11/10 Mom Vs. Mom
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Posted by: kellyee27
Posted on: 2003-11-10 08:21:06
What is the benefit of being in daycare to a 3 month old baby? Recent research has shown that babies don't even see themselves as separate from their mothers for the first 9 months of life. Would that make it horribly traumatic that one day be left a daycare without the mother?
Posted by: kellyee27
Posted on: 2003-11-10 08:21:06
What is the benefit of being in daycare to a 3 month old baby? Recent research has shown that babies don't even see themselves as separate from their mothers for the first 9 months of life. Would that make it horribly traumatic that one day be left a daycare without the mother?
Kellie, you are wrong..it's 3 months
Posted by: allenat
Posted on: 2003-11-10 09:41:57
The child begins to see itself as seperate from teh mother around 3 months. (I have a bit of a background in child psych) Actually, let me qualify...there is no hard deadline... it's BETWEEN 3-6 months, but not generally as far as 9 months.
Heres an answer to your Q: if you ARE going to intro your child to a care situation, three-six months is actually better- less adjustment.... If you wait til after that, you should really wait til... say 1 1/2 or 2 years....Because from 9months to about 1 1/2 is a BIG "attachment" time....you'll want to go BEFORE or AFTER that time.
I am currently a SAHM, but I don't want my child OVERLY attahced to me. (bonded, YES, not interdependently, overly attached). Therfore, I will probably put my baby into a daycare for short periods of time beginning at about ...6 months. This will STIMULATE him, teach him to ADAPT to new situations, etc. Thats the benefits.
Posted by: allenat
Posted on: 2003-11-10 09:41:57
The child begins to see itself as seperate from teh mother around 3 months. (I have a bit of a background in child psych) Actually, let me qualify...there is no hard deadline... it's BETWEEN 3-6 months, but not generally as far as 9 months.
Heres an answer to your Q: if you ARE going to intro your child to a care situation, three-six months is actually better- less adjustment.... If you wait til after that, you should really wait til... say 1 1/2 or 2 years....Because from 9months to about 1 1/2 is a BIG "attachment" time....you'll want to go BEFORE or AFTER that time.
I am currently a SAHM, but I don't want my child OVERLY attahced to me. (bonded, YES, not interdependently, overly attached). Therfore, I will probably put my baby into a daycare for short periods of time beginning at about ...6 months. This will STIMULATE him, teach him to ADAPT to new situations, etc. Thats the benefits.
I stand corrected:-)
Posted by: kellyee27
Posted on: 2003-11-10 09:51:37
I stand corrected:-) Although I still question the benefits of putting an infant in daycare (unless you absolutely have to).
Posted by: kellyee27
Posted on: 2003-11-10 09:51:37
I stand corrected:-) Although I still question the benefits of putting an infant in daycare (unless you absolutely have to).
Re: I stand corrected
Posted by: akasha59
Posted on: 2003-11-10 17:12:30
Kelly, I worked at a daycare for awhile, and I can tell you that it can benefit the child, even at that young of an age. Even infants are capable of beginning to learn social skills and such. I saw both kinds at the daycare...kid's who had been in it since a couple months old, and kids who were put in later. The ones who were put in early were more adjusted. They didn't get in trouble as much, got along better with the other kids and were able to learn the rules of the daycare easier, because even in the toddler rooms we had rules that had to be followed. From what I've seen, the younger they are when first put in, the easier time they will have adjusting to new daycares and such. Also, as I said, even at a few months old, they are still able to begin picking up on social skills. I’m not saying that kids who are put in later can’t easily adjust, but from what I saw, most of the time the kids who were first put into a social situation at a year or two had a more difficult time adjusting. And the policies are getting stricter and so they have to be able to adjust quickly because daycares don’t tolerate misbehavior much out of fear of being sued if another kid is hurt by the kid who is not adjusting well, or if the kid themselves gets hurt because they are taking too long to learn the boundaries and keep pushing them. I have seen kids pull toys over on themselves because they were testing boundaries and trying to climb and it happened so fast the teacher couldn’t stop it.
