06/12 Wedding Etiquette
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10Paying for the Wedding
Posted by: puzzleqt
Posted on: 2003-02-06 09:22:12
I find it so interesting that women will spend so much time and energy planning a wedding, even years before Mr wonderful enters the picture, yet TOTALLY FORGET to plan to pay and save money for the event. Somehow the money will magically be there or some wedding fairy will pay for it all. I hope Dr. Phil also adresses the issue that if having a big wedding is important to you and your dream, then you need to take responsibility and start saving so when the time is right you have the money to make that dream more of a reality. This woman has known for years that she loves expensive exotic roses and wants them for her wedding. That's when she should start her flower/dress account. However, now that it's close to time for the Wedding the buget reality must come into play, scale things down and prioritize. Debt is a terrible burden and can do nasty things to your quality of life.
Posted by: puzzleqt
Posted on: 2003-02-06 09:22:12
I find it so interesting that women will spend so much time and energy planning a wedding, even years before Mr wonderful enters the picture, yet TOTALLY FORGET to plan to pay and save money for the event. Somehow the money will magically be there or some wedding fairy will pay for it all. I hope Dr. Phil also adresses the issue that if having a big wedding is important to you and your dream, then you need to take responsibility and start saving so when the time is right you have the money to make that dream more of a reality. This woman has known for years that she loves expensive exotic roses and wants them for her wedding. That's when she should start her flower/dress account. However, now that it's close to time for the Wedding the buget reality must come into play, scale things down and prioritize. Debt is a terrible burden and can do nasty things to your quality of life.
Who is the wedding really for?
Posted by: cgarrett63
Posted on: 2003-02-06 10:36:22
The first time I got married, my fiance and I paid for it all. Some things were given to us that we needed, such as the cake was made by his aunt and she didn't charge us. I got my dress on clearance for 1/2 price. We had a nice family and friends wedding for what I can remember to be under $1000.00, this was in 1984. To bad that one didn't last. I remarried in 2000 and we discussed the "wedding" We both had been married before and didn't feel we wanted a wedding, so we flew to Las Vegas, alone, and got married there. We dressed up, had the limo, fancy dinner ($400) and we will always remember this day. One month later we had a "reception" to announce our marriage, requested no gifts from the guests and had a great time fellowshiping with our family and friends. The expensive wedding is actually a big "free" party for family and friends. Spend the money on yourselves. You won't regret it at all!
Posted by: cgarrett63
Posted on: 2003-02-06 10:36:22
The first time I got married, my fiance and I paid for it all. Some things were given to us that we needed, such as the cake was made by his aunt and she didn't charge us. I got my dress on clearance for 1/2 price. We had a nice family and friends wedding for what I can remember to be under $1000.00, this was in 1984. To bad that one didn't last. I remarried in 2000 and we discussed the "wedding" We both had been married before and didn't feel we wanted a wedding, so we flew to Las Vegas, alone, and got married there. We dressed up, had the limo, fancy dinner ($400) and we will always remember this day. One month later we had a "reception" to announce our marriage, requested no gifts from the guests and had a great time fellowshiping with our family and friends. The expensive wedding is actually a big "free" party for family and friends. Spend the money on yourselves. You won't regret it at all!
simple weddings are just as nice
Posted by: chayes79
Posted on: 2003-02-06 16:56:34
My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and we got married at a family reunion. Everyone was there we were outside surrounded by trees and our family. It cost us about $150. His parents paid for the food at the reception. My mom & step-dad paid for my wedding dress. After the wedding we went on our honeymoon that was paid for with money that we received as gifts from our family. My father and I have never really been that close but I wanted him to walk me down the "aisle" but felt that my step-dad should also so I had them both do it one on each side. It was perfect!
Posted by: chayes79
Posted on: 2003-02-06 16:56:34
My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and we got married at a family reunion. Everyone was there we were outside surrounded by trees and our family. It cost us about $150. His parents paid for the food at the reception. My mom & step-dad paid for my wedding dress. After the wedding we went on our honeymoon that was paid for with money that we received as gifts from our family. My father and I have never really been that close but I wanted him to walk me down the "aisle" but felt that my step-dad should also so I had them both do it one on each side. It was perfect!
simple wedding
Posted by: smcnite
Posted on: 2003-02-06 21:55:12
we eloped in may 1978 after we received our tax refund.got married in the courthouse gardens in santa barbara...spend it on a big wedding or on a great honeymoon??? selfish us...we eloped came home surprised my four sisters and mother...who were all married ...and they surprised us with a beautiful wedding reception at one of their homes about a month later with friends and family...our honeymoon was taken in september to carmel and pebble beach for one week and then to las vegas the second week...perfect for two young people in 1978...now married 25 years! save the money on the big wedding... i spent 40 dollars on my wedding dress had flowers in my hair and went to a beautiful spanish restaurant for our wedding lunch...so romantic...and special to us.
