08/31 Ask Dr. Phil
1 | 2 | 3 | 47- year old Kailin
Posted by: hoticeky
Posted on: 2004-08-31 09:57:01
Hi Dr. Phil,
I have a son who is now 17 year old. When he was a baby maybe 4 months old, he had a very bad temper, night terrors, would hold his breath till he passed out, etc... my mom took him off of his formula for a whole weekend during a visit and he turned in to a totally different child. Mind you he is not perfect, but he was allergic to milk which caused an imbalance in him. You may want to suggest this to these parents. When he was older we also did the holding therapy, where my husband would hold him very close and tight until he calmed down. We taught my son different ways to deal with his anger. My son graduated high school at 15, he is now a sophomore at a highly respected college. He has been living in the dorm on his own for a year and a half now. When he feels he is going to get out of control over something, he goes to the bathroom and washes his face. All children are different, you have to find what clicks for them. This little girl needs to know what she is doing is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. They need to lay down the law. It will not stop, but it will get easier.
One who knows the road.
Posted by: hoticeky
Posted on: 2004-08-31 09:57:01
Hi Dr. Phil,
I have a son who is now 17 year old. When he was a baby maybe 4 months old, he had a very bad temper, night terrors, would hold his breath till he passed out, etc... my mom took him off of his formula for a whole weekend during a visit and he turned in to a totally different child. Mind you he is not perfect, but he was allergic to milk which caused an imbalance in him. You may want to suggest this to these parents. When he was older we also did the holding therapy, where my husband would hold him very close and tight until he calmed down. We taught my son different ways to deal with his anger. My son graduated high school at 15, he is now a sophomore at a highly respected college. He has been living in the dorm on his own for a year and a half now. When he feels he is going to get out of control over something, he goes to the bathroom and washes his face. All children are different, you have to find what clicks for them. This little girl needs to know what she is doing is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. They need to lay down the law. It will not stop, but it will get easier.
One who knows the road.
I'd trade kids in a NEW YORK minute!
Posted by: catknapp
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:07:08
Boy, as much as I love my daughter, there are days I just don't like her!
She has been a challenge from the time she turned 6 months old and the Pediatrician said:" I have no real basis for this except a gut feeling but...She's going to be a real handful and you will have your work cut out for you!"
He knew not what he said!!!!!
My 13 yr old daughter is more stubborn than a dozen mules, has a mouth on her that would embarrass a truck driver, is more willful and disobedient than a full-fledged delinquent. We have tried every thing medically, humanly, therapeudically, and common sense based to try to curb her behavior or for that matter, even put a name to it and every one...doctors, Psychiatrists, counsellors, etc have failed miserablely and I REALLY NEED A VACATION!
Posted by: catknapp
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:07:08
Boy, as much as I love my daughter, there are days I just don't like her!
She has been a challenge from the time she turned 6 months old and the Pediatrician said:" I have no real basis for this except a gut feeling but...She's going to be a real handful and you will have your work cut out for you!"
He knew not what he said!!!!!
My 13 yr old daughter is more stubborn than a dozen mules, has a mouth on her that would embarrass a truck driver, is more willful and disobedient than a full-fledged delinquent. We have tried every thing medically, humanly, therapeudically, and common sense based to try to curb her behavior or for that matter, even put a name to it and every one...doctors, Psychiatrists, counsellors, etc have failed miserablely and I REALLY NEED A VACATION!
DAUGHTER WAS ALERGIC TO EGGS
Posted by: bstef_tx
Posted on: 2004-09-01 07:16:51
HI DR.PHIL,BONNIE B FROM TEXAS HERE, JUST WANTED TO PUT A LITTLE INPUT INTO THE ALERGIC REACTION,AROUND 86/87 MY FAMILY WAS TESTED FOR ALERGIES AND THE REACTION JENNI HAD TO EGGS WAS UNREAL, HER PERSONALITY WENT FROM DAY TO NIGHT, SO THIS DOES HAPPEN. AFTER SHOTS FOR YEAR OR TWO SHE OVERCAME THE ALLERY, MAY ASK SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT HER DIET TO COVER ALL BASES.
TEXICAN LADY, BONNIE B
Posted by: bstef_tx
Posted on: 2004-09-01 07:16:51
HI DR.PHIL,BONNIE B FROM TEXAS HERE, JUST WANTED TO PUT A LITTLE INPUT INTO THE ALERGIC REACTION,AROUND 86/87 MY FAMILY WAS TESTED FOR ALERGIES AND THE REACTION JENNI HAD TO EGGS WAS UNREAL, HER PERSONALITY WENT FROM DAY TO NIGHT, SO THIS DOES HAPPEN. AFTER SHOTS FOR YEAR OR TWO SHE OVERCAME THE ALLERY, MAY ASK SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT HER DIET TO COVER ALL BASES.
