10/16 A Family Divided, Part 5
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Posted by: lostinloss
Posted on: 2003-10-16 07:53:14
My daughter didn't want to give her child up, but her lawyer, (dual representation) told her that she was committed because of her pre-birth consent. She said if she didn't sign again after birth, she'd lose visitation and custody. It was a lie and they revoked the visitation anyway.
I never pushed my daughter towards adoption, but failed to protect her from the people who stole her baby and the grief and the guilt has consumed me for nearly four years.
Alex's mom will not be able to live with herself if she succedes at convincing Alex to give up her baby. Sooner or later she will learn that that the suffering Alex endures because of her, is so severe, that the guilt will consume her every moment.
I can't live with not protecting my daughter and I didn't even want an adoption. Alex's mom will be destroyed by what she knows she has DONE TO her daughter.
Posted by: lostinloss
Posted on: 2003-10-16 07:53:14
My daughter didn't want to give her child up, but her lawyer, (dual representation) told her that she was committed because of her pre-birth consent. She said if she didn't sign again after birth, she'd lose visitation and custody. It was a lie and they revoked the visitation anyway.
I never pushed my daughter towards adoption, but failed to protect her from the people who stole her baby and the grief and the guilt has consumed me for nearly four years.
Alex's mom will not be able to live with herself if she succedes at convincing Alex to give up her baby. Sooner or later she will learn that that the suffering Alex endures because of her, is so severe, that the guilt will consume her every moment.
I can't live with not protecting my daughter and I didn't even want an adoption. Alex's mom will be destroyed by what she knows she has DONE TO her daughter.
Please keep
Posted by: kristieaz1
Posted on: 2003-10-16 09:13:22
This message is saying to keep your baby. I have friends like in previous messages whom kept there babies and did go on to have a happy life and married. Plus you will regret never seeing this baby. I also have family that has given a baby up and 15 years later regret it both the mother and daughter they have so much guilt behind them. I see lots of positive stories. Best wishes!! Hope you keep him. When you and your son look back he will see that you wanted to keep him it was your mother in doubt and I feel sorry for her because he is apart of her too. I hope she can have a heart and not be so much into her job thats the message I get from her a corporate woman. As for myself I know its hard raising a child. I a son whom is 3 now and I'm over 30 years old. I can say its been hard making ajustments in my life I was used to having my sleep working 40 hours. Now I work 20 hours a week. I get up with him in the night my husband works nights so he's really tired when he get home. Nobody can explain to you how much sleep you will lose but its worth it. I hope you planning for the days to come not just when you bring him home. Be a planner example your routines with him are very important ie spleeing, eating, bathing, and playing they need structure all the time and read to him. Don't to stressed out the babyhears you that is what my husband would remind me and I think he was right because our son was colkicy the 1st 6 weeks until I establish rountine and
Posted by: kristieaz1
Posted on: 2003-10-16 09:13:22
This message is saying to keep your baby. I have friends like in previous messages whom kept there babies and did go on to have a happy life and married. Plus you will regret never seeing this baby. I also have family that has given a baby up and 15 years later regret it both the mother and daughter they have so much guilt behind them. I see lots of positive stories. Best wishes!! Hope you keep him. When you and your son look back he will see that you wanted to keep him it was your mother in doubt and I feel sorry for her because he is apart of her too. I hope she can have a heart and not be so much into her job thats the message I get from her a corporate woman. As for myself I know its hard raising a child. I a son whom is 3 now and I'm over 30 years old. I can say its been hard making ajustments in my life I was used to having my sleep working 40 hours. Now I work 20 hours a week. I get up with him in the night my husband works nights so he's really tired when he get home. Nobody can explain to you how much sleep you will lose but its worth it. I hope you planning for the days to come not just when you bring him home. Be a planner example your routines with him are very important ie spleeing, eating, bathing, and playing they need structure all the time and read to him. Don't to stressed out the babyhears you that is what my husband would remind me and I think he was right because our son was colkicy the 1st 6 weeks until I establish rountine and
Posted by: stormy2000
Posted on: 2003-10-16 15:45:01
I just wanted to tell you that it is up to you and only you to make the desion of keeping or giving up your baby. You are a young girl who will have to grow up fast once the baby is here. But you have to live with yourself. I believe that you need to keep your baby. You have a very loving family, who is willing to help you. Just don't let them raise your baby. Best of luck. Once you look at that little creature, that you created, your heart grows and your life changes. Love that baby. They are too precious.
