06/24 Ask Dr. Phil
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Posted by: rsangel64
Posted on: 2003-02-11 09:41:33
I don't even have to see the show yet without having something to say. This man makes how much and you get 10.00 a week? Thats not even enough to go to the movies and get popcorn and drink.
Its called CONTROL, I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband that brings his checks home to me and as long as I pay the bills and give him money for what he needs, hes happy.
I used to be married to a man that used to keep his money to himself and I do say Hes no longer around. WAHOOOO
Please get smart and if he doesn't agree to change then get a job of your own and SIONARA BABY!!!!!
Posted by: rsangel64
Posted on: 2003-02-11 09:41:33
I don't even have to see the show yet without having something to say. This man makes how much and you get 10.00 a week? Thats not even enough to go to the movies and get popcorn and drink.
Its called CONTROL, I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband that brings his checks home to me and as long as I pay the bills and give him money for what he needs, hes happy.
I used to be married to a man that used to keep his money to himself and I do say Hes no longer around. WAHOOOO
Please get smart and if he doesn't agree to change then get a job of your own and SIONARA BABY!!!!!
Control
Posted by: brunet01
Posted on: 2003-02-11 10:32:07
It sounds controlling but I'm curious to hear his side. Maybe they are in huge debt. Sometimes the more money people make, doesn't take care of money issues but gets them further in debt. I agree you can't do much with 10 a week.
Posted by: brunet01
Posted on: 2003-02-11 10:32:07
It sounds controlling but I'm curious to hear his side. Maybe they are in huge debt. Sometimes the more money people make, doesn't take care of money issues but gets them further in debt. I agree you can't do much with 10 a week.
Control
Posted by: imbowers
Posted on: 2003-02-17 11:44:18
I agree with hearing the man's point of view. Are they on a tight budget? Is this allowance independent of perhaps many checks she writes a week in support of family expenses? Is she always out with girlfriends and never in the home supporting the family unit in running the household? There always seems to be two sides to every story.....
Posted by: imbowers
Posted on: 2003-02-17 11:44:18
I agree with hearing the man's point of view. Are they on a tight budget? Is this allowance independent of perhaps many checks she writes a week in support of family expenses? Is she always out with girlfriends and never in the home supporting the family unit in running the household? There always seems to be two sides to every story.....
Posted by: jeanine60
Posted on: 2003-06-24 16:38:54
I AGREE THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO A STORY, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR HIS REASONS TO KEEP HER IN THE DARK REGARDING THEIR FINACIAL SITIUATION, MAYBE HE HAS SOPMETHING TO HIDE. WHAT IS YOUR ALLOWANCE?
$10 per week allowance
Posted by: chkipp
Posted on: 2003-07-01 09:25:41
A marriage is a 50/50 partnership. I think it is "Control" on the husband's part. However, he may have his reasons for not giving up more of the family income. She could have an alcohol problem; the more money she has, the more she buys alcohol. On the other hand, if something like that is a problem, then it should be handled and not allowed to continue. If it is a control issue, she should get a job and become self-sufficient. $10 per week is not enough to even have a decent lunch with a friend or taxi fare if you live in a large city where driving is a hinderance.
Posted by: chkipp
Posted on: 2003-07-01 09:25:41
A marriage is a 50/50 partnership. I think it is "Control" on the husband's part. However, he may have his reasons for not giving up more of the family income. She could have an alcohol problem; the more money she has, the more she buys alcohol. On the other hand, if something like that is a problem, then it should be handled and not allowed to continue. If it is a control issue, she should get a job and become self-sufficient. $10 per week is not enough to even have a decent lunch with a friend or taxi fare if you live in a large city where driving is a hinderance.
total control
Posted by: missymacaw
Posted on: 2003-02-11 12:37:50
I haven't seen the show yet either but it sounds as if he has to have control. Kind of like he is the father dishing out an allowance. I would not accept that. Do they have kids. If you can't make decisions about money, maybe you can't be trusted to be a mom.
My husband works and I stayed home and raised the kids. He does the bills because I don't want to. But I carry the checkbook in my purse with my credit cards and can spend what I feel is appropriate. My husband does manage our future because he is better at that. Just give me the credit cards and I am happy. My husband says just tell me when you make a big purchace so he can cover it. That is all I am required to do.