TEXICAN LADY, BONNIE B
dejavu
Posted by: jmelmb712
Posted on: 2004-08-31 09:57:28
I have not even seen this show yet but am all to aware of this problem. I married a man who ADORED his daughter sooooooooooo much that it became him and her against me! I was NEVER allowed to say anything to her unless it was to say how wonderful she was. She had daddy wrapped around her little finger and it became DIVIDE AND CONQUER for her. I am surprised he didn't take HER to bed instead of me. She was the cause of more arguements and finally when she decided to move back in with her mother because "she couldn't take it anymore" my husband told me that "if she walks out then I want you gone too" AND I WAS PREGNANT AT THE TIME. This child manipulated her father so that I was always viewed as the enemy and it ended up putting many nails in the coffin of that now ended marriage. I will NEVER date a man with a teenage daughter anymore because of it. She was a manipulative bitch and I certainly hope one day it all comes back and bites her in the face.
Posted by: jmelmb712
Posted on: 2004-08-31 09:57:28
I have not even seen this show yet but am all to aware of this problem. I married a man who ADORED his daughter sooooooooooo much that it became him and her against me! I was NEVER allowed to say anything to her unless it was to say how wonderful she was. She had daddy wrapped around her little finger and it became DIVIDE AND CONQUER for her. I am surprised he didn't take HER to bed instead of me. She was the cause of more arguements and finally when she decided to move back in with her mother because "she couldn't take it anymore" my husband told me that "if she walks out then I want you gone too" AND I WAS PREGNANT AT THE TIME. This child manipulated her father so that I was always viewed as the enemy and it ended up putting many nails in the coffin of that now ended marriage. I will NEVER date a man with a teenage daughter anymore because of it. She was a manipulative bitch and I certainly hope one day it all comes back and bites her in the face.
Re: Torn between new wife and kids
Posted by: wendy12381
Posted on: 2004-08-31 10:19:44
As a stepmother AND a daughter of a dad with a "significant other", I watched with interest today's show. I guess I've been blessed in my relationship with my two stepdaughters. We've always gotten along great...I came into their lives when I was 36 and they were 14 and 16.(My husband and their mom had been divorced for 5 years.) But, I have always been warm, loving, open, and supportive of their relationship with their dad. It's never been a competition, and I decided early on, that if there were conflicts, I would choose our battles wisely. I really think all of this is important when blending families. I felt for today's daughter- I really felt from the beginning that her step mom seems cold and in some sort of competition with her. Then the daughter expressed that she didn't think her step mom was very warm towards her which confirmed my thoughts. I truly hope for the sake of this young girl that her stepmom will be kinder towards her, not expect her husband to choose sides, and really become a good friend to her. Stepmom-
please, don't throw it up in your husband's face that "now you have to be the bad guy". If you truly try to cultivate a relationship with this girl, she will end up respecting you and honoring what you say and do. And remember to choose your battles carefully, don't nitpick on every little "slight" you think this girl might ( or might not) be giving you!
Posted by: wendy12381
Posted on: 2004-08-31 10:19:44
As a stepmother AND a daughter of a dad with a "significant other", I watched with interest today's show. I guess I've been blessed in my relationship with my two stepdaughters. We've always gotten along great...I came into their lives when I was 36 and they were 14 and 16.(My husband and their mom had been divorced for 5 years.) But, I have always been warm, loving, open, and supportive of their relationship with their dad. It's never been a competition, and I decided early on, that if there were conflicts, I would choose our battles wisely. I really think all of this is important when blending families. I felt for today's daughter- I really felt from the beginning that her step mom seems cold and in some sort of competition with her. Then the daughter expressed that she didn't think her step mom was very warm towards her which confirmed my thoughts. I truly hope for the sake of this young girl that her stepmom will be kinder towards her, not expect her husband to choose sides, and really become a good friend to her. Stepmom-
please, don't throw it up in your husband's face that "now you have to be the bad guy". If you truly try to cultivate a relationship with this girl, she will end up respecting you and honoring what you say and do. And remember to choose your battles carefully, don't nitpick on every little "slight" you think this girl might ( or might not) be giving you!
5yr old troubles
Posted by: mom4grand2
Posted on: 2004-08-31 10:26:47
Hi Dr. Phil, I watched your show today, the piece on the 7 yr old little girl who had behavior problems. We have a 5 yr old daughter with similar behavior problems. My husband generally avoids the discipline piece of parenting. I want to share with him the information I heard on your show today, but I am not sure how to approach him without him becoming defensive. Do you have any suggestions?
Posted by: mom4grand2
Posted on: 2004-08-31 10:26:47
Hi Dr. Phil, I watched your show today, the piece on the 7 yr old little girl who had behavior problems. We have a 5 yr old daughter with similar behavior problems. My husband generally avoids the discipline piece of parenting. I want to share with him the information I heard on your show today, but I am not sure how to approach him without him becoming defensive. Do you have any suggestions?
