08/26 A Family Divided: What Lies Ahead
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | next » | lastErin
Posted by: rosemht
Posted on: 2004-05-20 07:53:12
I hope you truly see how far you have come in this process. If you were to take a picture of you then and now, you look like 2 different people. Now you seem so much softer, like a good 10-15 yrs has been wiped away. You seem much more at peace even when things turn ugly with Marty. Yes you blew up at Alex but we all do it and we all feel horrible about it. My mom also called me a few choice words as a teenager, but I do not hold it against her and today she truly is my best friend. The VERY best of luck to you and your family in the future, no matter where that may lead. I'm proud of you!
Posted by: rosemht
Posted on: 2004-05-20 07:53:12
I hope you truly see how far you have come in this process. If you were to take a picture of you then and now, you look like 2 different people. Now you seem so much softer, like a good 10-15 yrs has been wiped away. You seem much more at peace even when things turn ugly with Marty. Yes you blew up at Alex but we all do it and we all feel horrible about it. My mom also called me a few choice words as a teenager, but I do not hold it against her and today she truly is my best friend. The VERY best of luck to you and your family in the future, no matter where that may lead. I'm proud of you!
Erin
Posted by: gmczene
Posted on: 2004-05-20 11:22:58
I hope that you will seriously think about the effects your words have on your children. First of all, they can be self-fulfiilling, secondly, as Dr. Phil said, it is inappropriate. You need to be on YOUR GUARD every moment and think before you speak. How can you expect Alex to think before she acts, if you aren't willing to model that behavior for her. It's hard work, but you know what - you will be setting an example for Alex, too, if she sees that being a good mother requires sacrifice and work - not blowing off steam when you feel like it. It was still very brave of you to expose yourself, you helped other people.
Posted by: gmczene
Posted on: 2004-05-20 11:22:58
I hope that you will seriously think about the effects your words have on your children. First of all, they can be self-fulfiilling, secondly, as Dr. Phil said, it is inappropriate. You need to be on YOUR GUARD every moment and think before you speak. How can you expect Alex to think before she acts, if you aren't willing to model that behavior for her. It's hard work, but you know what - you will be setting an example for Alex, too, if she sees that being a good mother requires sacrifice and work - not blowing off steam when you feel like it. It was still very brave of you to expose yourself, you helped other people.
A CHILD IS LIKE A SEEDLING
Posted by: 010317
Posted on: 2004-05-20 16:11:11
I have the same sentiments for Erin for all her effort so far. I know it's not easy.
However, here's my insight. Another poster ("No Excuse") said <> I hope no one is unlucky enough to be YOUR child!
The way Erin blew up on Alex reminded me of a boss I had who blew up on me just like that! I have had a successful career and well respected as a chemist. I disagreed with him on a technical issue. He blew up just like Erin did, including the words "Look at you!..." That was extremely degrading and hurtful.
It takes one second to hurt one's feelings, and that will take a year to mend! The golden rule is, care for others' feelings and it will go a long way! Children do need discipline and do need to be corrected, but HOW you do it is the key thing! Put yourself in Alex's shoes and ask yourself, what would I NOT want to hear ('cause that will not be effective, no matter how well meant), and what would move me to change?
Sometimes, no word is better than any word! Just the hurt and disappointed feeling on your face could be very moving! Lead the wrongdoer to judge himself/herself. I would have said something like "I know at your age your hormone is racing, and there is so much attraction to boys, but you also know that every action comes with a consequence. Think about the one minute of pleasure compared to a life-time of consequence."
We all listen to people we love and respect, not to anyone we don't! And the people we love and respect are the ones who love and respect us. If you have parents like that, you will listen to them, and if you have problems, you will go to them first, not seek comfort in the arms of some boys.(don't mean to steal words from Dr. Phil.) You need to do that ground work first of earning trust and respect from your kids since the day they were born. Erin and Martin have lost 16 years of that time, but
it's better late than never.
A child is like a little seedling. It needs a lot of loving care before it can grow into a strong tree. Or can any seedling that's thrown into the wind and rain ever grow into a strong tree? And if it develops a disease due to lack of nutrition, should it be punished with a beating? Babies don't automatically grow into respectable adults. (For Christians and those who can take it like a fairy tale:) Only 2 people were ever born adults-- Adam and Eve...and they erred!