I have always done activities on the side, like craft fairs, coaching where I have earned my own money. I tell my husband what you make is ours and what I make is mine. I use this little extra money to buy things that we really don't need but I want. Things that are expensive like a new buffet carinet, $3,000. Not necessary or even a daily expense but a big expense just for fun that only I benefit from. My husband says to go ahead and use our money but I feel good that I can just get it for myself when I wanted to. It gives me a feeling of independence. Don't have to ask, can we afford this or that.
Posted by: missymacaw
Posted on: 2003-02-11 12:37:50
I haven't seen the show yet either but it sounds as if he has to have control. Kind of like he is the father dishing out an allowance. I would not accept that. Do they have kids. If you can't make decisions about money, maybe you can't be trusted to be a mom.
My husband works and I stayed home and raised the kids. He does the bills because I don't want to. But I carry the checkbook in my purse with my credit cards and can spend what I feel is appropriate. My husband does manage our future because he is better at that. Just give me the credit cards and I am happy. My husband says just tell me when you make a big purchace so he can cover it. That is all I am required to do.
I have always done activities on the side, like craft fairs, coaching where I have earned my own money. I tell my husband what you make is ours and what I make is mine. I use this little extra money to buy things that we really don't need but I want. Things that are expensive like a new buffet carinet, $3,000. Not necessary or even a daily expense but a big expense just for fun that only I benefit from. My husband says to go ahead and use our money but I feel good that I can just get it for myself when I wanted to. It gives me a feeling of independence. Don't have to ask, can we afford this or that.
big money
Posted by: smoffatt
Posted on: 2003-02-12 06:20:20
If they have set down and disscused why he is only giving his wife 10.00 a week .He can not honestly believe he is being a good provider for his familly. If they are in bebt , then they need help to change their problem. If he is just being selfish, uncaring. She needs make chances in here life .
Posted by: smoffatt
Posted on: 2003-02-12 06:20:20
If they have set down and disscused why he is only giving his wife 10.00 a week .He can not honestly believe he is being a good provider for his familly. If they are in bebt , then they need help to change their problem. If he is just being selfish, uncaring. She needs make chances in here life .
A little on the side
Posted by: telino
Posted on: 2003-02-12 11:47:57
"What you make is ours and what I make is mine" ??? Wow, that is just a different version of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine."
Posted by: telino
Posted on: 2003-02-12 11:47:57
"What you make is ours and what I make is mine" ??? Wow, that is just a different version of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine."
Don't you think that's selfish
Posted by: tsonic
Posted on: 2003-02-14 14:19:36
It's nice to be able to afford nice things, but spending large amounts of money on personal things dosen't make me feel independant. Sure my boyfriend and I have money to buy new furniture and luxury items but he's the bread winner and I think it's inappropriate to assume that any extra money I make is for just for myself. If I come across some extra money I like to spend it on my boyfriend and my family. When I buy them something nice with my own money, it makes me feel independant! Not when I spend my boyfriends money!
Posted by: tsonic
Posted on: 2003-02-14 14:19:36
It's nice to be able to afford nice things, but spending large amounts of money on personal things dosen't make me feel independant. Sure my boyfriend and I have money to buy new furniture and luxury items but he's the bread winner and I think it's inappropriate to assume that any extra money I make is for just for myself. If I come across some extra money I like to spend it on my boyfriend and my family. When I buy them something nice with my own money, it makes me feel independant! Not when I spend my boyfriends money!
equality
Posted by: loriaann
Posted on: 2003-02-11 13:55:41
it doesn't matter how much he makes, there is no reason that she couldn't get a job on her own and stay with him. the idea that the man has to make the money and the woman spends it is ridiculous. i believe that every woman should work, unless circumstances such as a child or certain condition prohibits it. if women want to have the rights, freedoms, and respect that we all stand for then we have to hold up our end too, girls! $10 a week? my husband doesn't give me anything. he takes care of the bills (because he makes more) and i keep gas in our cars and buy my own things.