Posted by: smcnite
Posted on: 2003-02-06 21:55:12
we eloped in may 1978 after we received our tax refund.got married in the courthouse gardens in santa barbara...spend it on a big wedding or on a great honeymoon??? selfish us...we eloped came home surprised my four sisters and mother...who were all married ...and they surprised us with a beautiful wedding reception at one of their homes about a month later with friends and family...our honeymoon was taken in september to carmel and pebble beach for one week and then to las vegas the second week...perfect for two young people in 1978...now married 25 years! save the money on the big wedding... i spent 40 dollars on my wedding dress had flowers in my hair and went to a beautiful spanish restaurant for our wedding lunch...so romantic...and special to us.
SAVE THE MONEY!!!...ELOPE
Posted by: angel54674
Posted on: 2003-02-07 11:15:15
I have been married for 21 years on February 12, and my husband and I eloped to Tampa Florida. It wasn't anything fancy, and through all the trials and tribulations that come with marriage, we have survived. Save that money for something really important like a downpayment on a house. My brother-in-law spent 30,000 on his wedding, and the marriage lasted 13 months. The big wedding does not ensure a successful marriage. Dr. Phil, when are you gonna do a show on the facts of marriage? You know...what happens after the honeymoon? I think we do people getting married a disservice by not giving them the straight up scoop on the real facts of making a marriage work.
Melba T. Bowser
Posted by: angel54674
Posted on: 2003-02-07 11:15:15
I have been married for 21 years on February 12, and my husband and I eloped to Tampa Florida. It wasn't anything fancy, and through all the trials and tribulations that come with marriage, we have survived. Save that money for something really important like a downpayment on a house. My brother-in-law spent 30,000 on his wedding, and the marriage lasted 13 months. The big wedding does not ensure a successful marriage. Dr. Phil, when are you gonna do a show on the facts of marriage? You know...what happens after the honeymoon? I think we do people getting married a disservice by not giving them the straight up scoop on the real facts of making a marriage work.
Melba T. Bowser
Keep it Simple
Posted by: angeliqque
Posted on: 2003-02-07 19:36:30
You are so right about the simple and you never know how long it is going to last. I am 48 years old and planning my second marriage to an absolutely wonderful man who has never married. We compromised by limiting our guest list to very close friends and family (about 30). We are having a late afternoon wedding in our backyard with finger food and wine later. I am concerned about the planning but have no concerns about the few hundred dollars it will cost us to enjoy becoming man and wife. Simple is better. Less stress all the way around. I am just looking forward to sharing the rest of my life with my soul mate.
Posted by: angeliqque
Posted on: 2003-02-07 19:36:30
You are so right about the simple and you never know how long it is going to last. I am 48 years old and planning my second marriage to an absolutely wonderful man who has never married. We compromised by limiting our guest list to very close friends and family (about 30). We are having a late afternoon wedding in our backyard with finger food and wine later. I am concerned about the planning but have no concerns about the few hundred dollars it will cost us to enjoy becoming man and wife. Simple is better. Less stress all the way around. I am just looking forward to sharing the rest of my life with my soul mate.
Simple weddings are just as nice
Posted by: ireladoom
Posted on: 2003-06-12 21:56:34
What a great solution to having both your father and step-dad walk you down the aisle. I worry about that when it comes time for my daughter to walk down the aisle herself, (many, many years from now. She's only 9). My ex-husband and I are not on great terms and he just announced to the kids that he leaves for a different state by the end of the week. The kids got 2 days notice that he was leaving. We're fortunate enough to have a loving man in our lives that treat the kids as if they are his own, my new husband. My daughter calls him "daddy" and I am glad to have this idea from you for when the time comes.
Posted by: ireladoom
Posted on: 2003-06-12 21:56:34
What a great solution to having both your father and step-dad walk you down the aisle. I worry about that when it comes time for my daughter to walk down the aisle herself, (many, many years from now. She's only 9). My ex-husband and I are not on great terms and he just announced to the kids that he leaves for a different state by the end of the week. The kids got 2 days notice that he was leaving. We're fortunate enough to have a loving man in our lives that treat the kids as if they are his own, my new husband. My daughter calls him "daddy" and I am glad to have this idea from you for when the time comes.