Finally, when you criticize, sandwich it with 2 pie
Posted by: 010317
Posted on: 2004-05-20 16:11:11
I have the same sentiments for Erin for all her effort so far. I know it's not easy.
However, here's my insight. Another poster ("No Excuse") said <
The way Erin blew up on Alex reminded me of a boss I had who blew up on me just like that! I have had a successful career and well respected as a chemist. I disagreed with him on a technical issue. He blew up just like Erin did, including the words "Look at you!..." That was extremely degrading and hurtful.
It takes one second to hurt one's feelings, and that will take a year to mend! The golden rule is, care for others' feelings and it will go a long way! Children do need discipline and do need to be corrected, but HOW you do it is the key thing! Put yourself in Alex's shoes and ask yourself, what would I NOT want to hear ('cause that will not be effective, no matter how well meant), and what would move me to change?
Sometimes, no word is better than any word! Just the hurt and disappointed feeling on your face could be very moving! Lead the wrongdoer to judge himself/herself. I would have said something like "I know at your age your hormone is racing, and there is so much attraction to boys, but you also know that every action comes with a consequence. Think about the one minute of pleasure compared to a life-time of consequence."
We all listen to people we love and respect, not to anyone we don't! And the people we love and respect are the ones who love and respect us. If you have parents like that, you will listen to them, and if you have problems, you will go to them first, not seek comfort in the arms of some boys.(don't mean to steal words from Dr. Phil.) You need to do that ground work first of earning trust and respect from your kids since the day they were born. Erin and Martin have lost 16 years of that time, but
it's better late than never.
A child is like a little seedling. It needs a lot of loving care before it can grow into a strong tree. Or can any seedling that's thrown into the wind and rain ever grow into a strong tree? And if it develops a disease due to lack of nutrition, should it be punished with a beating? Babies don't automatically grow into respectable adults. (For Christians and those who can take it like a fairy tale:) Only 2 people were ever born adults-- Adam and Eve...and they erred!
Finally, when you criticize, sandwich it with 2 pie
A CHILD IS LIKE A SEEDLING
Posted by: 010317
Posted on: 2004-05-20 17:31:50
My message was too long, got cut off. Here's the rest:
Finally, when you criticize, sandwich it with 2 pieces of sugar. In the above example, the front piece of sugar is "I know at your age your hormone is racing, and there is so much attraction to boys, ..." A sense of humor goes a long ways too! As the end piece of sugar, I could say "It's not like the boys are disappearing fast in this world. And you've got even better chances than Cinderella!" -- Just something to ease the tension and "make the medicine go down".
During dinner, play the song "Lemon Tree" ("When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me..."). See how hot singers influence the young people! Through music, laughter and bonding.
All the best!
Posted by: 010317
Posted on: 2004-05-20 17:31:50
My message was too long, got cut off. Here's the rest:
Finally, when you criticize, sandwich it with 2 pieces of sugar. In the above example, the front piece of sugar is "I know at your age your hormone is racing, and there is so much attraction to boys, ..." A sense of humor goes a long ways too! As the end piece of sugar, I could say "It's not like the boys are disappearing fast in this world. And you've got even better chances than Cinderella!" -- Just something to ease the tension and "make the medicine go down".
During dinner, play the song "Lemon Tree" ("When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me..."). See how hot singers influence the young people! Through music, laughter and bonding.
All the best!
What?
Posted by: aquarianma
Posted on: 2004-05-21 11:44:40
Parents make mistakes too! We learn through personal experiences. As Erin stated, she will control herself more. Knowing the way she looked on camera! Chill out. I am a mother of 2 teenagers and a 12 year old. God knows I will make mistakes raising them too. We all try to be perfect, but you know what? We NEVER will be! Raising kids is a hard job. Last I knew, the doctor didn't give me instructions on how to raise teenage girls in todays society. I love my kids very much, and I let them know about once a week or so that mom is learning too. Words hurt I know, but she recognized the problem. I commend her for that! Good Job Erin. I am sure if she had a partner to help her raise the kids instead of prowling around, she would be a better mother and a wife. I don't think Marty woke up yet, but you never know, miracles do happen. Parents need to be parenting, and Marty flat out wasn't parenting! Erin was doing it all alone, and was just ready to explode. She wants the marriage, but now it's up to Marty to be a husband and a father. Erin will make it WITH or WITHOUT Marty. She has strengthened since the show. By seeing the way she was on television and why she got to that state in the first place. She will not stay seeing what she saw on tv. knowing he made her the way she is. So maybe, just maybe, your boss was not that way because you upset him. Maybe it was for another reason instead of what you and him were discussing. Cut yourself some slack and move on. Quit analyzing and enjoy life!