3 Step-children
Posted by: dncsmom
Posted on: 2004-08-31 11:26:59
I watched the "Ask Dr.Phil" show today and the topic that caught my eye was the blended family. I too am part of a blended family. I began dating a man 5 years ago with 3 young daughters, and married him almost 3 years ago. My husband and I have 2 young sons and the 3 girls live with their mother. Since my husband and I have been married, I have had nothing but hard times with the girls. We got along great before the marriage, but now I don't know where things went wrong. They do nothing but hurt me. They act like they do not know I exist, and at time act like their half-brothers do not exist. Half the time they act as if their own Father doesn't exist. Last Christmas the youngest daughter didn't take the time to acknowledge myself or her little brothers. This past week, my littlest son turned one, and none of the girls cared to acknowledge it, not even a phone call saying Happy Birthday, or a card when they came over. They act as if none of us here exist, only their family at their mothers house gets attention. My husband and I have talked to them on numerous occasions about issues such as these, and nothing we say or do seems to be working. It goes in one ear and out the other. Does anybody else experience this, and if so what should my husband and I do???
Posted by: dncsmom
Posted on: 2004-08-31 11:26:59
I watched the "Ask Dr.Phil" show today and the topic that caught my eye was the blended family. I too am part of a blended family. I began dating a man 5 years ago with 3 young daughters, and married him almost 3 years ago. My husband and I have 2 young sons and the 3 girls live with their mother. Since my husband and I have been married, I have had nothing but hard times with the girls. We got along great before the marriage, but now I don't know where things went wrong. They do nothing but hurt me. They act like they do not know I exist, and at time act like their half-brothers do not exist. Half the time they act as if their own Father doesn't exist. Last Christmas the youngest daughter didn't take the time to acknowledge myself or her little brothers. This past week, my littlest son turned one, and none of the girls cared to acknowledge it, not even a phone call saying Happy Birthday, or a card when they came over. They act as if none of us here exist, only their family at their mothers house gets attention. My husband and I have talked to them on numerous occasions about issues such as these, and nothing we say or do seems to be working. It goes in one ear and out the other. Does anybody else experience this, and if so what should my husband and I do???
Step-children
Posted by: candicetsc
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:26:38
I have a step-son from my marriage to my husband. Prior to the marriage, I had a great bond with ss, then he rebelled after the wedding. I couldn't understand it. The bio-mom was talking trash about us, and our wedding. I will tell you a pivtol moment in my ss that helped him change his behavior, his dad told him that being disrespectful to me was being disrespectful to his dad. This will be a tough road for you if their mother does not acknowledge your family. Be respectful of their mother's side of the family, and have your husband talk to their mother. If she is encouraging them to be hateful, it will work. Be patient, and very caring, and try not to take their actions personal. They do not hate you, they are just demonstrating behaviors that they know, and when they are disrespectful, they don't even know they are being disrespectful, they are reflections of their parents. It is very difficult, and I am sorry you are dealing with this...
my ss was very hurtful to me, but things have improved significantly since his bio-mom has improved her behavior. Talking to the children may not work because they may be receiving a different message from their mother. Also, they may be feeling like they need to compete with you for dad's attention. It's a tough balance, hang in there because it will get better over time. Good Luck!
Posted by: candicetsc
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:26:38
I have a step-son from my marriage to my husband. Prior to the marriage, I had a great bond with ss, then he rebelled after the wedding. I couldn't understand it. The bio-mom was talking trash about us, and our wedding. I will tell you a pivtol moment in my ss that helped him change his behavior, his dad told him that being disrespectful to me was being disrespectful to his dad. This will be a tough road for you if their mother does not acknowledge your family. Be respectful of their mother's side of the family, and have your husband talk to their mother. If she is encouraging them to be hateful, it will work. Be patient, and very caring, and try not to take their actions personal. They do not hate you, they are just demonstrating behaviors that they know, and when they are disrespectful, they don't even know they are being disrespectful, they are reflections of their parents. It is very difficult, and I am sorry you are dealing with this...
my ss was very hurtful to me, but things have improved significantly since his bio-mom has improved her behavior. Talking to the children may not work because they may be receiving a different message from their mother. Also, they may be feeling like they need to compete with you for dad's attention. It's a tough balance, hang in there because it will get better over time. Good Luck!
Step-children
Posted by: dncsmom
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:02:55
Thank you for your helpful response! My husband and I have decided that all of this behavior is from the childrens mother, but how do we change it if the mother is not willing to change? She has trash talked my husband and I for the entire 5 years we've been together, and only wishes bad things for us. We tell the girls that we will always be there for them, to love them, and care for them, but we really just get slapped in the face in the end. Of course they act all sweet when they think there is something in it for them, then when they get what they want, its back to being hurtful. Although, I've really got to give credit to the oldest girl, 14, she's really learned to stand up for her feelings, and has decided to love whoever she wants to love no matter what bio-mother has to say about it.
Sorry to rattle on about this, it is just very aggravating. I hate talking to my husband about it, because he feels like thats putting him in the middle of it all.
But I believe it is for him to help with since they are his kids and I am his wife.
Posted by: dncsmom
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:02:55
Thank you for your helpful response! My husband and I have decided that all of this behavior is from the childrens mother, but how do we change it if the mother is not willing to change? She has trash talked my husband and I for the entire 5 years we've been together, and only wishes bad things for us. We tell the girls that we will always be there for them, to love them, and care for them, but we really just get slapped in the face in the end. Of course they act all sweet when they think there is something in it for them, then when they get what they want, its back to being hurtful. Although, I've really got to give credit to the oldest girl, 14, she's really learned to stand up for her feelings, and has decided to love whoever she wants to love no matter what bio-mother has to say about it.
