02/16 Weight Loss Challenge: Sabotage!

To bad for you
Posted by: a1m2a3
Posted on: 2004-02-16 09:24:41

you know i can't under stand people when they would not want to support a "friend" for trying to make a better life for themselves and try to help then to suceed at it. I feel that it is all important to have all of the support that you can get.It is so much fun to have a companion to try out things on. I have a friend that had Gastric-bypass surgery and I have been there through it all. We have been friends for 15 years and we gained the weight together and now we have started to lose the weight together.I can't imagine not being there because I'm jelous of her losing more than Ihave. She is at her goal and I still have 56 pounds to go and I haven't seen any sign of her leaving me to fend for myselfeighter. I don't carewho you are the weight did not make you who you are now,your personality did that.So if you lose friends over your weightloss to bad ofr them .
Friends weight loss
Posted by: debdiets2
Posted on: 2004-02-16 11:25:03

I agree with you about friends supporting weight loss, however, many can feel threatened by the "new you". When you lose weight, you change inside about how you feel about yourself, gain new confidance as you apperance chnages. I know, this has happened to me many times in my life. Recently, I lost 30 pounds (over a year ago) on Weight Watchers and I have not gained it back. I changed my hairdo and the way I dressed. Ssome people reacted positive, some negative. True friends will be positve. Good luck to you and your friend.
DEb
friends for ever
Posted by: friedfat
Posted on: 2004-02-22 19:46:19

a1m2a3,
first off hi im writing from Australia im a 35yrf with 5 children and a husband I have a really good friend who needed to lose 20kgs as did i she has since lost her weight and i feel depressed that i havent lost mine im not jealous im proud of her since she is still trying really hard to motivate me but im so busy with my family meals schooling baby husband housework that there is always an excuse why not to go walking what is my problem she is always there waiting for me to say yes i'll go for a walk but i never get around to it .Talk soon seeya
my child
Posted by: a1m2a3
Posted on: 2004-02-16 10:01:05

I have a 21 year old daughter who lives at home and I can see now tha I am not disposed to her losing weight.I am always bring home goodies and snacks,I'm hoping that she will tell me when she is ready to start losing weight.I don't think that she is ready to yet.When people are ready to lose weight they will,but now I am ready to help her ,but where do I start?I have lost78 pounds and am trying to lose at least 56 more.I want my daughter to be healthy and happy.
re: my child
Posted by: annfrazz
Posted on: 2004-02-16 14:40:42

Stop bringing home goodies and snacks. You can't expect her to have willpower this quickly where she is able to turn temptation down. Help her become strong. I am sure she sees your success and will be inspired by it. Keep up the good work and let your daughter be herself.
re: our problem
Posted by: ccunningha
Posted on: 2004-02-16 16:26:00


re our problem
Posted by: ccunningha
Posted on: 2004-02-16 16:31:05

This is the first time writing. In our family of four, myself, my husband and our 16 year old son have a weight problem. Our 18 year old daughter is slim. I think that our problem is that we don't exercise enough. We belong to Ballys and never go.We like to walk outside but the weather has been freezing. How can we get more motivated to exercise? My diet isn't bad, although I do love chocolate. Any help would be appreciated Cheryl in Detroit
RE: MY CHILD
Posted by: jiffy117
Posted on: 2004-02-16 16:07:45

I am a 21 year old guy. I know that it is so easy to just keep eating, being lazy and ignoring my weight problem. You would not believe how easy it is to change someone’s thinking. When someone starts to call me on how I am ruining my future and health I know that they are right and that I should do something about it. So saying nothing to your daughter is the worst thing for her. Tell her you love her and want her to be around for a long time and to be healthy and happy. Anyone who says they are fat and happy is full of bull-honky. It hurts and it brings you down. I put on the bravest face most days but deep inside I hate myself and I want to change. Tell your daughter you love her. Tell her to get healthy, make it a family affair. Let her know she will not have to do it alone. Offer to exercise with her, take time to care. Show her how much she means to you. I think I’m going to go give my mom a hug now. Think about it please.
killingwithkindness
Posted by: karabreuer
Posted on: 2004-02-16 20:55:48

i think if you watched today's show he said an important fact that by bring home treats you are giving her a death sentence. Just think everytime you bring her a snack it could be diabetes or a heart attack then maybe it will be easier for you to bring home a fruit tray for fat free yogurt. or maybe think of it as 1 more mile on the treadmill to work the treat off maybe this will help you and her it has helped me and my husband if we think this way! Help save her not harm her.
our children
Posted by: karenee103
Posted on: 2004-02-17 02:57:53