Posted by: loriaann
Posted on: 2003-02-11 13:55:41
it doesn't matter how much he makes, there is no reason that she couldn't get a job on her own and stay with him. the idea that the man has to make the money and the woman spends it is ridiculous. i believe that every woman should work, unless circumstances such as a child or certain condition prohibits it. if women want to have the rights, freedoms, and respect that we all stand for then we have to hold up our end too, girls! $10 a week? my husband doesn't give me anything. he takes care of the bills (because he makes more) and i keep gas in our cars and buy my own things.
Do You Have Children?
Posted by: acpshay
Posted on: 2003-02-11 14:10:33
You seem to miss the point that she has 3 children. I am assuming you do not. It is a full time job with no recognition. There are no days, nights or weekends off. I have 3 children and just started working. I work on straight commission.But I also have to be home after school, weekends, and during school and summer vacations because my husband says he makes more money. He also won't give me any money, not even for the kids needs. Do you see the equality? I'm expected to make the money for my children and I, but I am not given the time to work because I am taking care of them, which is the most important thing!
Posted by: acpshay
Posted on: 2003-02-11 14:10:33
You seem to miss the point that she has 3 children. I am assuming you do not. It is a full time job with no recognition. There are no days, nights or weekends off. I have 3 children and just started working. I work on straight commission.But I also have to be home after school, weekends, and during school and summer vacations because my husband says he makes more money. He also won't give me any money, not even for the kids needs. Do you see the equality? I'm expected to make the money for my children and I, but I am not given the time to work because I am taking care of them, which is the most important thing!
Make the Most of Your Situation
Posted by: free_gerl
Posted on: 2003-02-15 13:06:54
First of all, it sounds like you're married to a jerk. I do have children - two of them. I was also married to a jerk. I divorced him and made up my mind that I would never again be with a man because I NEEDED to be with him. I would be able to take care of myself and my children just fine by myself and another man would only be in our lives because I WANTED him there. I went to college, became a nurse, met a wonderful man in my senior year, remarried, and now I work as much or as little as we need. Yeah, it was tough, sometimes I wonder how I did it, but I did - while being a single mom with two small children. So children are no excuse to staying in an unhappy marriage or to not being "able" to work. Give me a break.
Posted by: free_gerl
Posted on: 2003-02-15 13:06:54
First of all, it sounds like you're married to a jerk. I do have children - two of them. I was also married to a jerk. I divorced him and made up my mind that I would never again be with a man because I NEEDED to be with him. I would be able to take care of myself and my children just fine by myself and another man would only be in our lives because I WANTED him there. I went to college, became a nurse, met a wonderful man in my senior year, remarried, and now I work as much or as little as we need. Yeah, it was tough, sometimes I wonder how I did it, but I did - while being a single mom with two small children. So children are no excuse to staying in an unhappy marriage or to not being "able" to work. Give me a break.
my story...
Posted by: loriaann
Posted on: 2003-05-02 11:10:09
I go to college full time 15 hours (12 hours is considered full time, actually), I work 20 hours a week, I have a 3 year old son, a work/study-aholic husband, and I still have a 4.0 GPA, read to my son every day, and cook, clean, etc. just as any other wife does. As for your husband, he won't even give you money to help out with the kids? i think that says something importatn about his priorities right there, which has nothing to do with you as a working mom. It isn't fair, it isn't ideal, but women simply have more responsibilities, that just a fact of life.
Posted by: loriaann
Posted on: 2003-05-02 11:10:09
I go to college full time 15 hours (12 hours is considered full time, actually), I work 20 hours a week, I have a 3 year old son, a work/study-aholic husband, and I still have a 4.0 GPA, read to my son every day, and cook, clean, etc. just as any other wife does. As for your husband, he won't even give you money to help out with the kids? i think that says something importatn about his priorities right there, which has nothing to do with you as a working mom. It isn't fair, it isn't ideal, but women simply have more responsibilities, that just a fact of life.
need more info.
Posted by: muunstar
Posted on: 2003-06-24 23:15:46
Ive just been laid off my job,because of budget problems(Elementary School employee).But when I worked my hubby and I pooled our money and paid bills,what was left, we usually had a nice Family dinner out,or if he or I or the children needed somthing special we bought it..Now I dont ask for anything frivolous because I know (WE) dont have the money.Working and working together is the same thing,one unit one Family.I wouldnt even think of asking for a extra $5.oo right now.There must be more to this 10.00 dollar allowance thingy than is being said.