Sorry to rattle on about this, it is just very aggravating. I hate talking to my husband about it, because he feels like thats putting him in the middle of it all.
But I believe it is for him to help with since they are his kids and I am his wife.
Hateful ex
Posted by: trixie774
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:58:31
I can relate to your troubles with the ex and the children. I am also remarried to a man who has 3 children from a prev. marriage. All his children, (17, 14, 10) live with their mother. The mother is a manic depressive and has done nothing but put him and I down at every opportunity. She fills their head with garbage and can't leave us alone. Really sad situation, and it's driving me crazy. You cannot change other people, only how you react to them. It just seems so unfair at times, when the ex can't get over it and get on with live. The odd thing is, in our case she left my husband over 6 years ago. I hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel and it better not turn out to be a truck! I hope things work out for you.
Posted by: trixie774
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:58:31
I can relate to your troubles with the ex and the children. I am also remarried to a man who has 3 children from a prev. marriage. All his children, (17, 14, 10) live with their mother. The mother is a manic depressive and has done nothing but put him and I down at every opportunity. She fills their head with garbage and can't leave us alone. Really sad situation, and it's driving me crazy. You cannot change other people, only how you react to them. It just seems so unfair at times, when the ex can't get over it and get on with live. The odd thing is, in our case she left my husband over 6 years ago. I hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel and it better not turn out to be a truck! I hope things work out for you.
Hateful ex
Posted by: trixie774
Posted on: 2004-08-31 19:09:53
I can relate to your troubles with the ex and the children. I am also remarried to a man who has 3 children from a prev. marriage. All his children, (17, 14, 10) live with their mother. The mother is a manic depressive and her mental illness has been used as an excuse for her behaviour far too many times. (she refuses treatment) She has done nothing but put him and I down at every opportunity. She fills the children's head with garbage and can't leave us alone. If it isn't about her, she makes it about her. Really sad situation, and it's driving me crazy. It's hard to deal with a person who thrives on so much drama each day. I think she's a very unhappy person . I also believe she regrets having ended her marriage and that is why she needs to constantly put him down and justify her own actions. It's sad, because the children do suffer from it all.
I do hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us remarried couples - and I hope that light isn't a truck!
Posted by: trixie774
Posted on: 2004-08-31 19:09:53
I can relate to your troubles with the ex and the children. I am also remarried to a man who has 3 children from a prev. marriage. All his children, (17, 14, 10) live with their mother. The mother is a manic depressive and her mental illness has been used as an excuse for her behaviour far too many times. (she refuses treatment) She has done nothing but put him and I down at every opportunity. She fills the children's head with garbage and can't leave us alone. If it isn't about her, she makes it about her. Really sad situation, and it's driving me crazy. It's hard to deal with a person who thrives on so much drama each day. I think she's a very unhappy person . I also believe she regrets having ended her marriage and that is why she needs to constantly put him down and justify her own actions. It's sad, because the children do suffer from it all.
I do hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us remarried couples - and I hope that light isn't a truck!
Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Posted by: shcolquitt
Posted on: 2004-09-01 10:51:35
Wow! My story is almost exactly as yours. I married in May of this year and my new husband has 3 kids (17, 13 and 8) The two younger kids have adjusted well. The 17 yr old is a different story. All three have their moments and I'm convinced their mother is filling their heads full of garbage. She left my husband and remarried and is miserable. Also all three kids hate him. I think he started out on the wrong foot by bossing the kids around and they have rejected him big time. Their mother is miserable in her life so she is trying to make our lives miserable. She is doing a good job but we are trying to deal with it. There seems to be a new problem everyday and if something don't give soon I'm going to pull my hair out. I'm not going to give up cause I love my husband very much. I even feel sorry for him being caught in the middle. Oh yeah and to add fuel to the fire my new mother inlaw is right in the middle and she seems to go against everything we do. If there is anything I could do to make life better I would do it. I just feel like my hands are tied and I do try to be warm to my step daughter but her only responses are so disrespectful that I just back off. Sorry to ramble on but I'm afraid that the light at the end of my tunnel is a truck...A semi-truck!