Posted by: akasha59
Posted on: 2003-11-10 17:12:30
Kelly, I worked at a daycare for awhile, and I can tell you that it can benefit the child, even at that young of an age. Even infants are capable of beginning to learn social skills and such. I saw both kinds at the daycare...kid's who had been in it since a couple months old, and kids who were put in later. The ones who were put in early were more adjusted. They didn't get in trouble as much, got along better with the other kids and were able to learn the rules of the daycare easier, because even in the toddler rooms we had rules that had to be followed. From what I've seen, the younger they are when first put in, the easier time they will have adjusting to new daycares and such. Also, as I said, even at a few months old, they are still able to begin picking up on social skills. I’m not saying that kids who are put in later can’t easily adjust, but from what I saw, most of the time the kids who were first put into a social situation at a year or two had a more difficult time adjusting. And the policies are getting stricter and so they have to be able to adjust quickly because daycares don’t tolerate misbehavior much out of fear of being sued if another kid is hurt by the kid who is not adjusting well, or if the kid themselves gets hurt because they are taking too long to learn the boundaries and keep pushing them. I have seen kids pull toys over on themselves because they were testing boundaries and trying to climb and it happened so fast the teacher couldn’t stop it.
siblings anyone?
Posted by: hamlow
Posted on: 2003-11-10 17:40:07
have you people heard of siblings? children do not need to be in daycare to learn social skills. you people are acting as if that is the only way they will get along with other children. most kids have parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other family members to socialize with. As well as friends children to learn to play with.
I also worked in a day care and those kids were terribly behaved because they got away with it. A lot of the time day care people let them get away with bad behavior because they are afraid the kid will go home and tell their parents a lie because they are mad that they were disciplined in the first place. And with all the laws on child abuse that happens more than you would think the day care is trying to cover their own butts! You are not stimulating anything by putting your child in daycare for a few hours at the age of 6 months! Instead take them to a friends house that has children and "stimulate" them while you supervise! There is no need to take them to daycare if you can afford not to!
Posted by: hamlow
Posted on: 2003-11-10 17:40:07
have you people heard of siblings? children do not need to be in daycare to learn social skills. you people are acting as if that is the only way they will get along with other children. most kids have parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other family members to socialize with. As well as friends children to learn to play with.
I also worked in a day care and those kids were terribly behaved because they got away with it. A lot of the time day care people let them get away with bad behavior because they are afraid the kid will go home and tell their parents a lie because they are mad that they were disciplined in the first place. And with all the laws on child abuse that happens more than you would think the day care is trying to cover their own butts! You are not stimulating anything by putting your child in daycare for a few hours at the age of 6 months! Instead take them to a friends house that has children and "stimulate" them while you supervise! There is no need to take them to daycare if you can afford not to!
I couldn't agree more!!
Posted by: ecopier
Posted on: 2003-11-10 18:44:57
Not only are siblings a great part of social interaction, but has anyone heard of preschool? My kids start preschool at 3 years of age and they LOVE it...and it's a great break for me!! I have even participated in play groups...a great time for mom's to have ADULT conversation, and for kids to play with other kids and learn social skills. I would avoid daycare centers at ALL costs...and, yes, I've worked in one before...even a great one! But there is simply NO substitute for mom and dad and healthy learning environments.
Posted by: ecopier
Posted on: 2003-11-10 18:44:57
Not only are siblings a great part of social interaction, but has anyone heard of preschool? My kids start preschool at 3 years of age and they LOVE it...and it's a great break for me!! I have even participated in play groups...a great time for mom's to have ADULT conversation, and for kids to play with other kids and learn social skills. I would avoid daycare centers at ALL costs...and, yes, I've worked in one before...even a great one! But there is simply NO substitute for mom and dad and healthy learning environments.
What if...
Posted by: akasha59
Posted on: 2003-11-10 18:53:46
And what if there are no siblings? Or perhaps all of their siblings are quite a few years older. I have a sister who is 10 years younger than me. Yes, I could give her attention, but it wasn't the same as someone close to her age.
