09/08 Biggest Money Mistakes
1 | 2 | 3Gambling Addiction
Posted by: abbymoniqu
Posted on: 2003-09-08 10:10:15
I was extremely pleased that Dr. Phil made it very clear that gambling was an ADDICTION which is just as destructive to lives as alcohol and/or drug addictions. As a gambler in recovery for a few years, I can assure anyone reading this that NO ONE is below the 12 step program of Gamblers Anonymous. I felt the same way before I walked into that GA room (scared to death) and I soon realized that we all had one common bond which made us the same. An insidious disease. GA has saved my life and can save those others who take the first step to get help, one day at a time. Thank you Dr. Phil for airing this very important subject on your show.
Posted by: abbymoniqu
Posted on: 2003-09-08 10:10:15
I was extremely pleased that Dr. Phil made it very clear that gambling was an ADDICTION which is just as destructive to lives as alcohol and/or drug addictions. As a gambler in recovery for a few years, I can assure anyone reading this that NO ONE is below the 12 step program of Gamblers Anonymous. I felt the same way before I walked into that GA room (scared to death) and I soon realized that we all had one common bond which made us the same. An insidious disease. GA has saved my life and can save those others who take the first step to get help, one day at a time. Thank you Dr. Phil for airing this very important subject on your show.
GA all the way!!
Posted by: grneyes48
Posted on: 2003-09-08 16:52:31
High five to your, abbymoniqu. I, too am a member of GA (just celebrated 3 yrs of freedom from all the stress of THAT life!! I agree that this guest most certainly needs GA to help him and his family get through this. He MUST take the first step; get himself to a GA meeting (hopefully his wife will go to Gam Anon). Dr. Phil, there are people that say that "those people" are "low-lives"...NO, we are not...there are doctors, lawyers, teachers, people who own there own businesses....all types of people. GA saved my life and also saved my marriage!!!
Posted by: grneyes48
Posted on: 2003-09-08 16:52:31
High five to your, abbymoniqu. I, too am a member of GA (just celebrated 3 yrs of freedom from all the stress of THAT life!! I agree that this guest most certainly needs GA to help him and his family get through this. He MUST take the first step; get himself to a GA meeting (hopefully his wife will go to Gam Anon). Dr. Phil, there are people that say that "those people" are "low-lives"...NO, we are not...there are doctors, lawyers, teachers, people who own there own businesses....all types of people. GA saved my life and also saved my marriage!!!
witnessing the addiction
Posted by: evieleb
Posted on: 2003-09-08 20:52:40
I hung on every word that was being said. I have lived with a gambler for 4yrs now. I have tried so very hard to help him realize the addiction and to do something to help himself, but to no avail. He is now living else where and has started GA. I'm afraid that it will be short lived, and ultimately he will choose the gambling over us. My question to anyone reading this who has this addiction is, when will I know he has a true commitment to recovery, and when it is safe to let him back? He truly is a good person and I dearly wish to see him through this. But I cannot live through anymore false hopes.
Posted by: evieleb
Posted on: 2003-09-08 20:52:40
I hung on every word that was being said. I have lived with a gambler for 4yrs now. I have tried so very hard to help him realize the addiction and to do something to help himself, but to no avail. He is now living else where and has started GA. I'm afraid that it will be short lived, and ultimately he will choose the gambling over us. My question to anyone reading this who has this addiction is, when will I know he has a true commitment to recovery, and when it is safe to let him back? He truly is a good person and I dearly wish to see him through this. But I cannot live through anymore false hopes.
Gambling addiction
Posted by: pmariani
Posted on: 2003-09-13 09:02:57
I applaude you making the first step. My questions are: How did you get to the point of joining GA? What made you decide to take this step? How difficult is it to live day to day now knowing that you have made the choice not to gamble?
Posted by: pmariani
Posted on: 2003-09-13 09:02:57
I applaude you making the first step. My questions are: How did you get to the point of joining GA? What made you decide to take this step? How difficult is it to live day to day now knowing that you have made the choice not to gamble?