Posted by: shcolquitt
Posted on: 2004-09-01 10:51:35
Wow! My story is almost exactly as yours. I married in May of this year and my new husband has 3 kids (17, 13 and 8) The two younger kids have adjusted well. The 17 yr old is a different story. All three have their moments and I'm convinced their mother is filling their heads full of garbage. She left my husband and remarried and is miserable. Also all three kids hate him. I think he started out on the wrong foot by bossing the kids around and they have rejected him big time. Their mother is miserable in her life so she is trying to make our lives miserable. She is doing a good job but we are trying to deal with it. There seems to be a new problem everyday and if something don't give soon I'm going to pull my hair out. I'm not going to give up cause I love my husband very much. I even feel sorry for him being caught in the middle. Oh yeah and to add fuel to the fire my new mother inlaw is right in the middle and she seems to go against everything we do. If there is anything I could do to make life better I would do it. I just feel like my hands are tied and I do try to be warm to my step daughter but her only responses are so disrespectful that I just back off. Sorry to ramble on but I'm afraid that the light at the end of my tunnel is a truck...A semi-truck!
sadstepmom
Posted by: fw1963
Posted on: 2004-09-04 20:16:12
I have done a lot of rambling the last 11 years. Being married to a man with children has been a challenge to say the least. But I am in the light. If you love your husband, you can make it through. The children get older and move on. But it was the hardest thing I have ever been through.
Now the oldest is married, she was strong and stood up against the mom (although the mom cut her out of her life) but we are close to her. There are still 3 at home with the mom that we believe has turned them against us and we have no contact with them. I am sad that we are apart from them, but that is their choice. We have tried and tried. Sticking with my husband was the right thing, as he is a kind wonderful man.
Posted by: fw1963
Posted on: 2004-09-04 20:16:12
I have done a lot of rambling the last 11 years. Being married to a man with children has been a challenge to say the least. But I am in the light. If you love your husband, you can make it through. The children get older and move on. But it was the hardest thing I have ever been through.
Now the oldest is married, she was strong and stood up against the mom (although the mom cut her out of her life) but we are close to her. There are still 3 at home with the mom that we believe has turned them against us and we have no contact with them. I am sad that we are apart from them, but that is their choice. We have tried and tried. Sticking with my husband was the right thing, as he is a kind wonderful man.
911 HELP WITH 16 YR OLD DAUGHTER 911
Posted by: santas1
Posted on: 2004-08-31 12:51:19
I have a 16 yr old daughter who thinks she is 21. She is dating a 19 yr old boy,sneaking out all hours of the night. Having sex in the woods out in the front of our property.She is mouthy,rude,says she is our "niggerslave". Where does that come from? She smokes. The boy is very unstable. Parets are drunks and metally abusive to him & his younger brother. He is a control freak. We have been trying to get her to see who and what he is and that he needs help but she wont hear us. How can we get her to see the REAL him . She wants to marry him soon as she turns 18. Please Dr. Phil we need your help.She quit school last year towards the end of the year. Did nothing over the summer but make us crazy.I am at my wits ends Dr.Phil. I watch your show everyday looking for help and incouragment to go on. I stay up until 2am sometimes 4 am just to make sure she is not sneaking out of the house to meet him. I have contacted the police down here. They say bout all we can do is put a app in for the judge to look over to get a with straining order against the boy. But then a officer told me it will be up to the officer that comes to the call. So in other words if he (the cop) doesn't see real proof the boy was here he wont do a thing about it. I think he would have to catch him on the property. Which bites because we are in the country and by time a officer gets here he will be long gone. My husband has caught the two kids two times now in the act(sex).I'm only 38 Dr.Phil ..I'm not ready to be a grandmother yet. I'm still trying to injoy what time I have left with my kids ..being kids..ya know? Thank you for your time.I surely hope you can help us. This is a rough thing on our marriage.We fight about our daughter all the time. She plays us against eachother alot. Any reply you give will be a reward and help for us thank you again. Oh and Dr.Phil..I pray for you and all your wisdom everyday. And for your abliteis to help everyone you come in contact with. You have the Nack man! Awesome work!
Posted by: santas1
Posted on: 2004-08-31 12:51:19
I have a 16 yr old daughter who thinks she is 21. She is dating a 19 yr old boy,sneaking out all hours of the night. Having sex in the woods out in the front of our property.She is mouthy,rude,says she is our "niggerslave". Where does that come from? She smokes. The boy is very unstable. Parets are drunks and metally abusive to him & his younger brother. He is a control freak. We have been trying to get her to see who and what he is and that he needs help but she wont hear us. How can we get her to see the REAL him . She wants to marry him soon as she turns 18. Please Dr. Phil we need your help.She quit school last year towards the end of the year. Did nothing over the summer but make us crazy.I am at my wits ends Dr.Phil. I watch your show everyday looking for help and incouragment to go on. I stay up until 2am sometimes 4 am just to make sure she is not sneaking out of the house to meet him. I have contacted the police down here. They say bout all we can do is put a app in for the judge to look over to get a with straining order against the boy. But then a officer told me it will be up to the officer that comes to the call. So in other words if he (the cop) doesn't see real proof the boy was here he wont do a thing about it. I think he would have to catch him on the property. Which bites because we are in the country and by time a officer gets here he will be long gone. My husband has caught the two kids two times now in the act(sex).I'm only 38 Dr.Phil ..I'm not ready to be a grandmother yet. I'm still trying to injoy what time I have left with my kids ..being kids..ya know? Thank you for your time.I surely hope you can help us. This is a rough thing on our marriage.We fight about our daughter all the time. She plays us against eachother alot. Any reply you give will be a reward and help for us thank you again. Oh and Dr.Phil..I pray for you and all your wisdom everyday. And for your abliteis to help everyone you come in contact with. You have the Nack man! Awesome work!