Posted by: muunstar
Posted on: 2003-06-24 23:15:46
Ive just been laid off my job,because of budget problems(Elementary School employee).But when I worked my hubby and I pooled our money and paid bills,what was left, we usually had a nice Family dinner out,or if he or I or the children needed somthing special we bought it..Now I dont ask for anything frivolous because I know (WE) dont have the money.Working and working together is the same thing,one unit one Family.I wouldnt even think of asking for a extra $5.oo right now.There must be more to this 10.00 dollar allowance thingy than is being said.
Women have more responsibilities?
Posted by: jh2003
Posted on: 2003-07-03 11:49:54
You stated that women simply have more responsibilities than men. Unfortunately, in many familes this is true. However, I don't agree with your list of chores, "cook, clean, etc. just as any other wife does." Some of us are lucky to have husbands who will wash dishes, do laundry, and have dinner on the table almost every night. It has taken some compromise, but my husband and I have found a system that works for both of us. It is possible to reach a partnership, where the woman doesn't have to do all of the work around the house and take care of the kids all of the time. The first step is stating your needs. I'm happy for you that you manage to get all of your tasks done while still keeping a 4.0 GPA, but it sounds as though you could benefit from Dr. Phil's advice about not being the martyr. When you don't leave time for yourself, you're not doing yourself or your family any favors. I happen to work full-time, share in raising two small children, and attend classes (with a 4.0 GPA), but as I said before, my husband does a great deal around the house and with the children. I made sure that we reached this compromise before I started back to school.
Posted by: jh2003
Posted on: 2003-07-03 11:49:54
You stated that women simply have more responsibilities than men. Unfortunately, in many familes this is true. However, I don't agree with your list of chores, "cook, clean, etc. just as any other wife does." Some of us are lucky to have husbands who will wash dishes, do laundry, and have dinner on the table almost every night. It has taken some compromise, but my husband and I have found a system that works for both of us. It is possible to reach a partnership, where the woman doesn't have to do all of the work around the house and take care of the kids all of the time. The first step is stating your needs. I'm happy for you that you manage to get all of your tasks done while still keeping a 4.0 GPA, but it sounds as though you could benefit from Dr. Phil's advice about not being the martyr. When you don't leave time for yourself, you're not doing yourself or your family any favors. I happen to work full-time, share in raising two small children, and attend classes (with a 4.0 GPA), but as I said before, my husband does a great deal around the house and with the children. I made sure that we reached this compromise before I started back to school.
To loriaann about EQUALITY
Posted by: jayspin
Posted on: 2003-02-11 15:42:18
Hi lori, What makes you think that the woman who gets $10 a week isn't 'holding up her end'? They said on the show that they have 3 children. They are a married couple and apparently have agreed that she would be the 'homemaker' and primary caretaker of the children. Now, if she is doing this, and by all indications, she is, what else do you feel she needs to do to earn more spending money than this? Do you have kids, and if you do, do you take full-time care of their needs? It's more than a full-time job lori,because the kids aren't gone after an 8 or 10 hour shift like an outside job. Also, this man did not complain that his wife isn't making a proper home, or doesn't cook the meals, or any of that. What else do you think she needs to do? Should she get a job? Then, who would take care of everything else? It sounds to me like you don't have a clue as to how much work it is to make a proper and orderly life for a family of 5. this man, Rene, has a home, wife, and children to be proud of, and a lot of that is due to his wife's dedication to all their needs. Do you not get that this IS holding up her end? jayspin
Posted by: jayspin
Posted on: 2003-02-11 15:42:18
Hi lori, What makes you think that the woman who gets $10 a week isn't 'holding up her end'? They said on the show that they have 3 children. They are a married couple and apparently have agreed that she would be the 'homemaker' and primary caretaker of the children. Now, if she is doing this, and by all indications, she is, what else do you feel she needs to do to earn more spending money than this? Do you have kids, and if you do, do you take full-time care of their needs? It's more than a full-time job lori,because the kids aren't gone after an 8 or 10 hour shift like an outside job. Also, this man did not complain that his wife isn't making a proper home, or doesn't cook the meals, or any of that. What else do you think she needs to do? Should she get a job? Then, who would take care of everything else? It sounds to me like you don't have a clue as to how much work it is to make a proper and orderly life for a family of 5. this man, Rene, has a home, wife, and children to be proud of, and a lot of that is due to his wife's dedication to all their needs. Do you not get that this IS holding up her end? jayspin
my story...