Give the baby up
Posted by: mrsmac02
Posted on: 2003-10-16 18:53:44
I had a baby at 14 years old and thought I should get married, so we did. Needless to say it didn't work out. Not because we didn't love and care for each other but because we were to young to know how to handle all of the problems. We ended up spliting up and the kids(we had 2 more)were shuffled around with one for awhile and then the other. The oldest child is now 46 years old and still has problems as does the other 2. They would have been better off if I had given them up for adoption. They would have at least had a chance at happiness. I had the support of my family also but that isn't always enough it still boils down to your responsibility and you are the one that will have to ask yourself the rest of your life if things could have been better for my kids.
Posted by: mrsmac02
Posted on: 2003-10-16 18:53:44
I had a baby at 14 years old and thought I should get married, so we did. Needless to say it didn't work out. Not because we didn't love and care for each other but because we were to young to know how to handle all of the problems. We ended up spliting up and the kids(we had 2 more)were shuffled around with one for awhile and then the other. The oldest child is now 46 years old and still has problems as does the other 2. They would have been better off if I had given them up for adoption. They would have at least had a chance at happiness. I had the support of my family also but that isn't always enough it still boils down to your responsibility and you are the one that will have to ask yourself the rest of your life if things could have been better for my kids.
to msmac02
Posted by: kgruen
Posted on: 2003-10-16 18:59:57
that you are willing to accept that perhaps you did not make the best choices and have the courage to voice them outloud is a wonderful thing. you were probably a better mother than you thought you were. good luck
Posted by: kgruen
Posted on: 2003-10-16 18:59:57
that you are willing to accept that perhaps you did not make the best choices and have the courage to voice them outloud is a wonderful thing. you were probably a better mother than you thought you were. good luck
Give the baby up
Posted by: sue313
Posted on: 2003-10-16 20:14:29
She absolutely should give this baby up. It simply is not possible for a 14 year old child to properly care for and raise a baby. This baby deserves a chance at happiness. The fact that her main concern in keeping the baby is whether or not she would have a babysitter for Saturday night proves she is not ready to raise a child. She needs to stop thinking of her own feelings and start putting this child first. She needs to give him to a financially stable, emotionally mature, loving couple who will privide him with a wonderful life. Aside from her immaturity, bringing a helpless newborn into a household already filled with so much pain and turmoil is not a good idea at all. It is the most selfless thing in the world to love your child enough to give him the life you are not capable of providing for him. I pray this baby boy finds his way into a loving, nurturing home where he will find the happiness he deserves.
Posted by: sue313
Posted on: 2003-10-16 20:14:29
She absolutely should give this baby up. It simply is not possible for a 14 year old child to properly care for and raise a baby. This baby deserves a chance at happiness. The fact that her main concern in keeping the baby is whether or not she would have a babysitter for Saturday night proves she is not ready to raise a child. She needs to stop thinking of her own feelings and start putting this child first. She needs to give him to a financially stable, emotionally mature, loving couple who will privide him with a wonderful life. Aside from her immaturity, bringing a helpless newborn into a household already filled with so much pain and turmoil is not a good idea at all. It is the most selfless thing in the world to love your child enough to give him the life you are not capable of providing for him. I pray this baby boy finds his way into a loving, nurturing home where he will find the happiness he deserves.
Please keep your baby
Posted by: hismom2
Posted on: 2003-10-16 21:27:19
Dear Alex,
Please for your sake and the sake of your baby, do not give your child up for adoption as I did when I was your age. A mother-child relationship is irreplaceable. A separation between you two now will be an unresolvable loss for you both. Bonding begins before birth, your baby will feel the separation from you forever and it will never be forgotten by either of you.