Money saving tip
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 14:41:40
If you do not have the cash to pay for something do not buy it. I learned that at a young age and no one had to tell me that, I always thought it was common sense. It always amazes me how people can get so into debt, I have seen it happen with my own family. Both my brother and sister had to declare bankruptcy and my sister wound up getting divorced over it. I may not have the toys they have but I sure as heck do not have the debt they had.
I am a Home owner with a 10 year old car I had a job that did not pay a lot ($25,000 if I am lucky) and hope soon to be working in the same job soon and if I do there will not be much of a future of the pay getting to much better but it is enough to pay the bills that I NEED to pay and it is a job I love. I have been out of work since March on unemployment and can still pay the bills. Plus I can still play my Softball so I am happy. Sometimes less can be a hell of a lot better.
You do not need a great paying job to be successful, if you love your job and can pay your bills you already succeeded.
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 14:41:40
If you do not have the cash to pay for something do not buy it. I learned that at a young age and no one had to tell me that, I always thought it was common sense. It always amazes me how people can get so into debt, I have seen it happen with my own family. Both my brother and sister had to declare bankruptcy and my sister wound up getting divorced over it. I may not have the toys they have but I sure as heck do not have the debt they had.
I am a Home owner with a 10 year old car I had a job that did not pay a lot ($25,000 if I am lucky) and hope soon to be working in the same job soon and if I do there will not be much of a future of the pay getting to much better but it is enough to pay the bills that I NEED to pay and it is a job I love. I have been out of work since March on unemployment and can still pay the bills. Plus I can still play my Softball so I am happy. Sometimes less can be a hell of a lot better.
You do not need a great paying job to be successful, if you love your job and can pay your bills you already succeeded.
Hey, it's not all about him!
Posted by: waninghues
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:05:06
This is the one about Aaron. Hey, if you are willing to live in a place like Las Vegas, you better expect to not have a moral standard of living. Why raise children in Sin City? It's just as much as her fault as it is her husband's. They should move and have all of the records in her name. No divorce! Too many people do it for stupid reasons, and this is one of them. What a hothead she is! His wife better cool it for the sake of her unborn child.
Posted by: waninghues
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:05:06
This is the one about Aaron. Hey, if you are willing to live in a place like Las Vegas, you better expect to not have a moral standard of living. Why raise children in Sin City? It's just as much as her fault as it is her husband's. They should move and have all of the records in her name. No divorce! Too many people do it for stupid reasons, and this is one of them. What a hothead she is! His wife better cool it for the sake of her unborn child.
It's Not All About Vegas!
Posted by: liz3002
Posted on: 2003-09-08 18:29:48
I hardly think living in Las Vegas is the issue with Aaron. Moving from Las Vegas is not going to solve his problem. Wherever you go, there you are...you take yourself & your problems with you. There are many, "gambling meca's" throughout this country & true, Vegas is more concentrated but Aaron can gamble from any State, at any time over the phone or the internet. Moving from "Sin City" is not the answer. Getting help with a 12 step program is. By the way, I have lived in "Sin City" for 28 years & I am sorry that you perceive our city to be filled with people who do not have good morals or high standards of living. You are so very wrong. There are many organizations in our town that will help people such as Aaron. It is up to him. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Posted by: liz3002
Posted on: 2003-09-08 18:29:48
I hardly think living in Las Vegas is the issue with Aaron. Moving from Las Vegas is not going to solve his problem. Wherever you go, there you are...you take yourself & your problems with you. There are many, "gambling meca's" throughout this country & true, Vegas is more concentrated but Aaron can gamble from any State, at any time over the phone or the internet. Moving from "Sin City" is not the answer. Getting help with a 12 step program is. By the way, I have lived in "Sin City" for 28 years & I am sorry that you perceive our city to be filled with people who do not have good morals or high standards of living. You are so very wrong. There are many organizations in our town that will help people such as Aaron. It is up to him. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Rewatch the show waninques
Posted by: klawzz
Posted on: 2003-09-08 19:38:12