Hi, my daughter is 11 now and she was starting to put weight on right along with me. I decided that I wasn't even going to let one cookie in the house last week, and she hasn't complained. Instead, I bought oranges, apples, bananas, grapefruit (gross), and plums. When the "GOOD" watermelon and stuff comes into season, then we will be eating that too. I did buy some ice cream, but she really doesn't eat that now as much as she is the fruit! Once it's gone, it's gone. Frozen yogurt is great! My whole family loves the veriety of fruit. Your daughter is 21 and can buy her own junk food if she has to have it! Just don't get it and see what she does...maybe you will be surprised. I also love yogurt. Just experiment until you find what will take the place of that food we all think we "have to have". I love the post about bring home a heartattack...that is really something to keep in mine when we start feeling guilty for not buying the junk food that is killing us.. and not to mention making those companies that make the crap rich! Thanks, I will remember that!!!
Maybe this will help you and your daughter.
Posted by: xbigpete
Posted on: 2004-02-18 03:02:10

These are some words of encouragement I gave to Dr. Phil's 13 Weight Loss Challengers.

"Inspiration comes from watching others. Motivation comes from within."

To see what motivated me to lose 100 pounds, go to xbigpete "Support the Challengers" 10/9/03 1:52am
It's in 3 parts.

I waited until I was 25 before I truly got fed up with being overweight. I stepped on the scale at 295 pounds in 1999 and said, "That's enough! I will not hit 300!"

Today, I've kept it off for just over 2 years, partly using advice Dr. Phil gave to some guests on Oprah's show back in 1999.

I can't believe this shy Canadian guy (me) has now inspired 2 others lose 50+ lbs. EACH, and my mom told me my weight loss inspired her to quit smoking after 35 years! She hasn't had a puff since October.
MY Child
Posted by: luiska
Posted on: 2004-02-19 01:13:08

Buy her and yourself Dr. Phils books. The Utimate Weightloss Challenge then you both will have something common to speak about and maybe even find out somethings that have attributed to your weight gain. I have read his book and it is very Dr. Phil. To the point and perfect sence. My problem was eating when i was bored and not exercising. Then comming up with every reason not to exercise and every reason to eat. Good Luck
Kathy
helping daughter at home
Posted by: kcoats
Posted on: 2004-02-23 11:25:03

When I was young and still living at home, my mom and I made a pact. When one of us wanted to go on a diet, the other would go along. This worked for us very well. It was my mom's idea. It was great to have support right in your own home. Now,living in a home with all males, and my mom living many, many miles from me, I don't have that same support, but it was wonderful while it lasted. Karen
jealousy
Posted by: becky9296
Posted on: 2004-02-16 10:34:31

Every time I start to lose weight my husband supports me until he see that I am looking good as well as feeling good about myself. He goes on about saying that "I love you no matter what you look like, I just want you to be happy". Yet, when I am happy with myself he becomes VERY insecure about himself. It seems to be a no win situation. He can lose weight but can't deal with me losing weight. Jealousy is the sabotage of weight lose in a relationship.
Love
Posted by: shannan68
Posted on: 2004-02-16 12:23:28

I feel for you--when i read this message my tears began to flow. I can feel your hearache--and wish there was more I could say or do for you. I wish there was some way for your husband to feel more secure in your relationship. Maybe if he could be more involved in your work out-cooking-planning meals--just a few thoughts of mine.
Hang in there--and I hope things work out for you.
MEN
Posted by: marge007a
Posted on: 2004-02-17 06:35:25

I know your feelings. My husband says the same thing. When Dr. Phil started this weight lose challenge, I was determined to loose the weight, then I let my husband get to me. Now, I am more determined than ever to loose the weight. My husband wants to loose weight to. I told him to read Dr. Phil's book. I use a notebook for my journal instead of writing in the book. I told my husband I would buy a notebook for him if needed. He keeps on blaming me for his weight gain. I am not there when he goes out for lunch during the week. He has been eating lunch buffets since September. He told me sternly last night, we will never be able to loose weight if we keep eating the way we are. All we eat is packaged, frozen food. The last time I made processed food is 3 weeks ago, when he went on unemployment, and I didn't know if we would have enough money to pay bills much less eat correctly. I usually have chicken on the grill with baked potatoes and brocoilli. The thing I need help with is learning how to bake more than that. What is a good fish recipe? We have been eating so badly for so long, that is all I know what to make. What do I do to learn how to make something better for my family to eat. I have been watching the WLC since the beginning, and would like to know where I can find a good nutritionalist to help me. I need help. I am trying to change myself, and I know I can't change my husband. It is hard enough for me to take responsibility for my own life.
Marge007a
Posted by: tjbohland
Posted on: 2004-02-17 13:19:26