I was told that I would get over it and move on with my life. I was also told that I was doing the best thing possible for my son. Well, I hate to be the one to burst the bubble on that little theory, but nothing in those two statements could be further from the truth. I never got over the loss of my son, and spent 35 years thinking of him every day. The hole that it left in my heart and soul could never be filled.
My son grew up in a "loving/2 parent home" where he was supposed to thrive and flourish. Instead he grew up feeling defective because he was "given away".
Every birthday that he had, he would go in his room and cry, cry, because it was the day of my death in his mind. And for me, his birthday was equally as sad. "Happy birthday baby, where ever you are". Not a pretty picture is it.
Alex, please try and speak to other girls and women who have relinquished their babies to adoption and seek to find the real truth about how destructive adoption can be on you and your child.
My thoughts are with you.
P.S. I was reunited with my son 3 years ago. Praise the lord for small miracles.
Posted by: hismom2
Posted on: 2003-10-16 21:27:19
Dear Alex,
Please for your sake and the sake of your baby, do not give your child up for adoption as I did when I was your age. A mother-child relationship is irreplaceable. A separation between you two now will be an unresolvable loss for you both. Bonding begins before birth, your baby will feel the separation from you forever and it will never be forgotten by either of you.
I was told that I would get over it and move on with my life. I was also told that I was doing the best thing possible for my son. Well, I hate to be the one to burst the bubble on that little theory, but nothing in those two statements could be further from the truth. I never got over the loss of my son, and spent 35 years thinking of him every day. The hole that it left in my heart and soul could never be filled.
My son grew up in a "loving/2 parent home" where he was supposed to thrive and flourish. Instead he grew up feeling defective because he was "given away".
Every birthday that he had, he would go in his room and cry, cry, because it was the day of my death in his mind. And for me, his birthday was equally as sad. "Happy birthday baby, where ever you are". Not a pretty picture is it.
Alex, please try and speak to other girls and women who have relinquished their babies to adoption and seek to find the real truth about how destructive adoption can be on you and your child.
My thoughts are with you.
P.S. I was reunited with my son 3 years ago. Praise the lord for small miracles.
UNTITLED
Posted by: tkpressley
Posted on: 2003-10-17 10:04:18
This story really makes me furious!!!
I gave my daughter up for adoption 5 yrs. ago & true that it is the hardest choice I've had to make in my liftime & I'm 29 going on 30. I was 24 when I gave her up, but I already had a son from a previous marriage. And knowing what I was going through with the divorce from my sons father & all of the battles my son would face due to his father & I splitting up, was enough for me to do the most unselfish act I could ever do & give up my daughter. Her father & I where hundreds of miles apart from one another, me her in Colorado & her father in Missouri.I also worked a full time job while pregnant with our daughter, & only saw my son on Saturday evenings & all day Sunday, then back to work 6 days a week.
Not everyone that has given a child up for adoption did all their research on adoption, or the agencies they went through, or the adoptive parents. I was lucky enough to be a child of the system(social services).And I called every agency in Colorado from one border to the next. Met with every counselor from all the agencies. I got to look into the adoptive parents history so on & so forth.But if Alex is unwilling to investagate this options placed before her then she will never know.
Alex is really to young to be raising a child on her own. Even with the help of her family she just does not get the capacity of her choice to keep the baby. Best wishes to the whole family & Martin my heart goes out to you. And I hope that everything turns
Posted by: tkpressley
Posted on: 2003-10-17 10:04:18
This story really makes me furious!!!
I gave my daughter up for adoption 5 yrs. ago & true that it is the hardest choice I've had to make in my liftime & I'm 29 going on 30. I was 24 when I gave her up, but I already had a son from a previous marriage. And knowing what I was going through with the divorce from my sons father & all of the battles my son would face due to his father & I splitting up, was enough for me to do the most unselfish act I could ever do & give up my daughter. Her father & I where hundreds of miles apart from one another, me her in Colorado & her father in Missouri.I also worked a full time job while pregnant with our daughter, & only saw my son on Saturday evenings & all day Sunday, then back to work 6 days a week.