Re: Ask Dr. Phil...
Posted by: slysue2
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:10:54
Boy Can I relate to the first topic! I was 13 when my parents split and 18 when my dad remarried. I made a point of making my stepmother's life a living hell! She went out of her way to be kind and polite only to be met with retalliation and coldness.She would invite me over for supper only to be told if I don't like it I'm not coming. It all came to an end one day when my dad sat me down and said: "you are a selfish spoiled little brat. This is my life and how dare you think you can control it." "If you don't like it, then don't let the door hit you on the way out." 22 years later, my step mother and I are best of friends.We live at the opposite ends of the country, but when we get together, the two of us spend hours shopping and going out for lunch, etc.(She has been there for me more then she had to be.My own mother was still alive at the time but was indifferent to the issues I was going through.)As a wife and mother of teenagers, I now appreciate what I put her through and am glad I got the wake up call when I did.
Posted by: slysue2
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:10:54
Boy Can I relate to the first topic! I was 13 when my parents split and 18 when my dad remarried. I made a point of making my stepmother's life a living hell! She went out of her way to be kind and polite only to be met with retalliation and coldness.She would invite me over for supper only to be told if I don't like it I'm not coming. It all came to an end one day when my dad sat me down and said: "you are a selfish spoiled little brat. This is my life and how dare you think you can control it." "If you don't like it, then don't let the door hit you on the way out." 22 years later, my step mother and I are best of friends.We live at the opposite ends of the country, but when we get together, the two of us spend hours shopping and going out for lunch, etc.(She has been there for me more then she had to be.My own mother was still alive at the time but was indifferent to the issues I was going through.)As a wife and mother of teenagers, I now appreciate what I put her through and am glad I got the wake up call when I did.
stepchildren
Posted by: trckrmom
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:10:54
Boy, can I relate to this one! I am very happily married to a man who has 2 GROWN boys. They have repeatedly, over the last 6 years, tried to destroy my marriage to their dad. The oldest one flunked out his senior year of high school and his mother gave him up at that time. Of course he had no where to go, but to Dad. This all happened around the second year of our marrige. He came to live with us, got his diploma and screwed me over. He has done everything, watched the gas and mileage on my car, been accused of having a fling with some guy at a local car wash, and the list goes on and on. It has all come to a head now and they put their dad in the worst position as a last resort, either me or them. Needless to say, I am still here and I am sorry they chose to miss out on their dad and little sister. There is so much more to this and I can go on, but this is the jist of the story. I wanted this change in their dads life to be as good for them as it has been for my husband. Time will tell I guess and thanks for letting me vent!
Trckrmom
Posted by: trckrmom
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:10:54
Boy, can I relate to this one! I am very happily married to a man who has 2 GROWN boys. They have repeatedly, over the last 6 years, tried to destroy my marriage to their dad. The oldest one flunked out his senior year of high school and his mother gave him up at that time. Of course he had no where to go, but to Dad. This all happened around the second year of our marrige. He came to live with us, got his diploma and screwed me over. He has done everything, watched the gas and mileage on my car, been accused of having a fling with some guy at a local car wash, and the list goes on and on. It has all come to a head now and they put their dad in the worst position as a last resort, either me or them. Needless to say, I am still here and I am sorry they chose to miss out on their dad and little sister. There is so much more to this and I can go on, but this is the jist of the story. I wanted this change in their dads life to be as good for them as it has been for my husband. Time will tell I guess and thanks for letting me vent!
Trckrmom
been there done that
Posted by: happyinkc
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:15:40
I hate to sound bitter, but my 7 1/2 year marrage came to an end because of my ex's daughter. She came to live with us when she was nine. I had a son that was six at the time. The little child told me when she moved in with us that her dad would always take her side and she would see to it that our marrage would not last. This is not all the little girls fault, her father, a grown man, should not have let his daughter run his life. This little girl did everything in her power to cause arguments between he and I. My ex traveled frequently and I was told to make her mind me while he was gone. I tried to, but she told her grandparents I was a Bitch and always did things to her that was not fare. I bought this kid a car (new) when she was 15 1/2 I wanted her to have a safe car that she could depend on. She said I did not ever give her anything, but I bought my son a bike. A car verses a bike? Right after she was give the car she went to visit her other grandparents in another state. She called her father and said she was not comming back and he could not make her. She told him if he divorced me then she would come back. during her stay she was mean to my son, he would call me crying after school because she was being mean to him, but would not ever rat her out. Things came to the point where he did not want to live with them either. About the time I decided I could not live in this enviorment my son went to live with his dad. This broke my heart to no end. A few weeks later I moved out. I should not have let things get to this point, but the two of us and my son got along great until she came, I remembered the good times and hoped we could get them back. She graduated high school, the ex and his parents went to another state to attend., I was not invited to go, she came to visit her grandparents, the ex went to their house and spent the weekend, I was not invited. So may hurtful things had happen, there was no fix. I am happy to say that today my son is married and a fine young man. He told me before his wedding, that his new bride would not ever be hurt like I was. He still remembers, and hurts for me, because he knew how happy he had been too, until she came. I am now happily married now to a wounderful man, the past is the past, life goes on.