This one is in regards to the Hey, it's not all about him! comments. I think you need to rewatch the show and get your facts straight. The wife is not a hothead, and do tell what you would do in her situation. I agree with the no divorce part, but as for the rest of your comments about raising kids and where...it's not your place to judge people.....get a grip
Posted by: klawzz
Posted on: 2003-09-08 19:38:12
This one is in regards to the Hey, it's not all about him! comments. I think you need to rewatch the show and get your facts straight. The wife is not a hothead, and do tell what you would do in her situation. I agree with the no divorce part, but as for the rest of your comments about raising kids and where...it's not your place to judge people.....get a grip
waninghues Please Think About the Following
Posted by: momnmor
Posted on: 2003-09-08 20:43:14
Two years ago my husband told me of a secret life he had been living, one of going to bars (instead of working late as he had told me-he worked in retail and did not come home until the children and I were asleep on nights he closed the store & I trusted him.) As it turned out during the time he spent in his secret life, he had an affair, this despite the fact that we live in Nashville, TN, the "buckle of the Bible belt." We have more church buildings than bars here, and most bars are within easy walking distance of one of those churches.We attended then and continue to attend church regularly-Sun am&pm, Wed pm, and any other time the doors are open. I did not realize he was showing up at church for appearances because he was GREAT at faking it! Where should/could we move to avoid temptation of any sort? The truth is, WE ALL have demons to deal with. We are still married in large part due to our children. Neither of us WANTED to work things out in the beginning, but we are both glad we did and are now for the first time in 10 years truly happily married. I saw my husband and myself on DR PHIL today. I know how painful it is to sit in that wife's chair, and I know how scared they each are. He IS still in denial to a great degree, and he may not get it together before she HAS to protect herself and her children from his irresponsibility. I know the 12 steps work with God's help and my prayers are with them and the work they each must do to recover.
Posted by: momnmor
Posted on: 2003-09-08 20:43:14
Two years ago my husband told me of a secret life he had been living, one of going to bars (instead of working late as he had told me-he worked in retail and did not come home until the children and I were asleep on nights he closed the store & I trusted him.) As it turned out during the time he spent in his secret life, he had an affair, this despite the fact that we live in Nashville, TN, the "buckle of the Bible belt." We have more church buildings than bars here, and most bars are within easy walking distance of one of those churches.We attended then and continue to attend church regularly-Sun am&pm, Wed pm, and any other time the doors are open. I did not realize he was showing up at church for appearances because he was GREAT at faking it! Where should/could we move to avoid temptation of any sort? The truth is, WE ALL have demons to deal with. We are still married in large part due to our children. Neither of us WANTED to work things out in the beginning, but we are both glad we did and are now for the first time in 10 years truly happily married. I saw my husband and myself on DR PHIL today. I know how painful it is to sit in that wife's chair, and I know how scared they each are. He IS still in denial to a great degree, and he may not get it together before she HAS to protect herself and her children from his irresponsibility. I know the 12 steps work with God's help and my prayers are with them and the work they each must do to recover.
Hey, It is all about him
Posted by: suhorepetz
Posted on: 2003-09-11 13:48:12
Unless and until you have lived with an addict, you don't know what it's like. My husband is an alcoholic. As far as I'm concerned, an addict is an addict. They lie, sneak, hide, and do whatever is necessary to get their "fix". She has every right to be MAD. He has single handedly taken all financial stability away from his wife and children. What on earth did she do to contribute to the problem? Nothing!
Posted by: suhorepetz
Posted on: 2003-09-11 13:48:12
Unless and until you have lived with an addict, you don't know what it's like. My husband is an alcoholic. As far as I'm concerned, an addict is an addict. They lie, sneak, hide, and do whatever is necessary to get their "fix". She has every right to be MAD. He has single handedly taken all financial stability away from his wife and children. What on earth did she do to contribute to the problem? Nothing!
Confused
Posted by: nvan28
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:07:12
My husband has left our home because he says that our life has become stagnate and that the money issues are stressing him out. How or what can I do to make him come back? He also says he loves me but he is not IN LOVE with me. What can I do to remedy this?
I am dispress to make my marriage of 10 years get back on track. What do you suggest?