Father Struggles
Posted by: rayden86
Posted on: 2005-01-19 17:17:12
You commented that you wanted your step dad to be apart of your wedding by walking you down the aisle too. I feel the same way. I am getting married in august 2005. I have aproached my dad on the idea of both of them doing it and he was upset. He said that he was my father and that it was his duty that he gets... I feel that when my mother and him got a divorce that the "fatherhood" aspect that he had in his head vanished. I lived with my mom and saw him every 2 weeks, as for my stepdad i saw him everyday, he finanically supported me and my brothers and was there for me as a dad. I feel i should include him, but how do i let my dad know that this is something i feel is right and not hurt his feelings? please help...
Rayden
Posted by: rayden86
Posted on: 2005-01-19 17:17:12
You commented that you wanted your step dad to be apart of your wedding by walking you down the aisle too. I feel the same way. I am getting married in august 2005. I have aproached my dad on the idea of both of them doing it and he was upset. He said that he was my father and that it was his duty that he gets... I feel that when my mother and him got a divorce that the "fatherhood" aspect that he had in his head vanished. I lived with my mom and saw him every 2 weeks, as for my stepdad i saw him everyday, he finanically supported me and my brothers and was there for me as a dad. I feel i should include him, but how do i let my dad know that this is something i feel is right and not hurt his feelings? please help...
Rayden
Save $ by focusing on the Union
Posted by: nikitasiam
Posted on: 2003-02-06 19:29:23
I agree completely that it is a bad idea to turn your wedding into nothing more than an extravagent party for your guests. A woman, I would have been content to go to Vegas for my wedding to a wonderful man. At his request, we are going to have a more formal ceremony on our 6th anniversary this October. We want to own a home soon, so it is not practical to break the bank paying for one day's celebration. We have weeded out our guest list very easily by inviting only those very special people who support our union. Ex.: coworkers who like him, but don't even know my name are not invited. We are going to ask our guests to participate in the vows. 5-10 years down the road, when we are going through difficulties, we will count on these loved ones to remind us of why we are blessed to be together. Your guests should be your marital support network. I think if everyone did this, our divorce rate would go down significantly. And by reducing the number of guests, we are able to treat them and ourselves to a much more special reception, without spending tens of thousands of dollars.
Posted by: nikitasiam
Posted on: 2003-02-06 19:29:23
I agree completely that it is a bad idea to turn your wedding into nothing more than an extravagent party for your guests. A woman, I would have been content to go to Vegas for my wedding to a wonderful man. At his request, we are going to have a more formal ceremony on our 6th anniversary this October. We want to own a home soon, so it is not practical to break the bank paying for one day's celebration. We have weeded out our guest list very easily by inviting only those very special people who support our union. Ex.: coworkers who like him, but don't even know my name are not invited. We are going to ask our guests to participate in the vows. 5-10 years down the road, when we are going through difficulties, we will count on these loved ones to remind us of why we are blessed to be together. Your guests should be your marital support network. I think if everyone did this, our divorce rate would go down significantly. And by reducing the number of guests, we are able to treat them and ourselves to a much more special reception, without spending tens of thousands of dollars.
love has no dollar amount
Posted by: bonnilou
Posted on: 2003-02-06 21:29:12
I have been married for 49yrs. We were married in a church with our parents standing up with us ( no I was not pregnat) we were, and still are in love with very little money. Our friends and family gave us a very lovley party after the wedding. I don't care how much money you spend it won't make the marriage last any longer. Momey can buy a lot of things but it can not buy LOVE.
Posted by: bonnilou
Posted on: 2003-02-06 21:29:12
I have been married for 49yrs. We were married in a church with our parents standing up with us ( no I was not pregnat) we were, and still are in love with very little money. Our friends and family gave us a very lovley party after the wedding. I don't care how much money you spend it won't make the marriage last any longer. Momey can buy a lot of things but it can not buy LOVE.
Young and In Love
Posted by: trishiowa
Posted on: 2003-06-12 14:19:24
My parents were married in a courthouse and though they have now been married for 25 years, that does not change the fact that as I am about to get married my parents are set on giving me a big wedding, the wedding I want. And I don't want a big wedding so I can show off. I want to feel like a princess on my wedding day and I want everyone I care about to see me marry the man that I love, that happens to be 300 people. I would hate to have to exclude people who are important to me and so I think that there is a large value in hosting a big wedding.