I understand how hard it can be to change a lifetime of cooking habits. I've been trying to re-learn to cook myself! I've always loved to cook, and I stay away from a lot of frozen or prepackaged foods, but the food I used to cook the most was either fried, prepared with a lot of oil or butter, or covered with a lot of fatty cheese! My hubby says he wants to lose weight with me, but he resists if he thinks anything I've prepared might be healthy for him, so I have to be sneaky and not tell him it's healthy! And he's on worker's compensation awaiting surgery, so we're on a very fixed income, too. There are some great websites on the internet that have low fat, low calorie recipes. And they list the nutrition contents, so you know about how many calories or fat grams are in the dishes. It takes some planning, but I've learned to plan about two weeks worth of meals, make my grocery lists based on what's on the menu, then check the grocery ads for what's on sale at which store. In the end, it saves time and money. I'll always have the ingredients for my recipes, and I have to make fewer trips to the grocery store. I always spend more than I intend when I just "run to the store to pick up a few things"! Anyway, good luck on the challenge, I know you'll figure out a way to make it all work!
To Tawni and Sean...
Posted by: beachdiane
Posted on: 2004-02-16 13:58:18

After watching today's show I came away feeling very positive about you two. First of all, I KNOW you are going to succeed at losing weight together. I can just feel it!! You are two lovely individuals. You will find "strength" together in your weight loss and the jealousy will go out the window. Be supportive of each other in every way. WIN TOGETHER. Not only are you a beautiful & healthy woman at l25 lbs., Tawni, but Sean, weighing less, is very handsome as well. Do it for each other this time!!! You can be a "power couple."
Spouses Sabataging
Posted by: cherylcu
Posted on: 2004-02-16 15:12:51

Hang in there. The bottom line is that this is something you need to do for yourself....and letting someone else get in your way....even someone you love, will only make you angry and disappointed in yourself and resentful of your companion. I have been reading a book which might help some - The Dance of Anger(Harriet Lerner) . I have felt sabatage from my partner in my own life - but in a professional career sense. I changed my job and with that came more self-confidence, more monetary sucess and an opportunity to travel etc. I love what I do and the changes in my life. But when they all started happening then out of fear of change he started making things difficult to manage. We have 3 children and when I had to travel etc. he would offer as little help as possible to make these things work. I got angry and resentful and we both just polarized on opposite ends of the issue. This book basically tells you to be true to yourself and what you need and helps you see what part you play in allowing the sabatage to occur. It points out that you can be emotionally independent from your spouse (by having, stating and adhering to different needs and goals) but that you need to keep from becoming emotional distant which just feeds into more of their fear and concern over the exciting changes. Good luck to you. I have made great career changes and now want to move on to taking care of my physical body and creating a healthy lifestyle. I have found that change is hard but worth it.
to becky
Posted by: karenee103
Posted on: 2004-02-17 02:42:11

I had an ex-husband that wanted the best for me until he saw me being lifted up by it. Then he felt the insecurities like your husband. I have been married for 7 years now to a man who is with me every step of the way. I have noticed in myself that when I have too much weight on, I shy away from my husband. When I start taking it off like I am now, I come back to him full-force and this makes both of us feel better. I give him a lot more of me (minus the pounds) because I feel he wants and needs that from me, to feel that I am losing not just for me, but for him as well. I flirt with him a lot more!!! I try to make him feel like he is the sexiest man alive. With all the effort that you put into losing weight, put that into him and make him feel like your one and only. Really show him a lot of attention. Stay Possitive no matter what he says! Maybe the more you show him he is your true love, the more secure he will feel. Remember that just because we are married doesn't mean we should just suspect that our spouses know we love them like the day we all said, "I do". Best wishes, and keep losing. Signed, Dr. Karen.....lol(;