Posted by: nvan28
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:07:12
My husband has left our home because he says that our life has become stagnate and that the money issues are stressing him out. How or what can I do to make him come back? He also says he loves me but he is not IN LOVE with me. What can I do to remedy this?
I am dispress to make my marriage of 10 years get back on track. What do you suggest?
Do not let him come back
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:24:35
Why would you want a man if he does not love you. There are better fish in the sea and you owe it to yourself to throw that line back out to sea and hook a stronger MAN that will love you and fall in love with you for who you are and can handle stress rather than run away from them.
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:24:35
Why would you want a man if he does not love you. There are better fish in the sea and you owe it to yourself to throw that line back out to sea and hook a stronger MAN that will love you and fall in love with you for who you are and can handle stress rather than run away from them.
Incorrect focus on your part Bud!
Posted by: projam
Posted on: 2003-09-08 17:49:17
Dear Scooter
NVAN28 said her husband is not in love with her anymore. Let's get real here buddy. No one can stay "In Love" after 2 years of marriage. She also stated he still loves her. This is the secondary reason why she needs to consider her own direction regarding the love she still has for her husband. Remember this in every sense of the wording. LOVE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM BEING IN LOVE. It is possible this couple is expecting too much from each other in a hurry? They just need to slow down in order to speed up. Try reading her comment objectively.
Posted by: projam
Posted on: 2003-09-08 17:49:17
Dear Scooter
NVAN28 said her husband is not in love with her anymore. Let's get real here buddy. No one can stay "In Love" after 2 years of marriage. She also stated he still loves her. This is the secondary reason why she needs to consider her own direction regarding the love she still has for her husband. Remember this in every sense of the wording. LOVE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM BEING IN LOVE. It is possible this couple is expecting too much from each other in a hurry? They just need to slow down in order to speed up. Try reading her comment objectively.
Correct focus BUD
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 18:43:37
If you are not in love with your spouse after two years you have a problem one that will either end your marriage shortly or make the rest of your marriage miserable or looking for someone to fall in love with.
Hell I love my dog but I am not married to it. I love my parents and siblings and there kids but I am not IN LOVE with them. Love is a relationship you have with Family and Friends. When you get married it is because you are in love and that is something you do not lose after a few years.
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 18:43:37
If you are not in love with your spouse after two years you have a problem one that will either end your marriage shortly or make the rest of your marriage miserable or looking for someone to fall in love with.
Hell I love my dog but I am not married to it. I love my parents and siblings and there kids but I am not IN LOVE with them. Love is a relationship you have with Family and Friends. When you get married it is because you are in love and that is something you do not lose after a few years.
Stil In Love After 18 yrs
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2003-09-08 21:35:51
I have to disagree, you can be 'in love' with your spouse for much longer than 2 years. My husband and I celebrated 18 yrs last June plus we lived together 1 1/2 yrs before that and we are absolutley still in love with each other.
It isn't the same as it was at first, it's better, stronger, deeper, richer(I'm not talking money here) and more fulfilling than it ever was in the first 5 or so years of being together. We've had some really rough times but we pulled it together and that has made it even better.
Now, if someone feels that they love but are no longer 'in love' with their spouse, they both have to be willing to invest in the relationship to develop that 'in love' feeling. It doesn't just wash over you while you're sitting on the couch watching TV or whatever. Unless you're snuggled together watching TV.
I believe one of the main keys to the success of my marriage is that we have a lot of fun together. He's out of town a lot but when he's around we do things that we enjoy, we laugh, we joke, we tease, we just have fun.
We take turns coming up with different scenarios to keep our sex life interesting. If you don't keep sex interesting it takes a lot of the pep out of a marriage.
I guess you can call it work to keep a marriage fresh and happy but if it is work, it's at my dream job and the pay is not monetary but none the less valuable.
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2003-09-08 21:35:51
I have to disagree, you can be 'in love' with your spouse for much longer than 2 years. My husband and I celebrated 18 yrs last June plus we lived together 1 1/2 yrs before that and we are absolutley still in love with each other.
