UP FEELING GUILTY AND THINKING I WAS THE CAUSE AND CAUSE I HAD A SEVERE HEARING IMPAIRMENT, I BELIEVE I MADE MY MOM'S LIFE HARDER. I CLEANED, COOKED DID THE WASHS , STUDIED FOR MANY HOURS LATE AT NITE FOR GOOD GRADES AND HOPING OUR MOM WOULD GET BETTER . I FELT SORRY FOR MY DAD WHEN HE WAS DRUNK AND FELL ON GROUND AND I HELPED HIM IN TO THE HOUSE. LIKE THOSE TWO SISTERS, I FELT ALOT OF GUILTS, ANXIETY LOW SELFESTEEM AND ASHAME TO BRING FRIENDS IN AS A TEENAGER. I ENDED UP IN AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE CAUSE MY EX HUSBAND HAS BIPOLAR DEPRESSION. AFTER GETTING HELP AND COUNSELING AND I AM STILL LEARNING EACH DAY. MY SON WAS TEN WHEN MARRIAGE ENDED AND THANKS GOD HE IS FINE NOW AND GROWNUP. MY LIFE IS PEACEFUL AND I HAVE MANY GOOD FRIENDS AND I AM STILL LEARNING EACH DAY. THANK YOU DR PHIL FOR YOUR GOOD SHOWS AND FOR YOUR CLOSED CAPTIONS TOO. I LOVE YOUR SHOWS. GOD BLESS YOU. FROM, ARLENE
Lived it...know the harm
Posted by: akfirebird
Posted on: 2002-10-30 11:06:36
My parents did not usually fight in front of us kids, but my ex-husband didn't have a problem with it in the last year of our marriage. I don't know if he thought the older kids would be on his side; one actually scolded me for walking away from him. But my ex was also a follower...to the degree that, if I tried to get away from him and go to another room and lock the door, he would use a screwdriver and take the doorknob off the door! This couple today has serious problems that don't have anything to do with those sweet children. But if they don't grow up and get real, those kids will end up being the ones with the problems, and it will the fault of both parents. That young woman cannot take the high road when she has said such vile things to her husband in front of those children. Frankly, I wouldn't let a man talk to me that way, children or not! I think Dr. Phil is right: it is NEVER acceptable to fight in front of the children. If they need to learn anything, it is self-control and how to resolve differences with kindness and dignity. Those children won't learn that from their parents, the way they fight right now. Disgraceful.
Posted by: akfirebird
Posted on: 2002-10-30 11:06:36
My parents did not usually fight in front of us kids, but my ex-husband didn't have a problem with it in the last year of our marriage. I don't know if he thought the older kids would be on his side; one actually scolded me for walking away from him. But my ex was also a follower...to the degree that, if I tried to get away from him and go to another room and lock the door, he would use a screwdriver and take the doorknob off the door! This couple today has serious problems that don't have anything to do with those sweet children. But if they don't grow up and get real, those kids will end up being the ones with the problems, and it will the fault of both parents. That young woman cannot take the high road when she has said such vile things to her husband in front of those children. Frankly, I wouldn't let a man talk to me that way, children or not! I think Dr. Phil is right: it is NEVER acceptable to fight in front of the children. If they need to learn anything, it is self-control and how to resolve differences with kindness and dignity. Those children won't learn that from their parents, the way they fight right now. Disgraceful.
I agree with you!
Posted by: judeeeeeee
Posted on: 2002-11-04 21:58:32
I, too, came from an arguementative family where Dad yelled at Mom every month when bills came due because she overspent her budget. I made up my mind NEVER to do that to our kids. Unfortunately, my husband's family did the same thing but he doesn't see the harm in it. I've tried everything to get him to change, including walking out whereupon he says, "That's right, walk out instead of facing up to the problem!" Then, he chases me or pounds on the door. Sound like someone who's uneducated? Sure does, but he's got dual Masters and the benefit of psychology classes.
Posted by: judeeeeeee
Posted on: 2002-11-04 21:58:32
I, too, came from an arguementative family where Dad yelled at Mom every month when bills came due because she overspent her budget. I made up my mind NEVER to do that to our kids. Unfortunately, my husband's family did the same thing but he doesn't see the harm in it. I've tried everything to get him to change, including walking out whereupon he says, "That's right, walk out instead of facing up to the problem!" Then, he chases me or pounds on the door. Sound like someone who's uneducated? Sure does, but he's got dual Masters and the benefit of psychology classes.