Not everyone that has given a child up for adoption did all their research on adoption, or the agencies they went through, or the adoptive parents. I was lucky enough to be a child of the system(social services).And I called every agency in Colorado from one border to the next. Met with every counselor from all the agencies. I got to look into the adoptive parents history so on & so forth.But if Alex is unwilling to investagate this options placed before her then she will never know.
Alex is really to young to be raising a child on her own. Even with the help of her family she just does not get the capacity of her choice to keep the baby. Best wishes to the whole family & Martin my heart goes out to you. And I hope that everything turns
tkp....are you happy that your baby is gone? That
Posted by: hazel43
Posted on: 2003-10-18 18:39:46
You are happy that your baby girl is gone? That is so sad for YOUR daughter and her brother. Do you think your baby is happy without you? The most important person here happens to be the voiceless one. YOU brought a child in the world, how dare you 'willingly' give her away!!You did not protect her from the evilness of adoption. I am sure the adopters are thrilled to have YOUR baby, even though they didn't care that they got YOUR baby, any baby would do. You claim that you only saw her one night a week, do you see her at all now? How does her brother feel about losing his siter? Has anyone ever asked him? Will you tell your daughter what a problem she caused by being born? S sad, I hope your daughter will forgive you someday.
Posted by: hazel43
Posted on: 2003-10-18 18:39:46
You are happy that your baby girl is gone? That is so sad for YOUR daughter and her brother. Do you think your baby is happy without you? The most important person here happens to be the voiceless one. YOU brought a child in the world, how dare you 'willingly' give her away!!You did not protect her from the evilness of adoption. I am sure the adopters are thrilled to have YOUR baby, even though they didn't care that they got YOUR baby, any baby would do. You claim that you only saw her one night a week, do you see her at all now? How does her brother feel about losing his siter? Has anyone ever asked him? Will you tell your daughter what a problem she caused by being born? S sad, I hope your daughter will forgive you someday.
Posted by: javabean88
Posted on: 2003-10-19 02:26:16
I was adopted, and I am thankful for it. I am in a loving family and I have had great chances in life. My birth mother was 14 and as immature and messed up as alex. I did find her recently. We talk, but my real mother is the one who raised me. Just because you give birth to a child doesn't make you a mother. And how dare you suggest that she did a terrible thing by giving her baby up? Adoption is not perfect, but if researched carefully, and if the adoptees handle it well, it is the best option for situations like that. It is selfish to raise a child in a home where he will not thrive and won't be as happy. There is too much turmoil in that family, and Alex just doesn't get it. I'd trust her 12 year old sister with a baby than with her any day.
The Child Comes First
Posted by: dilou818
Posted on: 2003-10-20 19:30:36
I am adopted and have known that for as long as I can remember. I just recently found out about my biological mother... she was a teenager who became pregnant after a summer fling and decided to give me up. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision, but it's the best one she ever made... and it's the best one Alexandra can make... I just hope Alexandra can show this child how much she loves him but giving him to a stable, loving family. Spence-Chapin is a wonderful adoption agency.
Posted by: dilou818
Posted on: 2003-10-20 19:30:36
I am adopted and have known that for as long as I can remember. I just recently found out about my biological mother... she was a teenager who became pregnant after a summer fling and decided to give me up. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision, but it's the best one she ever made... and it's the best one Alexandra can make... I just hope Alexandra can show this child how much she loves him but giving him to a stable, loving family. Spence-Chapin is a wonderful adoption agency.
Adoption is a second chance
Posted by: melsthemom
Posted on: 2003-10-22 11:49:33
Speaking as both a biological and adoptive mother I can say my heart aches for anyone having to make this decision. However, giving the child the best chance with a stable, loving, two-parent family is the only unselfish choice to make. Of course it is heart-wrenching, but that is where your love for your child overrides your own personal wants. Adoption is a gift to those couples who so desperately want to become parents but can't and an important option for birth mothers who aren't ready to parent and who don't want to parent alone. Every child DESERVES an intact, loving, caring family. Don't make one wrong decision into two. Adoption is a way to make it right. Be informed and armed with information while choosing the path that will affect not only you for the rest of your life, but the baby, your family, and the family that might have been. I will forever hold my son's birth mother in highest regard. I have such love and respect for this woman who put his needs in front of her own. Just the way any good mother should.