It isn't the same as it was at first, it's better, stronger, deeper, richer(I'm not talking money here) and more fulfilling than it ever was in the first 5 or so years of being together. We've had some really rough times but we pulled it together and that has made it even better.
Now, if someone feels that they love but are no longer 'in love' with their spouse, they both have to be willing to invest in the relationship to develop that 'in love' feeling. It doesn't just wash over you while you're sitting on the couch watching TV or whatever. Unless you're snuggled together watching TV.
I believe one of the main keys to the success of my marriage is that we have a lot of fun together. He's out of town a lot but when he's around we do things that we enjoy, we laugh, we joke, we tease, we just have fun.
We take turns coming up with different scenarios to keep our sex life interesting. If you don't keep sex interesting it takes a lot of the pep out of a marriage.
I guess you can call it work to keep a marriage fresh and happy but if it is work, it's at my dream job and the pay is not monetary but none the less valuable.
Eat your heart out!
Posted by: juliesther
Posted on: 2003-09-12 14:14:58
been married 30 years, and with the exceptions of a few "falling outs" still am in love with my hubby.
Posted by: juliesther
Posted on: 2003-09-12 14:14:58
been married 30 years, and with the exceptions of a few "falling outs" still am in love with my hubby.
For the confused (nvan28)
Posted by: projam
Posted on: 2003-09-08 17:32:38
Dearest Nvan28
You need to become focus my dear friend. You said the words "in love" which dies after 2 years in a marriage. But love does not die, though it may bend & twist sometimes. It is repairable like most things if we challenge ourselves to FOCUS on the issues of concern. The "In Love" is about romance. Whereas the "Love" is to constantly nurture everything within the 4 fences of your marriage. And this takes planning by both parties. First of you need to ask yourself if you truly want your husband in your life? You need to know if he wants the same thing. If both of you can pass this crucial question then I believe your on your way of mending a great marriage. I feel there are 2 problems. I think the 2 of you do not see eye to eye. Your wants & needs are different from his? In this area the 2 of you will need to learn how to compromise in order to bring happiness to your marriage. Regarding the money issue area you will also need to compromise here. PLEASE READ THE my comment: sjiggy - regarding this topic. It will do the both of you a whole lot of good if you talked about the problem & stop blaming each other for not having the funds to do more with your lives. I believe if a marriage can last 5 years no matter how bitter it may seem? It is repairable.
You can contact me if you need more advice at: dheng@sypatico.ca
I'd be delighted in helping you uncover the beauty of love that is still a part of you and your husband.
Posted by: projam
Posted on: 2003-09-08 17:32:38
Dearest Nvan28
You need to become focus my dear friend. You said the words "in love" which dies after 2 years in a marriage. But love does not die, though it may bend & twist sometimes. It is repairable like most things if we challenge ourselves to FOCUS on the issues of concern. The "In Love" is about romance. Whereas the "Love" is to constantly nurture everything within the 4 fences of your marriage. And this takes planning by both parties. First of you need to ask yourself if you truly want your husband in your life? You need to know if he wants the same thing. If both of you can pass this crucial question then I believe your on your way of mending a great marriage. I feel there are 2 problems. I think the 2 of you do not see eye to eye. Your wants & needs are different from his? In this area the 2 of you will need to learn how to compromise in order to bring happiness to your marriage. Regarding the money issue area you will also need to compromise here. PLEASE READ THE my comment: sjiggy - regarding this topic. It will do the both of you a whole lot of good if you talked about the problem & stop blaming each other for not having the funds to do more with your lives. I believe if a marriage can last 5 years no matter how bitter it may seem? It is repairable.
You can contact me if you need more advice at: dheng@sypatico.ca
I'd be delighted in helping you uncover the beauty of love that is still a part of you and your husband.
NVAN28 ya need to watch it
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 19:21:47
When a stranger especially one on a message board responds to you as dearest and dear friend heads up.
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2003-09-08 19:21:47
When a stranger especially one on a message board responds to you as dearest and dear friend heads up.