Either way, it is not one way only that works. Both ways can work and they are equally good and bad. I was not saying that it was the only way. I was only pointing out the advantages that it can have. Sure, there are other ways to get the same effect, but they are not always an option and for some they don't work as well. It is up to each mother to decide and no one should put them down, no matter what their choice is.
Posted by: akasha59
Posted on: 2003-11-10 18:53:46
And what if there are no siblings? Or perhaps all of their siblings are quite a few years older. I have a sister who is 10 years younger than me. Yes, I could give her attention, but it wasn't the same as someone close to her age.
Either way, it is not one way only that works. Both ways can work and they are equally good and bad. I was not saying that it was the only way. I was only pointing out the advantages that it can have. Sure, there are other ways to get the same effect, but they are not always an option and for some they don't work as well. It is up to each mother to decide and no one should put them down, no matter what their choice is.
Posted by: tlchappell
Posted on: 2003-11-10 21:17:25
I agree. Each parent has to make the decision they feel is best for their family and their child. I am a single parent and I have been on both sides of the issue. I am currently unemployed with an eleven month old child and stressing over not having a job as well as the stress of knowing I am going to have to leave my baby when I do get a job. Everyone doesn't have a choice to stay at home. If you do have to work or choose to work outside the home, then try to choose those jobs that will allow you to spend the most time with your child.
finally an intelligent comment
Posted by: marcelp
Posted on: 2003-11-11 00:29:34
Thank you for pointing out that there are real reasons why women work, and most of them have to do with lack of privilege. Most of the people on welfare are children and women. Single-mothers are on the rise (around 27% of households). Single-parent households are more likely to be poor than two-parent households especially when the parent is the mother. Single-parent moms have less financial and social support and should be commended for trying to support their family. Most working women come home to the “second shift”—the shift the stay at home moms have already finished. Although I am not a single-parent, women who have the luxury to stay at home need to think beyond their own experience and realize that not everybody has the same opportunities in life.
Posted by: marcelp
Posted on: 2003-11-11 00:29:34
Thank you for pointing out that there are real reasons why women work, and most of them have to do with lack of privilege. Most of the people on welfare are children and women. Single-mothers are on the rise (around 27% of households). Single-parent households are more likely to be poor than two-parent households especially when the parent is the mother. Single-parent moms have less financial and social support and should be commended for trying to support their family. Most working women come home to the “second shift”—the shift the stay at home moms have already finished. Although I am not a single-parent, women who have the luxury to stay at home need to think beyond their own experience and realize that not everybody has the same opportunities in life.
shift moms
Posted by: leighmm
Posted on: 2003-11-11 01:06:58
I just really felt the need to point out after reading your comment that I know of no "mom" shift that has ever ended for me...not since the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I love motherhood -and I hate to see it divided into shifts like some office job, some security watch job, or any other job outside of the home. This is 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Nothing less should be anticipated when a woman gets pregnant. Isn't it amazing???? I love it.
Posted by: leighmm
Posted on: 2003-11-11 01:06:58
I just really felt the need to point out after reading your comment that I know of no "mom" shift that has ever ended for me...not since the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I love motherhood -and I hate to see it divided into shifts like some office job, some security watch job, or any other job outside of the home. This is 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Nothing less should be anticipated when a woman gets pregnant. Isn't it amazing???? I love it.
Shift Moms
Posted by: anamiller
Posted on: 2003-11-20 13:29:57
You hit the nail with your comment...I am ASAHM my son is 14 months old. It was quite a change to quit my full time job and take on a 24hr. 7days a week "job". My so called shift has no start and no end...it is not just a job it is my life and I am responsible for it. You can't compare taking care of your family to a work shift...it is a sacred responsibility and our children are gifts given to us and we need to treat them as such.