Posted by: trishiowa
Posted on: 2003-06-12 14:19:24
My parents were married in a courthouse and though they have now been married for 25 years, that does not change the fact that as I am about to get married my parents are set on giving me a big wedding, the wedding I want. And I don't want a big wedding so I can show off. I want to feel like a princess on my wedding day and I want everyone I care about to see me marry the man that I love, that happens to be 300 people. I would hate to have to exclude people who are important to me and so I think that there is a large value in hosting a big wedding.
Young and In Love!
Posted by: cboldt
Posted on: 2003-06-12 14:46:04
You can be a princess anywhere dear! You don't need money or things to do it either! I agree that you are young because if you were older you would see this in a whole different light! If they have the money and can afford it, that is great but the couple on the show obviously cannot!
Posted by: cboldt
Posted on: 2003-06-12 14:46:04
You can be a princess anywhere dear! You don't need money or things to do it either! I agree that you are young because if you were older you would see this in a whole different light! If they have the money and can afford it, that is great but the couple on the show obviously cannot!
Terrific!
Posted by: urkrazz
Posted on: 2003-06-13 14:20:58
After watching that show and seeing how terribly extravagant that woman wanted her wedding to be my husband and I were both in shock! If she is being this 'out of the realm of reality' about the cost of the wedding and how to pay for it now, I can't imagine how their finances are going to be as a married couple! He has his work cut out for him! Our first wedding wasn't as spectacular as I wanted it to be but it was within our budget. We have been married almost 14 years and have just recently been through something that would have broke up a lot of marriages but we have worked it out and hope to renew our vows on our 15th anniversary. I know some of my family members will probably not want to be there because they think I'm out of my mind for working things out with my husband (it had to do with a depression problem that they don't understand). I want to just invite those friends that have supported us and have a small reception of some kind--it makes so much sense after reading your message.
Posted by: urkrazz
Posted on: 2003-06-13 14:20:58
After watching that show and seeing how terribly extravagant that woman wanted her wedding to be my husband and I were both in shock! If she is being this 'out of the realm of reality' about the cost of the wedding and how to pay for it now, I can't imagine how their finances are going to be as a married couple! He has his work cut out for him! Our first wedding wasn't as spectacular as I wanted it to be but it was within our budget. We have been married almost 14 years and have just recently been through something that would have broke up a lot of marriages but we have worked it out and hope to renew our vows on our 15th anniversary. I know some of my family members will probably not want to be there because they think I'm out of my mind for working things out with my husband (it had to do with a depression problem that they don't understand). I want to just invite those friends that have supported us and have a small reception of some kind--it makes so much sense after reading your message.
The wedding is for you
Posted by: naturbruk
Posted on: 2003-02-09 11:55:23
I got married at the end of March last year. When my husband and I started planning our wedding, first of all setting the date, we soon noticed we were very concerned about other people. What would be convenient for our respective families? I didn't like that. Our wedding day should be about the two of us! We ended up getting married far away from friends and family ... at City Hall in the town where we live. And we had time to savour every second of the experience!
Posted by: naturbruk
Posted on: 2003-02-09 11:55:23
I got married at the end of March last year. When my husband and I started planning our wedding, first of all setting the date, we soon noticed we were very concerned about other people. What would be convenient for our respective families? I didn't like that. Our wedding day should be about the two of us! We ended up getting married far away from friends and family ... at City Hall in the town where we live. And we had time to savour every second of the experience!
You're right!
Posted by: fishguide
Posted on: 2003-06-12 12:23:18
I'm on my 2nd marriage, my husbond on his 3rd. We'd both done the "Big Wedding" deal before. It was such a big hassell, stress, and expense. The reality did NOT live up to the hype. After the cost of the wedding the honeymoon was out of the question. Besides we could imagine people recieving the invitation and saying "WHAT !!! again!?!!" So we flew to Hawaii, got married at sunset on the beach in Kaanpali. It was beautiful. We stayed on Maui and Ouahu. I sent out announcements of our marriage and skipped a reception. It was a marriage and honeymoon made in heaven. And we're on year 15. Far longer than our previous marriages lasted.
Posted by: fishguide
Posted on: 2003-06-12 12:23:18
I'm on my 2nd marriage, my husbond on his 3rd. We'd both done the "Big Wedding" deal before. It was such a big hassell, stress, and expense. The reality did NOT live up to the hype. After the cost of the wedding the honeymoon was out of the question. Besides we could imagine people recieving the invitation and saying "WHAT !!! again!?!!" So we flew to Hawaii, got married at sunset on the beach in Kaanpali. It was beautiful. We stayed on Maui and Ouahu. I sent out announcements of our marriage and skipped a reception. It was a marriage and honeymoon made in heaven. And we're on year 15. Far longer than our previous marriages lasted.