FOR THE CONFUSED (NVAN28) correct letter
Posted by: projam
Posted on: 2003-09-08 18:25:31
Dearest Nvan28
You need to become focus my dear friend. You said the words "in love" which dies after 2 years in a marriage. But love does not die, though it may bend & twist sometimes. It is repairable like most things if we challenge ourselves to FOCUS on the issues of concern. The "In Love" is about romance. Whereas the "Love" is to constantly nurture everything within the 4 fences of your marriage. And this takes planning by both parties. First of you need to ask yourself if you truly want your husband in your life? You need to know if he wants the same thing. If both of you can pass this crucial question then I believe your on your way of mending a great marriage. I feel there are 2 problems. I think the 2 of you do not see eye to eye. Your wants & needs are different from his? In this area the 2 of you will need to learn how to compromise in order to bring happiness to your marriage. Regarding the money issue area you will also need to compromise here. PLEASE READ THE my comment: sjiggy - regarding this topic. It will do the both of you a whole lot of good if you talked about the problem & stop blaming each other for not having the funds to do more with your lives. I believe if a marriage can last 5 years no matter how bitter it may seem? It is repairable.
You can contact me if you need more advice at: dheng@sympatico.ca
I'd be delighted in helping you uncover the beauty of love that is still a part of you and your husband.
Posted by: projam
Posted on: 2003-09-08 18:25:31
Dearest Nvan28
You need to become focus my dear friend. You said the words "in love" which dies after 2 years in a marriage. But love does not die, though it may bend & twist sometimes. It is repairable like most things if we challenge ourselves to FOCUS on the issues of concern. The "In Love" is about romance. Whereas the "Love" is to constantly nurture everything within the 4 fences of your marriage. And this takes planning by both parties. First of you need to ask yourself if you truly want your husband in your life? You need to know if he wants the same thing. If both of you can pass this crucial question then I believe your on your way of mending a great marriage. I feel there are 2 problems. I think the 2 of you do not see eye to eye. Your wants & needs are different from his? In this area the 2 of you will need to learn how to compromise in order to bring happiness to your marriage. Regarding the money issue area you will also need to compromise here. PLEASE READ THE my comment: sjiggy - regarding this topic. It will do the both of you a whole lot of good if you talked about the problem & stop blaming each other for not having the funds to do more with your lives. I believe if a marriage can last 5 years no matter how bitter it may seem? It is repairable.
You can contact me if you need more advice at: dheng@sympatico.ca
I'd be delighted in helping you uncover the beauty of love that is still a part of you and your husband.
Money Management
Posted by: ecco99
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:09:16
Dr. Phil, I am glad that you did a show on money management because so many people have money problems, even if it is not on the level as some of your guests. I am 22 years old, in college, and in too much debt than I should be, other than school loans. I have grown up in a home that did not make much money but bills were always paid by due dates and everything else. And now that I have created my debt, I still am able to get my bills paid. It just frustrates me to see people making so much money and can't make it. As for Vincent, who did not want to take a $9.00/hr job, I can't find anything that pays that much here in my town. What's worse, my Mom can't find a job that will even pay $6.00/hr. We have struggled this whole year without my mom working because no one wants to give her a chance and she is willing to work anywhere, doing anything to get her family what we need. I don't think that this is the time for Vincent to be proud, especially when there are people like my mom and I who would thrive on a $9.00/hr job.
Posted by: ecco99
Posted on: 2003-09-08 15:09:16
Dr. Phil, I am glad that you did a show on money management because so many people have money problems, even if it is not on the level as some of your guests. I am 22 years old, in college, and in too much debt than I should be, other than school loans. I have grown up in a home that did not make much money but bills were always paid by due dates and everything else. And now that I have created my debt, I still am able to get my bills paid. It just frustrates me to see people making so much money and can't make it. As for Vincent, who did not want to take a $9.00/hr job, I can't find anything that pays that much here in my town. What's worse, my Mom can't find a job that will even pay $6.00/hr. We have struggled this whole year without my mom working because no one wants to give her a chance and she is willing to work anywhere, doing anything to get her family what we need. I don't think that this is the time for Vincent to be proud, especially when there are people like my mom and I who would thrive on a $9.00/hr job.