Posted by: anamiller
Posted on: 2003-11-20 13:29:57
You hit the nail with your comment...I am ASAHM my son is 14 months old. It was quite a change to quit my full time job and take on a 24hr. 7days a week "job". My so called shift has no start and no end...it is not just a job it is my life and I am responsible for it. You can't compare taking care of your family to a work shift...it is a sacred responsibility and our children are gifts given to us and we need to treat them as such.
blessed to be a mom
Posted by: charlenebe
Posted on: 2004-09-02 17:26:55
I couldn't agree more that taking care of a child is a 24 hour job! That's not to say that I disagree with working outside the home. There is no right or wrong here in my opinion. No one person can speak on (or judge)another's home/family life. Sometimes it is necessary to work in order to provide properly for our children. Even when it's not NECESSARY, if that parent has decided, with love, that it will do their child and/or themself good then who are we to argue? Since when does one person or group know best for everyone else? In 8 days my only child will be a year old and I will reluctantly be returning to work for 3 days a week.I am not entirely happy about this but I'm trying to concentrate on the positive side - short-term sacrifice (it will not be forever),her dad will be caring for her 2 of the 3 days and my sister for the other 1, and finally I have learned a lot in the past year that I am excited to share in my workplace. I know how much I will miss playing with her, feeding her, singing to her and everything else that we do in a day but we will still have 4 days and every evening together. Unfortunately, those things like rent, food, heat and water do not come free so off I go to work again. Shouldn't we, as women, try to be more supportive and perhaps less critical of the other's choices? They're hard enough to make without someone making us feel like we are somehow "less" of a mother for it!
Posted by: charlenebe
Posted on: 2004-09-02 17:26:55
I couldn't agree more that taking care of a child is a 24 hour job! That's not to say that I disagree with working outside the home. There is no right or wrong here in my opinion. No one person can speak on (or judge)another's home/family life. Sometimes it is necessary to work in order to provide properly for our children. Even when it's not NECESSARY, if that parent has decided, with love, that it will do their child and/or themself good then who are we to argue? Since when does one person or group know best for everyone else? In 8 days my only child will be a year old and I will reluctantly be returning to work for 3 days a week.I am not entirely happy about this but I'm trying to concentrate on the positive side - short-term sacrifice (it will not be forever),her dad will be caring for her 2 of the 3 days and my sister for the other 1, and finally I have learned a lot in the past year that I am excited to share in my workplace. I know how much I will miss playing with her, feeding her, singing to her and everything else that we do in a day but we will still have 4 days and every evening together. Unfortunately, those things like rent, food, heat and water do not come free so off I go to work again. Shouldn't we, as women, try to be more supportive and perhaps less critical of the other's choices? They're hard enough to make without someone making us feel like we are somehow "less" of a mother for it!
Posted by: wolff55
Posted on: 2003-11-11 01:53:05
May I suggest you read "Excuse me, your life is waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn. You put a lot of limitations on yourself and you belief they are real.
shift moms2
Posted by: leighmm
Posted on: 2003-11-11 02:13:45
Were you replying to my comment on shifts? I just wanted to reassure you that my life is not "waiting" for me anywhere...it is right here and I am happily in the thick of it. I have completed both a Bachelor's and a Master's degree, I have lived abroad for a year and a half, and amidst the Master's degree, I began this awesome journey of motherhood (and the list goes on and on). I resent nothing about this choice. For example, I am able to use skills learned through college to create a bilingual environment for my toddler. She will grow up speaking both Spanish and English. It is so exciting to take all my education and use it to teach my own children. Please do not assume that I have regrets about choosing to stay at home and being willing to be a mom at all times. That is a personal, inner decision that I made long ago - and have never once regreted. I know opinions on this matter will never stop clashing. I just want those who may be wary to try staying at home (those with the choice) to dive right in and see what they think. And don't be hesitant to talk over these concerns with your husband, your family, and your friends. For now, this is working beautifully, and forever I know I am the only mother my children will ever have.