Posted by: happyinkc
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:15:40
I hate to sound bitter, but my 7 1/2 year marrage came to an end because of my ex's daughter. She came to live with us when she was nine. I had a son that was six at the time. The little child told me when she moved in with us that her dad would always take her side and she would see to it that our marrage would not last. This is not all the little girls fault, her father, a grown man, should not have let his daughter run his life. This little girl did everything in her power to cause arguments between he and I. My ex traveled frequently and I was told to make her mind me while he was gone. I tried to, but she told her grandparents I was a Bitch and always did things to her that was not fare. I bought this kid a car (new) when she was 15 1/2 I wanted her to have a safe car that she could depend on. She said I did not ever give her anything, but I bought my son a bike. A car verses a bike? Right after she was give the car she went to visit her other grandparents in another state. She called her father and said she was not comming back and he could not make her. She told him if he divorced me then she would come back. during her stay she was mean to my son, he would call me crying after school because she was being mean to him, but would not ever rat her out. Things came to the point where he did not want to live with them either. About the time I decided I could not live in this enviorment my son went to live with his dad. This broke my heart to no end. A few weeks later I moved out. I should not have let things get to this point, but the two of us and my son got along great until she came, I remembered the good times and hoped we could get them back. She graduated high school, the ex and his parents went to another state to attend., I was not invited to go, she came to visit her grandparents, the ex went to their house and spent the weekend, I was not invited. So may hurtful things had happen, there was no fix. I am happy to say that today my son is married and a fine young man. He told me before his wedding, that his new bride would not ever be hurt like I was. He still remembers, and hurts for me, because he knew how happy he had been too, until she came. I am now happily married now to a wounderful man, the past is the past, life goes on.
My husband and his daughter
Posted by: rdegraaf
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:15:40
I just finished watching the segment about Ken and his daughter. At least his daughter is talking to him. My husbands daughter who is 19 and in college doesn't talk to her father. The only time she calls him is when she wants money. When her parents divorced back in 2001 he tried talking to her. But she didn't want anything to do with him. My husbands job transferred him to NY (daughter and her mother live in NJ) he talked to her and told her that no matter what he would always be there for her. He sat down one night and wrote her this really long letter trying to explain things, she never ackowledged that letter. He tries to find out what is going on in her life and he hits dead ends. I have never even met his daughter and we have been married for 2 years. Mother convinced daughter that I was the cause of their divorce which I had nothing to do with. Hubby has tried to arrange meetings so that we can meet, daughter has stated several times that she wants nothing to do with me and does not want to meet me. I can live with that, I just hate seeing my husbands face when his birthday rolls around and he doesn't get a card or a call. He calls daughter and he gets 1 word answers then tells him she is busy and cannot talk. She called one night because she needed money, she is in college and before he agreed to give her any money he was tring to chat with her to find out how school and her life is going, she told him she did not want to talk that she just wants money and that because he is not paying her mother the full child support, her mother cannot give her more money so she has to call and ask him for it. He tried to tell her because he is paying for some of her college that child support is reduced. But she did not want to hear that. It just really breaks my heart. My husband is one of the nicest guys you would ever want to meet and there is no excuse for his daughter to treat him this way. It has gotten to the point that he doesn't even call her anymore. I told him he should at least try to keep open the lines of communications and he says no, he is tired of her treating him this way. I am hoping that with her away at college and meeting new people that her way of thinking will change and she will realize that her father is not such a bad guy after all. I hate thinking of these wasted years between them.
Anyone else gone thru something like this? If so how long does it go on?
Thanks,
R
Posted by: rdegraaf
Posted on: 2004-08-31 15:15:40
I just finished watching the segment about Ken and his daughter. At least his daughter is talking to him. My husbands daughter who is 19 and in college doesn't talk to her father. The only time she calls him is when she wants money. When her parents divorced back in 2001 he tried talking to her. But she didn't want anything to do with him. My husbands job transferred him to NY (daughter and her mother live in NJ) he talked to her and told her that no matter what he would always be there for her. He sat down one night and wrote her this really long letter trying to explain things, she never ackowledged that letter. He tries to find out what is going on in her life and he hits dead ends. I have never even met his daughter and we have been married for 2 years. Mother convinced daughter that I was the cause of their divorce which I had nothing to do with. Hubby has tried to arrange meetings so that we can meet, daughter has stated several times that she wants nothing to do with me and does not want to meet me. I can live with that, I just hate seeing my husbands face when his birthday rolls around and he doesn't get a card or a call. He calls daughter and he gets 1 word answers then tells him she is busy and cannot talk. She called one night because she needed money, she is in college and before he agreed to give her any money he was tring to chat with her to find out how school and her life is going, she told him she did not want to talk that she just wants money and that because he is not paying her mother the full child support, her mother cannot give her more money so she has to call and ask him for it. He tried to tell her because he is paying for some of her college that child support is reduced. But she did not want to hear that. It just really breaks my heart. My husband is one of the nicest guys you would ever want to meet and there is no excuse for his daughter to treat him this way. It has gotten to the point that he doesn't even call her anymore. I told him he should at least try to keep open the lines of communications and he says no, he is tired of her treating him this way. I am hoping that with her away at college and meeting new people that her way of thinking will change and she will realize that her father is not such a bad guy after all. I hate thinking of these wasted years between them.