Touched
Posted by: betty2002
Posted on: 2002-10-30 11:40:07
This topic moved me tremendously. Even though I don't have children myself, I sobbed when that little girl started crying after her father slammed the door, left and she walked over to her mother for comfort. I certainly hope this couple keeps a copy of this show in their VCR or DVD machine, so they can STOP THE VICIOUS CYCLE and see for themselves that they harming thier children by thier own destructive, violent, disfunctional behavior they're passing onto their children, unknowingly. Dr. Phil you were at your best! I hope we get an update on them and the children. Also, it was very courageous for that couple to come on national television to air their dirty laundry...and ask for help. I just hope the asking isn't too late for the kids sake.
Posted by: betty2002
Posted on: 2002-10-30 11:40:07
This topic moved me tremendously. Even though I don't have children myself, I sobbed when that little girl started crying after her father slammed the door, left and she walked over to her mother for comfort. I certainly hope this couple keeps a copy of this show in their VCR or DVD machine, so they can STOP THE VICIOUS CYCLE and see for themselves that they harming thier children by thier own destructive, violent, disfunctional behavior they're passing onto their children, unknowingly. Dr. Phil you were at your best! I hope we get an update on them and the children. Also, it was very courageous for that couple to come on national television to air their dirty laundry...and ask for help. I just hope the asking isn't too late for the kids sake.
touched
Posted by: tabs2u
Posted on: 2002-10-31 02:27:16
Me 2. I started to cry also when the poor little baby girl started crying when that mother screamed she didn't want to see his "ugly mug". At 1st I thought she was talking to the daughter. Made me sick!
Posted by: tabs2u
Posted on: 2002-10-31 02:27:16
Me 2. I started to cry also when the poor little baby girl started crying when that mother screamed she didn't want to see his "ugly mug". At 1st I thought she was talking to the daughter. Made me sick!
I am with you
Posted by: calbasy
Posted on: 2003-06-12 00:33:50
I too cried. I think my husband and I are somewhat guilty of this, and it broke my heart to wonder how it effected my kids. Seeing little Addison cry today devestated me and when their two year old son walked into his room to read his book, I could not imagine how it must have effected that little guy. I think the Teddy Bears were a great idea. I too think it was incredible for the parents to address the issue on television. I applaud thier courage and wanting to make things better.
Andrea
Posted by: calbasy
Posted on: 2003-06-12 00:33:50
I too cried. I think my husband and I are somewhat guilty of this, and it broke my heart to wonder how it effected my kids. Seeing little Addison cry today devestated me and when their two year old son walked into his room to read his book, I could not imagine how it must have effected that little guy. I think the Teddy Bears were a great idea. I too think it was incredible for the parents to address the issue on television. I applaud thier courage and wanting to make things better.
Andrea
selfishness
Posted by: kozmikbloo
Posted on: 2002-10-30 11:54:38
I applaud the parents for having the guts to reveal their selfish behavior to millions of people, but they just don't seem to get it. They are still fighting about who is right and trying to justify their actions. When I saw the tape of the little girl crying and the little boy going off on his own I started crying and all I wanted to do was put my arms around them. I hope for the children's sake that the parents seek some intensive individual and couple's counseling. If the parents aren't willing to set aside their selfishness and put thier kids' needs first, then maybe divorce or seperation should be considered. Keeping their family together should be a priority, but the kids' wellbeing should not be sacrificed for the sake of the traditional family unit.
Posted by: kozmikbloo
Posted on: 2002-10-30 11:54:38
I applaud the parents for having the guts to reveal their selfish behavior to millions of people, but they just don't seem to get it. They are still fighting about who is right and trying to justify their actions. When I saw the tape of the little girl crying and the little boy going off on his own I started crying and all I wanted to do was put my arms around them. I hope for the children's sake that the parents seek some intensive individual and couple's counseling. If the parents aren't willing to set aside their selfishness and put thier kids' needs first, then maybe divorce or seperation should be considered. Keeping their family together should be a priority, but the kids' wellbeing should not be sacrificed for the sake of the traditional family unit.
Being A Victim
Posted by: masmith636
Posted on: 2002-10-30 12:02:07
Children are the only victims in this situation. I grew up with parents that visciously verbally attacked each other during fights which resulted in me turning to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain. I grew up in constant fear of abandonment when my mom and dad threatened divorce over and over. So as an adult I took that control too. I moved in and out of realtionships, ending them even when they were good, to exert the control that I did not have as a child. I was able to get sober 10 years ago at age 36 and am still dealing with the relationship issues. This is the price I paid after 46 years.