Posted by: loriaann
Posted on: 2003-05-02 11:01:05
I am a full time college student with a 4.0 GPA. I work 20 hours a week. I cook, clean, do laundry, etc. just like any other wife does, and I am the mother of a 3 year old boy. I cook meals on a regular basis, keep my home clean, read to my son every day, and still maintain good grades while taking 15 hours a semester (12 is considered full time). I deposit $50 each pay period into our checking account and the rest is mine to manage. My husband deposits $100, as he makes more than I do, since I only work 20 hours. His excess money is for him to do what he wishes with. Besides, if this woman were to take on a part-time job for the money, she would most likely discover a fufillment and pride in her work that is different from the one she recieves as a mother. It's not easy to make it as a woman in todays world, we're left with too many responsibilities....but it is possible. I'm 19 and I'm doing it.
Posted by: loriaann
Posted on: 2003-05-02 11:01:05
I am a full time college student with a 4.0 GPA. I work 20 hours a week. I cook, clean, do laundry, etc. just like any other wife does, and I am the mother of a 3 year old boy. I cook meals on a regular basis, keep my home clean, read to my son every day, and still maintain good grades while taking 15 hours a semester (12 is considered full time). I deposit $50 each pay period into our checking account and the rest is mine to manage. My husband deposits $100, as he makes more than I do, since I only work 20 hours. His excess money is for him to do what he wishes with. Besides, if this woman were to take on a part-time job for the money, she would most likely discover a fufillment and pride in her work that is different from the one she recieves as a mother. It's not easy to make it as a woman in todays world, we're left with too many responsibilities....but it is possible. I'm 19 and I'm doing it.
missing the pt
Posted by: tsuryllek
Posted on: 2003-06-21 13:42:32
I think you all are missing the point. It is not about whether or not she stays home or how well she takes care of the kids. She was spending over thier limit. She maxed out credit cards and bounced checks. Should she have more than $10? yes, but it is not about how wonderful she is, but how badly she did with the finaces that were available to her. I think they should stay together.
Posted by: tsuryllek
Posted on: 2003-06-21 13:42:32
I think you all are missing the point. It is not about whether or not she stays home or how well she takes care of the kids. She was spending over thier limit. She maxed out credit cards and bounced checks. Should she have more than $10? yes, but it is not about how wonderful she is, but how badly she did with the finaces that were available to her. I think they should stay together.
The Point Is!
Posted by: scat014
Posted on: 2003-06-23 22:45:16
No matter when things go wrong I believe that you should try to work it out before it consumes you and your marriage. If this lady works and the guy stayed home you better believe he would need more than that. After all we've all had a daddy and I don't need another.....
Posted by: scat014
Posted on: 2003-06-23 22:45:16
No matter when things go wrong I believe that you should try to work it out before it consumes you and your marriage. If this lady works and the guy stayed home you better believe he would need more than that. After all we've all had a daddy and I don't need another.....
MY STORY
Posted by: jeanine60
Posted on: 2003-06-24 17:02:03
Iam happy that you have such a wonderful a marrage. I'm sure that rene would agree with you, and when lori starts that part-time job for a little spending money he will probably want her to pay for the child-care for their three childern, from that part-time salary too. He seems to be very selfish. Maybe he does this to keep her at home.
Posted by: jeanine60
Posted on: 2003-06-24 17:02:03
Iam happy that you have such a wonderful a marrage. I'm sure that rene would agree with you, and when lori starts that part-time job for a little spending money he will probably want her to pay for the child-care for their three childern, from that part-time salary too. He seems to be very selfish. Maybe he does this to keep her at home.