Happy Friday!
Posted by: aquarianma
Posted on: 2004-05-21 11:44:40
Parents make mistakes too! We learn through personal experiences. As Erin stated, she will control herself more. Knowing the way she looked on camera! Chill out. I am a mother of 2 teenagers and a 12 year old. God knows I will make mistakes raising them too. We all try to be perfect, but you know what? We NEVER will be! Raising kids is a hard job. Last I knew, the doctor didn't give me instructions on how to raise teenage girls in todays society. I love my kids very much, and I let them know about once a week or so that mom is learning too. Words hurt I know, but she recognized the problem. I commend her for that! Good Job Erin. I am sure if she had a partner to help her raise the kids instead of prowling around, she would be a better mother and a wife. I don't think Marty woke up yet, but you never know, miracles do happen. Parents need to be parenting, and Marty flat out wasn't parenting! Erin was doing it all alone, and was just ready to explode. She wants the marriage, but now it's up to Marty to be a husband and a father. Erin will make it WITH or WITHOUT Marty. She has strengthened since the show. By seeing the way she was on television and why she got to that state in the first place. She will not stay seeing what she saw on tv. knowing he made her the way she is. So maybe, just maybe, your boss was not that way because you upset him. Maybe it was for another reason instead of what you and him were discussing. Cut yourself some slack and move on. Quit analyzing and enjoy life!
Happy Friday!
Each Day is a New Beginning
Posted by: bergybeat
Posted on: 2004-08-21 17:12:49
Well, you're right. A child is like a seedling. But you know what? We all say things that we regret, and this is one of those times for Erin. Have you raised kids with all of that advice that you have given poor Erin? Just curious.... I am raising a teenager right now, and I know how heated the arguments and conversations can be. And yes, they do go much more smoothly when you remain calm and remain the parent and talk to the "child." But there are times when we are all human and we make mistakes. I have always told my kids that just because we are parents, doesn't mean that we are perfect. We apologize to our kids just like we expect them to apologize to us when they do wrong. If you act like an adult, you will find that they will eventually act like one too. Erin made a mistake in the heat of the moment. Deal with it, apologize, and get over it. Tomorrow is a new beginning and a new day -- a day to start fresh. My son always tells us that he just wants us to treat him like an adult. Well, we are trying to do that. But as much as he complains about wanting to be treated like an adult, he is still a child inside that adult-like body who just needs direction in his life. Give them the freedom to make choices and let them know what the consequences are. Sometimes the hardest part about parenting is letting go and letting them make their own choices -- right or wrong. Erin, you are not alone. You are just like the rest of us trying to raise our kids in a healthy and loving environment. Hang in there. Tomorrow is a new beginning....
Posted by: bergybeat
Posted on: 2004-08-21 17:12:49
Well, you're right. A child is like a seedling. But you know what? We all say things that we regret, and this is one of those times for Erin. Have you raised kids with all of that advice that you have given poor Erin? Just curious.... I am raising a teenager right now, and I know how heated the arguments and conversations can be. And yes, they do go much more smoothly when you remain calm and remain the parent and talk to the "child." But there are times when we are all human and we make mistakes. I have always told my kids that just because we are parents, doesn't mean that we are perfect. We apologize to our kids just like we expect them to apologize to us when they do wrong. If you act like an adult, you will find that they will eventually act like one too. Erin made a mistake in the heat of the moment. Deal with it, apologize, and get over it. Tomorrow is a new beginning and a new day -- a day to start fresh. My son always tells us that he just wants us to treat him like an adult. Well, we are trying to do that. But as much as he complains about wanting to be treated like an adult, he is still a child inside that adult-like body who just needs direction in his life. Give them the freedom to make choices and let them know what the consequences are. Sometimes the hardest part about parenting is letting go and letting them make their own choices -- right or wrong. Erin, you are not alone. You are just like the rest of us trying to raise our kids in a healthy and loving environment. Hang in there. Tomorrow is a new beginning....