Posted by: leighmm
Posted on: 2003-11-11 02:13:45
Were you replying to my comment on shifts? I just wanted to reassure you that my life is not "waiting" for me anywhere...it is right here and I am happily in the thick of it. I have completed both a Bachelor's and a Master's degree, I have lived abroad for a year and a half, and amidst the Master's degree, I began this awesome journey of motherhood (and the list goes on and on). I resent nothing about this choice. For example, I am able to use skills learned through college to create a bilingual environment for my toddler. She will grow up speaking both Spanish and English. It is so exciting to take all my education and use it to teach my own children. Please do not assume that I have regrets about choosing to stay at home and being willing to be a mom at all times. That is a personal, inner decision that I made long ago - and have never once regreted. I know opinions on this matter will never stop clashing. I just want those who may be wary to try staying at home (those with the choice) to dive right in and see what they think. And don't be hesitant to talk over these concerns with your husband, your family, and your friends. For now, this is working beautifully, and forever I know I am the only mother my children will ever have.
Shift moms
Posted by: berlychick
Posted on: 2003-11-11 23:54:16
I am very happy that your decision to stay at home has worked out for you and I would never pass judgement on anyone decision, so all that I ask as a working mother that you afford me the same. I am a 46 y/o married mother of two boys ages 21 & 22, and my working outside the home began when my boys where in grade school. I started on a part time bases until they got older then went full-time by choice. what this did was afford my two sons to see that their father was a big part of a family life. I am not saying that you do not have the same situation but it helped because my husband did all the same things that mom could do. So I raised very independent men and some young women will thank me someday. My boys are now in college and my youngest plays basetball on the collegiate level and I can very proudly say that even as a working mom I have never missed one of his games since he was in the 4th grade. I have no regrets either on my choice to work outside as well as inside the home..and believe me I understand what you mean by your shift never ending..mine either. I just hope that someday this trench will fill in and we women will start to help each other. Maybe by helping a friend that might want to try her wings on a job outside the home..by having her bring her children and helping her by letting her know she has a support system. And if a working mom feels the need to stay at home..help her too! A day off would be nice to just have to herself. Maybe we can try
Posted by: berlychick
Posted on: 2003-11-11 23:54:16
I am very happy that your decision to stay at home has worked out for you and I would never pass judgement on anyone decision, so all that I ask as a working mother that you afford me the same. I am a 46 y/o married mother of two boys ages 21 & 22, and my working outside the home began when my boys where in grade school. I started on a part time bases until they got older then went full-time by choice. what this did was afford my two sons to see that their father was a big part of a family life. I am not saying that you do not have the same situation but it helped because my husband did all the same things that mom could do. So I raised very independent men and some young women will thank me someday. My boys are now in college and my youngest plays basetball on the collegiate level and I can very proudly say that even as a working mom I have never missed one of his games since he was in the 4th grade. I have no regrets either on my choice to work outside as well as inside the home..and believe me I understand what you mean by your shift never ending..mine either. I just hope that someday this trench will fill in and we women will start to help each other. Maybe by helping a friend that might want to try her wings on a job outside the home..by having her bring her children and helping her by letting her know she has a support system. And if a working mom feels the need to stay at home..help her too! A day off would be nice to just have to herself. Maybe we can try
Posted by: megazach
Posted on: 2003-11-12 05:29:46
You talk about the SAHMs helping the working moms -- and someone else talked about the SAHMs baking bread and stuff for the working moms. So how are the working moms going to support us? The fact is, SAHMs already get asked to help out more at church, at school, and everywhere else because we are *here* -- so why do you want us to add to our burden by helping out the working moms? Just because we're here doesn't mean we're not already plenty busy!
I don't mind supporting a working mom when she needs it -- but what about you all supporting us some, too?