Anyone else gone thru something like this? If so how long does it go on?
Thanks,
R
your story is familiar
Posted by: anebak
Posted on: 2004-09-01 15:27:49
Hi - My husband's daughter is 22 and she won't have anything to do with her dad. She has decided that her parent's divorce was all my fault and as long as he is with me she doesn't want him in her life. She can't see how terribly her mom treated him - her mom can do no wrong. I try to encourage him to keep the lines of communication open even though she doesn't respond except to say "don't write me". I hope that she matures and sees that life is not so black and white and that her mom played a role in the demise of their marriage. We've only been married for a few months - but they have not had a relationship for at least 2 years because of us. No end to this in sight, unfortunately. It's very sad because they had a close loving relationship and he really misses her. Fortunately my 2 kids embrace him and his son has embraced our marriage and my kids too. But as long as the mom continues to blame all of her misfortune on us - my husband's daughter will also. On Dr. Phil yesterday he said something about parents having the right to pursue happiness and that kids join your life. My husband finally came to the conclusion that he couldn't live based on how his daughter was going to react. We pray that her heart will soften and until then we will continue to remind her that she is one of our children regardless of how she treats us.
Keep looking up!
Posted by: anebak
Posted on: 2004-09-01 15:27:49
Hi - My husband's daughter is 22 and she won't have anything to do with her dad. She has decided that her parent's divorce was all my fault and as long as he is with me she doesn't want him in her life. She can't see how terribly her mom treated him - her mom can do no wrong. I try to encourage him to keep the lines of communication open even though she doesn't respond except to say "don't write me". I hope that she matures and sees that life is not so black and white and that her mom played a role in the demise of their marriage. We've only been married for a few months - but they have not had a relationship for at least 2 years because of us. No end to this in sight, unfortunately. It's very sad because they had a close loving relationship and he really misses her. Fortunately my 2 kids embrace him and his son has embraced our marriage and my kids too. But as long as the mom continues to blame all of her misfortune on us - my husband's daughter will also. On Dr. Phil yesterday he said something about parents having the right to pursue happiness and that kids join your life. My husband finally came to the conclusion that he couldn't live based on how his daughter was going to react. We pray that her heart will soften and until then we will continue to remind her that she is one of our children regardless of how she treats us.
Keep looking up!
sadstepmomtoo
Posted by: fw1963
Posted on: 2004-09-04 20:20:06
Hi, (with tears running down my face). I have 4 step children, now 18,20,22 and 24. The 24 yr old has been close to us since she stood up to and moved out of her mothers at age 16 and moved in with us. Her mother cut her out of her life then. The other 3 have no contact with us or their big sister. Our phone # is blocked from their house! We are peaceful, gentle people, my husband and I. He also is one of the nicest guys that would give the shirt off of his back. We have been married for 10 years. There is sooo much to say about this.
My husband has given up. I ache for the kids but I don't know if they hurt or are so convinced by the mother that their dad is a bad guy that they really don't want to talk to him. We had a trampoline and a pool for them. We rode bikes, went on walks, hikes and did many nice things together. We did have good times and I hope that they remember them.
They used to ask for money. We paid so much child support that it would have been absurd to give more. They finally quit asking(I think that the mom gave up). I hate thinking of the bad feelings between them. My husband is sad because of it, but worse is that it could be affecting their choices in life and could be putting them down the wrong path. They don't answer and cards we send, and the phone is blocked-what can we do? The children are the real losers in Divorce. So sad. L
Posted by: fw1963
Posted on: 2004-09-04 20:20:06
Hi, (with tears running down my face). I have 4 step children, now 18,20,22 and 24. The 24 yr old has been close to us since she stood up to and moved out of her mothers at age 16 and moved in with us. Her mother cut her out of her life then. The other 3 have no contact with us or their big sister. Our phone # is blocked from their house! We are peaceful, gentle people, my husband and I. He also is one of the nicest guys that would give the shirt off of his back. We have been married for 10 years. There is sooo much to say about this.
My husband has given up. I ache for the kids but I don't know if they hurt or are so convinced by the mother that their dad is a bad guy that they really don't want to talk to him. We had a trampoline and a pool for them. We rode bikes, went on walks, hikes and did many nice things together. We did have good times and I hope that they remember them.
They used to ask for money. We paid so much child support that it would have been absurd to give more. They finally quit asking(I think that the mom gave up). I hate thinking of the bad feelings between them. My husband is sad because of it, but worse is that it could be affecting their choices in life and could be putting them down the wrong path. They don't answer and cards we send, and the phone is blocked-what can we do? The children are the real losers in Divorce. So sad. L