Posted by: melsthemom
Posted on: 2003-10-22 11:49:33
Speaking as both a biological and adoptive mother I can say my heart aches for anyone having to make this decision. However, giving the child the best chance with a stable, loving, two-parent family is the only unselfish choice to make. Of course it is heart-wrenching, but that is where your love for your child overrides your own personal wants. Adoption is a gift to those couples who so desperately want to become parents but can't and an important option for birth mothers who aren't ready to parent and who don't want to parent alone. Every child DESERVES an intact, loving, caring family. Don't make one wrong decision into two. Adoption is a way to make it right. Be informed and armed with information while choosing the path that will affect not only you for the rest of your life, but the baby, your family, and the family that might have been. I will forever hold my son's birth mother in highest regard. I have such love and respect for this woman who put his needs in front of her own. Just the way any good mother should.
Mel...
Posted by: scarlett21
Posted on: 2003-10-23 03:35:41
Just because you are young doesn't mean that you will be a bad parent. I don't mean this in Alex's case, but you make it sound like every young mother who has kept her child is a bad mother and has made a horrible mistake. No darling, it isn't like that. I had my daughter at seventeen and though I've gone through alot, she doesn't feel it because I shelter her from that. She is a happy six year old and a very smart and beautiful child. Not all young mothers who keep there children are bad people who have made mistakes.
Posted by: scarlett21
Posted on: 2003-10-23 03:35:41
Just because you are young doesn't mean that you will be a bad parent. I don't mean this in Alex's case, but you make it sound like every young mother who has kept her child is a bad mother and has made a horrible mistake. No darling, it isn't like that. I had my daughter at seventeen and though I've gone through alot, she doesn't feel it because I shelter her from that. She is a happy six year old and a very smart and beautiful child. Not all young mothers who keep there children are bad people who have made mistakes.
you are so right
Posted by: sarasimms
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:20:52
I have a friend that got pregnant when she was 15 and she is a great mother. She looked into adoption but decided to keep her child. If you ask her about it today, she will tell you that it was the best thing that ever happened to her. I admire young mothers that raise their children.
Posted by: sarasimms
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:20:52
I have a friend that got pregnant when she was 15 and she is a great mother. She looked into adoption but decided to keep her child. If you ask her about it today, she will tell you that it was the best thing that ever happened to her. I admire young mothers that raise their children.
javabean88
Posted by: mattymouse
Posted on: 2003-10-23 18:11:18
I also was adopted and am very grateful to my parents such as they were. They will/were always my parents and the woman that gave birth to me will always be blessed for her giving me up. I have never had a strong desire to met her. Mine was not an unwed mother but someone older who gave up most of her children, 2 to her mother, 2 to an orphanage,then my adoption and also a boy a few years later to adoption. My adoption was handled by a lawyer.
Posted by: mattymouse
Posted on: 2003-10-23 18:11:18
I also was adopted and am very grateful to my parents such as they were. They will/were always my parents and the woman that gave birth to me will always be blessed for her giving me up. I have never had a strong desire to met her. Mine was not an unwed mother but someone older who gave up most of her children, 2 to her mother, 2 to an orphanage,then my adoption and also a boy a few years later to adoption. My adoption was handled by a lawyer.
I was adopted!!
Posted by: cookiewarg
Posted on: 2003-10-24 20:11:51
I was adopted and it was not that great, I was told every day from the time that I can remamber, that I owed them for adopting me. I was told that my mother was a whore, and that no one knew who my father was. Maybe you should really give this more thought, but it will be hard. You can not think that you will be able to do the things that girls your age do, and have your parents care for the baby. What ever you decide, just keep ypur faith in God, and he will help you through this. God bless you and all your family.