I agree
Posted by: juliath
Posted on: 2003-11-12 08:23:37
I felt the same as you do ten years ago. Now I occassionally get fed up with people working themselves to death to keep their children in name brand everything. I realize that for many working is a necessity financially and for the head also . We're not all cut out to be stay at home Moms. I had my first child when I was 17, I worked for a few months while my mother and friends took care of him. After I married my husband I became a SAHM for him and we had 2 more children. I was blessed with the priveledge of being a SAHM and I enjoyed it. I also had the obnoxious attitude that it was the RIGHT thing to do. As I see my daughter and her friends growing up I now realize that for some of them neceesity will be they work outside the home. Our family hasn't been wealthy,we made this choice and we have 3 well adjusted children. I'd love to see everyone have the priveledge that i had. In Canada we now have maternity pay for 1 year, that's an improvement for those that must work. I know as SAHM we get asked to do a lot in all areas, we neither need to do it happily or don't do it. There is no reason we have to be bogged down by feeling our staying at home is not valuable and trying to overdue in volunteering to fill the need. Being at home is very valuable if it is for you, if you're home feeling unfullfilled and angry then find what suits your personality. The obnoxious attitudes shown by both sides on the show yesterday are what causes the problems. Those poor gals trying t
Posted by: juliath
Posted on: 2003-11-12 08:23:37
I felt the same as you do ten years ago. Now I occassionally get fed up with people working themselves to death to keep their children in name brand everything. I realize that for many working is a necessity financially and for the head also . We're not all cut out to be stay at home Moms. I had my first child when I was 17, I worked for a few months while my mother and friends took care of him. After I married my husband I became a SAHM for him and we had 2 more children. I was blessed with the priveledge of being a SAHM and I enjoyed it. I also had the obnoxious attitude that it was the RIGHT thing to do. As I see my daughter and her friends growing up I now realize that for some of them neceesity will be they work outside the home. Our family hasn't been wealthy,we made this choice and we have 3 well adjusted children. I'd love to see everyone have the priveledge that i had. In Canada we now have maternity pay for 1 year, that's an improvement for those that must work. I know as SAHM we get asked to do a lot in all areas, we neither need to do it happily or don't do it. There is no reason we have to be bogged down by feeling our staying at home is not valuable and trying to overdue in volunteering to fill the need. Being at home is very valuable if it is for you, if you're home feeling unfullfilled and angry then find what suits your personality. The obnoxious attitudes shown by both sides on the show yesterday are what causes the problems. Those poor gals trying t
Posted by: megazach
Posted on: 2003-11-12 09:45:36
I'm not feeling at all unfulfilled and angry -- I love being home. My point was that I"ve seen two working moms suggest that moms support each other, and their suggestion was only for how SAHMs can support working moms by fixing dinner, baking breat, whatever. I just am wondering why the burden should be on us?? I'm not sure you understood my point.
Agree
Posted by: juliath
Posted on: 2003-11-12 12:49:07
I agree ,at least working people could be thankful for what we do in schools,church,etc. I meant the obnoxious, angry people on the show yesterday. The gals trying to decide must be blown away by the Right attitudes on both sides. In life there is hardly ever a clear cut answer that fits every person. Too bad,if there was we'd all be making the right choices. Being at home with my kids was a lot of fun, but as soon as my kids went to school there were people that thought I had nothing to do and kept asking what will you do now. I guess they don't know that we're as busy as they are.
Posted by: juliath
Posted on: 2003-11-12 12:49:07
I agree ,at least working people could be thankful for what we do in schools,church,etc. I meant the obnoxious, angry people on the show yesterday. The gals trying to decide must be blown away by the Right attitudes on both sides. In life there is hardly ever a clear cut answer that fits every person. Too bad,if there was we'd all be making the right choices. Being at home with my kids was a lot of fun, but as soon as my kids went to school there were people that thought I had nothing to do and kept asking what will you do now. I guess they don't know that we're as busy as they are.
surprised and disappointed
Posted by: jennbrack
Posted on: 2003-11-20 10:31:46
I don't think all sahm's that try to support other women think of it as a burden, if they do, perhaps they shouldn't offer help.
Posted by: jennbrack
Posted on: 2003-11-20 10:31:46
I don't think all sahm's that try to support other women think of it as a burden, if they do, perhaps they shouldn't offer help.