A CHILD IS LIKE A SEEDLING
Posted by: 010317
Posted on: 2004-05-20 18:44:55
My message was too long, got cut off. Here's the rest:
Finally, when you criticize, sandwich it with 2 pieces of sugar. In the above example, the front piece of sugar is "I know at your age your hormone is racing, and there is so much attraction to boys, ..." A sense of humor goes a long ways too! As the end piece of sugar, I could say "It's not like the boys are disappearing fast in this world. And you've got even better chances than Cinderella!" -- Just something to ease the tension and "make the medicine go down".
During dinner, play the song "Lemon Tree" ("When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me..."). See how hot singers influence the young people! Through music, laughter and bonding.
All the best!
Posted by: 010317
Posted on: 2004-05-20 18:44:55
My message was too long, got cut off. Here's the rest:
Finally, when you criticize, sandwich it with 2 pieces of sugar. In the above example, the front piece of sugar is "I know at your age your hormone is racing, and there is so much attraction to boys, ..." A sense of humor goes a long ways too! As the end piece of sugar, I could say "It's not like the boys are disappearing fast in this world. And you've got even better chances than Cinderella!" -- Just something to ease the tension and "make the medicine go down".
During dinner, play the song "Lemon Tree" ("When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me..."). See how hot singers influence the young people! Through music, laughter and bonding.
All the best!
WHAT???
Posted by: fairclh1
Posted on: 2004-05-20 19:26:59
Please take a LONG look at your response. I have a strong feeling that you need to see Dr. Phil.
Posted by: fairclh1
Posted on: 2004-05-20 19:26:59
Please take a LONG look at your response. I have a strong feeling that you need to see Dr. Phil.
Agree
Posted by: elephnt
Posted on: 2004-05-20 22:58:11
The little elephant agrees with fairclh1...seedling person may want to apply for the next dr phil family.
Posted by: elephnt
Posted on: 2004-05-20 22:58:11
The little elephant agrees with fairclh1...seedling person may want to apply for the next dr phil family.
I don't get it.
Posted by: sonyalj
Posted on: 2004-06-01 11:20:22
Why do "What?" and "Little Elephant" think that seedling person needs Dr. Phil time?
--Mom of pre-schooler & toddler in N.California
Posted by: sonyalj
Posted on: 2004-06-01 11:20:22
Why do "What?" and "Little Elephant" think that seedling person needs Dr. Phil time?
--Mom of pre-schooler & toddler in N.California
okay...
Posted by: abmomof3
Posted on: 2004-05-21 08:33:26
I have to agree - that was a very strange response.........???????????
Posted by: abmomof3
Posted on: 2004-05-21 08:33:26
I have to agree - that was a very strange response.........???????????
Yepper
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2004-08-27 16:15:30
They need to be on one of Dr Phil's "Get Over It" shows.
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2004-08-27 16:15:30
They need to be on one of Dr Phil's "Get Over It" shows.
shame on you!
Posted by: jenisilva
Posted on: 2004-05-26 18:01:50
who do you think you are? You must not have any kids. Nobody is as perfect as you seem to think you are. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I give Erin a LOT of credit and I commend her as a mother. It takes a very caring mother and a very courageous person to put yourself out there in front of the entire country the way Erin and her family have!!! That woman has been verbally bashed, judged,made fun of etc. etc.by the whole darn country for a year and she has taken it all better than most people would have. I definetly think Erin has done more work on herself than the rest of her family, not that they're not working, but I believe she is being the most honest (with herslef & us / Dr.Phil)and therefore growing/learning the most and so I applaud her and I rebuke you! Shame on you.
Posted by: jenisilva
Posted on: 2004-05-26 18:01:50
who do you think you are? You must not have any kids. Nobody is as perfect as you seem to think you are. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I give Erin a LOT of credit and I commend her as a mother. It takes a very caring mother and a very courageous person to put yourself out there in front of the entire country the way Erin and her family have!!! That woman has been verbally bashed, judged,made fun of etc. etc.by the whole darn country for a year and she has taken it all better than most people would have. I definetly think Erin has done more work on herself than the rest of her family, not that they're not working, but I believe she is being the most honest (with herslef & us / Dr.Phil)and therefore growing/learning the most and so I applaud her and I rebuke you! Shame on you.