Also...
Posted by: trishiowa
Posted on: 2003-06-12 14:21:01
I would like to add that I think it is foolish to believe that your marriage is more valueable or meaningful then anyone elses because of the kind of wedding you have.
Posted by: trishiowa
Posted on: 2003-06-12 14:21:01
I would like to add that I think it is foolish to believe that your marriage is more valueable or meaningful then anyone elses because of the kind of wedding you have.
Boys: Bail Out Now!
Posted by: tygerone
Posted on: 2003-02-06 14:04:41
I am interested to see this show. People seem to think that putting things on credit card means you don't have to pay for the item/service you purchased.
Oprah did a show related to this and they had a young couple on and the woman wanted a $40,000 wedding and put it all on credit card. The poor guy -- I can tell he has been suckered in and the rest of his life he will be paying her bills (I think she said she was $30,000 in credit card debt already and I think she said she makes $28K). I wanted to kick her -- she was not just selfish and stupid; she was annoying. Then Suze Orman came on and told her that even if they paid off about $600/month at 14% APR (a good rate and well below the average), it would take them about 100 years to pay it off. Well then she still wanted the weddding. Even though she still had $3oK in debt. What happens when you have kids and they need braces/medical care? What if one of you becomes disabled/dies?
Posted by: tygerone
Posted on: 2003-02-06 14:04:41
I am interested to see this show. People seem to think that putting things on credit card means you don't have to pay for the item/service you purchased.
Oprah did a show related to this and they had a young couple on and the woman wanted a $40,000 wedding and put it all on credit card. The poor guy -- I can tell he has been suckered in and the rest of his life he will be paying her bills (I think she said she was $30,000 in credit card debt already and I think she said she makes $28K). I wanted to kick her -- she was not just selfish and stupid; she was annoying. Then Suze Orman came on and told her that even if they paid off about $600/month at 14% APR (a good rate and well below the average), it would take them about 100 years to pay it off. Well then she still wanted the weddding. Even though she still had $3oK in debt. What happens when you have kids and they need braces/medical care? What if one of you becomes disabled/dies?
RE: Boys Bail Out Now
Posted by: goochgirl
Posted on: 2003-02-06 15:29:46
In regards to your comment about the woman whose spending 30k for a wedding and will take her lifetime to pay it off - the sad thing about her case and many others like hers is most don't stay together long enough to pay 15% of the bill.
Posted by: goochgirl
Posted on: 2003-02-06 15:29:46
In regards to your comment about the woman whose spending 30k for a wedding and will take her lifetime to pay it off - the sad thing about her case and many others like hers is most don't stay together long enough to pay 15% of the bill.
go figure
Posted by: wilma_7
Posted on: 2003-02-09 09:39:35
Something that amazes me is how these couples hook up. One wants it all, and the other trys to be sensable. Scary thought that when the reality of it all is put in front of you, you still just want to jump off the bridge. I think I had the cheapest wedding in the country, 25.00. That was back in 1981, 7 kids later, and I'm still fortunate enough to be married to the same wonderful man. People need to realize, it's not the money invested on the day that creates marital bliss, it's the time invested in the relationship that makes it happen.
Posted by: wilma_7
Posted on: 2003-02-09 09:39:35
Something that amazes me is how these couples hook up. One wants it all, and the other trys to be sensable. Scary thought that when the reality of it all is put in front of you, you still just want to jump off the bridge. I think I had the cheapest wedding in the country, 25.00. That was back in 1981, 7 kids later, and I'm still fortunate enough to be married to the same wonderful man. People need to realize, it's not the money invested on the day that creates marital bliss, it's the time invested in the relationship that makes it happen.
I saw that show
Posted by: vicjac8
Posted on: 2003-02-10 02:37:35
I saw that show on Oprah and I couldn't believe it myself. How do they not see it? I have a hard time buying groceries or clothes on credit, much less frivolous short-lived items like flowers, etc. I hope that girl's fiance saw what he was getting into and ran the other way...fast!
Posted by: vicjac8
Posted on: 2003-02-10 02:37:35
I saw that show on Oprah and I couldn't believe it myself. How do they not see it? I have a hard time buying groceries or clothes on credit, much less frivolous short-lived items like flowers, etc. I hope that girl's fiance saw what he was getting into and ran the other way...fast!