Posted by: cookiewarg
Posted on: 2003-10-24 20:11:51
I was adopted and it was not that great, I was told every day from the time that I can remamber, that I owed them for adopting me. I was told that my mother was a whore, and that no one knew who my father was. Maybe you should really give this more thought, but it will be hard. You can not think that you will be able to do the things that girls your age do, and have your parents care for the baby. What ever you decide, just keep ypur faith in God, and he will help you through this. God bless you and all your family.
Alex keep the baby
Posted by: bekkam
Posted on: 2003-10-25 01:03:26
It takes a village to raise a kid. Alex is 14 so what. Familly have problem so what? Who does not have a problem? They care so much that they are in Dr.Phil show to solve it. My prayer is that God give them the wisdom and grace to handle it. God also bless Dr.Phil for his Godly show. Mum,Dad,sister and Alex keep the special gift from God baby Samuel(my name for the boy)he will be a great blessing to the family. Sorry for the pain of raising another baby but the joy of it will be greater. Please work hard on your familly relationship and we are praying for you all. God bless you and Dr.Phi
Posted by: bekkam
Posted on: 2003-10-25 01:03:26
It takes a village to raise a kid. Alex is 14 so what. Familly have problem so what? Who does not have a problem? They care so much that they are in Dr.Phil show to solve it. My prayer is that God give them the wisdom and grace to handle it. God also bless Dr.Phil for his Godly show. Mum,Dad,sister and Alex keep the special gift from God baby Samuel(my name for the boy)he will be a great blessing to the family. Sorry for the pain of raising another baby but the joy of it will be greater. Please work hard on your familly relationship and we are praying for you all. God bless you and Dr.Phi
Reply to hazel43
Posted by: annafuller
Posted on: 2003-10-20 10:51:45
I am constantly amazed by people like you! How dare you judge "tkp" so harshly based upon a few sentences on a message bored? Since you are so quick to point fingers with "YOUR" judgements you must surely be darn near perfect! And who is supposed to support these unplanned babies financially? Whatever happened to being accountable for your actions? Too many tax dollars are being spent for public assistance already and it does nothing to deter folks from getting into that situation in the first place. I'm sure putting your child up for adoption is the hardest decision any parent can make, but I think it's very admirable when you feel it's best for the child. I applaude "tkp" and the many others who've made that decision and wish nothing but the best to the babies who are, more than likely, the better for it!
Posted by: annafuller
Posted on: 2003-10-20 10:51:45
I am constantly amazed by people like you! How dare you judge "tkp" so harshly based upon a few sentences on a message bored? Since you are so quick to point fingers with "YOUR" judgements you must surely be darn near perfect! And who is supposed to support these unplanned babies financially? Whatever happened to being accountable for your actions? Too many tax dollars are being spent for public assistance already and it does nothing to deter folks from getting into that situation in the first place. I'm sure putting your child up for adoption is the hardest decision any parent can make, but I think it's very admirable when you feel it's best for the child. I applaude "tkp" and the many others who've made that decision and wish nothing but the best to the babies who are, more than likely, the better for it!
the industry is evil
Posted by: firstmom3
Posted on: 2003-10-20 23:07:52
Any industry that profits off the hearts and bodies of women and their children is evil. The adoption industry does just that. They will lie to Moms just to get their babies for their paying clients. That seems pretty evil to me. Coveting others babies seems evil to me. Yes, I would have to agree with that statement.Go in truth and love, Linda Mom of Hope Marie,taken for adoption in 69 and returned home in love 2-22-97
Posted by: firstmom3
Posted on: 2003-10-20 23:07:52
Any industry that profits off the hearts and bodies of women and their children is evil. The adoption industry does just that. They will lie to Moms just to get their babies for their paying clients. That seems pretty evil to me. Coveting others babies seems evil to me. Yes, I would have to agree with that statement.Go in truth and love, Linda Mom of Hope Marie,taken for adoption in 69 and returned home in love 2-22-97