Erins fault
Posted by: magicial
Posted on: 2004-05-20 16:17:08
Erin just will not drop him...Erin is asking for all the problems she has and Marty will not change despite what Dr Phil says
Posted by: magicial
Posted on: 2004-05-20 16:17:08
Erin just will not drop him...Erin is asking for all the problems she has and Marty will not change despite what Dr Phil says
Posted by: kristymlee
Posted on: 2004-05-20 17:24:06
Erin does not need to "drop" him.
She needs to find herself and she is!! And Marty is learning to be himself!!
They need to be healthy as a couple... they do love each other.
Re: Erin's Fault
Posted by: fanofshow
Posted on: 2004-05-20 18:01:51
I agree with you magicial. Erin won't drop him (she's going to hug him when he walks in the door the next time she finds out he was lying yet again, because that's what she has been told to do, turn a blind eye and hug him), and its very obvious Marty has not and will not change. Let's just be grateful we don't have to watch him or his spoiled daughters any more. Trips to Germany, The Cayman's, room makeovers, computers. They are still all "one big dysfuntional family."
Posted by: fanofshow
Posted on: 2004-05-20 18:01:51
I agree with you magicial. Erin won't drop him (she's going to hug him when he walks in the door the next time she finds out he was lying yet again, because that's what she has been told to do, turn a blind eye and hug him), and its very obvious Marty has not and will not change. Let's just be grateful we don't have to watch him or his spoiled daughters any more. Trips to Germany, The Cayman's, room makeovers, computers. They are still all "one big dysfuntional family."
hello there
Posted by: heidich007
Posted on: 2004-05-21 08:28:52
I couldn't be MORE in agreement with you. I have always wished that this family could get their "stuff" straight. Unfortunately it's too far gone. Parents need to part and become who and what they are ...with OTHER people!!
Posted by: heidich007
Posted on: 2004-05-21 08:28:52
I couldn't be MORE in agreement with you. I have always wished that this family could get their "stuff" straight. Unfortunately it's too far gone. Parents need to part and become who and what they are ...with OTHER people!!
Just WHO told her?
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2004-08-27 16:29:28
Just WHO told Erin to "turn a blind eye and hug" Marty "the next time she finds out he was lying yet again"? It certainly wasn't Dr Phil. He's always saying "we teach people how to treat us. He'd never tell Erin, or anyone else, to reward unacceptable behavior with a hug and "a blind eye".
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2004-08-27 16:29:28
Just WHO told Erin to "turn a blind eye and hug" Marty "the next time she finds out he was lying yet again"? It certainly wasn't Dr Phil. He's always saying "we teach people how to treat us. He'd never tell Erin, or anyone else, to reward unacceptable behavior with a hug and "a blind eye".
Reply to fanofshow
Posted by: falen07
Posted on: 2004-08-30 09:32:08
how could you say that those girls are spoiled??? b/c Dr. Phil gave them ways to help repair their family??? it sounds to me that a bit of jealousy is coming out. Just because those girls have been given materialistic things doesn't mean they are happy. I was given a lot growing up, but never felt totally accepted and loved. No matter how many gifts one is given, if they don't feel unconditional love they are going to feel incomplete. I do feel that Marty has and will continue to change, and Erin is doing a wonderful job as a mother and a wife. Divorce is the easy way out, when something is repairable-but the repair takes work. Most people just aren't willing to work at a relationship and a family. This whole family deserves a lot of credit for putting their whole life on display, and even more credit for all the improvement they've made.
Posted by: falen07
Posted on: 2004-08-30 09:32:08
how could you say that those girls are spoiled??? b/c Dr. Phil gave them ways to help repair their family??? it sounds to me that a bit of jealousy is coming out. Just because those girls have been given materialistic things doesn't mean they are happy. I was given a lot growing up, but never felt totally accepted and loved. No matter how many gifts one is given, if they don't feel unconditional love they are going to feel incomplete. I do feel that Marty has and will continue to change, and Erin is doing a wonderful job as a mother and a wife. Divorce is the easy way out, when something is repairable-but the repair takes work. Most people just aren't willing to work at a relationship and a family. This whole family deserves a lot of credit for putting their whole life on display, and even more credit for all the improvement they've made.