Posted by: masmith636
Posted on: 2002-10-30 12:02:07
Children are the only victims in this situation. I grew up with parents that visciously verbally attacked each other during fights which resulted in me turning to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain. I grew up in constant fear of abandonment when my mom and dad threatened divorce over and over. So as an adult I took that control too. I moved in and out of realtionships, ending them even when they were good, to exert the control that I did not have as a child. I was able to get sober 10 years ago at age 36 and am still dealing with the relationship issues. This is the price I paid after 46 years.
masmith
Posted by: jglenn01
Posted on: 2002-10-30 18:58:35
i first would like to congradulate you on your sobriety. you are more than 100 percent right, the children are the only victims here. is it a wonder that our children are being born into such kaios? it's a wonder how these children are being raised in such disfunction that the rate today of drug abuse isn't worse. it is a SHAME that children have to live like those people are making their children live in such emotional and mental abuse. our children should be worth more than that. people should treat each other better than that anyway if they are together. it makes no sense to me how people call that love. it isn't love. it pretty sad that people live like that. the more i see the more disgusted i become and want to shelter my kids from all the insanity of the world. god help us all.
Posted by: jglenn01
Posted on: 2002-10-30 18:58:35
i first would like to congradulate you on your sobriety. you are more than 100 percent right, the children are the only victims here. is it a wonder that our children are being born into such kaios? it's a wonder how these children are being raised in such disfunction that the rate today of drug abuse isn't worse. it is a SHAME that children have to live like those people are making their children live in such emotional and mental abuse. our children should be worth more than that. people should treat each other better than that anyway if they are together. it makes no sense to me how people call that love. it isn't love. it pretty sad that people live like that. the more i see the more disgusted i become and want to shelter my kids from all the insanity of the world. god help us all.
I am also a victim
Posted by: bronda
Posted on: 2002-10-31 10:50:47
My parents fighting has also caused me many problems. I am 45 and just recognizing how they have affected me over my life. The worst is the guilt and responsibility for everyone and everything and the abandonment issue. As a child, if I was just good enough....maybe they would stop. Consequently, the weight of responsiblity for everyone is too heavy to bear and it is a struggle to learn to let it go. And the fear of being left...of course it is all my fault. I can't be angry with anyone for fear I will cause them to leave me. I beg parents to stop the fighting.
Posted by: bronda
Posted on: 2002-10-31 10:50:47
My parents fighting has also caused me many problems. I am 45 and just recognizing how they have affected me over my life. The worst is the guilt and responsibility for everyone and everything and the abandonment issue. As a child, if I was just good enough....maybe they would stop. Consequently, the weight of responsiblity for everyone is too heavy to bear and it is a struggle to learn to let it go. And the fear of being left...of course it is all my fault. I can't be angry with anyone for fear I will cause them to leave me. I beg parents to stop the fighting.
Never Saw It That Way
Posted by: jazzjoyce
Posted on: 2002-11-01 22:54:31
I was surprised to read of the abandonment issue. That never occured to me to feel that way. I always thought that I would never have peace in my life until one of my parents either left the other or one died. I am 59 now, at the age of 43 my mother died of ovarian cancer (I'm sure stress helped cause it) and my father remarried a year later to a women he met at a dance, by the way, he never danced with my mother. He is as happy as a lark and constantly says how much this women means to him. I could gag sometimes. I tell him how much I wish my mother could have found happiness with someone else too. If they stayed married for my sister and me, they were fools and we paid the price. I have a very low tolerance level for people because I think as a child, I just put up with enough.
Posted by: jazzjoyce
Posted on: 2002-11-01 22:54:31
I was surprised to read of the abandonment issue. That never occured to me to feel that way. I always thought that I would never have peace in my life until one of my parents either left the other or one died. I am 59 now, at the age of 43 my mother died of ovarian cancer (I'm sure stress helped cause it) and my father remarried a year later to a women he met at a dance, by the way, he never danced with my mother. He is as happy as a lark and constantly says how much this women means to him. I could gag sometimes. I tell him how much I wish my mother could have found happiness with someone else too. If they stayed married for my sister and me, they were fools and we paid the price. I have a very low tolerance level for people because I think as a child, I just put up with enough.
